Looking for advice...

[ThisEmptySoul]

I'm usually an advice giver in these here parts, but I really can't think of anything specific based on the information given. Of course, I understand not wanting to tell complete strangers about something that affected you so greatly, but it's difficult to give relevant advice without completely knowing what it is that I'm giving advice for.

If you have not sought counsel of some sort already, such as talking with a psychologist or just someone close to you that you trust sharing such information with, then I would recommend that. There are also many communities out there on the internet that people set up as a means to talk to others who have had similar experiences to help get through their problems. Just doing a google search with keywords regarding your predicament should be enough to help you find them.

Other general advice is finding something that will take your mind off of things for a while so the memory isn't quite as fresh, such as taking up a hobby of some sort like sewing, writing, or painting. These things can also be used as an outlet for you to express yourself so that whatever is bothering you isn't just bottled up inside.  

[Liada Trovaras]

Wow this is an interesting question. I myself have not really been through anything of that kind of trauma but I have friends who have been through certain things possibly close to what you have experienced.

The most common suggestion is you can talk to your HR or someone who would know if there is a psychologist you could get counsel from. I hope I don't sound rude or like a b***h when I suggest this but there are people trained to help counsel those who have had something horribly traumatizing to them. So this is normally the most suggested option to take. Not to mention if this is happening in the workplace then this needs to be brought up immediately so that this hazing or harassment can be put to a stop. I'm honestly surprised that this has been going on for as long as it has. But overall if it has been as traumatizing as you say it has been to effect you so bad, Then just leaving the workplace isn't gonna work 100% for you. In the end one way or another, it would be highly recommended to speak with a counselor of some kind. Frak if you know someone you trust utterly and completely its always good to find solace on the shoulder of a friend.

Edit: ((It figures Tes beats me to being the first person to post here ))  

[purpleravenhawk]

First of all, hugs for Blu! heart

Getting counseling and talking with someone close is definitely the best advice. Also, starting a new hobby can really help give you something else to focus on, especially if it's something that requires thought outside of the time you actually spend on it. When my best friend died, I happened to be starting a new job at the time, and it required intensive training and practice. I found that it really helped me get through that time just because I spent so much time thinking about the training and practicing at home.

Other than the obvious, the only thing I can suggest without more detail would be finding a way to make yourself feel safer at work. The problem is not only the memory itself but the fact that you feel unsafe there. Find something happier to focus on that makes you more comfortable. Start a new ritual, even if it's something simple like drinking a coffee in a particular spot. Do something at a particular time each day that you can look forward to. You have to remind yourself that nothing bad's going to happen again. Give yourself control and fight the fear. Trite, I know, but it can work.  

[Liada Trovaras]

Oh my, that just terrible. I'm sorry that I can't be better help with that. I'm so sorry you had to go through that. Humans are pretty much a majority of scumbags who have nothing better to do than pick on the weak.

If you don't mind me asking, what other things have you tried other than the massages and therapist that have made you exhausted? I'm trying to narrow down those options to help better give a list of what you might not have tried before.  

[ThisEmptySoul]

Yeah... the unfortunate thing about psychiatrists and clinical psychologists is that they are at times more quick to give you a drug rather than listen to your problems, hence why sometimes it's better to just talk to a friend or family member.

It looks like you're already doing your best to cope with it. This particular situation I can't think of any further advice that wouldn't sound condescending since I have a hard time comprehending it. I adopted the philosophy of not caring what other people say or think about me long ago.