A journal that my mom can't read... but you can post in!!

[X_xSin Falconx_X]

So... Yeah, this has basically been created because my mom has a habit of going through my journals and writings, and it's annoying to say the least. I mean, my journal is where all the s**t that I don't want staying in my head goes. All the garbage that I have cluttering up that space up there. I think it's healthy, my mom thinks it's insane. That's okay though. I think she'd feel better if she'd write stuff down. I love her, though, I really do. heart

So... These are my ramblings and mental poop. Enjoy!  

[X_xSin Falconx_X]

Okay.. I have a couple things to post that I don't want my mom to see.

First of all, Yesterday/very early this morning was amazing and I never wanted it to end. Of course, it had to, with my mom calling me every half hour once it hit 3am... but still.... >.> I just wish I didn't get so many suspicious-looking bruises. I never thought a tickle fight could turn so violent. Funny thing is, though, I came off with fewer injuries... I'm pretty sure I dislocated several of my... erm... 'opponent's' fingers. But yeah... I have a couple fingerprints embedded in my arms. And one foot. I don't mind, though. Like I said, I had fun. And mom, I'm not a whore, and I do respect myself. Nothing dirty was going on... he's not like that. And night is like day to him, since he's always stuck working close...

Second of all, I can't wait for NYC tomorrow, but my mom still doesn't know anything about it, so.... I might have to run away for a couple days. Well, technically, I wouldn't really be running away, since I'm 18, but still... I don't like the fact that I'd disappear for a couple days and not have her know where I am. I might just leave out the door and go 'btw, mom, I'm leaving for NYC for a couple days, make sure to feed the cat while I'm gone!' lol I'm nervous though. But if she wasn't always sleeping, maybe I would've talked to her already.  

[X_xSin Falconx_X]

Alrighty then...

NYC was amazing. My mom and I had an argument that went something like this: "Remember that NYC trip I told you about? It's today..."

"No. Come home so we can yell about this."

"I'm supposed to be leaving straight from school. But I can come home if you want..."

*no answer*

So... I took that as a "yes" and proceeded to go on an amazing trip (I was ok'ed by all my teachers). I'm not gonna go into details, but we did get stuck in an elevator in the Empire State Building.

So now I'm in deep dog s**t (kinda), but my mom's pretending like nothing happened, just throwing in snide remarks here and there, and bringing up my 18th birthday... Trust me... You don't want to know. It involved me running off again, just to a different place.

It's gonna be a long day tomorrow. I've got 4 hours of rehearsal every saturday, and then I'm gonna try and hang out with... let's call him M tomorrow. I dunno how that's gonna work. I already got in trouble for walking in at 4am last time... But nothing bad happened... like I said... We just had a very violent tickle fight. And I got shot repeatedly with a Nerf gun... >.> M's little brother is so adorable. He's one of those short, round freshmen who look like they're 10.

So, I think I'm going to stop ignoring M now, and go back to chat with him. Hopefully something will figure itself out!  

[.Vindicated.Of.Sanity.]

About your first post...
Screw what she thinks. I think writing, journalling, blogging, is all very therapeutic. You need some sort of outlet, or all that junk can come out in bad ways.
Ugh, I totally understand. I can't stand my mom, or anyone, reading my stuff without my knowledge or permission. If it's on the internet, I don't really care, but if it's like... paper form, I freak out. I get nervous even handing in essays, haha.

Haha!! I love tickle fights! XD I've never had specifically /violent/ ones, but that sounds fun, lol. You should explain this M character a little more~ Who is he? Like, in relation to you? n.n
Ahh, New York sounds like it was fantastic! I'm glad you had a good time! (:
As for your mom freaking out about you not being home... you're 18, you're pretty much an adult now. It's hard for her to let go, I understand that, but still, she should realize that you need to go off and spread your wings a little, now, while you're still young n.n;; Hopefully she'll lighten up a little bit. I know how much it sucks to have your mom mad at you when you're living with her...

 

[X_xSin Falconx_X]

M? He's the guy I like... the one who I went to see Alice in Wonderland with when my bff got all pissy.

Don't wanna sound like a creeper, but tickle fights are excellent ways to molest people without them being aware... wink Not that I'd molest anyone if they didn't want me to... >.>

M's pretty amazing actually. He's not the best-looking guy in the world, but that's never mattered much to me. The really weird thing is that it's like having a duplicate of myself around, just the opposite gender. We run into problems when he thinks he's the most awesomest person alive... because I feel the same way about myself and state it quite a lot. We just had our first kiss a couple days ago because of this, actually... I kissed him to make him shut up and stop arguing with me. It worked.... >.>

So... The latest news... Me, M, and a couple other friends are going to T's (my ex and one of my bestest friends) dad's lake house tomorrow. It should be fun. We're all pretty responsible, and we don't drink or do anything stupid like that, so I'm sure that what usually happens whe you leave a bunch of 18-19 yr olds unaccompanied won't happen. No drunken parties or anything. It'll be great, though. We're bringing a whole shitload of food. I like food... If M doesn't eat it all... Like me, he eats, and eats, and eats, and never gains a pound. smile

I don't usually have a problem with essays and such, only because I get to proofread those, and take out all the extra garbage. Journalling, though, is like taking out the garbage in my mind. Like when I call my mom a b***h in my journals... it's because that's what I feel at that moment, and what I want to get rid of. When I don't journal, I'm lik 10 times more likely to cut. Something I recently got myself out of, and something I really don't want to get back into. It's been 2 1/2 months since I last cut at all. Last time I quit long-term, I held out for 8 months before I relapsed.... But I think I had a very good reason for relapsing... Y'know... having been homeless and all...

Hmmm... Usually when I write, my thoughts are much more together than this. I'm kinda bouncing all over the place right now... lol Probably a sign I should go to bed, but I have to get up for school in 10min anyway. Another sleepless night... -.-  

[X_xSin Falconx_X]

So... What's up world?

Plans for this weekend didn't work out quite as planned. It was too cold to stay at the lake overnight, so we made it a day trip sort of thing on Saturday. I haven't been home all weekend because, well, I really don't want to go home. I'm at my friend T's house now. My mom was bitching at me to come home at 6... Now it's midnight... There's not really much of a point to me going home now.. I doubt I'd even be able to get in. I'm going to school tomorrow. It's not like I'm not pretty responsible. I'd just have to borrow paper from somebody because my clothes are in my backpack, instead of my notebooks.

So... I'm trying to get myself kicked out of my house... is that a bad thing? It's not like I actually have a house to get kicked out of. We live in a motel room. I don't think my mom can blame me for leaving all the time. I have a life... omgwtfbbq....

I'm tired, but I really want to talk to M, so I'm not sleeping. Plus, I want to give T a few hours alone with his gf (who lives with him). I can hear the bed creaking as I type... >.> Awkward turtle.... lol

I hate myself for it, but I kinda miss M. We were together all weekend, like non-stop, but he had to go home.  

[XHarmony_The_KH_LoverX]

My god...if anyone read my diary, no one would look at me the same way again.