I had an interesting night...

[Silas Parrish]

...no trolling, no rickrolls, no garden-path stories. I promise. Just an IRL story I had to share. 100% true! I swear it on Ty's life. Enjoy!

Tonight was pretty normal to start with...I got off work about five minutes early, drove home, and got on the computer ('cause I sure as hell wasn't gonna sleep tonight.) Oh, have I mentioned that we were almost robbed by a highly organized team of frauds, posing as security system salesmen? No? Well, remember that that happened to me, it's important to the story.

So anyway, I'm browsing Gaia and FunnyJunk, when suddenly I hear a noise outside. Sounded like a meaty fist slam into a car door. It sounded close, like right outside my window. I hear it again, confirming that it isn't my imagination. So I let my highly energetic dog out to investigate. (She's got good eyes, a good nose, and really good ears. If there was someone out there, she'd find them first)

I followed her closely, Yamato in my hand, raised to shoulder level with the razor-edge out, ready to strike. I see nothing, but my dog comes barreling past me and runs into the house, standing at the porch and barking, but not coming any closer. Her "I'm a big scary guard dog" facade has vanished. Now she's just a terrified puppy.

Someone is out here! I thought, panicked. I tightened my grip on my trusty sword, and wandered out into the yard, right about where my dog vanished before I saw her running scared to the house. My parents have been awakened, and are several feet behind me. Mom's got her phone, ready to dial 911. Dad's standing close by, positioned like a boxer, fists at the ready, in case my initial attack were to fail.

I round the corner of the house, hissing to my dog to be quiet as I sneak past our cedar trees. There, hiding in the shadows spilling from the trees, uncomfortably close to our cars, was the heavy frame of a man. A man much bigger than me.

At this point, my primal instincts have taken complete control. My practical, firm, and safe iaido-style grip on the sword was loosened. I one-handedly held the weapon high above my head, poised to slash across his chest if he made a move. I squared my shoulders, planted my feet, and straightened my back, hoping to make myself look as intimidating as possible.

My opponent's head cocked as he eyed the whole 38 inches of glinting 440 steel. He threw his hands across his face preemptively, and took a step back. Encouraged, I lowered the weapon and changed my stance to a much more viable form, since my reason was then overpowering the pulsing adrenaline-doped blood pounding in my head.

"Who's there?" I called aloud, the sword still ready. No answer.
"I said, who is that!?" Finally, the man threw up his hands in submissive gesture, and backed away again.

"It's me! It's Cody!" he said in a panic. Cody. It was Cody. A friend of mine; infamous for his pranklust. He had intended to do something to our cars while we slept. While I am eternally a big fan of teh lulz...this was going too far. I did not lower my weapon, but I allowed my tensed arms and legs to relax a little.

"What the <********> are you doing!?" I screamed. The word stung my throat on the way out. It's not a word I like, and it's not a word I use. But it came flying out before I knew it. My parents were quite understanding, and did not call me out on account of my foul tongue. I didn't wait for his answer. Instead, I gestured to the road with the tip of Yamato, enjoying the sheen that the nearly-full moon gave the blade.

"Go. Get outta here, man." It was all I could say. I turned my back on him and walked back into the house. I began to make kool-aid while my parents yelled at him. Next time, I'm just calling the cops. This is not the first time this has happened.


Whelp, that's my story. Discuss. 3nodding  

[Frog Apocalypse]

I lol'd when you said it was Cody.
though it does sound a bit made-up from the detail you put into it.  

[Orcus Fieres]

No blade stings worse than the lashing of a parent words. Cody got powned, bro. Good job on countertrolling too.  

[Silas Parrish]

Yup, it was great. God, I love having stories to tell. This one is 100% Whole grain, grade A, certified truth, though.  

[Ty Gwynnia]

Yay, my life's important enough to somebody to wager! =D

How could your attack of a sharp, shiny sword fail? Well, unless they were an intruder and had a gun.  

[Mr_BlueCamo]

hehe Cody still living in the good old days  

[Silas Parrish]

Well, I was thinking he might have had a gun, so I was gonna try to cut him one good time to catch him off guard, then I was gonna tackle him and get the gun if I could.