Okay. So I'm not your typical girl. I'm hyper. A spaz, even. I enjoy running around and randomly invading people's personal space, preferably glomping them. What can I say? I'm just very affectionate with people. I love life, and I like to share that love with others. If they ask me to stop, I will, & I won't be hurt or anything as long as they're up-front about it. I'm loud. And hyper. And very, very random. I have several friends who all love me for who I am. I've been loud & hyper & random & glomping them from the get-go, and they've all seemed to become friends with me because of it.
So. There's this guy that I've had a crush on for 3.5 years now. He's amazing. I've been keeping my eyes peeled for any other guy who might measure up to his level of amazingness, but haven't found anyone. After three stinkin' years, he's still the best I've found.
He's crazy and happy and affectionate and random like me. He's also a chick-magnet, so-to-speak. I don't know if any of the zillions of girls that flirt & talk with him all the time actually have a crush on him or not, but still. I hate competition, and the fact that they're all skinny & I'm not doesn't do much for the self-esteem.
Anyways. So he just came home mid last week after being out of the country for two years. I saw him for the first time today since he left, and I nearly lost it. I literally dive-bombed my best friend to stop myself from running up to him screaming & glomp-tackling him like a mindless fangirl. (It was pretty funny. And very pathetic. xd )
I was really scared to talk to him because I was afraid that I’d sound like a complete idiot, so after getting a hug from him, I somewhat-kinda-tried to avoid him for the rest of the day. My mom’s been telling me for years to not act “too crazy” around him because I might “scare him off”. And, when I came home today all shaken up & nervous/excited/worried about his arrival home & what might become of it, she (in trying to help me, bless her heart) started going off on the same topic.
Well, you know what? I’M SICK OF IT!
I am SO FLIPPIN’ TIRED of being told to change the way I act just for this one guy because I might “scare him off”. I’ve been a nervous wreck around him for years because I’m afraid I’ll mess up & “scare him away”. You know what? I didn’t scare ANY of my friends away by acting this way. They all love me, even though I’m loud, hyper, random, etc. If this guy I like is “scared off” by the way I act, well, too bad. I’m to the point now where I don’t even care anymore. If he’s really the guy I think he is, I’ll be able to act completely and entirely like myself, and he won’t care. I mean, who knows? He might actually like me because of that. This doesn’t change the fact that I still have a major crush on him, it just means that I’m going to go out on a limb, take a huge risk, and am going to go about this a completely different way.
I love you, mom, but I’m sorry. I have to follow my heart on this.
So that’s my rant. Comments/advice? Please? Kthx.
