Anyone else never been on a date?

[Captain Grace OMalley]

I'm 21 right now, and on my 3rd boyfriend, and I dunno, if you've been single, maybe that's a good thing. The relationships I've had through people that I have stayed friends with have been much more rewarding than my dating relationships and much less damaging.

If I take the chance to date someone, typically in the end I know I will lose them even as a friend if we break up. We may be able to tolerate each other in the same room afterwards, but we will never have a close bond anymore or want to spend time with each other.

Plus dating someone seems to lead to extra expectations from both people, it you both have to work a lot harder for each other. When I stay friends with people, we just hang out and have fun. I still have my serious or even slightly romantic moments with guys even when we are just friends, but I feel like they make better companions when don't you try to "trap" them into all of the commitments of dating and relationships. And maybe I have this point of view right now because all I am looking for is closeness or companionship right now, and waiting for marriage until I am 25 or 26 years old. Friends satisfy those basic needs just fine, and dating just seems to bring more trouble and drama than what it is worth.

To answer your questions though, it isn't really odd that you haven't been on a date yet. There are a lot of people out there who haven't been on a date yet at your age. In fact, there is one friend of mine that just turned 25 and she hasn't been on a single date either. There just hasn't been any guy that is a "right-fit" for her. Nobody that's compatible. And trust me, never try to push for a date if the two of aren't compatible or don't really seem to "click" at all. It will end disastrously.

So, for now, just enjoy being single and enjoy your friends. When it's for something to happen, it will happen. You just have to be patient.  

[Officer Hot-Pants]

Same here; 24 and perpetually single. I've always been "too good a friend to think of like that" or "too good a friend to risk losing". Seriously? A "no" is a let-down, but at least it's not also an insult to my intelligence.

Or should I seriously just start acting like an a*****e??? I'm starting to think maybe they're being completely honest with me, after all. confused  

[ThisEmptySoul]

oh god... I hate "friend zoning" stressed Happened to me at least twice in high school and I just kept thinking to myself, "Why would you want to date someone who -isn't- your friend?" That's basically saying that you're not interested in an ACTUAL relationship stare  

[Officer Hot-Pants]

Yeah, I'm not entirly sure why you'd want to be closer to the people you eat at McDonalds with than the person you're romantically involved with, but that seems to be how it works.  

[ThisEmptySoul]

While I do know that dating someone can potentially "ruin" the friendship {because you find out what kind of person they -really- are}, if that's something that dooms your friendship with each other, then chances are you wouldn't have remained friends in the long run anyway because you can't hide your nasty side from people forever. In which case, you're not really losing anything that you otherwise wouldn't have.  

[Captain Grace OMalley]

ThisEmptySoul

While I do know that dating someone can potentially "ruin" the friendship {because you find out what kind of person they -really- are}, if that's something that dooms your friendship with each other, then chances are you wouldn't have remained friends in the long run anyway because you can't hide your nasty side from people forever. In which case, you're not really losing anything that you otherwise wouldn't have.

Actually, never really thought about that. I guess in a way you're right. There is only one person I actually regret losing a friendship with, because it wasn't anything wrong with him, but I was the one who blew. So, I lost a best friend because I wasn't the person I should have been.

I'm also probably not the best person to comment on relationship stuff at the moment either. I didn't exactly witness a lot of good things in relationships while growing up, so it's left me with some very mixed feelings about love.  

[ThisEmptySoul]

I've witnessed bad relationship after bad relationship, and instead of that making me feel like relationships were bad, I took it in as valuable information; learning from other people's mistakes so I don't make them myself.

A lot of bad relationships are the result of people dating someone for superficial reasons, and then clinging to that relationship and the idea of love rather than actually being in love.

There's nothing wrong with love itself. It's when people convince themselves they're in love for the sake of bragging rights or just wanting it so desperately that's the problem.  

[Captain Grace OMalley]

ThisEmptySoul

I've witnessed bad relationship after bad relationship, and instead of that making me feel like relationships were bad, I took it in as valuable information; learning from other people's mistakes so I don't make them myself.

A lot of bad relationships are the result of people dating someone for superficial reasons, and then clinging to that relationship and the idea of love rather than actually being in love.

There's nothing wrong with love itself. It's when people convince themselves they're in love for the sake bragging rights or just wanting it so desperately that's the problem.

((Is anyone going to be bothered if we shoot of into something a little off topic in this thread?))

Bad relationship examples run a lot deeper than superficial reasons or clinging to the idea of love in my life. The problems I've witnessed have led to my family being broken and one of brothers being taken away by the court (my mother losing all rights to him and my father not taking him because it wasn't his child.) I've been struggling to change everything I view about relationships to something a little better, but I've been sort of bungling it up a lot along the way.

I've also witnessed people trying to convince themselves they are in love because they want so badly to be in love. It hasn't necessarily formed an idea in my mind that relationships are bad, but the fact that I have had to help friends rebuild after being in relationships like these hasn't helped improved my view of relationships.  

[ThisEmptySoul]

I've already off-topiced this very thread once before emotion_awesome That's actually the reason it got moved to "serious conversations" from the main forum.

I don't doubt at all that causes of bad relationships extend beyond dating for superficial reasons and clinging, but from what I've witnessed, that's the cause in quite a number of them to varying degrees.

Granted I know nothing of your family beyond what you just posted, I'm just going to use that general scenario as an example {not saying this is actually what happened with your family, because I honestly wouldn't know}. There are cases in which people will think they are in love and take things to the next level because of it, and in their mind it isn't superficial at all. However, that desire to be right about being in love causes them to ignore the warning signs that this person is not right for them. As time passes, these things become harder to ignore, but once they've taken that step into marriage, they feel an obligation to make it work no matter how much this person ends up clashing with them, and if there are children involved, even more so.

Everything then just keeps building and building, trying to keep something together that didn't quite fit right to begin with, until it reaches a breaking point, which by then, is bound to be devastating to everyone involved.

Had they not been so insistent that this person was "the one" early on when the signs started popping up, then all of that could have been prevented.

There are also cases in which people grow and change over time. While they might have been in the same mindset when they got together, sometimes they end up in different places as they age due to different factors, which is something that no one can predict or prevent.

Knowing the preventable greatly reduces one's chances of doing emotional damage to themselves and others with bad relationships, but there's definitely still that risk there. Finding someone that's as much on the same wavelength as you as possible as far as relationship expectations go and plans for the future does a lot for building a successful relationship, but if there are some things that cannot be compromised and life with this person just doesn't work out in the manner to accommodate these expectations, then things will start falling apart. Trying to be flexible would help in that instance, but it can be a difficult thing to ask.

Anyhow, my policy is that one shouldn't necessarily actively search out relationships just for the sake of having them, but one shouldn't run away from them when opportunity arises either. One can still be in a relationship without becoming damaged from it when it doesn't work out if they can see it for how it is and not for what they want it to be.  

[Liada Trovaras]

((*tries to find that damn tip button for several points on this page.* ninja stressed gonk ))  

[Captain Grace OMalley]

((Your avatar change made me chuckle a little))

Getting into all of the details about why things happened the way they did with my family isn't something I should really get into in the forums, it goes some darker places.

That last statement there kinda pinned me though.I spent a lot of time just simply avoiding dating, even when I knew it could become something very good. Maybe it's because I didn't want that yet. The relationship I was in before this one, the whole reason I blew it and lost him as even a friend was because I ran. Things got to be to serious, I panicked, and I ran. Then I went back to avoiding for awhile. The relationship I'm in now I got into just for the sake of having one. We seemed to click at the time, so I went for it. Now it's failing because he thinks he's completely in love with me even though his attention is usually elsewhere, and I view us in a completely different way than he does. It's probably going to end soon. My whole plan was either to move on to another relationship or go back to avoiding again.  

[Liada Trovaras]

If you both are seeing different views of your relationship then its probably best to end it. But that shouldn't mean you should just shuffle off to another relationship or go into hermit mode. (Trust me you don't want to end up with TES's dark complexion due to him hiding away in his chambers rofl ) But you should just LIVE. Go to a place you've never been before or try a new hobby that you've wanted to try. People should not be defined by their significant other or partner. It might nice to take a BREAK over AVOIDING things but don't let it make you feel like you need someone by your side to define you.  

[Captain Grace OMalley]

lol Now it's not nice to pick on TES like that.  

[ThisEmptySoul]

The sun is evil! hisssssssssssssssssssssssssssss  

[Liada Trovaras]

Pfft, hun with as much as he picks on others including a poor 7ft viking of mine He needs to get prodded now and again. *Grabs a magnifying lens to pinpoint the sun beams on TES*