Arguments Over Hair

[IEditYourWorld]

Hi all.

I have been married to my husband for two years now, and before we married we were together for a little over four years. In that time, I have always kept my hair short. Quite frankly, I just don't like messing with my hair. I'm a low maintenance woman, and I just like keeping things simple.

My husband hates my short hair. He has been trying now for years to convince me to grow my hair out. He has even turned to insulting my appearance on more than one occasion or embarrassing me in public about my appearance. He tells me that I look like a 12 year old boy and that it's a turn off. He also says that I cut my hair just to spite him and that I have psychological problems for wanting to keep my hair so short.

I don't like having my appearance mocked, but I also don't like messing with my hair. I work two jobs where I have to have something on my head (one a videography job which requires me to wear head phones and one a call center job which requires me to wear a phone head set) and I don't like those things pulling at my hair. I also just don't like messing with a bunch of hair in the morning, especially if I'm running late. I don't think it looks that bad, but apparently to him it does.

Is he seeing something I'm not?

I hate hair arguments.
IEditYourWorld  

[Stargazer Lily]

He married you with short hair, right? Insulting someone just to get your own way is not a nice way to play. He may need to be reminded why you were married in the first place.  

[ThisEmptySoul]

Personally, I find longer hair more attractive but I certainly get how impractical it could be. It is possible he might also just find longer hair in general more attractive and want to see you with long hair, but he's going about it completely wrong.

Something to keep in mind is that in a marriage, you're not just living for yourself anymore and sometimes you have to make compromises. Instead of just refusing because you think it would be inconvenient, have you tried negotiating for something you would like to see him do? For instance: "If I agree to grow my hair out, then you have to dress nicer" or something. Just be sure to think of terms that would be fair and not make outrageous demands that you know he could not possibly ever fulfill.

If you find something equal to you growing out your hair and he refuses to agree to such terms, just wanting you to grow out your hair with nothing done on his part, then ask how growing your hair is going to benefit you in any way. You could also always turn his own insults back on him, saying that if he thinks you look like a 12 year old boy, then he must be a ***** for marrying you. Of course, depending on the delivery and your husband's personality, that might also be a bad idea.... I'd personally find it hilarious, though.

Quite frankly, if you want to use having to wear headgear for your jobs as an excuse to not grow your hair out, that's a pretty weak argument. The problem is solved simply by tying your hair back, which only takes a few seconds. And unless you're growing it out to your hindquarters, brushing shouldn't take that long either. In other words, you can still be "low maintenance" and have what some would consider a more "feminine" length of hair. It's better to just admit that you like the shorter hair for looks or simply because you're so accustomed to keeping it short than to throw out easily defeated excuses to not grow out your hair. Excuses may lead one to believe that those reasons are all that are holding you back and that once they are defeated, you will grow out your hair. Refusal to do so after the argument has been defeated could lead to someone imagining their own reasons for you since you did not give them the real reasons in the first place, so they will have a harder time believing whatever reason you give them after that.

Of course, in the grand scheme of things, hair is a very small issue that shouldn't be something to fight about and throw insults around for. While it may seem ridiculous for him to be making such a big deal over it since it is just hair, for you to be so vehemently against it shows that you are making just as big of a deal. In time, if it hasn't already happened, the argument may become less about hair and more about, "Who's going to get their own way?"  

[Pink Fregia]

Have you thought about a wig?  

[lady ayami chan]

I'll toss the other side of the coin out there just for you to get another perspective perhaps. See this from a different angle. I'm the one who needs to nag at my husband to cut his long curly hair when it grows into a mullet stressed He says he likes when it curls and gets longer but he doesn't see that it's a mullet! I know how rough people can be on appearances and in his job, unfortunately, he deals with a very impressionable and critical age group stare so his appearance in fact DOES matter. - that is just my flip side life example, he usually in the end comes to see what I mean and complies blaugh

On another note - I am super low maintenance with my hair and have had it every lengths shade and style. Would knowing some ways to do your hair if it's longer that are just as quick an easy be an option for you? If so sometimes just the right cut or thinning technique can make your hair out of bed wearable. Trust me I do it every day 3nodding If that is really the only obstacle in your way there are absolutely ways to do that.
I in fact find it more maintenance to keep my hair short because it needs to be cut more often. Sometimes my hair will get down to my hind quarters before I get the incentive to mess with it. I'm super hair lazy unless i'm bored rofl  

[Liada Trovaras]

Coming from a girl with semi long hair I know what you mean. I had my hair pretty damn long at one point since it was a pain to manage and I would keep getting my hair caught underneath me when I sleep. I've also done the short hair thing and I've been told it tends to make my face look a little rounder. So I've kept my hair a semi-shoulder length and its been pretty good all around. I don't do anything major with it other than pulling it back and that's all it really needs.

I also like TES's idea about making comprimises. If your husband is so bent on your hair then tell him he needs to do something himself that either bugs you about his appearance or maybe one of his habits like nail biting or something. He's being a d**k for throwing insults at you over hair but if you've been married for 4 years there must be something that can be worked out.  

[iwillkillthee]

lady ayami chan

I'll toss the other side of the coin out there just for you to get another perspective perhaps. See this from a different angle. I'm the one who needs to nag at my husband to cut his long curly hair when it grows into a mullet stressed He says he likes when it curls and gets longer but he doesn't see that it's a mullet! I know how rough people can be on appearances and in his job, unfortunately, he deals with a very impressionable and critical age group stare so his appearance in fact DOES matter. - that is just my flip side life example, he usually in the end comes to see what I mean and complies blaugh

On another note - I am super low maintenance with my hair and have had it every lengths shade and style. Would knowing some ways to do your hair if it's longer that are just as quick an easy be an option for you? If so sometimes just the right cut or thinning technique can make your hair out of bed wearable. Trust me I do it every day 3nodding If that is really the only obstacle in your way there are absolutely ways to do that.
I in fact find it more maintenance to keep my hair short because it needs to be cut more often. Sometimes my hair will get down to my hind quarters before I get the incentive to mess with it. I'm super hair lazy unless i'm bored rofl

your husband has a mullet eek  

[Arashi V6 Dream]

It seems kind of late to be concerned with the length of your hair... I feel like there maybe a deeper problem than just your hair length =/

As for hair length. I LOVE short hair! I have curly hair, and no matter how long it is it appears short >_<; When I straighten it I prefer short hair since it takes less time. However, I like how it looks long... It's just a pain. I don't blame you for wanting to keep it short! And 12 year old boys can be cute! :p  

[lady ayami chan]

iwillkillthee

lady ayami chan

I'll toss the other side of the coin out there just for you to get another perspective perhaps. See this from a different angle. I'm the one who needs to nag at my husband to cut his long curly hair when it grows into a mullet stressed He says he likes when it curls and gets longer but he doesn't see that it's a mullet! I know how rough people can be on appearances and in his job, unfortunately, he deals with a very impressionable and critical age group stare so his appearance in fact DOES matter. - that is just my flip side life example, he usually in the end comes to see what I mean and complies blaugh

On another note - I am super low maintenance with my hair and have had it every lengths shade and style. Would knowing some ways to do your hair if it's longer that are just as quick an easy be an option for you? If so sometimes just the right cut or thinning technique can make your hair out of bed wearable. Trust me I do it every day 3nodding If that is really the only obstacle in your way there are absolutely ways to do that.
I in fact find it more maintenance to keep my hair short because it needs to be cut more often. Sometimes my hair will get down to my hind quarters before I get the incentive to mess with it. I'm super hair lazy unless i'm bored rofl

your husband has a mullet eek

rofl
Nooooo I keep him from getting one!
When it starts to look like one I freak out on him.
the back of his hair grows more quickly that the front and sides wink  

[xena91388]

I say, next time he insults your looks, INSULT HIS! scream Seriously, call him fat or something, say he has a beer belly/looks like a geek/whines like a girl/ect. . .

I actually have long hair (past my waist) and it is very high maintenance to look good. Washing it takes several minutes, drying takes forever, styling even longer, has to be "moved out the way" when going to the bathroom, kills vacuum cleaners when shed, the tips need moisturizer while the roots are too oily, the only quick styles are ponytail or headband, covers all the cute/funny logos and designs on the backs shirts and jackets, AND PEOPLE ALWAYS WANT TO FREAKING TOUCH IT! EVEN RANDOM STRANGERS IN THE STREET! gonk I HATE anyone not me touching my hair in any way!

When I do cut it every now and then, I donate. 3nodding

*sigh* but for all it's problems, I love my long hair whee It's like my little baby or pet bonsai lol. rofl

How short is your hair btw?

If you can pull of the short hair look go for it!  

[Kitty]

Would it be to forward to ask for a pic, to get an idea of what we are dealing with? I think with the right style short hare can look VERY feminine. Just look at Haley Berry, Meg Ryan, and Victoria Beckham to name just a few.


While I'm not a professional hair stylist, I do love hair! I'm actually of the opposite mind of you. I don't want short hair because I'm afraid it will make my face look fat. I constant get baraged that I should shorten mine.(it's mid back) and I refuse to do so for fear that I will hate it! Although I think part of it is i have no style to my hair and I need something other than just straight.

I also agree with what arashi said, I believe there is a deeper problem here.  

[Sakura_Moonlight2421]

There is also the option of having hair extensions that you can take off later. Beside using the excuse of having to wear some variations of head gear is quite weak period. My mom's friend has hair that reaches her bum but she enjoys it. She works in places that deals with food but having long hair doesn't stop her from pulling it back into a neat bun.