Welcome to Gaia! ::

Info. Use. Care. Q&A

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Hello Ladies!

So I've noticed that a lot of you ladies here have been asking questions about buying vibrators and sex toys lately. So I figured, with my ever growing knowledge of them, that I would help and guide you ladies on the what's what of sex toys.

You can pm me for the links to sites from which you can buy these said toys. But, be forewarned! You need to be 18 years or older to buy from, or view, any of these sites! So you better be 18 when you ask for them.

Now to be honest, some of you might feel uncomfortable with asking questions and such on here. That's totally fine, there's no shame in that. My pm box is always open and your questions will always be kept confidential. That is my promise to you.

^w^
~broken

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What type of sex toys are there?

Hoe jeez there's a lot! D:< But here's a list for you ladies.

Vibrators

~ Vibrators are vibrating devices intended to pleasurably stimulate various parts of the body. Vibrators intended for sexual use are often d***o-shaped, although they also come in a wide range of shapes and sizes, allowing internal and external use.

~ Penetrative Vibrators usually measure twelve to eighteen centimeters (five to seven inches) in length and two to five centimeters (one to two inches) wide often to mimic the size of the average p***s.

~ a**l vibrators are designed to be inserted into the rectum to pleasure the prostate in men and give a feeling of fullness to women.

~ The G-spot vibrator is curved at one end to facilitate stimulation of the female G-spot. Some are small and can fit on to a finger.

~ Bullet vibrators are small, bullet-shaped vibrators that can be used for direct stimulation or inserted into other sex toys to increase stimulation.

~ Vibrator wands, such as the Hitachi Magic Wand, are large vibrators that generally plug into a wall (versus operating on battery power) and are marketed as back massagers. They are typically used for clitoral stimulation.

~ The rabbit vibrator, of which there are several variations, is a popular female sex toy popularized by the television series Sex and the City. It comprises an insertable shaft which often has additional functionality, such as rotation and internal beads or a thrusting action. Attached to the shaft is a vibrating clitoral stimulator. For most rabbit vibrators this comes in the form of "bunny ears" which sit either side of the clitoris.

~ Luxury Vibrators entered the market around 2000 with an increased focus on design and the use of precious materials that appeal to the more upscale fashion market. They are designed by companies such as Jimmyjane and sold by high-end retailers such as Fred Segal. One of the other high end vibrators that has been marketed for over 20 years is the Sybian made by Abco Research Associates (creator Dave Lampert) in the USA.

Penile toys
A p***s sleeve

~"Artificial vaginas", also known as "pocket pussies", "vaginas" or "masturbators", are modeled to accept a p***s for simulated intercourse. They can be shaped like vaginas, anuses, or anything with a hole for penetration.

~ c**k rings prolong male erection by withholding blood inside the p***s. A man may wear a c**k-ring to combat erectile difficulties, or because for the sensation of tightness and engorgement that wearing one provides. Some models include a protruding clitoral stimulator, designed to stimulate the clitoris during sex. Others vibrate, either vibrating the ring itself, or in a popular 'Dolphin' variant by using two removable bullet vibrators to provide stimulation to both the testicles and clitoris. Some c**k rings also have vibrators attached which can be worn to stimulate a partner during sexual intercourse, especially in the scrotum or perineum.

~ A triple crown is a special c**k-ring that has additional rings for restraining the testicles. In orgasm, the testicles usually retract toward the body before ejaculation. A triple crown changes and intensifies the sensation of orgasm by forcing the testicles to stay away from the body.

~ A c**k harness is a more elaborate harness designed to be worn around the p***s and scrotum. Its function is similar to that of a c**k ring. These devices are often associated with BDSM activities such as c**k and ball torture.

~ A ball lock is an ordinary padlock fastened around the male scrotum, separating the testicles away from the p***s and not removable except by key or combination.

~ A p***s sleeve is a cylindrical device that is placed on the shaft of the p***s, with the aim of increasing stimulation for the person being penetrated. They often have soft bumps intended to provide further stimulation.

~ A p***s extension is a partially hollow device like a very short d***o, with the hollow end placed on the end of the p***s, intended to increase the effective length of the p***s, again for the benefit of the person being penetrated. These are generally worn with condoms to prevent them from falling off during use.

~ A docking sleeve is a cylindrical device similar to a p***s sleeve, but is open at both ends, so that two men can dock, a form of mutual masturbation.

Glass sex toys

Glass sex toys are commonly made from clear medical grade borosilicate glass ("hard glass") of which Pyrex is a brand. This material (essentially "lead-free crystal") is completely non-toxic and will withstand extreme temperatures as well as physical shock without compromising its structural integrity. Glass toys made of borosilicate are completely safe. A properly annealed inch thick piece will withstand up to 3,000 lbs of pressure and extreme heat and cold. Glass dildos are also non-porous and can be sterilized to help prevent infection with reuse. These types of sex toys are not only durable, but also visually appealing, often considered by some to resemble works of art. Glass sex toys are a long lasting alternative to less expensive toys. The toy can be heated or chilled before use. Some higher end glass dildos feature Swarovski crystals. Other toys are covered in 24-carat gold.

n****e toys

~ A n****e clamp is a clamp used to stimulate the nipples by applying varying degrees of pressure.

~ Suction devices are generally either rubber or glass, fit around the n****e, and cause nipples to become more sensitive due to engorgement. Glass suction devices may use either heat or a pump to create suction.

a**l toys

~Butt Plugs are often shorter dildos intended for a**l insertion. They tend to have a flared base to prevent the device from becoming lodged in the rectum.

~Butt plugs are usually used covered by condoms for hygiene, and to allow for the easy disposal of any feces that they may come in contact with. They should not be shared with other people, due to the risk of blood-borne diseases, including HIV that can arise from the transfer of body fluids from one person to another. These should also never be used to stimulate any area other than the rectum, though they often are.
There are butt plugs that "ejaculate" by squirting water or other viscous fluids into the rectum. There are also vibrating butt plugs, butt plugs that can inflate and expand, and butt plugs with rotating beads and thrusting functions. Butt plugs can be moved in or out for pleasure; for this type of activity ribbed butt plugs can increase pleasure. They can also be worn continuously (or be lockable) for long periods of time.

~ a**l Beads are balls or bumps on a string or a semi-rigid wand. They are inserted into the rectum and then removed with varying speeds. The beads can be uniform or vary in size, and number from three to as many as eight.

~ Prostate Massage toys are specially curved toys that are designed to stimulate the prostate, such as the Aneros.

General penetrative toys

~ A d***o is a non-vibrating device which is used for sexual stimulation of the v****a and/or a**s. Dildos are generally made of silicone rubber, but can be made of other materials such as metals or glass. They are often made to resemble a p***s.

~ A Double penetration d***o is a long, usually flexible d***o with both ends designed for penetration. It allows for mutual penetration between two persons (or for double penetration of a single female, both anally and vaginally).

~ Ben Wa balls are hollow metal balls inserted vaginally which can be worn inside the v****a for extended periods of time. The internal rolling is claimed to enhance orgasms.

~ Kegel exerciser, also known as vaginal barbells or jugglers are designed to improve muscle tone in the pelvic floor, and can be used for sexual pleasure as well as enhancing vaginal response.

~ A Horseshoe torture is a non-vibrating sex toy which a horseshoe, which is put into the v****a and a**s at the same time. It is made with softer plastics.

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To each their own ladies! Some people just don't want us having our fun. >:C

Legal issues

Several countries have enacted laws to ban or curb the use of sex toys.

United States

Sex toys and lubricants have become increasingly available in major commercial outlets in the United States. On-shelf displays tend to be more discreet than the offerings on web sites. These items tend to be displayed in the "sexual health" sections of stores.

Until recently, many Southern and some Great Plains states banned the sale of sex toys completely, either directly or through laws regulating "obscene devices." In 1999, William H. Pryor, Jr., an assistant attorney general in Alabama commenting on a case involving sex toys and discussing to what end the devices are used, was quoted as saying there is no "fundamental right for a person to buy a device to produce orgasm". A federal appeals court upheld Alabama's law prohibiting the sale of sex toys on Valentine's Day, 2007. The law, the Anti-Obscenity Enforcement Act of 1998, was also upheld by the Alabama Supreme Court on September 11, 2009.

In February 2008, a federal appeals court overturned a Texas statute banning the sales of sex toys, deeming such a statute as violating the Constitution's 14th Amendment on the right to privacy. The appeals court cited Lawrence v. Texas, where the U.S. Supreme Court in 2003 struck down bans on consensual sex between gay couples, as unconstitutionally aiming at "enforcing a public moral code by restricting private intimate conduct." Similar statutes have been struck down in Kansas and Colorado. As of 2009, Alabama is the only state where a law prohibiting the sale of sex toys remain on the books.

Ethical Issues

Some Conservative Christians believe that the use of sex toys is immoral and prohibited by The Bible. An American Baptist preacher, Dan Ireland, has been an outspoken critic of such devices and has fought to ban them on religious and ethical grounds. According to Ireland, "Sometimes you have to protect the public against themselves....These devices should be outlawed because they are conducive to promiscuity, because they promote loose morals and because they entice improper and potentially deadly behaviors." Ireland believes that "there is no moral way to use one of these devices."

Dr. Marty Klein, author of America's War on Sex and an advocate for the moral value of sex toys, has written of sex toy bans that this "extraordinary erosion of personal liberty, coupled with the massive disrespect of and fear of sexuality is no joke" and that the "Supreme Court [of the United States] has declared our orgasms a battlefield, and sex toys another casualty."

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Choosing Vibrator Function: Vibrators for External and Clitoral Stimulation

While the majority of vibrators are phallic shaped most people use vibrators for external stimulation. If you’re looking for a vibrator for external stimulation only, you should consider buying a hard plastic vibrator. Hard plastic vibrators:

~ Tend to be stronger than soft rubber vibrators.
~ Are easier to clean.
~ Don’t bend when you press them against your body allowing you to better.
~ Adjust the pressure of the vibrator.

External hard plastic vibrators can be small bullet or egg style vibrators, or longer wand style vibrators. They may be battery powered vibrators or electric (plug-in) vibrators.

The main differences between vibrators for external stimulation are:

~ The strength and quality of the motor.
~ The type of vibration (there is buzzing, thumping, rotating, pulsating, and more)
~ The texture of the vibrator (ridges, bumps, smooth)
~ Shape, size and color

If this is your first vibrator it is probably best to choose one with variable speed.

Choosing Vibrator Function: Vibrators for Penetration

Others love the feeling of a vibrator for penetration. More people choose soft rubber vibrators for penetration, as they find hard plastic vibrators too jarring. But there are no rules to buying the right vibrator, and as long a vibrator is safe for penetration (no sharp edges) then you can use a hard or soft vibrator for penetration.

More and more vibrators for penetration are designed for g-spot stimulation. These vibrators will have a curve near the tip, which makes it easier to stimulate the g-spot as soft rubber toys can bend when inserted into the v****a. G-spot vibrators can also be used to stimulate the prostate in men, provided they are safe for a**l use.

Aside from g-spot vibrators, vibrators designed for penetration differ mainly in:

~ Their size
~ The material they are made of: jelly rubber , silicone , cyberskin, or vinyl
~ The strength and quality of the motor
~ The type of vibration (buzzing, thumping, rotating, pulsating, and more)
whether it is single speed of multi-speed, and what type of switch is used to adjust the speed

Most of these differences can be decided based on personal preference, but if this is your first vibrator be sure not to pick something too big, and to choose one that has variable speed.

If you are concerned about the safety of sex toy materials, you can either stick with silicone or hard plastic , or if buying a less expensive rubber vibrator, be sure to use condoms each time you use the vibrator.

Choosing Vibrator Function: Vibrators for Penetration and External Stimulation

If this is your first vibrator, or if you are looking for something versatile, you may want to choose a vibrator that can be used for both penetration and external stimulation. There are two styles of vibrator that can be used for both.

The first are straight/cylindrical vibrators that have motors near the tip of the vibrator can be good for both penetration and external stimulation. Vibrators made primarily for penetration will often have motors in the base, and these are more awkward and not that functional to use it for external stimulation. If the motor is near the tip you can easily use it for external stimulation and know exactly where the vibration is strongest in the body of the vibrator.

The second type of vibrator that can be used for both penetration and external stimulation are dual action vibrators which are made for simultaneous penetration and clitoral stimulation. The most popular of these vibrators is the Japanese Pearl Rabbit , but there are hundreds of variations on this style.

Because dual action vibrators only do one thing (but do it very well) they may not be the best first time vibrator. But if you’re looking for something different, or like the idea of both penetration and clitoral stimulation, they’re worth checking out. Make sure you know whether your dual action vibrator has a Japanese motor or not. Many sex shops overcharge for poor quality vibrators to take advantage of the fact that most people think dual action means better quality. This is not always the case.

Vibrator Material: Soft Rubber Vibrators

Soft rubber vibrators, which most people choose for penetration can be made of a variety of materials: silicone , jelly rubber , cyberskin, vinyl, and all manner of silicone/jelly mixes. One of the benefits of any soft rubber vibrator is that it will be quieter than hard plastic, and if you drop it, it’s less likely to crack.

Silicone is the best quality material for a soft rubber vibrator; it is the cleanest and safest material, it transmits vibrations best (so the motor will feel stronger), it is easiest to clean, and it retains temperature better than other rubbers. The only drawback to silicone is the cost. Also you cannot use silicone based lubricants with a silicone vibrator.

Currently most jelly rubber vibrators contain phthalates and should always be used with condoms. These along with latex vibrators, which are usually filled with foam, absorb vibrations a bit more, so they tend to be milder than silicone or hard plastic. The main benefit of these vibrators is their inexpensive price.

There are some vibrators that have a hard plastic shell which is then covered in a softer material like silicone or jelly rubber. These vibrators often have the benefit of strength with the softer feel which some people prefer.

Choosing Vibrator Material: Hard Plastic and Metal Vibrators

Hard plastic vibrators are ideal for external stimulation, and as long as they are seamless and have no rough edges or corners, they can also be used for penetration. Some of the benefits of hard plastic vibrators include:

~ Stronger feeling vibration
~ Easier to keep clean
~ Less likely to cause an allergic reaction
~ They don’t bend when you are applying pressure with your vibrator

There are a few vibrators that are made out of various metals, including gold , titanium , and aluminium. These vibrators have several additional benefits. They have a weight to them which can be very pleasurable when used for penetration, and the material makes the vibration resonate in a different fashion, which is noticeable when using it. Metal toys also cool down and warm up, adding another element to the sensation. These natural materials are also very safe and clean, and easy to keep clean.

If this is your first vibrator, and you’re looking for something to use externally for clitoral stimulation, hard plastic might be the way to go. Metal vibrators, while highly prized, do tend to be more expensive and may not be a great idea for first timers.

How Strong Should Your Vibrator Be?

Vibrators come in a wide range of strengths, from mild to supersonic. If you are buying your first vibrator what is most important is to get a vibrator that has variable speeds. Here are some things to consider in terms of vibrator strength.

In almost all cases electric vibrators (whether they plug in or are rechargeable) are more powerful than battery vibrators. Particularly if you are looking for a vibrator that you can also use as a full body massager, electric vibrators, like the famous Hitachi Magic Wand, are the way to go. Most electric vibrators have two speeds, and the only concern can be that at the lowest speed an electric vibrator may be too strong.

Battery powered vibrators offer a wider range of strengths of vibration. With battery powered vibrators another consideration is the size of the vibrator. Smaller vibrators can feel stronger because the point of vibration is more focussed and not being dispersed across a long area.

Hard plastic vibrators usually feel stronger than soft rubber vibrators; even if they have the same size motor and take the same number of batteries.

The best vibrator will be one that goes as low as you need it to for starters, but is stronger than you’re comfortable with as well. Many people find once they get comfortable with vibrator that they enjoy somewhat stronger vibrations. Of course there are others who only like mild vibration. As with everything this is a personal preference.

Vibrator Quality and Price: Inexpensive Vibrators

Vibrators are not quite as sophisticated a market as cars or photographic equipment, so judging the quality range and price range is a bit more of a gamble. However as a general rule one can identify three levels of quality and price for vibrators.

The least expensive vibrators range in price from $10 to $40. These generally have inexpensive Chinese motors, are made of hard plastic or jelly rubber , and are built to not last.

Mid-range vibrators can cost between $50-$70 and are either made of a better quality material or have better quality motors, but usually not both. For example a silicone vibrator with a less expensive motor, like the ones made by Fun Factory.

High end vibrators combine the best of all worlds; quality motors, material, and design. These can range in price from $80-$200.

Keep in mind that less expensive doesn’t necessarily mean it won’t feel as good, it usually means the vibrator won’t last long, and the material may be inferior quality. But don’t let a store or website pressure you into paying more for a vibrator than you want. If you don’t know what you’re looking for, it’s always safer to start inexpensive (remember to use condoms on any inexpensive soft rubber vibrators) and then once you know whether you like vibration or not, you can invest in the future.

Vibrator Quality and Price: Luxury Vibrators

If you know what you like in terms of function, material, and strength of vibration, and you have the budget for it, high quality vibrators are well worth the money. There are several elements that can make a vibrator high quality.

Material: If the vibrator is made of 100% silicone or elastomers , it is better quality and you’re less likely to react to it. If it’s made of a natural metal, or high quality plastic you are also less likely to have a reaction.

Quality of motor: As a generality, Japanese motors in vibrators tend to be better quality. It can be difficult to know if a product that says Japanese on it really is, or even if it really has a Japanese motor. If you are purchasing from established and trusted companies like Vibratex, you can be sure that what it says on the package is what’s inside the vibrator.

Design: Small companies that are run by people who actually use sex toys often will come up with more functional designs. They may still make a well designed toy that won’t last very long, but the smaller outfits tend to stick to high quality across the board.

What Do You Want Your Vibrator to Look Like?

A final, but not unimportant consideration is what you want your vibrator to look like. Other than shape and texture, do you want something that looks like a p***s? Something that looks like a bunny rabbit, or a goddess? And what about the color? Many people think it’s strange to care about vibrator color, but other pick sex toys to match their sheets or their mood. And there’s no right or wrong. Vibrators come in every look imaginable, so even if you’d like something that is vaguely phallic shaped, but not all veiny and “representational” you’ll find something.

If you’re going to use the vibrator with a partner you might want to consider what they’ll be most comfortable with, and most excited by. Some people are intimidated by toys that look like recognizable body parts, whereas others are turned on by them.

There are also all sorts of vibrators that don’t look like vibrators at all, and these can be a benefit for people with kids, or roommates, and little privacy.


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While customers, and the occasional activist, are trying hard to drag sex shops into the 21st century, the reality is that many, if not most, sex shops still rely on our insecurity, fear, and ignorance, in order to survive while offering us bad customer service, and shoddy products at inflated prices.

The good news is that there are now dozens of excellent sex shops both on and off line, and no one has to suffer foolish sex shops gladly anymore. The trick is knowing which sex shops you can trust. Here are some tips on how to tell if the sex shop you’re buying from is worth your time and money.



Word of mouth recommendations are the best was to find a great sex shop. If someone you know has actually shopped there they can offer first hand experience. By the same token, if you’ve found a great sex shop spread the word. If we all treat sex shops like any other business, they’ll have to start acting like other businesses, and clean up their acts if they want to keep us as customers.



Any bricks and mortar sex shop worth their salt will have samples of all their products out and working, so you can see, feel, and touch your potential purchases. Shopping in person is the best way to reduce the risk of a toy being the wrong shape, the wrong strength, the wrong smell, or the wrong shade of purple. We don’t all have first rate sex shops in our city or town, but if you’re traveling and you know you’ll be in a city where there is one, take advantage. If you can’t shop in person, be extra vigilant about assessing the shop before you purchase on line.



Whether you’re shopping in store or on line, ask a few questions before making a purchase, to test out the customer service of the sex shop. On line the best way to do this is by emailing a few questions. Based on both the speed with which they respond and what you think of their answers you can get a sense of their service. If you’re shopping in person you can just ask a few questions, or if you aren’t comfortable with that, call the store and ask them over the phone before you go in. Try asking two questions, one about products, and one about policies.



Ask questions to test their knowledge about what they carry and how much they know about sex toys in general. For example, ask them if they have the Rabbit Pearl in stock or what the difference is between d***o X and d***o Y that they carry. Ask them to make a recommendation (e.g. I’m looking for a movie that’s explicit but not too raunchy? Or what’s a good first time vibrator?) This can also give you a sense of whether they’re just trying to push the most expensive toy on you. A good sex shop will make more than one suggestion, and include a range of products at different pricing.



The two most important questions that can distinguish good sex shops from bad ones are about privacy policies and return policies. If you’re shopping on line, what happens if a toy arrives already broken? Who pays for the return shipping? How long of a warranty do they offer with vibrating toys? Do they offer a satisfaction guarantee, or can you only return products if they are defective? In terms of privacy, what sort of information do they keep for customers, and do they ever share that information with other companies or make their mailing list available for trade or sale?



If you’re surfing it’s easy to compare prices. If you’re comparing stores in your neighborhood you can also just call and ask about prices. There is an enormous difference in sex shop pricing, and you want to avoid stores that practice “premium pricing”. Sometimes you’ll pay more for better customer service, and this can be well worth the few extra dollars, but you want to make sure that paying more means getting more, not just getting duped.



Good sex shops create ties with community organizations, and good on line sex shops offer links to like-minded sites. If you’re shopping on line, check out the link section of the website. Who a company links to can tell you a lot about the company. If you’re shopping in person, does the store have a resource area where they offer free literature from local sexual health or sex positive organizations? The best sex shops always do.



There are worker co-op sex shops, feminist sex shops, sex shops just for Christians, and sex shops that are open to everyone. Some of the most successful mainstream sex shops started out radical, with a very narrow focus, but found that as their customer base expanded, they needed to broaden their ideas of who deserves a good sex shop experience. Happily, the most progressive sex shops, the ones that offer the best customer service, are often the ones with the best pricing. But the bottom line is that if you look around enough, you can probably find one that is a fit with you.



1. Avoid sex shops that don’t have a posted privacy policy and return policy either on their website or visible in the store.

2. Don’t purchase from on line sex shops that don’t respond promptly to email questions. Automatic responses don’t count. If you don’t get a real human response within 24 hours of emailing a question, move on.

3. Don’t purchase from on line sex shops that don’t offer a toll free number. This may be a prejudice on my part, but an operation that doesn’t offer a toll free number for customers isn’t one that invests in good customer service.

4. Be cautious of sex shops that make outrageous claims (positive or negative) about their products or sex toys in general. If a sex shop is pressuring you into buying something, or claiming that they only sell good products but all other companies sell bad products, be wary. A good sex shop will offer information and support you to make your own decision, not tell you what to decide.

5. Avoid sex shops that sell high priced products but can’t explain to you why they are more expensive. If they’re response is that the more expensive toy gives you more pleasure, they are lying. More expensive products should last longer, be made of better quality material, or have some other concrete benefit. Don’t assume that because a toy is over $100 it is worth it.

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From Abstinence to Zoophilia, a dictionary of sexual terms and their meanings.



A.S.F.R. - Alt Sex Fetish Robot (ASFR):

The term A.S.F.R stands for Alt Sex Fetish Robot, and comes directly from a very old (now defunct) newsgroup that was dedicated to the discussion of sex with and/or sexual attraction to robots and other mechanical or robot like beings.

ASFR has come to be synonymous with the fetish itself. The fetish is really a whole area of fetish interest, activity, and behavior. For some people it is about a sexual attraction to a robot (usually one that looks and acts like a human). For many it’s an interest in the intersection of human and robot, and lots of fetishists create images which merge real people with mechanics and circuitry.

ASFR also encompasses an interest in and attraction to statues, human mannequins, life-size dolls, hypnosis and mesmerism, and “freezing” where a person is unable to move at all and frozen in place.

Fembot Central is a wonderfully friendly and supportive community forum that includes lots of discussion of ASFR.

Abstinence

Usually refers to not engaging in any form sexual behavior. Some people will try to practice abstinence until they are in a long term committed relationship or married. Others choose to be abstinent for a period of time in their lives. There is debate about whether or not abstinence includes refraining from solo sexual activity (e.g. masturbation).

Acrotomophilia

Someone who fantasizes about or is specifically aroused by the idea of having sex with someone who has an amputated limb. There is documentation of both men and women with this fetish.

People with this sexual interest or fetish are often referred to (and refer to themselves as) devotees. But devotees may be interested in people living with other kinds of disabilities, not just people with amputations.

Agalmatophilia

Agalmatophilia refers to being sexually aroused or excited by statues or mannequins. Richard Von Krafft-Ebing noted a case in 1877 in Psychopathia Sexualis of a gardener who was found trying to have sex with a statue of the Venus de Milo. There have been more recent cases of agalmatophilia in the news where people have run into trouble with the law while satisfying their sexual interests.

People who are interested in A.S.F.R sometimes include those who eroticize statues or mannequins, or simply the freezing in place of a person (like a robot that has stopped working).

Agoraphilia

Agoraphilia refers to the experience of sexual excitement from being outdoors in public places and having sex in public places. Very little has been written about agoraphilia, but it seems useful to think of this as related to, but also distinguished from, exhibitionism. For someone who is agoraphilic the excitement doesn’t come primarily from showing ones genitals to strangers, or being caught having sex, it comes from the outdoor or public setting itself.

a**l Beads

a**l beads, which are also sometimes called “Thai beads” are traditionally a series of balls connected by a cord or string, with a large ring at the other end (to prevent the beads from slipping into the a**s and up the rectum). Sometimes the beads start small and get progressively larger, and sometimes they are all the same size.

a**l beads play specifically on the sensations of the sphincter muscles. They are inserted (slowly, and with lots of lubricant) and when they are removed they pass along the two sphincter muscles and some people find this to be very pleasurable (some find it irritating and some find it neither good nor bad).

It’s commonly suggested that a**l beads are meant to be inserted during sex play and then pulled out at the point of orgasm. While this is possible, and might be great, you can also play with a**l beads any way you like, and getting the perfect orgasm/removal timing can end up being more distracting than anything.

a**l beads can also be used like plugs or dildos in that they can be inserted and removed at any time, and like plugs, they create a general sensation of fullness when worn and not moved around. Because beads are usually quite bulbous, so when they’re pulled out (or pushed in) the wearer can feel every bump.

I recommend avoiding a**l beads that are connected by a cord, as there are now many safer and long lasting styles of a**l beads that are made of silicone rubber or jelly rubber without any string or cord.

a**l beads are usually available in jelly rubber , silicone , or hard plastic . There are some vibrating a**l beads models available as well.

Three important safety concerns:

1. If you are using hard plastic a**l beads, be sure to check them for seams before you first use them and use a nail file to file down any seams.

2. Make sure that the a**l beads you are using have a large enough ring (or base) at the end to prevent them from slipping all the way in.

3. Remember to always use lubricant for any kind of a**l penetration.

a**l d***o

Dildos are toys designed for penetration that don’t have motors and don’t vibrate. An a**l d***o is any d***o that has no sharp edges or seams and a flared base designed to prevent it from going all the way in.

Dildos designed specifically for a**l use tend to be either smaller or made for male a**l play and the shape is designed to stimulation the prostate. One of the most popular products like this is the Aneros).

Different than butt plugs, a**l dildos are usually used for in/out style penetration, and the main considerations when choosing an a**l d***o is the size of the toy and the material.

a**l dildos are available in every size imaginable (from a pinky finger to a large fist and more), and like other dildos, a**l dildos are available in a range of materials including jelly rubber , silicone , acrylic or hard plastic , and metal.

As with any other sex toy, and particularly a**l sex toys, it's important to use a lubricant when playing with a**l dildos.

Analingus

Analingus refers to oral a**l contact (licking or sucking around the a**s). Also called rimming, analingus is a sexual activity engaged in by people of all genders and sexual orientations. If done without protection analingus can lead to the transmission of STDs, (including hepatitis, herpes and others) and parasites. However if you use a barrier properly whenever you perform analingus it can be a safe and highly pleasurable activity.

Anorgasmia

A general term that describes the inability to reach orgasm. Often it is referred to in the context of a side effect of medication; anorgasmia specifically describes a difficulty at the orgasm stage of sexual excitement. It may have no relationship to ones ability to feel sexual excitement or arousal. It is usually used in reference to women, although men do experience anorgasmia.

Anorgasmia may be a result of many things including physical and psychological stressors, changes, or permanent conditions. Anorgasmia may be temporary or persistent.

Also Known As: Orgasmic disorder, orgasmic dysfunction, and orgasmic inhibition.

Asexual

In science, the term asexual may refer to an organism that reproduces without sexual activity with another organism. More broadly asexual has come to mean being devoid of sexuality, often including:

~ Not being sexually attracted to others
~ Not being considered sexually attractive by others
~ Not desiring sexual interactions with others
~ Not having sex

In the past decade or so, in large part because of organizing on the Internet, a group of people have come to identify themselves as asexual and believe the term should be used as a unique sexual orientation. While no generalizations can be made, and little research has been done, people who identify as asexual say that while they desire connections with others they don’t have a desire for those connections to be sexual, but they don’t experience distress because of the lack of sexual desire.

The only large survey using a national probability sample (from Great Britain) suggests that perhaps 1% of the population may be asexual. However much more research needs to be done before drawing any conclusions.

Asphyxiophilia

Asphyxiophilia refers to the sexual practice of intentionally depriving oneself of oxygen by in some way reducing the amount of oxygen one breathes in, in order to create sexual arousal or enhance excitement or orgasm.

Asphyxiophilia, which is also called erotic asphyxiation, or when practiced alone autoerotic asphyxiation, can result in severe damage and death.

While it is difficult to get a sense of how common asphyxiophilia is, the practice of autoerotic asphyxiation is referred to in a recent medical review as “a common phenomenon in medicolegal practice”. Perhaps because of this, asphyxiophilia has received attention both in the mainstream media (many celebrities are rumored to have died of autoerotic asphyxiation) as well as in the clinical literature.

Also Known As: erotic asphyxiation, autoerotic asphyxiation, breath control play.

Autofellatio

Autofellatio refers to the act of performing oral sex on oneself. Almost all references to autofellatio are to men engaging in this practice not women (there is one case study involving a woman but it refers to fantasy not action). While there are no doubt many myths about people performing autofellatio, and likely thousands of doctored videos on the Internet, the practice has been documented in pornography, popular media and scientific research.

Autofellatio remains a relatively rare activity due no doubt in part to the fact that it requires an exceptionally limber body and a longer than average p***s size. There are, at most, a few dozen documented case studies in psychological journals of men who could and did perform autofellatio. Based on his experience surveying sexual behaviors, sex researcher Alfred Kinsey estimated that 2 to 3 out of 1,000 men were capable, or at least admitted to practicing autofellatio.

The most recent pop culture documentation of autofellatio can be found in the documentary 101 Rent Boys in which a male sex worker demonstrates positioning for autofellatio.

Avatar

In the context of human computer interactions an avatar is a virtual representation of a real person created by that person. Many computer games and virtual social spaces allow you to create an avatar which is how other users “see” you in the game or social space. Some avatars can be customized all the way down to a cellular level, while other avatars can only change the clothes they wear or their hair color.

To people who have never created an avatar they can seem silly; like game pieces in a board game, something that is completely fake. But most people who have taken the time to create and customize an avatar and then interact with others through their avatar, find the experience to be less than fake and find avatars can help them become more immersed in a social exchange.

Avatars can look exactly like the person they represent or nothing like them. In 2007 photographer Robbie Cooper and writer Tracy Spaight released a wonderful book of photographs of avatars and their creators called Alter Ego. Better than any verbal explanation these images offer a glimpse into the rich and complicated relationship between people and their avatars.

BDSM

BDSM is a term most often used to describe a range of sexual behaviors, but it's also an approach to sex and sex play. The term comes from three other acronyms:

B&D, which stands for bondage and discipline

D/s, which stands for dominance and submission

S&M, which stands for sadism and masochism

BDSM isn’t a clinical term universally used by medical or health care professionals; it’s more often a term used by people to describe their own sexual practices, and sometimes used by others to denounce the way others choose to have sex.

There isn’t one accepted definition for BDSM. A very general one might be that BDSM is a form of sexual expression that involves the willing and consensual exchange of power. Notice that the definition is “sexual expression” and not just sexual activities. A lot of people who engage in BDSM talk about the fact that most of it happens in your mind, and often the sexual activities you can see are the least interesting aspect of the action.

An example of BDSM might be using a pair of stockings to tie your partner to a bed post during sex to elaborate scenarios of dominance and submission that include role play, costumes, and days of preparation (and often no intercourse at all).

The key to understanding BDSM is that it only describes actions that all parties choose to participate in. Any sexual activity that is unwanted or forced upon someone would not be considered BDSM -- it would be considered harassment or assault.

Also Known As: S/M, S&M, power play, sensation play.

Bot

A “bot” is a kind of automated software that is pre-programmed to respond to certain inputs with specific outputs. “Bots” (as in ro-bots) are used to mimic human interaction in virtual spaces like web forums and online help centers. When you enter a chat room and text appears from a moderator welcoming you, that is often a bot.

Depending on their sophistication, bots can be programmed to understand and respond in many languages and deal with different kinds of grammatical structure. They can have programmed flexibility to try and make their responses to questions/commands as relevant as possible.

There are many examples of bots being used for human computer sexual interactions. In some, like the web-based “virtual girlfriend” and “virtual boyfriend” software’s, the bot is represented by an avatar that can look real but is clearly a virtual image. In others, like the Virtual Fem program, the bot is integrated into live action footage, so the user sees a real woman who they can “have” sex with through voice and text commands.

Butt Plugs

Butt plugs, which are also called plugs, and a**l plugs are toys designed to be inserted in the a**s, and the design allows them to stay in place. People will often use butt plugs by putting them in and then having other kinds of sex while they are in place, or even leaving them in while they do other non sexual things.

The basic design of a butt plug begins small at the tip, gets wider as you move down to the base, and then narrows just before the base, with a wide flared bit at the end.

Butt plugs are usually available in jelly rubber , silicone , acrylic or hard plastic , and metal. There are vibrating butt plugs as well as unplugged-plugs.

Butt plugs don’t have to stay where they are and can be moved around for additional stimulation.

While it can be safe to insert a butt plug and leave it in for a long period of time, there can be a problem as the lubricant dries up. In particular removing a “dry” butt plug can be painful, and if you don’t replenish the lubricant occasionally it’s possible (although not inevitable) that you could do some harm through tearing.

If you’re interested in a butt plug that will stay in for longer periods of time, but plugs that have bulbous heads and longer narrow stems between the head and the base of the toy will stay-put better than regular plugs.

Candaulism

Candaulism refers to a sexual practice between three people where two of the people have sex and the third watches, often from a hidden location. Candaulism has also been used to describe specifically a man’s erotic preference for “viewing (or listening to) his spouse interacting sexually with another man or watching her disrobing where other men also might observe her.”

Candaulism differs from threesomes, voyeurism, or infidelity in a few ways; only two people are actually engaging in sex play together, while pleasure is obviously coming from both the voyeuristic and possibly exhibitionistic elements, it seems important that the people are known to each other, and finally, all parties involved are consenting and aware of what is happening.

Certified Sexuality Educator

The title certified sexuality educator, or certified sex educator, is a private, non-government designation that has no national or international standard. There are a few international organizations (like the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapistst) that certify sex educators. There are also smaller schools, organizations, and professional groups that offer certification programs. But there is no consistency across organizations and someone who is an AASECT certified sexuality educator may have very different qualifications from someone certified in Canada by a regional sexual health organization.

What this means is that someone who says they are a certified sexuality educator isn’t saying very much without telling you more. They need to explain where they got their certification, what was involved in the process, what are the ongoing training requirements for them to keep their certification, and does their organization have a way for individuals to complain if they believe the educator is working unethically.

Most (but not all) certified sexuality educators will have had to take courses on different aspects of human sexuality and received training and supervision while working as a sex educator. Few certification bodies have exams that educators have to pass before becoming certified.

Also Known As: sex educator

Chlamydia

Chlamydia is a common, and treatable STD which can damage a woman's reproductive organs. The CDC estimates that 2.8 million Americans are infected with Chlamydia every year. Even though symptoms of Chlamydia are usually mild or absent, serious complications can occur as a result of Chlamydial infection.

About three quarters of infected women and about half of infected men have no symptoms. If symptoms do occur, they usually appear within 1 to 3 weeks after exposure.

Women who have symptoms might have an abnormal vaginal discharge or a burning sensation when urinating. If the infection spreads, from the cervix up into the fallopian tubes, some women may experience lower abdominal pain, low back pain, nausea, fever, pain during intercourse, or bleeding between menstrual periods.

Men with signs or symptoms might have a discharge from their p***s or a burning sensation when urinating. Men might also have burning and itching around the opening of the p***s. Pain and swelling in the testicles are uncommon.

Men or women who have receptive a**l intercourse may acquire chlamydial infection in the rectum, which can cause rectal pain, discharge, or bleeding. Chlamydia can also be found in the throats of women and men having oral sex with an infected partner.

Coccinelle 1931-2006

Born Jacques-Charles Dufresnoy, Coccinelle was the first person in France to have sex reassignment surgery (which was done in Casablanca, Morocco) in 1958. France recognized her gender reassignment and Coccinelle, who was previously a popular drag performer became an even more wildly popular and loved female entertainer whose career spanned decades. She was also an outspoken activist for transsexual and transgender issues in France and abroad.

She is quoted in an Independent obituary speaking on her life and her experience of gender:

“I felt like I was not so much a transsexual as a person in transit between the sexes. In 1958, I was told about a gynaecologist in Morocco who performed surgical operations and turned men into women. Dr Burou rectified the mistake nature had made and I became a real woman, on the inside as well as the outside. After the operation, the doctor just said, "Bonjour, Mademoiselle", and I knew it had been a success. I was the first French person to have a sex-change. Incredible, but true," she reflected. "It meant I could no longer be arrested by the vice squad for impersonating a man."

Coitus

Coitus is a term used primarily in medical texts and, according to the Oxford English Dictionary, comes from the Latin phrase “in coitu” which refers to a meeting or uniting of two bodies or planet or a sexual conjunction.

Coitus refers to penile-vaginal intercourse or penetration. The term is often better known in the context of another term, coitus interruptus, also known as the withdrawal method where the p***s is withdrawn prior to ejaculation in the hopes of avoiding conception. While it may be commonly practiced, this is not an effective method of contraception.

Also Known As: intercourse, penile-vaginal penetration, penetration play.

Coprophilia

Coprophilia refers to sexual arousal or pleasure from feces. Some people are aroused by defecating on a partner, being defected on, or by the inclusion of feces in solo or partnered sex play.

As with many theories regarding fetishes or paraphilias, some clinicians suggest that coprophilia originates in childhood, and/or associations between physical pleasure of bowel movements and sexual arousal. Anecdotally, people who are aroused by being defecated on link the interaction to an element of dominance and submission, or BDSM play.

Coprophilia has also been noted in older adults living with dementia, and in individuals labeled with developmental/intellectual disabilities. No research exists to distinguish what this behavior may or may not mean for these populations versus what it means for other groups.

Because of the difficulty in recruiting people to participate in research, we have no empirical data about how many people engage in coprophilic behavior.

Also Known As: scat play

Cuddle Party

The term “cuddle party” came into popular usage through vast media exposure of parties being organized by Marcia Baczynksi and Reid Mihalko in New York. The parties provide people an opportunity to explore touch, communication, and affection without the pressure of explicit sexual activity. When organized by Marcia and Reid, the parties have clearly defined rules, monitors, and a guiding philosophy. From the official cuddle party website:

Cuddle Party is a playful social event designed for adults to explore communication, boundaries and affection. Facilitated by a "Cuddle Lifeguard on Duty," who creates a comfortable, non-threatening environment, it's a great place to make new friends and to learn about yourself.

The brainchild of two relationship coaches, Cuddle Party was conceived in February 2004. Since then, Reid Mihalko and Marcia Baczynski have sought to bring clean, safe, welcomed affection to the world through these events.

While the idea of exploring non-sexual touch is by no means something new, and get togethers similar to cuddle parties (probably minus the flannel pajamas) have been taking place for years. Encounter groups in the 70s, and non-sexual touch events tied to weekend raves in the 90s are common examples.

Dental Dam

A dental dam is a thin sheet (usually made of latex) that was originally designed for use by dentists during more involved procedures. Over the years, they have been recommended as a barrier to prevent fluid transmission during oral genital contact, oral/vaginal contact (cunnlingus) and oral/a**l contact (analingus). Now there are several companies that package dental dams specifically for sex play, making them larger and (in some cases) scented or flavored. There are also nonlatex dental dams available for those with latex allergies.

Devotees

Devotees are people who have a fetish or intense sexual interest or desire for someone living with a disability. Most commonly devotees are men who are attracted to women with amputations, but there are also people who fetishize other aspects of living with a mobility disability like wheelchairs, leg braces, etc… and devotees can be men or women.

There is a lot of debate across disability communities regarding devotees. Some people feel they are inappropriately fetishsizing one part of a person or that something is “off” about them. Other people say they have found friends, allies, and lovers among devotees.

Like many other groups of people with sexual interests that don’t fit social norms, devotees have flourished on line, and while there is no way of knowing how many people identify themselves (or could be identified) as devotees, there are lots of websites devoted to the topic where people share pictures, stories, and meet up with each other.

Some of the most interesting work on devotees has been produced by radio teacher and broadcaster, writer, and journalist Kath Duncan. In addition to producing a multi-part radio series on devotees, Kath also produced a documentary film called My One Legged Dream Lover.

d***o

A d***o is a sex toy used for penetration. Unlike a vibrator, a d***o has no motor and only moves when moved by someone holding the d***o. Dildos may be designed for vaginal penetration, a**l penetration or both.
The primary differences between dildos include:

~ Material the d***o is made from
~ Shape and size
~ Density and flexibility of the d***o
~ The weight of the d***o (this can greatly change how it feels to the user)
~ The look of the d***o (color, texture, finish)

DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders)

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) is a catalogue of mental disorders used by doctors (including psychiatrists), psychologists, and other mental health workers, as well as insurance companies, to classify individuals with diagnosable mental disorders. The DSM is updated and the letters following DSM denote which update is being referred to. The most recent DSM is the DSM-IV-TR.

The benefit of a text like the DSM is that it gives people a common language (albeit a language that is clinical and sometimes difficult to follow). There are many potential problems with the DSM, not least of which is that it can be considered to be the “final word” or offering objective facts regarding mental health. In reality the content of the DSM is subject to cultural and historical influences, and what is now considered a mental illness may not be considered one at a later date. A good recent example of this is homosexuality, which was considered a mental illness until it was removed from the DSM in 1973.

Dual Action Vibrator

Dual action vibrators offer simultaneous clitoral stimulation and vaginal penetration. The shaft may or may not have beads, and a second piece curves out near the base and hugs the body, providing clitoral stimulation. Some toys will have a third piece designed to stimulate the perineum and a**s.

The best known dual action vibrators are the Pearl Rabbit and Rabbit Habit, made famous by Sex in the City, and now commonly referred to in magazines and television programs.

These toys have a strong and loyal following, but they aren’t for everyone as they are only for penetration and therefore are not as versatile as a straight vibrator. They do one thing, but they do it well. Dual action vibrators are available in jelly rubber, silicone, or more recently elastomers. Many dual action vibrators are high quality and are made with Japanese motors, but there are even more knock offs which are inexpensive, of poor quality, and tend to break easily.

Dysparuenia

Dyspareunia refers to genital pain usually during penetrative sex or intercourse. Men and women can both be diagnosed with dysparuenia. The clinical diagnosis of dyspareunia can include pain that happens immediately before or after intercourse as well.

Dysparuenia is a descriptive diagnosis, and doesn’t indicate anything about the cause or even the precise symptoms of the pain (so it could be sharp or dull pain, brief or long lasting). It is really just another way of saying there is pain during sex. But it will be called dysparuenia when there is no clear anatomical, physiological, or pharmaceutical cause of the pain.

Also Known As: Painful intercourse

Edging

In a sexual context, the term edging refers to bringing yourself (or someone else) to the point of orgasm but then postponing the orgasm by stopping, slowing down, or changing up the kind of sexual stimulation.

In most cases edging is described in masturbation, where you pleasure yourself just to the point of orgasm but then pull back. Then you ramp up the stimulation again to the point of orgasm and again pull back. When you do finally let yourself go over the top, many people describe the orgasms as especially intense.

Edging could be done with any sexual activity, but proficient edgers usually say that using your hand for stimulation gives you the greatest control. One of the wonderful things about edging is that it requires you to pay very close attention to your sexual response, or if you’re doing it with someone else it means you have to be very tuned into your partner’s response.

Emergent sex

Emergent sex refers to sexual intentions, behaviors, and communication that take place in video games that were not specifically designed to facilitate these behaviors.

The term was coined by game designer and author of Sex in Video Games, Brenda Brathwaite.

Erectile Dysfunction

Erectile dysfunction is defined as the inability to develop and maintain an erection for satisfactory sexual intercourse or activity. It is considered to be a separate concern from premature ejaculation. There is no universally agreed upon criteria for how consistent the problem has to be and for what duration it needs to be present to fulfill the definition, although three months is often used as a guideline.

In most studies erectile dysfunction will be defined based on a subjects response to a question related to their own perception of their erections (not the reports of partners).

In large part the result of new medications to treat erectile dysfunction, there has been a surge in research on erectile dysfunction. Recent studies have suggested that the prevalence of erectile dysfunction is as high as 1 in 5 men.

Also Known As: ED, impotence, erectile difficulties

Erotophilia and Erotophobia

These terms are used in sexology, particularly among psychologists, to describe a dimension of personality. Researchers have developed psychological tests that will give an individual a score on a scale of erotophobia-erotophilia.

Erotophobes are people who feel guilty and fearful about sex. They are less likely to talk about sex, have more negative reactions to sexually explicit material, and have sex less frequently and with fewer partners over time.

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Pansexual

This is a relatively new term without a generally agreed upon definition. Here's how I like to think of it. While heterosexual suggests your interest is towards the opposite gender, homosexual suggests the same gender, and bisexual suggests either gender, being pansexual means that you identify as having a sexual orientation towards everything, including people of all genders. It may also suggest that you acknowledge you could be sexually aroused by a song, or babbling brook.

Paraphilias

Paraphilia is the clinical term used to describe and diagnose a particular kind of sexual disorder. The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) defines paraphilias as:

recurrent, intense sexually arousing fantasies, sexual urges, or behaviors generally involving 1) nonhuman objects, 2) the suffering or humiliation of oneself or one's partner, or 3) children or other nonconsenting persons that occur over a period of at least 6 months.
The DSM only specifies nine paraphilias (exhibitionism, fetishism, frotteurism, *****, sexual masochism, sexual sadism, transvestic fetishism, voyeurism, and a final category of “other” paraphilias). It’s important to understand that these definitions can be very different from the way they are used in the media and sex-positive communities.

The most important distinction to make is that in most cases someone will be diagnosed with a paraphilia only if it’s a problem for the individual or someone in a sexual relationship with that individual. So having a foot fetish would not be enough to be diagnosed with a paraphilia, unless the fetish was causing significant distress or getting in the way of you living your life.

Paraphilias may be something that an individual always needs for sexual arousal, or they may be something that is required only at certain times (for example when the person is under a lot of stress).

There is very little data regarding how common paraphilias are. It’s been argued that the large amount of paraphilic pornography indicates how common paraphilias are, but this is hardly a scientific argument.

We know so little about paraphilias because people don’t often volunteer for treatment, even if their behaviors are causing a problem for themselves. As a result most of the information we have about paraphilias comes from individual case studies.

Penile Dysmorphophobia

Penile dysmorphophobia (also known as small p***s syndrome) refers to a man’s perception that his p***s is too small when, according to the standards of science, his p***s size falls within the normal range. Penile dysmorphophobia may be aesthetic -- based on the way the p***s looks -- or functional -- based on a man’s experience of sexual activity -- or some combination of the two.

It is well-known by doctors that many men who think their p***s is too small in fact have average sized penises, and some men who have what would be clinically considered a hypoplastic p***s (also called a micropenis) report being happy with their p***s size and satisfied with their sex lives.

There is no universal agreement on what average p***s size is or what size is "too small" but research says that an adult micropenis is considered to be anything less than 2.8 inches (7 cm) in length when stretched.

Also Known As: small p***s syndrome

Penile Prosthesis

A penile prosthesis is something that can be used by someone who has a p***s but isn’t happy with how their p***s is working. A penile prosthesis allows you to have penetration play with a partner even if your p***s is soft or you find you can’t keep an erection as long as you like.

There are two main kinds of penile prosthesis. The easiest to use and least invasive is a male strap on device, also called a PPD or penile prosthetic device. This is essentially a sex toy that fits over the p***s and is strapped on to the body. Obviously with a PPD covering the entire p***s the person wearing it doesn’t get any penile stimulation, but many men enjoy using these as part of sex, especially since they give you the option of changing sizes whenever you like.

The other more involved type of penile prosthesis is one that is inserted surgically into the p***s, also called a p***s implant. There are two types of implant prosthesis:

~ A “semi-rigid” type that involves inserting a flexible rod into the p***s which can be positioned up when you want to have penetration play.

~ A “hydraulic” type of penile prosthesis which allows the man to squeeze a small pump implanted into the scrotum that activates the prosthesis which then becomes stiff enough for penetration.

These surgical prostheses are generally considered a final option as they are very invasive and the satisfaction ratings are mixed.

Also Known As: penile prosthesis, PPD, penile prosthetic device

p***s Limiter

A p***s limiter is a product that can be worn over the p***s to limit the depth of penetration during intercourse. There aren’t a lot of products that are marketed specifically as p***s limiters, but there are many products that work this way and can be useful solutions to this relatively uncommon but still distressing problem.

Intercourse with a man who has an extraordinarily long p***s can be painful, particularly vaginal intercourse as the p***s can poke the cervix producing uncomfortable and unpleasant pain.

There are three kinds of products you can easily use as a p***s limiter.

The first is a basic p***s ring. You can put a p***s ring on at the base of the p***s and then experiment with your partner to find a comfortable depth. Once you’ve got it, place the ring at that point and use it as a visual guide to tell you when to penetrate no further.

The second is a kind of product sold as jelly rings that are made to go over the opening of a p***s pump. Sometimes called “donuts” these rings are several inches thick and can be rolled down the base of the p***s and cover part of the shaft, preventing you from penetrating using the entire length of your p***s.

Finally, there are some men’s p***s sleeves, which can be put over the p***s and then cut down to size. These work the same as the “donuts” but have the benefit of being as long as you need them to be.

p***s Pumps

p***s pumps is a term that is used to describe a wide range of products, that actual include p***s pumps, vacuum erection devices, which are also called vacuum pumps, and pumps that are designed for the clitoris or other parts of the body.

The basic idea behind a p***s pump is that it goes over the p***s and draws blood into the p***s, thus giving a man an erection.

Vacuum pumps, also called vacuum erection devices, work essentially the same way, but they have been clinically tested, tend to be better made, and usually have a safety valve to ensure that there is not too much pressure in the chamber, which reduces the chances of harm during use.

Perineum

Both men and women have a perineum. In men, it is the area is between the scrotum and the a**s, in women it is the area between the bottom of the vaginal opening and the a**s.

During sexual arousal and excitement the area may become more sensitive, and some people find perineum massage highly pleasurable.

For men, massaging the perineum can provide external stimulation of the prostate and even the root of the p***s, both of which can be pleasurable.

A common slang term for the perineum is “taint”.

Persistent Genital Arousal Disorder (PGAD)

Persistent genital arousal disorder (PGAD) is a newly described disorder that is not yet fully understood or even defined. It was originally called persistent sexual arousal syndrome (PSAS) and was first written about in the clinical literature in 2001, although it is likely something that has been experienced by women (and possibly men, although none have been identified yet) for many years.

Persistent genital arousal disorder describes the experience of persistent feelings of genital arousal that is not caused by sexual stimulation and is not experienced as sexual pleasure. These feelings can last for hours or days and can cause extreme distress and discomfort to the person experiencing PGAD.

While some laypeople and medical professionals have misunderstood PGAD and considered suffers "lucky" (assuming that everyone would want to feel sexually aroused constantly, and that all genital arousal is sexually pleasurable) in reality PGAD can come with broad negative sexual consequences, and people who experience it can suffer from depression and even thoughts of suicide as a result of the experience.

Research is only in the earliest stages of understanding PGAD, and at this point no single cause or treatment method has been defined, although there are several ways of reducing the negative impact of PGAD.

Also Known As: persistent sexual arousal syndrome (PSAS)

Persistent Sexual Arousal Syndrome (PSAS)

The term persistent sexual arousal syndrome was first coined in a 2001 article written by Sandra Leiblum and Sharon G. Nathan. Prior to this it had not been reported clinically, and this article sought to outline some common characteristics of persistent sexual arousal syndrome, including:

~ Experiencing physiological response similar to sexual arousal (e.g. genital and breast sensitivity and/or engorgement). These physical signs last for an extended period of time (from hours to days) and do not go away on their own.

~ These physical signs are not related to feeling sexually excited or sexual desire.

~ The physical experience may be triggered by nonsexual events or by nothing at all.

~ The physical signs of arousal do not go away after orgasm, or may require multiple orgasms to go away

~ The experience is considered intrusive and unwanted, and when it persists, can create significant distress.

Several subsequent studies have been published about PSAS and the original authors have further refined their description and renamed the condition as persistent genital arousal disorder (PGAD).

Also Known As: persistent genital arousal disorder (PGAD)

Phimosis

This is a condition in which the foreskin cannot be pulled back behind the head of the p***s. Technically, as soon as the foreskin is pulled back, phimosis no longer is there. There are varying degrees of phimosis. Many young boys will experience pain when the foreskin is pulled back, but this is expected to resolve itself over time. Some adult men who are uncircumcised will experience pain as a result of a tight foreskin.

Phthalates

Phthalates (pronounced “thall-eights”) are a chemical compound used to soften hard plastics into soft rubber and jelly. Derived from Phthalic acid, and often called a plasticizer for its plastic softening properties, phthalates have been produced since the 1920’s and have been used in everything from perfumes to pesticides and, of course, sex toys.

Phthalates are used essentially to soften the rubbers and make sex toys have a soft cushy feel to them. They are used in a wide range of sex toys, but there are many other toys that are phthalate free.

There are many organizations that have raised concerns about the dangers of phthalates both to the environment and to individuals who come into contact with products that contain phthalates.

Pre-c** – Pre-ejaculatory fluid

Pre-c** (precum) or pre-ejaculatory fluid is a clear, mucus-like liquid that can be expelled through the urethra and out of the tip of the p***s during male sexual arousal. It is secreted from the Cowper glands. There is no way to control pre-c**, and the amount can vary from man to man and situation to situation.

Also Known As: pre-ejaculatory fluid

Premature Ejaculation

The definition of premature ejaculation has changed over time and while there has been an attempt to create a single definition for clinicians and researchers, much of the research on premature ejaculation does not use the same definition.

The DSM defines premature ejaculation as

…the persistent or recurrent onset of orgasm and ejaculation with minimal sexual stimulation before, on, or shortly after penetration and before the person wishes it… The disturbance must cause marked distress or interpersonal difficulty [and]…The premature ejaculation is not due exclusively to the direct effects of a substance (e.g., withdrawal from opioids).

In 2008 the International Society for Sexual Medicine released a new definition of premature ejaculation, in consultation with “21 internationally recognized experts” who defined it as follows:

Premature ejaculation is a male sexual dysfunction characterized by ejaculation which always or nearly always occurs prior to or within about one minute of vaginal penetration; and inability to delay ejaculation on all or nearly all vaginal penetrations; and negative personal consequences, such as distress, bother, frustration and/or the avoidance of sexual intimacy.

Premature ejaculation may be lifelong (sometimes called “primary premature ejaculation”), meaning that a man has experienced it since he first started engaging in sexual behaviors with others, or acquired (also called “secondary premature ejaculation”), meaning that he previously did not experience premature ejaculation but it has developed at a later point.

Priapism

Priapism refers to a persistent erection that occurs in the absence of sexual stimulation, and lasts for more than 6 hours. Priapism is primarily a condition which affects men, although there are some rare cases of female priapism, where the clitoris becomes engorged for extended periods of time. Priapism can be caused by a variety of factors, including medication, illness, physical trauma. There are several effective treatments for priapism, but it is crucial that treatment happens in a timely manner, as prolonged priapism can result in permanent damage.

Public Display of Affection (PDA)

Public display of affection, which is often shortened to PDA, usually refers to things like holding hands, hugging, and kissing in public. What’s interesting, and what I quite like about the term public display of affection is that it describes more than just an observable activity; it describes the intention behind it. There are all sorts of public touching that people in relationships can engage in which aren’t about displaying affection for one another. It’s the intent to make a public show of your feelings that give a public display of affection its weight.

The topic and the actions that can be described as a public display of affection can be contentious for couples, particularly when one person is very comfortable with public touching and the other isn’t (and if you’re in a relationship with more than one other person I imagine the issue of who displays what affection in public with whom can get even more complicated).

Pubococcygeus (PC) Muscles

The PC muscle, which stands for pubococcygeus muscles, is actually a sling of muscles that support the pelvic floor and surround the internal genitalia. These muscles are involved in urination (when you stop yourself from peeing in mid-stream, you’re using your PC muscles). Both men and women have PC muslces.

The PC muscles are also involved in orgasm, and many women find that doing regular exercises to strengthen the muscles changes the way their sexual response feels. Exercises that strengthen the PC muscles are usually referred to as Kegel exercises.

Like any muscles in the body, the PC muscles can become weak for a variety of reasons (for women, everything from lack of use to childbirth to radiation treatments for cancer can cause severlely weakend PC muscles).

Also Known As: pelvic floor muscles

Rainbow Parties

The actual existence of rainbow parties is in dispute. The apparent origin of the term is a party where a number of girls (or women, but the story generally involves teenagers) wearing different colored lipsticks perform oral sex on a boy, thus creating a rainbow of colors on him. This term appeared in the early twenty first century and was tied to a surge in media hysteria about teenage sexuality.

Refractory Period

Coined by sex researchers Masters and Johnson, the refractory period is a term used to describe the time after an orgasm when someone is unable to respond to sexual stimulation.

In men, the refractory period is evidenced by an inability to get an erection immediately following ejaculation. More recently this period in men has been further divided into an “absolute refractory period” and a period of time following it when an erection can be obtained providing the stimulation is different or greater than the original stimulation.

Traditionally, researchers have had much to say about the fact that women don’t seem to have a refractory period. More recently researchers and clinicians who are critical of the traditional model of sexual response, have pointed out that women’s sexual response does not fit well with traditional models, and that a new way of thinking of sexual response is needed. The lack of a refractory period in women's sexual experience is one example of how the traditional model may not be sufficent.

Romantic product salesmen

According to Lonnie Athens, a professor at Seton Hall University, romantic product salesmen traveled throughout the southern United States from the 1920s through to the mid 1960s, selling “marital aids” one on one to men. Athens father was briefly a romantic product salesman after being recruited by a customer of his who had been one since the 1920s. According to Athens:

“The line of merchandise that they sold ranged from costume jewelry, silver-a and gold-tasseled pasties, black and red garter belts, black-seamed hosiery, and fishnet stockings to breathe fresheners, cheap perfume, and scented bubble bath to lubricated condoms, French ticklers, penile extensions, c**k rings, Spanish flies, and vibrators.”

It isn’t clear when this profession appeared, or how many (if any) men made a living selling sex toys alone. Athens describes the attitude toward these salesmen thusly:

“In the eyes of most people in the Bible Belt, romantic product salesmen were seedy characters who hawked their wares to sex nuts and perverts, pimps, and prostitutes and thereby aided and abetted the moral corruption of the community.”

The profession disappeared with the proliferation of adult bookstores in the mid 1960s in the south.

Sex Drive

The term sex drive was first widely adopted following the introduction of the concept by Sigmund Freud in his writings about sexuality and personality development. Freud used the term sex drive as well as the more specific term libido to refer to what he initially conceived as the human biological sexual instincts. In this context, sex drive or libido was a source of human motivation and action throughout the developmental process. Later, Freud expanded his definition of libido to refer to a life energy that drove both the sexual instincts but also other human drives.

Today, the term sex drive isn’t used much by researchers or sexologists (they favor libido). But, in popular culture it has become synonymous with sexual desire or an individual's interest in engaging in sex with a partner. If someone doesn’t want to have as much sex as you do, you might say their sex drive is low.

That said, there is no measurement of sex drive and no definition of what a healthy sex drive is like. While research into sex drive usually focuses on a single aspect, most researchers would agree that there are biological, psychological, and social components to sex drive. Biological research has focused on testosterone, which is thought to be related to the sex drive, although the exact nature of the relationship is still under investigation. Social science researchers have also explored the relationship between both sex drive and social factors, like work and family, as well as internal psychological factors, like personality and stress.

Also Known As: sexual instinct, libido

Sex Educator

Anyone can call themselves a sex educator. Like saying you’re a teacher, or leader, or coach, or guru, the title sex educator isn’t one that most governments regulate, certainly not in the United States. This means is that when someone calls them self a sex educator you need to ask for details.

In it's broadest definition a sex educator is someone who works with individuals, groups, or through policy development with societies, trying to educate around sexuality, sexual health, and or sexual pleasure.

A qualified sex educator should, at a minimum, have training and experience in how to teach (there is a difference between just talking and teaching); they should have undertaken an education in human sexuality and they should have received some training in how to specifically teach sexuality. They should know how to develop, create, and evaluate whatever it is they are teaching, and understand how individuals and groups learn differently.

A sex educator can work directly with the public, they can train other educators how to include sexuality into their education practice, they may write policy for governments and non-governmental organizations, they may write curriculum for others to use. A sex educator may work in a school, a hospital, a health clinic, or a for profit or not for profit organization or company.

In reality many people who call themselves sex educators and receive the most attention from the media would better be described as salespeople or entertainers. Without training of your own, the best way to know the difference is to ask about an individuals educational background, training, and work experience.

Also Known As: certified sexuality educator.

Sex Positive

Like so many other sex terms that describe sexual politics, sexual orientation, or sexual identity, there is no one accepted definition for sex-positive.

In general sex positive has come to refer to a position that affirms that:

~ Sex can be a positive force both in personal development and society.

~ Consensual sexual expression is a basic human right regardless of the form that expression takes.

~ People have the right to accurate and straightforward sexual health information.

~ It is not appropriate to judge others consensual choices regarding how to have sex, who to have sex with, and how one defines their sexual orientation and identity.

~ It is equally important to focus on the positive aspects of sexuality, like sexual pleasure, and not just disease prevention, prevention of sexual assault and unwanted pregnancy.

~ Sexually is largely socially constructed, and there are few if any essential truths about sex.

The term sex positive has been in use in academic and research writing since at least the mid-1950s, where it was generally used as a synonym for erotophilia.

While the term sex positive is still used in sexual health and sexology, it has primarily become a marketing buzz word in the wide range of for profit industries that promote sex toys, books, and “experts” to speak to groups on sexual topics.

Sex Tech

Sex tech refers to both depictions of sex and technology and the actual application of technology to sexual expression. Sex tech might be a fictional story about two robots who fall in love (well maybe just lust). Sex tech might be a man taking Viagra to enhance his ability to get an erection for sex with a partner. Sex tech is using text messages, camera phones, and the Internet to interact with others and with ourselves sexually.

What is helpful about the term sex tech is that it is broad enough to encompass a range of sexual expressions. But it doesn’t emphasize sex over tech or tech over sex.

Sex Toy

A textbook definition of sex toys usually describes them as any type of object or device that is used to enhance sexual pleasure. Outside of a research enterprise, there is little reason to insist on a universally agreed upon definition of sex toys. The definition I work from is that sex toys are anything that are not part of ones body, and that are used during some kind of sex play.

There are several legal definitions of sex toys, and across the United States, sex toys definitions can be found in both state and municipal law. In Alabama, one state that has restrictive sex toy laws, sex toys are defined as:

“device designed or marketed as useful primarily for the stimulation of human genital organs for any thing of pecuniary value”
Other state definitions differ, but the primary elements are that a sex toy is designed to stimulate the genitals, and arouse sexual interest.

In terms of both commercial and public health definitions, sex toys are not considered medical devices, and are not regulated by any government oversight. For business purposes they are considered “novelty items” and are manufactured, distributed, and sold as such. This leaves many grey areas when it comes to legal liability of sex toys.

Also Known As: adult sex toys, marital aids, sexual aids, adult novelties.

Sex Work

Sex work is an umbrella term used to describe any kind of work that involves providing sexual services for financial gain. Sex workers may be of any gender and what they do can include everything from erotic massage to phone sex to nude dancing to having intercourse for money.

The term sex work is much more useful than the vague and highly stigmatized term prostitute. It’s useful because it lets us look at all sorts of different people who are “doing” sex for money and talk about how to keep them and their clients safe, how to reduce the number of people who may be coerced into doing sex work, and how to deal with the ways that society and sex work clash, which in the end benefit no one.

Sex work is also preferred because it puts the focus on how many, if not most, sex workers talk about what they do, which is that it’s a job. The term prostitution tends to paint a picture not of a job but of a kind of person. The truth is that sex workers are all kinds of people, from all kinds of places, choosing to have sex for money for all kinds of reasons.

The term sex work came from sex workers themselves. If you believe people have the right to choose how they identify and that everyone should be treated with enough respect to be called a name that isn’t hurtful, sex work is the better choice.

Also Known As: prostitution

Sexual Behavior

While some will argue about the specifics, broadly speaking, sexual behaviors can be defined as all those things we “do” that we consider sexual. Those might be things we do with others, like kissing, erotic touch, intercourse, oral sex, a**l sex, and manual sexual stimulation. They might be sexual things we do when we’re alone, like masturbation.

It can be helpful to distinguish these sexual behaviors (or what we do) from sexual orientation (who we do them with) or sexual identity (how we describe ourselves). In our society, many stereotypes and social expectations exist about the kinds of sexual behaviors people do based on how they identify themselves, or who they like to have sex with. So it’s assumed that all heterosexual couples all have penile-vaginal intercourse and that gay men have a**l sex. Neither of these is true in all cases. Some gay men aren’t interested in a**l sex, and some straight couples engage in male a**l penetration and some in female a**l penetration, and some in both.

This doesn’t mean that sexual behaviors aren’t influenced by orientation or identity. They just aren’t determined by it. Sexual behaviors can also be influenced by social expectations (what “good girls” are supposed to be like or how “bad boys” are expected to act).

From a sexual health perspective, what is most important is that a) you are engaging in sexual behaviors by choice with people who are also choosing you and the sexual behavior at hand; and b) whatever sexual behaviors you are doing, you know how to do them in a way that reduces any negative health consequences. Aside from that, nothing is wrong, and possibly many things are right, about ignoring expectations and following your desires.

Also Known As: sex, sexual activities

Sexual Compatibility

In biology, the term sexual compatibility refers to whether or not two organisms can reproduce. This offers (in some ways) a simple definition as it can be easily tested. If two organisms can reproduce, they are sexually compatible. If they can’t, they aren’t.

There is no objective measure of sexual compatibility in humans. Instead of a score or ranking, it’s more accurate to talk about our perception of being compatible. To evaluate how sexually compatible someone feels, researchers will ask things like:

~ How closely are your interests in specific sexual behaviors?

~ How similar are your values or beliefs about sex?

~ Do you feel like your partner understands you sexually?

Research suggests that the more compatible you think you are with your partner, the more sexually satisfied you will be. The trouble with this research is that while researchers are trying to distinguish them, it’s unclear if “sexual compatibility” is just another term for sexual satisfaction.

From a non-research perspective, sexual compatibility can be a useful way of talking about your sex life as it allows you to separate out different aspects of sexuality (activities, thoughts, feelings) to consider how each of them individually and together impact your sexual health and happiness.

Sexual Dysfunction

Sexual dysfunction is a clinical term used by doctors and mental health professionals to refer to a specific problem with sexual response that causes personal distress. Sexual dysfunction is often used interchangeably with the term sexual disorder.

A sexual dysfunction or disorder is distinguished from a sexual problem, because a problem may not be bothering someone, whereas to qualify as a sexual dysfunction it must be causing you stress.

The ways that professionals define sexual dysfunction change over time, but most definitions relate to some aspect of human sexual response. There are four commonly used categories of sexual dysfunction, which include:

Sexual desire disorders. This category includes not enough desire, a significant difference in desire between you and your partner, and a complete aversion to sex. One example of a sexual desire dysfunction is hypoactive sexual desire disorder.

Arousal disorders. This category includes a lack of response to sexual stimulation both physically (for example, erectile dysfunction or lack of lubrication), and mentally (where one simply doesn’t feel aroused even when they want to and are sexually stimulated). More recently, a disorder called persistent genital arousal disorder has been identified where women experience too much arousal that isn't in response to stimulation they identify as sexual.

Orgasm disorders. This category includes orgasming and/or ejaculating "too soon" (premature ejaculation), as well as having difficulty reaching orgasm, or not experiencing orgasm at all.

Sexual pain disorders. Dyspareunia is the term for pain during sex. Pain may occur during or after sex, and may happen in response to arousal, to stimulation, or to orgasm. Both men and women report sexual pain disorders, but they are reported much more among women.

Also Known As: sexual disorder

Sexual Health

The “official” sexual health definition that get’s used most often was first adopted by the World Health Organization in 1975. In 2001 the WHO collaborated in a revision of the definition and in 2002 they began using the following “working definition”:

“Sexual health is a state of physical, emotional, mental and social well-being in relation to sexuality; it is not merely the absence of disease, dysfunction or infirmity. Sexual health requires a positive and respectful approach to sexuality and sexual relationships, as well as the possibility of having pleasurable and safe sexual experiences, free of coercion, discrimination and violence. For sexual health to be attained and maintained, the sexual rights of all persons must be respected, protected and fulfilled.”

There are a few interesting things to note about this definition. First, only the first sentence actually describes what sexual health is. The rest of the definition describes the conditions required for sexual health to exist. Second, the definition relies entirely on how one defines sexuality. Finally, on their site the WHO notes that this is not an official position, just a working definition.

While this definition has been critiqued the benefit of it is that it arguably offers the broadest starting point for any conversation about sexual health. It certainly doesn’t include all aspects of what we might think of as sexual health, but neither does it actively exclude them.

Sexual Identity

Sexual identity includes more than who we have sex with, and what kind of sex we have. It’s a broader idea referring to the ways we define ourselves sexually. Our sexual identity also may incorporate who we look to for emotional and intimate love and support, and who we identify with in terms of desire, lifestyle, politics and more. Sexual identity is something we define for ourselves not based solely on sexual desires, but on how we understand ourselves in relation to others and the world.

Sexual identity and sexual orientation are often used interchangeably (and people confuse both with sexual behaviors). But sometimes it’s useful to separate them as a way of understanding the diversity of human sexual expression.

Take for example men who are in long-term relationships with women and occasionally has anonymous sex with men. Many men who do this would never identify themselves as gay or bisexual. They identify as heterosexual. We might say they just don’t “know themselves.” But ultimately there’s no way for us to know this better than they do and the truth is that some men identify themselves strongly as heterosexual AND sometime enjoy having sex with other men.

Sexual identities include gay, straight, lesbian, bisexual, queer, kinky, and others. There isn’t a right or wrong way to think about sexual identity. There are no single definitions for any of these identities, and the point isn’t so much to pick one and stick with it, as it is to use these labels as a way of feeling out your own sense of yourself and how you want to be in the world. When sexual identity is used to help you define yourself on your own terms it can be a great concept. If the idea of sexual identity becomes just another box that you trap yourself or others in, it becomes a concept that can do more harm than good.

Sexual Intimacy

Unsurprisingly, how sexual intimacy is defined depends largely on who is defining it. There are academic, neatly compartmentalized definitions, like this one from psychology, which describes sexual intimacy as:

“the level of commitment and positive affective, cognitive and physical closeness one experiences with a partner in a reciprocal (although not necessarily symmetrical) relationship.”
Most definitions of sexual intimacy include feelings (feeling close, feeling safe, feeling loved) as well as behaviors (being able to share personal feelings and stories, being physically close). Many include spiritual or quasi-spiritual concepts (the blurring of subjective boundaries between two people, the idea of two people becoming one).

Despite not having a very clear or generally agreed upon definition of sexual intimacy, researchers, therapists, and relationship experts alike commonly describe sexual intimacy as the “glue” that keeps relationships together. Sex is valued for the particular kind of intimacy it can engender in a couple, and as such sexual intimacy is, supposedly, necessary for the success of long-term relationships.

Because sexual intimacy is a subjective internal experience and because it’s an experience that requires at least two individuals, coming up with a single static definition seems pointless. If you crave more sexual intimacy perhaps the best place to start would be with how you have experienced sexual intimacy so far in your life, and what you imagine you want more of. Define sexual intimacy for yourself, and then define it together with the partner (or partners) you’re hoping to experience it with.

Sexual Orientation

Definitions of sexual orientation depend in part on who, and when, you ask. For most of our history sexual orientation didn’t exist as it does today. People talked about and were identified by which sexual behaviors they engaged in, not who they did them with.

Today the common definition of sexual orientation is a medical one and refers to the direction of your sexual interests. If you are primarily attracted to people of the same gender you're considered gay or lesbian; if you're primarily attracted to people of an opposite gender you’re straight or heterosexual. If your attraction is to two genders you are considered bisexual.

Recently activists and a few researchers have proposed a new orientation, asexual.

Some researchers argue that sexual orientation is an either/or proposition, meaning most of us fit into one category or another. Others believe that orientation is on a continuum, that our sexual interests are varied and may not always be pointed in one direction.

Of course individuals rarely fit neatly into categories like these, and there are problems with this conception of sexual orientation. For starters, there aren’t only two genders to choose from. People identify themselves as transsexual or transgender, some people feel there is no single gender term or identity that fully describes how they feel and what they do in the world. The medical definition doesn’t provide flexibility for that. Also, there are people who are strongly attracted to one gender, but sometimes like to have sex with people of another gender.

Sexual orientation may be helpful to think about, but from a sexual health perspective it’s less important to be one orientation or another than it is to be having sex, and sexual relationships that are by choice and with the people you want to be with.

Also Known As: sexual preference.

Sexual Problem

It might seem strange, but the definition of a sexual problem depends on who you're talking to. This is important to understand because when you read about a study that says that 43% of women have sexual problems, it may not mean what you think it does.

The broadest definition of a sexual problem is something that gets in the way of you enjoying sex. If we only had sex by ourselves defining sexual problems would be easier. But add a partner and all of the sudden figuring out who decides when something is a problem and what it is, becomes much more complicated.

If you ask a sex therapist about what constitutes a sexual problem they would agree with the above definition but would emphasize that whatever is happening isn't just puzzling to you but is causing you distress. They would likely also include problems in relationships as sex problems. So, for example, you may be perfectly happy having sex once a year, but if you're partner wants it once a week, then as a couple, you've got a sex problem.

And then there is the world of sex research. In sex research a sexual problem isn't necessarily something that an individual cares about at all. Researchers often choose fixed definitions to measure who has sexual problems. So, for example, if you never have an orgasm, even if you don't mind, you'd be classified as having a sexual problem. If you rarely want to have sex, even if you're perfectly happy, researchers would count you as having a sexual problem.

So as far as sex researchers are concerned, whether you think you have a problem or not, if you fit certain criteria, you've got a sexual problem.

Sexual Surrogates

A sexual surrogate is someone who works with a sex therapist to provide a hands-on adjunct to traditional “talk therapy.” Sexual surrogates work with clients on sexual communication, social skills, and sexual touching. Sexual surrogates usually distinguish what they do from sex work although, with the exception of California, the law does not make a distinction. One significant distinction between a sexual surrogate and a sex worker is that surrogates work as part of a team with a sex therapist and client.

Anyone may call himself a sexual surrogate and while training programs are available, surrogates may or may not be trained. The practice never fully caught on, and reached its peak in the 1970s and 1980s. It has almost completely disappeared but a few dozen surrogates continue to work with therapists and advertise their services online. While training is no guarantee of professionalism, it is always recommended that a surrogate only be used when referred by a registered sex therapist and preferably when he has received surrogate training.

Small p***s Syndrome

The term small p***s syndrome has been proposed to describe men who have excessive anxiety about the size of their p***s and who have a clinically average sized p***s. Individuals who have been diagnosed with a micropenis would not be considered to have small p***s syndrome.

The researchers who first coined small p***s syndrome suggest that it could be part of obsessive thinking, body dysmporphic disorder , or a larger psychosis.

They propose that psychological or counseling treatment should be the first course of action, with medications and surgery offering a less attractive option given the fact that there is nothing anatomically or clinically wrong with the p***s.

Small p***s syndrome is a new term, and one that would require a lot more research before being accepted. What is promising though is the focus on psychological and social interventions over pharmaceutical and surgical ones.

Also Known As: Penile Dysmorphophobia

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OMG that took forever. =3=