LGBT... Q? Rant.

[Tevinter Fugitive]

I'd like to talk a little about the Questioning part of the gay community. Now first off, mostly everyone doesn't icknoweldge the Q but at some of the prides they include it. Anyway, here are my thoughts about them; I'm alright with people questioning they're sexuality, though I think if you didn't know when you were younger you've been living the worst live you could ever live. The only thing I really hate, and I mean HATE about the Q's is that they ask out lesbians/gays and the real bisexuals... WHY, WHY WHY!??? Is that some ******** joke or something!? Why ask out someone who is positive about they're sexuality and possibly wants a serious relationship!? Are they ******** stupid or something? If you want to 'use' someone to see if you're really gay, FIND SOMEONE WHO IS ALSO QUESTIONING AND LEAVE THE REAL GAYS ALONE, until your positive of course. I think it's even more rediculous when they go around tell all the gay boys and girls that they're gay, end up dating the same sex and break up saying they don't like the same sex anymore. That's ******** stupid.

What are your thoughts and feelings about the Questions?  

[eclecticLethality]

If they're questioning, then they aren't positive. And what better way to find out than to date? I think, so long as they don't hide the fact that they're still questioning, it isn't a big deal. Lots of people go through questioning stages.  

[Le Scratch]

I think sexuality, especially for the bisexual part of the community, is somewhat fluid. I feel that a person can prefer one gender over the other and then switch, but still feel that they are neither straight nor fully homosexual. Bisexuality can arise from the questioning, or a person can affirm they are straight or gay. I don't believe that a person should have to carry a label like sexuality to the grave, no matter that it's a serious and important part of life.

And, more often than not, the only way to find out where you stand is to date. Yes, breakups are painful, but a person will find out more about themselves and what they want in a relationship regardless of a breakup or not. Part of having good relationships is having some sense of selflessness in the event that it does go downhill, and even if it doesn't that still needs to be there.  

[Bridget Paloumar]

I can understand Vulcan's frustrations; been there myself. I think really, though, the thing is is that if you're looking for a serious realtionship, maybe ther person who isn't questoning should be a little more apt to steer clear of the Q's.

Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that individuals who are sure of their sexuality shouldn't get involved with Q's, I'm just saying that you can't blame it entirely on the Q's and leave the gay / lesbian / bi / and perhaps even trans that they were, for lack of a better term, exploring things with, as an innocent victim (now, that is also assuming that the LGBT knew that the other person was a Q).

And I do believe that some, or even perhaps most, Q people honestly aren't out to do injury to another person, they just need to get themselves figured out, and, as the others before me have said, the best way for most people to figure that out is by dating. It's one of life's rather irritating complexities, but not entirely any one person's fault (usually).  

[DreamingSilverfox]

Hm...well, thinking of it this way:

For a long while, i've been questioning in general the reason for so many people being so wrapped up in orientation. As a transgender male, the way I see it, is if everyone is so wrapped up in 'gay' 'straight' 'bi', then where does that leave me? I've been with men and women, yet my only sexual encounter was with a lesbian who was fully aware I am ftm and was one of the first to accept me as such. Perhaps 'Q' is not so horrid, once people stop thinking so far into the physical aspects of a relationship. I've heard several people positive they're attracted to one thing, only to fall madly in love with just the opposite. In my opinion, keep all options open, because in the end no matter how positive a person says they are, there will always be that chance of falling for someone they would never expect to. The human mind and body aren't so easily summed up.  

[godoftherain]

I thought that Q was for 'queer'.

But, who are you to say that someone is "authentically" gay or not? You have absolutely no right to tell someone that they belong or don't. Everyone has to figure this stuff out.

What if I was to say to a gay person that I hate them dating men because they take away all the eligible single men in my area? How is that different from your argument?

You should be ******** grateful that you were magically divined with the absolute clarity and conviction sent from heaven itself that you were LGBT.

Not everyone gets that magic message from their fairy godmother, and people have to sit and figure things out. That means meeting people, mixing with them, and finding what is comfortable and works for them.

There are plenty of people to meet, and plenty of people to date and be friends with, so I think you need to stop and really consider what you're saying.  

[Tevinter Fugitive]

I said the only problem I had was that they never said they are questioning to begin with, they go on saying they are bi or gay to everyone, then they ask out people who weren't questioning, people who knew 100% positive they were gay, people who were looking for a serious relationship with the same sex. And in the end, up break up with them and reveal "I'm straight, I was never gay just curious."

My friends and I have been screwed over plenty of times, and it personally made me feel like s**t. I always thought they should "practice" dating someone else who is Questioning instead of leading on the people who know they are gay.

People can question all they want. I never said they couldn't, I have friends that didn't realize they were gay until they turned twenty-two and older. I know people have trouble figuring things out and I never said I had a problem with it.

I just think the questioning shouldn't lie about being confused and should find someone else that isn't sure if they are gay or not either. :]  

[FauxZombie]

I see nothing wrong with those in questioning dating those who are "REAL" queers, if anything it means that, even if one or the other is looking for a serious/long term relationship, they get a full understanding of what it's like to be in a same-sex relationship. But that alone is not the only outcome of dating the same-sex (no matter the actual sexual orientation), being in a relationship with someone provides both experience and understanding, not just to a concept/way of life but to a part of themselves that only they can come to define.

Though, I'm quite curious how someone's defined as a "REAL" queer. There are all sorts of mediums to being queer, and whether or not that it's how someone addresses themselves. Just because you may call someone a "full-blown-lesbian" (per say) doesn't mean that they, themselves, define themselves as a lesbian, for all we know, they could define themselves as a heterosexual. Maybe in denial, or maybe because they see same-sex in a similar way as a male and female relationship, or perhaps that's just what they want to call themselves (with or without shame to what a label would define them as).

Also, not everyone can figure out who they are at an "early age." Some don't/can't fully define themselves, or even begin to gain an understanding of who they are until later on in life, if not ever. I, myself, thought I was fully one way in high school till about 2-3 years old I came to more of an understanding of myself (orientation-wise). Even now, it's hard to define myself in a sexual orientation because of how I am, I find things to be a blur, but I like it that way cause it opens myself more.
I was 13 when I defined myself (orientation-wise) as one label, I'm now 22 and I cannot still apply that same label to myself today just because of my own self-awareness, ageing, and experience.
What I'm trying to get at is: no matter the age, we're always finding discoveries about ourselves. And those who question their orientation are finding out more of themselves if not more about who/what they're interested in. Hell, even what they want within this life.  

[iSplasHinPuddles]

FauxZombie

I see nothing wrong with those in questioning dating those who are "REAL" queers, if anything it means that, even if one or the other is looking for a serious/long term relationship, they get a full understanding of what it's like to be in a same-sex relationship. But that alone is not the only outcome of dating the same-sex (no matter the actual sexual orientation), being in a relationship with someone provides both experience and understanding, not just to a concept/way of life but to a part of themselves that only they can come to define.

Though, I'm quite curious how someone's defined as a "REAL" queer. There are all sorts of mediums to being queer, and whether or not that it's how someone addresses themselves. Just because you may call someone a "full-blown-lesbian" (per say) doesn't mean that they, themselves, define themselves as a lesbian, for all we know, they could define themselves as a heterosexual. Maybe in denial, or maybe because they see same-sex in a similar way as a male and female relationship, or perhaps that's just what they want to call themselves (with or without shame to what a label would define them as).

Also, not everyone can figure out who they are at an "early age." Some don't/can't fully define themselves, or even begin to gain an understanding of who they are until later on in life, if not ever. I, myself, thought I was fully one way in high school till about 2-3 years old I came to more of an understanding of myself (orientation-wise). Even now, it's hard to define myself in a sexual orientation because of how I am, I find things to be a blur, but I like it that way cause it opens myself more.
I was 13 when I defined myself (orientation-wise) as one label, I'm now 22 and I cannot still apply that same label to myself today just because of my own self-awareness, ageing, and experience.
What I'm trying to get at is: no matter the age, we're always finding discoveries about ourselves. And those who question their orientation are finding out more of themselves if not more about who/what they're interested in. Hell, even what they want within this life.

^ This lad said it all. Questioning does not mean that the person is using someone to find out about their orientation, it means that they have unexplored feelings and need a few life experiences to be able to understand themselves more fully.