♫Yue㊊𝕬𝖎爱𝕱eng㊊
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"You're such a nice person!"
People tell me this a lot. Thing is, I don't feel like a nice person, especially right now.
I have three friends I hang out with the most, Orii, Matt and Possum. I was getting really stressed out, and there wasn't really much... you, know, I just couldn't take being in a relationship, so I broke up with my then-boyfriend. After that, Possum goes out and basically tells me that he likes me! Matt was helping him, right out telling me, which was a bit... weird. Anyways, eventually, Possum told me from his Gaia that he loves me! Once I saw that, I just broke down. I don't like Possum that way, and I've told him that I only think of him as an older brother! He's actually very childish, but that's beside the point.
Anyways, I just got really confused, and I don't want to hurt him. He pretty much avoided me for four days after I told him, but he bounced right back on me, as if I didn't say anything. He even went as far as to say that he'd go for incest! He pretty much follows me everywhere I go, now, and it's getting creepy. I turn around, there he is. I get my books, he took one and is in my classroom. I get a computer, he's sitting in my chair! It's kind of scary. What am I going to do about him?
Then there's James. I really admire him. Unfortunately, he hates me. Well, I'm not sure about James, but his twin sure hates me. I asked Jonathan, and everything. James just ignores me, no matter what. If I'm asking him if he's playing in a piano recital, or just wondering how he is, we won't say a word. He's really smart, and I think he's very prettygood looking. I usually like boys with a girlish appearance, but he's an exception. He's really good at sports, and get's all the really good marks. James has been in math enrichment for the past two years. Also, James is quite nice, and really quiet. He gave me goals and my own stable personality. You know, like he inspired this kind of person that I am instead of being the lifeless doll I was before. I've known him for about three years now. I'm trailing off, aren't I? My point is: I think I might be developing feeling for him. I know he doesn't enjoy being around me, though. I have no idea what he thinks of me. I don't know anything about guys, my ex had to ask someone else to ask me to go out with him! I really don't like myself, and he says that I annoy him, so I want to stop talking to him (he doesn't talk to me... a lot) but I just can't. I have to put a major restraint (my friends) to distract me from him. It's a good thing we aren't in the same class anymore! I really like him, but I can't tell him, because of past problems (people use to always say that I like James in a romantic sense before I started dating Zack). He's been ignoring anything I do or say to him for a while now... Another one of my classmates/friend of James says that James is ignoring me because he loves me, but I can't trust that. That person is known to lie to me quite a bit, but this really got me confused. I mean, Jon (James's brother) won't tell me anything. All he said was 'I don't know,' but I'm really confused about this right now.
Maybe I'm just being too scared?
Then there's my ex, who's name is Zak. He's super nice, even if he failed a grade. He really made me happy, and everything! We had lots of fun, even if people were asking if we were still going out since we never really did anything besides hold hands and hug, and dance... and I maybe have kissed his cheek a few times. Anyways!! Him and Possum use to have a rivalry. Why? I didn't know until recently. Apparently, Xavier liked me way from last year, which is weird, because we never really chatted last year. Zak would tell me these amazing stories about games and stuff that he's play with his friends, and I just loved listening to him. He's in the band with me, so I still see him every week and give him a big hug. Then, all of a sudden, one of his class mates tells me that he might ask me out again (she's in my dance class). Automatically, she assumes I still like him. We were only like really close friends... I guess I just gave myself a shock. I don't want to hurt him, I really just want to stay alone and sort myself out. Fortunately, he hasn't asked me anything, and I hope it stays that way. What if he does, though? I think I'd die just a little on the insides, just like when I broke up with him...
What do you guys think I should do? All my friends whom are female are either not interested in guys yet (they haven't hit that stage) or are too boyish to discuss this kind of thing. If you're wondering, I hang out with the 'outcast' or 'weird' group, as they put it. Because of that, I never speak to any of the 'popular' girls at my school. I don't mind, they're all mean to my friends and myself, but it would be nice to have someone I could talk to about this stuff...
