He enjoys going to stripclubs and...

[Jenitorturer]

.. it bothers me.. A LOT.

[I HAVE A SHITLOAD OF ISSUES SO THIS MAY LOOK LIKE A WALL OF TEXT,SRY.]

Okay, so.. my boyfriend and I have known each other for about a year and a half, we've been together for awhile now..

I love him to death, but I don't quite know how to explain my .. situation to him.

You see, he frequents stripclubs with his buddies and I didn't mind it at first, because I know that he's a responsible adult, and he's hardworking and he needs a place to kick back and relax, which is also the reason why he hangs out in bars from time to time.

But as the months/weeks passed, horrible thoughts began to invade my mind.

I know what goes on inside of stripclubs and it pisses me off. It makes me feel inferior that he comes back, telling me what a wonderful and fun experience it is to be surrounded by "hot girls." It really hurts to hear him talk about other women this way, because it makes me feel as if I'm not good enough and not enough to get him aroused, because on several occasions, he'd talk about how horny he was after seeing certain dancers perform on stage.

To make things worse, he keeps pushing the idea of buying me a lapdance from a really hot chick whenever I'm in the area. (He lives about two hours from me.) I keep telling him I'm not interested because I hate places like that, particularly because it's a PTSD trigger for me, and he knows it too..and yet I feel like he's pressuring me into going to this place with him..

I feel really bad, but I don't want to come off as too controlling/clingy/jealous. I just want to tell him that I don't feel comfortable with him going to a place like that, and I don't want to ever go to a strip club, because I HATE IT. I HATE HATE HATE IT. I digress in telling you ladies the full story behind why I truly despise gentlemen's clubs , porn & escort services....

He also had the nerve to ask me for a threesome with another woman. I'm not the jealous type. It might seem like it, but I really just want.. my boyfriend..

I don't have the greatest body in the world.. My breasts aren't big enough to fill a bra, I'm basically flatchested, I don't have a succulent butt, and sometimes I feel like I'm an easy slut because I give into the sexual demands of guys way too effortlessly.

And at this point, I think I'm being too easy with my boyfriend because I keep getting sexual with him without him initiating it and he never stops me, which makes me feel horrible, but at the same time.. I.. enjoy that.

So to sum it up, I have a barrage of issues here.. I feel like I'm not good enough, my boyfriend tells me I'm sexy and I'm beautiful all the time, but he talks about other girls too and how attractive they are, and he knows it makes me feel bad, but he does it anyway.

I'm always thinking he's cheating on me when I dont hear from him immediately.. or if he's gone for a long period of time.. Or whenever he's out, even with his friends.

I don't want him to stop going out, and I don't want to limit anything he does in his life that makes him happy, because I know he's had it rough in the past and he deserves a break every now and then, but I can't bear it when I know what happens beyond closed doors in these joints.

It's okay for him to look at porn, and talk about celebrity sex fantasies, but to know he's around normal women, IN THE FLESH, and he gets turned on by them and openly talks about all of this when he knows it bothers the ******** out of me, is unacceptable.

But I can't go to these areas with him either.. I don't trust his friends.. I'm scared.. to trust him..

He's an extraordinarily amazing guy, but he just.. Sometimes he can be inconsiderate..


What should I do ?
I can't help that I feel what I feel despite him reassuring me that the stripclub he goes to is desexualized and you're not allowed to get too touchy-feeling with the performers/workers.

I just hate feeling like I can't trust him, also. And I don't want to feel like I'm being used for sex...I know he's not that type of guy.. but what if.. what if I just end up being hurt?

 

[Angel Nicholson]

My mother always told me love was a bullshit emotion that only fools and dreamers believed in...


You really need to talk to him about it. Tell him these things bother you and try to figure it out. If it bothers you that he's going to these stripclubs, he needs to stop it, or at least limit it.
I know you don't want to take these things away from him, but if he really loves you and wants to keep you, he'll stop. And I'm sorry to say, but if he doesn't, he's not really worth it, hun.
You need to do what's best for you.


...so she told me to be the fool with a dream...

 

[Jenitorturer]

Angel Nicholson

My mother always told me love was a bullshit emotion that only fools and dreamers believed in...


You really need to talk to him about it. Tell him these things bother you and try to figure it out. If it bothers you that he's going to these stripclubs, he needs to stop it, or at least limit it.
I know you don't want to take these things away from him, but if he really loves you and wants to keep you, he'll stop. And I'm sorry to say, but if he doesn't, he's not really worth it, hun.
You need to do what's best for you.


...so she told me to be the fool with a dream...

Yeah. You're right. I've never really been this scared to talk to anyone before. I'm afraid of losing him, but I suppose I have to do what's right, because I'm almost to my breaking point and I just can't stand feeling so shitty like this.

 

[glowkitty]

You don't sound clingy or jealous in the least. Honestly, you've been letting him get away with too much. Don't tell yourself that going to strip clubs is a way of relaxing or that he deserves it because he's had a rough past. Kicking back and relaxing is watching movies with friends, reading, napping, and hanging out with your girlfriend. There's a fine line between going to strip clubs and cheating, and you could easily argue that that line doesn't exist at all.

And I know it's scary to try and tell him that, but if you're in a relationship, it should be the best you can make it, not the best you can settle for.

 

[Angel Nicholson]

Jenitorturer

Angel Nicholson

My mother always told me love was a bullshit emotion that only fools and dreamers believed in...


You really need to talk to him about it. Tell him these things bother you and try to figure it out. If it bothers you that he's going to these stripclubs, he needs to stop it, or at least limit it.
I know you don't want to take these things away from him, but if he really loves you and wants to keep you, he'll stop. And I'm sorry to say, but if he doesn't, he's not really worth it, hun.
You need to do what's best for you.


...so she told me to be the fool with a dream...

Yeah. You're right. I've never really been this scared to talk to anyone before. I'm afraid of losing him, but I suppose I have to do what's right, because I'm almost to my breaking point and I just can't stand feeling so shitty like this.

The human heart feels things the eyes cannot see...



Well if he won't stop going to them and talking down to you, you deserve better. You're a beautiful girl and it's not right for you to have to put up with things like that.
Like The Queen of Lace said, there are other things to do to relax. There's no excuse for him to go to the strip clubs if he's got a girlfriend. A rough past has nothing to do with it. It's no excuse to go to strip clubs and whatnot, knowing it's hurting his girlfriend and put her down.
It is scary, but you'll do the right thing when you're ready to.


...and knows what the mind cannot understand.

 

[Blood Pop]

He sounds like a terrible boyfriend! If he's talking about things that make you uncomfortable, he's not worth it. If you tell him you DO NOT like him going to strip clubs and he doesn't stop... Then dear, he's not the one for you. :< And asking for a threesome?! That's just NOT right at all! If my boyfriend were like that, I'd dump his a** faster than he can blink! You're way to good for him since you're being so tolerant of his unacceptable behavior.

 

[Testicular Diabeetus]

While reading this i have concluded...
This is not a healthy relationship.
1. There isn't any trust.
2. He knows better than to bring up his fantasy's around you, he knows it bugs you.
3. It is a constant thing.
4. He keeps trying to make you go.

If he oggles women that often and constantly talks about it then it sounds like to me that he isn't truly in love with you. He keeps pressuring you and it doesn't bother him that he is hurting you.
Just because he has had a rough life does not mean he can teat you like s**t.
You deserve much better, just because you love him doesn't mean you should go through that abuse.
If he keeps pressuring you after you have told him you don't like those type places and he sees that it bugs you then yes that can be considered abuse.
I'm sure you are a very pretty girl.
3nodding
Don't sell yourself short.

Try to set boundaries with him.
Tell him that you want him to spend more time with you instead oggling other ladies. Tell him about your insecurities.
Let him KNOW when he buggs you or when he is hurting your feelings.
Don't let him get away with making you feel horrible about yourself.

Setting boundaries does not make you jealous or make you a b***h.
It will actually help, he will feel like he cant walk all over you and it will help your negative thoughts subside.
If he cant deal with your new rules the he isn't worth it and you should find a better man.
=)

 

[HuoXingC]

There's a difference between being a jealous girlfriend and wanting a committed partner. You're definitely not jealous--you're pretty easygoing and lenient like I am.

Was he already like this before you two started dating? If so, don't take it personally. If not, then evaluate the way he has changed and how the changes have effected your relationship. And as everyone else mentioned, talk it through with him. If he can't even take your words into consideration, it shows he just doesn't about you as much as you care about him.