Am I less of a man?

[Keisaku Hakurei]

I seem to be very different from most guys in a lot of ways...

I usually pick female characters in games even when there is no difference in gameplay or stats because the female avatars are better looking IMO, I'll even go along with it and let people call me female while still acting like a guy because people assume I'm female so often. (But that probably sounds messed-up.)

Traditionally, the man goes to work while the woman stays at home and takes care of the family. Spending most of my day in a soulless corporation away from my family just doesn't appeal to me and besides, aren't there more women in the workplace these days anyway?

My religion teaches, straight from the Bible, that the husband is to be head of the household (though it also teaches straight from the Bible that the man is to treat his wife like she is a part of himself, and most would not deliberately do bad to themselves). I neither desire such a role nor am I suited to being first and foremost at anything. I really prefer to be second-in-command or an adviser, not a leader... I would actually prefer a matriarchal family structure for that reason. But I still want to be a good Christian...

Apparently most guys want sons... it's my experience that boys are the more annoying children so WHY IS THAT?

And how is having or preferring cats pathetic for men? I keep hearing guys with cats spoken of in a demeaning manner on TV shows. Cats are cleaner and neater animals than dogs, the worst they do is leave hair in the rug for you to vacuum up assuming they've been fixed. Dogs need to be continually cleaned up after because they are not as neat and clean as cats.  

[ThisEmptySoul]

For one, don't believe everything you see on TV. While on TV some people might talk down on a guy with cats, I have not met anyone in real life do such a thing unless of course the man was awkwardly and overly affectionate about his cats... but I would think that's strange regardless of what pet it is or the gender of the owner. Personally, I prefer fish. They're quiet and low maintenance.

As for playing a female character in games.... I've met PLENTY of guys that play female characters. You are by no means the minority on that. Actually, a lot of times when I see female characters in games, my first thought is that there's likely a man behind that character and I continue to believe so until told otherwise. A former roommate of my brother's told me that he only plays female characters regardless of the game because they look better and it's easier for him to find groups that way, and he wasn't feminine in the least.

There are some guys that also continue to let people believe they are female, though at times this is just to get free stuff from other players. Other times it's because they would feel awkward informing people that they're playing a female character because they think others might find it strange, but it's really not. I once thought it was when I first started playing online games because I always thought your character was supposed to be a representation of yourself, though if you're roleplaying, that isn't always the case.

As for wanting sons, I believe that has some to do with carrying on the family name. Most often when people marry, the woman will take on the man's last name {this is not always the case these day, but it is still rather common}. Therefore, if a family had all daughters and they all took on their husbands' last names, there would be no further generations in that family with the same last name.

Men also often want sons because they feel they can better relate to and perform certain activities with sons than they could with daughters. And I can't speak for every guy on this last part, but personally I would prefer sons over daughters because while sons in their youth can be a bit of a handful at times, teenage girls would drive me up the wall far more.  

[archbaker]

Paul is pretty patriarchal at times, but he also knows a Greek lady named Chloe (1 Corinthians 1:11) who is both the leader of her own household, which had men in it, and a leader in her church. And Paul obviously finds no fault in this.

It's true that on the whole Paul seems to regard women as the "domestic" leaders and men as the leaders in the public sphere, but none of the other apostles (or Paul's letters to congregations in other cities) ever mention this divine order, and even the Corinthian letters really don't tell you who should cook and clean and who should go to work at the mill.

Now, if you wanted to, we could discuss whether the Bible should even be used to govern your relationship in the first place, but that is a different issue altogether.  

[Areashine]

My boyfriend is like you, Makaijin. I'm more of the leader in the household, we have a cat that I bought for my boyfriend, and I'm the one that wants to work. If all things went as smoothly as we wanted, I would be working and he would be at home cleaning and making dinner. Everyone is different. Who said every person had to be the peak of masculinity or femininity? Every person is some sort of shade of gray, nothing more or less.  

[lunaci]

I'm thinking that "the head of the houshold" can hold more than one meaning. It could mean that you are the bread-winner or that you make all the decisions. It could mean other things, but I can't think of any (too tired to try sweatdrop )

Anyway, don't get to caught up with Christian scriptures. Back in Paul's day, he addressed Christians in different regions differently (according to their customs). That particular group of Christians was probably a culture that had more men bringing home the bacon. That does not mean you have to abide to it exactly like that.

BTW, none of what you said makes you any less of a man, at least in my perspective. I think it's interesting since I've been around dog-lovers for most of my life. I also agree that female characters look better than a lot of male characters. biggrin The only thing that makes me differ is that I actually want a son (living with nobody but females has taxed me in ways I can't describe).  

[TequilaRose]

I agree with you about dogs and cats and good for you for not questioning your sexuality over your desire to be a mild mannered man. My hubby is the same way. he prefers for the woman to lead because that is how he shows his love. our roles (other then him being the provider) are completely switched and if it were up to him he would be the stay at home dad (when we have kids). Wolves are completely matriarchal and yet that doesn't take away from their veracity. On another note. I too often do the role reversal and create characters that are male and because I often act like one.. talk and do *manly things* like fix cars and build things I get mistaken for a male all the time and it doesn't bother me a bit or take away from my feminine side. I call it feminine when needed. this doesn't make me gay or less of a women. And let me say that being this way has not stunted my love life in fact it has helped me. I've had many relationships before I found a man who gave me just what I needed. POWER!! lol hope this helps  

[TequilaRose]

And I also have to say women want men like you. *you're a hot commodity*  

[Thornebee]

I have to agree with TequilaRose; there are women who want guys just like you.

What I appreciate in a man is not that he necessarily fits into a certain typical societal role, but that he contributes and puts effort into the relationship and the household. If this means that one person keeps the home or takes more of a back seat and the other is more involved in a career, there's nothing saying the roles can't switch according to the couple.

Be comfortable in your skin and your nature. No reason not to be 3nodding  

[Ringlefinch]

The worse a cat does is leave hair on the rug!!!? LMAO

My cat pukes up hairballs, Drags its food out the bowl in and carries it in to the hallway and eats it off the carpet and worse if she does a doodoo in her litter tray and needs another one before I get home from work she poo's on the floor next to it! She also does this if I cant get her favorite litter or if I change her tray.

She is neurotic, cries almost like a human early in the morning for her breakfast and leaves hair over everything!!

But I love her!

heart

 

[Exor Omega]

I've taken up the creed "I do what I want. You have problem?"

Be who you are - that much is true (I only wish I knew for certain what the hell I are... but this is not on subject.). I tend to have an avatar character for things (i.e. Exor) that resembles me and represents me, but a lot of my other characters are female because they are easier on the eyes, if nothing else. I just think curves etc. are more appealing than all the bitchin armor in the world from time to time.

I also write (what I think are) wonderful female characters and roles in addition to awesome male ones. I possess seemingly unknown insight into the female psyche (add that to the innate ability for foresight or to mind-read, or so it seems sometimes because I pick up so much information all the damn time). There's a lot of stuff that makes me different, too. I do what I want. You have problem? No? Good. Yes? Get over it or get lost.

I'm not very communicative today...... Sorry for the borderline rant, but there's some additional data to pore over.  

[Kairanha]

Some good thoughts in here, but just for my two cents as a man... Most people don't have sex necesarily because they want kids, but because they enjoy the experience of having intercourse. No matter how careful you are if you have sex enough times kids just happen to show up as a consequence of the activity. I know girls that have had sex only once in their life before becoming pregnant. Trust me they weren't even close to entertaining the possiblity that they would end up having a baby. It just happened in a moment of passion. <-- Pretty much why people have kids of their own instead of adopting.

Personally I don't really want to have kids now or even in the near future. My sex drive is nice and healthy (maybe too much so) though and I realize that like I said a kid will eventually happen wether I want it to or not. I very sincerely doubt that I'll ever sit down with my potential wife and say something like, "Let's make this the nuknuk that brings us a baby."

I don't have the capacity to plan what I'm going to eat for lunch the next day so there's no way I'm going to have the mindset to plan to have a child.

I've thought about the pros and cons of having a boy or girl and I've come to the conclusion that it wouldn't really matter all that much which I got except for the fact that I thought about how awkward it would be to try explaining how to use a tampon to a teenage girl (younger these days I hear).

I'm a working man not because I'm expected to take care of a household blah blah blah, but because when it comes down to it I want to be as independent as possible and depending on someone else to take care of all the financial matters is just to risky to me. And I'm not so lazy that I can't clean house on top of work. I don't go into a relationship thinking I'm half a man looking for a woman to fulfil my missing half. I want to make sure I'm completely whole physically, mentally and emotionally and baggage checked at the door.

I have a cat right now. I fail to see how it makes me less of a man. I also have a dog, and a bird. In the past I've had fish, goats, a horse and chickens and never lived on a farm. There's a little bit of Greek in my bloodline so I've refused to have a sheep in case I ever got lonely enough to rub against some wool (that's a joke fyi before people take it seriously).

I've raised and bottlefed kittens from as young as 4 weeks old. They are not self-cleaning or neat, but it also depends on the breed of dog. Some are relatively pretty easy and low maintainance neutral

there was more... but i'm getting tired and my attention span is nearly used up.

:edits: now i remember... as long as you're taking on your fair share in a relationship I don't think what duties you and your significant other decide to do really matters as long as you strike a healthy and happy balance in your relationship. On the flip side to that is although it doens't make you less of a man there wouldn't be a snowballs chance in hell of me ever mistaking you for being "manly."  

[Icy Reign]

Kairanha

"Let's make this the nuknuk that brings us a baby."

{{ rofl rofl rofl Thank you so much for that!!!}}

I had something to say on here, but after reading Kai's post, I've lost all information. Will be back once it returns.  

[VodkaLeona]

Makaijin Showa Hayata

I seem to be very different from most guys in a lot of ways...

I usually pick female characters in games even when there is no difference in gameplay or stats because the female avatars are better looking IMO, I'll even go along with it and let people call me female while still acting like a guy because people assume I'm female so often. (But that probably sounds messed-up.)

Traditionally, the man goes to work while the woman stays at home and takes care of the family. Spending most of my day in a soulless corporation away from my family just doesn't appeal to me and besides, aren't there more women in the workplace these days anyway?

My religion teaches, straight from the Bible, that the husband is to be head of the household (though it also teaches straight from the Bible that the man is to treat his wife like she is a part of himself, and most would not deliberately do bad to themselves). I neither desire such a role nor am I suited to being first and foremost at anything. I really prefer to be second-in-command or an adviser, not a leader... I would actually prefer a matriarchal family structure for that reason. But I still want to be a good Christian...

Apparently most guys want sons... it's my experience that boys are the more annoying children so WHY IS THAT?

And how is having or preferring cats pathetic for men? I keep hearing guys with cats spoken of in a demeaning manner on TV shows. Cats are cleaner and neater animals than dogs, the worst they do is leave hair in the rug for you to vacuum up assuming they've been fixed. Dogs need to be continually cleaned up after because they are not as neat and clean as cats.

I don't see why that would make you less of a man. I pick boy characters and can occasionaly act more like a guy than a girl. I am in no way frilly or super girly. I like sports and pizza and beer. I'm from a home of a single mother and the women in my family are very strong willed and run the household. Only one of the men I've ever been with took complete control over me and ran the house his way and After 4 years together he suddenly needed me to take care of him and he refused to let me and Left the relationship, Ever since then I've never let a man take complete control. I love a guy that loves cats over dogs because I like dogs but even the fixed ones for some reason seem to always get sexually arroused when I'm around and I'm allergic to dogs too. I LOVE CATS! I'm not the sterotypical lonely cat lady either. I have a child and thought originally that I would be better suited for a boy baby but I was blessed with a girl and now I thank my lucky stars I have a girl and not a boy. So yeah, I think it sounds moor like a better match of a man for me if they would be moor like you than obviously what you are being told a real man is.  

[VodkaLeona]

TequilaRose

I agree with you about dogs and cats and good for you for not questioning your sexuality over your desire to be a mild mannered man. My hubby is the same way. he prefers for the woman to lead because that is how he shows his love. our roles (other then him being the provider) are completely switched and if it were up to him he would be the stay at home dad (when we have kids). Wolves are completely matriarchal and yet that doesn't take away from their veracity. On another note. I too often do the role reversal and create characters that are male and because I often act like one.. talk and do *manly things* like fix cars and build things I get mistaken for a male all the time and it doesn't bother me a bit or take away from my feminine side. I call it feminine when needed. this doesn't make me gay or less of a women. And let me say that being this way has not stunted my love life in fact it has helped me. I've had many relationships before I found a man who gave me just what I needed. POWER!! lol hope this helps

And it helps that you don't look like a male body wise in real life. LOL *pokes your boobs*  

[Maddie Pryor]

My women's studies classes talk about this. Patriarchy & the media portray only one model of ideal masculinity that's all rugged and such, but men are obviously much more diverse. Guys are only put down when they act feminine because it threatens that model and the dominance men get through it... hence homophobia and the criticism of women who choose a non-meek and independent model of femininity. In summation: it's ok to be different. 3nodding