Should I say something?

[Nexus Carbuncle]

So, my girlfriend and a friend of hers have gone to Canada for a week. They're going to Montreal and then Toronto. Since we just got back from New York City, a week ago, she doesn't want to have to pay for a hotel. So, she's staying with a relative in Toronto, but a guy friend in Montreal. A very specific guy friend.

My girlfriend has always had a guy best friend.

A week before we'd been dating for a year, the one who's hosting her now, said friend, drops the ball, he likes her too, and has always liked her, and, get this, doesn't think I'm good enough for her, and that I'm a bad person, and such. So, she's confused, figures she likes him, too, dumps me. They never get together, he gets impatient, tells her he never liked her, and made a mistake, runs off to Canada (he's a dual citizen, and has family there), breaking her heart.

This guy was also supposed to be my best friend. Yep. My best friend was a backstabber.

So, anywho, she's staying with him, albeit with a friend, now that she has (and not at all I have), forgiven him. Should I tell her I'm not comfortable with her staying with the guy who essentially ruined our relationship? Should I tell her I'm not cool with this at all? Is she, y'know, dumb for still trusting him?

 

[Violette PureHeart]

I think....
That if you do decide to tell her how you feel, you do it rationally. Don't raise your voice, try not to start an argument, even if she gets upset. Because, yes. You do not like the idea at all, but as long as you stay calm about it, things should go over well.


But in the end, it really is her choice. And what happens happens.



One question, though. Why aren't you cool with it exactly? I mean, I totally see where you're coming from. I would feel the same way....You told us what happened between you guys, but that isn't necessarily why you want to say the things you do....

For me, it comes to a question of "Am I afraid of her cheating on me or am I afraid of him trying to seduce her?" ....She's your girlfriend. She's going to ask you why. You might as well have some sort of answer to give her. <.< Otherwise it will turn into an argument. (I don't know your girlfriend....I'm kinda generalizing right now...)


So yeah. I don't know if I help at all. Just my two cents.  

[comfylove]

Hate to say it, but you're kinda dumb for getting back with her. confused
If this is the same girl that you wrote about a couple months ago and how she broke up with you. I am assuming so since you've been dating a year, and this wasn't over a year ago.

So yeah. neutral He didn't ruin your relationship. She did. She could have told him to gtfo, but it doesn't sound like she did.  

[Undead Honey Cake]

I think you should talk to her about it. Just be very careful to not sound like your telling her what to do, just explain how you feel.  

[PainfullyVivid]

I think that if it's bothering you this much, then you should say something. As Vi said, though, try to say it in a non-confrontational manner. However, it might cause a fight regardless depending on how your girlfriend views the whole previous event. If she gets defensive, you might want to explain that your feelings of wariness about her staying with the guy that she left you for is completely valid.

But at the same time, you taking her back says that you forgave her and want to work on trusting her again, so it's a little iffy on whether you need to make a big deal about this if you want to continue a relationship with her. If you can't trust her around this guy, then you can't exactly trust her in your relationship, and then what's the point in going out with her? If you can't trust who you are with, then why waste your time on them? I guess I'm also with Comfy in not understanding why you would get back together with someone who left you so easily for another guy and that you have to worry about her hanging out around this guy. Because while you blame the guy in this post, your girlfriend is her own person, and she was the one you trusted and were in a relationship with. Ultimately, she is the main reason your relationship with her was ruined because she has the responsibility to you, not him (even though he's a douche and shares part of the blame).

And unless she is pretty well off, I'm not sure if she is going to just agree to go to a hotel for a week. That s**t is expensive especially after going to New York. That's a good $350 at least.

So, yes. Talk to her. Work it out, but I don't see a super easy resolution to this problem unless she def. has the money to go to a hotel.  

[Nexus Carbuncle]

@ Pain and VI- Yeah. I think I'm just going to can it. Telling her to "just find somewhere else to stay" isn't an option. /:

It's not her I don't trust. I think. It's him, really. He's made it really clear that he likes her still, and nothing I say, or that she says, is going to change his mind. In his mind, because he has known her longer, I really had no right to "do what I did." Or whatever. I've forgiven him, however, I told him that I no longer want anything to do with him. Also, I really don't like her talking to him, because he has such disregard for my feelings, her feelings, and our relationship. Basically, he wants to pretend that I'm not relevant, and neither is the relationship I have with my girlfriend. And because of that, I don't like her being near him. He's very manipulative, and she's very easily manipulated, because she's afraid of ever hurting anyone's feelings.

@Comfy- Y'know. As happy as we are together now, and as much as we love each other, I do wonder sometimes, if it was right. It is, in fact, the same girl. I never stopped having feelings for her, and it wasn't so much that she had feelings for him, as much as she let stupidity and pressure wreck our relationship. As I said above, my girlfriend is a pleaser. She hates the thought that anything she might do to anyone, will cause them displeasure, and gets really defensive when I call her on it. Last time we were together, she let me go about doing things that I didn't know upset her, because she was afraid of "burdening" me. She told me AFTER she dumped me, why she thought the grass was greener with that other a*****e, and it was because he didn't do the things that I did, that upset her. Which, again, were all easily averted, had she brought them to my attention.

Also, though, the relationship between them never happened, as she immediately realized her mistake, she was going to give him a chance because she was afraid of losing his friendship if she didn't. She also likes to pretend that she can go through life without ever having conflict with anyone. Part of why she dumped me for the other guy, was because I was mad that he was trying to muscle in on our relationship, she thought that because I was mad, I was "making a mountain out of a molehill." What?

We've been going steady again, since July, and there have been no problems, and our relationship is much better than it was before. She also keeps minimal contact with the guy, and does call me on when I do things she doesn't like. It's been nice. Which is precisely why I'm worried now.