How do I tell her I'm not a guy?

[Sai-chibitalia]

This has been weighing on my mind a lot. I'm a transman (transboy actually) and I met someone on a social network who I really like a lot.

We're both bi and she has a thing for hermaphrodites so I know she'll accept me, no problem, but the only thing is she won't look at me the same way.

We've exchanged pictures and she's made a few comments on my feminine looks so she might have an idea but it's still just an idea. it's not confirmed and I almost don't want it to be.

I like being see as a male. It makes me feel normal but I've known her for months and everyday I feel I need to tell her. This is really a big weight on my shoulders here. I don't want her to look at me any differently. I know she will because one of my other friends came out as a girl to me and I looked at her differently. I'm not saying she was a different person but in a way she was.

Please don't tell me I should tell her. Give me a reason. Your experiences. Should I just hold out for as long as possible and just surprise her with my no-package?

Quote me for a response. You won't get one if you don't

 

[MagicalFlutes]

My friends have had trouble with relationships, where they're girlfriends have treated them like women, and they had to end it. You need to tell her before entering a relationship, because otherwise it'll be worse, and this way, you can tell, and she will hopefully be okay with it, and you can see what she's like around you.
Tell her "I'm biologically female, but I have always been male, and I want you to know, because I really like you, and I don't want you to see me differently, or feel like I'm a woman, I'm still a guy." or something along those lines.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=knr0mWANcdI
AYDENandKYLIE is a youtube channel following the pride project, and The lives, and various issues in Ayden (trans FtM) and Kylies (a Lesbian) Life. In that particular video Kylie explains how she felt when Ayden told her he felt like a man, and wanted to live that way. It's a slightly different situation, but some of the things she says are very comforting smile Good luck, and perhaps post and tell me how it went wink  

[JuuzousJason XIII]

A relationship should never ever be based on lies and you should tell her because it's the right thing to do. If she doesn't except you then that's her loss and I myself think you're a great person having gotten to know you and I think you should tell her because she should be given the chance to except you for you.  

[godoftherain]

Yami, I agree with the idea that you should tell her.

However, NowAki9000 is not lying when he says he is male. The idea that he would lie implies that he is not a "real" man, which, in fact, he is.

That being said, as a a male with some physical obstacles, I think the earlier you get it out of the way the better. That way both you and her are on the same page, and you have no unpleasant surprises or maybe reactions.

Best of luck. heart  

[Sai-chibitalia]

godoftherain

Yami, I agree with the idea that you should tell her.

However, NowAki9000 is not lying when he says he is male. The idea that he would lie implies that he is not a "real" man, which, in fact, he is.

That being said, as a a male with some physical obstacles, I think the earlier you get it out of the way the better. That way both you and her are on the same page, and you have no unpleasant surprises or maybe reactions.

Best of luck. heart

Thank you and I'm sorry I didn't say this earlier but I already told her. She was fine with it but I think she just sees me as a crossdressing female rather then a transman. I'll deal with that later. I know it's hard to set up a relationship so early in the transition.

And thank you for saying I'm not lying about my sex. Even if I feel I lie every day I put on a bra. Right now it's just easier to live as a female but I'm slowly having people use male pronouns.  

[Sai-chibitalia]

THREAD STILL OPEN.

 

[godoftherain]

NowAki9000

godoftherain

Yami, I agree with the idea that you should tell her.

However, NowAki9000 is not lying when he says he is male. The idea that he would lie implies that he is not a "real" man, which, in fact, he is.

That being said, as a a male with some physical obstacles, I think the earlier you get it out of the way the better. That way both you and her are on the same page, and you have no unpleasant surprises or maybe reactions.

Best of luck. heart

Thank you and I'm sorry I didn't say this earlier but I already told her. She was fine with it but I think she just sees me as a crossdressing female rather then a transman. I'll deal with that later. I know it's hard to set up a relationship so early in the transition.

And thank you for saying I'm not lying about my sex. Even if I feel I lie every day I put on a bra. Right now it's just easier to live as a female but I'm slowly having people use male pronouns.

It can be difficult to get people on board when you're really early in your transition. I think people expect to call your bluff, you know?

My concern would be that if she doesn't take you seriously now, would she ever? Is it your job to cajole her into accepting you?

I'm not sure how committed you are to the relationship, but it is something to think about maybe.  

[Sai-chibitalia]

godoftherain

It can be difficult to get people on board when you're really early in your transition. I think people expect to call your bluff, you know?

My concern would be that if she doesn't take you seriously now, would she ever? Is it your job to cajole her into accepting you?

I'm not sure how committed you are to the relationship, but it is something to think about maybe.

So far it's not a committed relationship since we met online and live in different states. Basically a long distance semi-open relationship, but a relationship nonetheless.

She really is my first girlfriend or boyfriend and I don't want to scare her away to quickly or have her start treating me like a girl just because I look like one. She accepts no problem but I think the main thing is getting her to understand and not fall in love with a couple parts of my body that I hate.

I think I've seen you around the guild so you must know more about this then me. What does "calling your bluff' mean?  

[godoftherain]

NowAki9000

godoftherain

It can be difficult to get people on board when you're really early in your transition. I think people expect to call your bluff, you know?

My concern would be that if she doesn't take you seriously now, would she ever? Is it your job to cajole her into accepting you?

I'm not sure how committed you are to the relationship, but it is something to think about maybe.

So far it's not a committed relationship since we met online and live in different states. Basically a long distance semi-open relationship, but a relationship nonetheless.

She really is my first girlfriend or boyfriend and I don't want to scare her away to quickly or have her start treating me like a girl just because I look like one. She accepts no problem but I think the main thing is getting her to understand and not fall in love with a couple parts of my body that I hate.

I think I've seen you around the guild so you must know more about this then me. What does "calling your bluff' mean?

Right. By "calling your bluff", I worry that she doesn't think you're as serious as you are about transitioning. "Calling a bluff" usually means holding firm while the other person backs out of something they never really, fully intended to do.  

[Sai-chibitalia]

godoftherain

Right. By "calling your bluff", I worry that she doesn't think you're as serious as you are about transitioning. "Calling a bluff" usually means holding firm while the other person backs out of something they never really, fully intended to do.

I know what it means, I just didn't know how it related to this. But yeah. I understand what you mean- that she thinks this is just a long phase or that I'm just a tomboy.
It's pretty hard to explain to someone who has no idea about it.  

[Boaku]

NowAki9000

This has been weighing on my mind a lot. I'm a transman (transboy actually) and I met someone on a social network who I really like a lot.

We're both bi and she has a thing for hermaphrodites so I know she'll accept me, no problem, but the only thing is she won't look at me the same way.

We've exchanged pictures and she's made a few comments on my feminine looks so she might have an idea but it's still just an idea. it's not confirmed and I almost don't want it to be.

I like being see as a male. It makes me feel normal but I've known her for months and everyday I feel I need to tell her. This is really a big weight on my shoulders here. I don't want her to look at me any differently. I know she will because one of my other friends came out as a girl to me and I looked at her differently. I'm not saying she was a different person but in a way she was.

Please don't tell me I should tell her. Give me a reason. Your experiences. Should I just hold out for as long as possible and just surprise her with my no-package?

Quote me for a response. You won't get one if you don't

Oh boy. I'll tell you my experience from one transmale to another?
[:
But first of all. You are a MAN if you a trans. You may not have a p***s but that docent make you not a man.
So don't tell her "I'm a girl" cause you're not.
Your just "missing a few parts" that no one see's ever.

Uh My girlfriend didn't look at me any differently at all when she found out I wasn't a bio male :U?
e _ e;.. She actually guessed and was like . "Oh okay... :'| I THOUGHT YOU HAD CANCER OR SOMETHING AND WAS DIEING"
Because I expressed hiding something from her fairly frequently. :'/
=_=; I was overreacting about my gender x:

Just confront her about it [': If you wait too long she might get upset that you waited so long to tell her. So I think you should wait for an opening and just tell her.
D: LoL I didn't help at all