[UPDATED] Well guys, I have a problem.

[AquilaLiberum]

You guys are usually great at giving advice/comforting words so here's the score. I'm not going to give details here, though I have made a detailed thread in the LI forum. Basically, the situation is this:

I've developed a crush (both physically and emotionally) on a person that my friend introduced me to over a year ago. I don't know the person THAT well, but I get on with them really well when I do talk to them.

Last night, a bunch of us (including this person) went out and got hammered, came back to our friend's house which we now stay in once a week. We're the sort of friends who sleep in beds beside each other and there was like 6 of us between 2 rooms. 2 of the group needed their own room because they're currently doin' the nastay.

So basically I ended up in bed beside the person I like, who doesn't like me that way and is in a relationship with someone else. At about 6:30am I wake up to feel this person basically cuddling up behind me and I freak out because it feels really nice (it was the first time I'd ever stayed in a bed with someone I like), but means nothing (since the person doesn't like me that way and is already involved), so it'd basically be emotional masochism for me to stay there.

I go downstairs and sleep on the sofa from then on, feeling a huge surge of depression that while this person is one of the few to properly get on well with me, nothing can happen because they're already involved with someone else.

I realise it was stupid of me to even consider staying in that bed in the first place, but I'd had 3/4 of a tenglass of rum so I was pretty much off my tits and I just jumped at the idea of sharing a bed with a person I like. It's pathetic. Link this to the general feeling of hopelessness, the whole "I'll never find someone" mood, and you've got me down to a T right now.

Sad Qui is sad.

Ok, so I was hanging out with my friends last night (including the person I like about whom I made the original post) and they started talking with said person about all the people they've slept with. And all of a sudden I realised that this person and I are a complete mismatch. I can't imagine having sex with someone I didn't really like, while this person seemingly treats it as something really casual.

The thing is, alot of my friends seem that way, while some of them are like me. So I wanted to hear your opinions on this Suites. Am I strange for taking sex so seriously? Is there something wrong with me?

In other news, I'm thinking of going to my GP and asking to be referred to a counsellor. Right now, I can't imagine myself ever meeting anyone that I can have a loving relationship with, and it's making me think that the only way out is suicide (don't worry I've been there before and I know it's not the answer). But I think it's time I took control of this s**t and went and spoke to someone about it.  

[Ifailedmywillsave]

Oh darlin' Qui... *hug*

Well, first, you did the right thing in leaving the room when you realized what was going on. There are guys I know that, if they're not careful, they'll wind up groping and/or rubbing off on their bedmate before (or even if) they're truly awake. This causes all sorts of awkward for everyone involved, and can ruin friendships and relationships. And emotional agony should outweigh the pleasure of the body (in my opinion), so well done in deciding to leave the room.

Secondly, oh dear heavens, that sort of situation hurts so very badly. Repeated punches to the ribs and solar plexus. I'm so sorry that you're going through it right now.

Third, as for what to do about it, I have a couple of things. 1, you seem to be mostly exercising wonderful self-restraint, which is a great idea. Keep doing that, and don't beat up on yourself for it, as much as possible. 2, continue to be friends with that person. There's no reason to deny one another friendship, and now you know better than to try and sleep in the same bed with them, so that particular scenario won't be repeated. If, for whatever reason, that person's relationship doesn't work out, it would be nice to know that it happened and perhaps offer a different and deeper sort of companionship when they're ready for it. 3, don't torture yourself with ideas of that person or that there is no person out there for you. It can take a long time and several extremely painful crushes before you find someone who is right for you. It can and will happen. It just may take a while. Not that it's that great a comfort, most times, but. A good idea to keep a hold on, anyway. 4, if you want hugs or an ear to wail into, feel free to PM me at any time. heart

PS - we love you and want you to be happy!  

[AquilaLiberum]

IFA SO AWESOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOME heart

Seriously though, thanks alot Ifa, that was greatly appreciated, and was just the sort of advice I was looking for.
I'm feeling better about the whole thing today, I think sleeping did me some good. I'll just sleep on the sofa or something next time we stay over there, so the good in this scenario is that it was a valuable learning experience.

This is probably a stupid thing to try and clarify, but when I say "it felt nice", I don't mean that I was getting turned on or anything, it just felt like, "Wow, this is awesome, this is what I'd be doing if I were in a relationship with this person." for an instant before the horrible voice of reality went, "But you're not, and probably won't ever be!"
That's what made it so horrible sad

But yeah, I've spoken to a few of my close friends about it and venting was the main thing I needed. I have a whole week before I see this person again, so I can spend that week making myself busy with seeing other friends or doing other stuff that will take my mind off them. Then I'll be able to see them and be fine, instead of drinking excessively and becoming an emotional wreck the following day xd  

[Ifailedmywillsave]

heart Did you miss my mothering syndrome? xd ; I'm just glad that you're feeling better about it all. A little bit of time to process and flail is almost always helpful. Keep upbeat and don't let it get to you too much, if you can. smile *hug*  

[Lychee Fruit]

That exact same situation happened to me a few years ago. Based on the feelings it left behind, I think it's one of those moments you are supposed to grab. I'm not in love with that girl anymore, but I wish I had the memory of snuggling with her, however out of it we were.

But this IS advice coming from somebody emo-ing the ******** out about age and crap, so um, yes, just follow Ifa's suggestion. She's much smarter than I am. ^_^  

[AquilaLiberum]

@Ifa: Yes, you're a fantastic guild-mother <3 And I'm feeling better about it now, trying to keep myself busy this week so I went to see a movie with some friends last night, then I'm going to meet up with another friend on his lunch break today. Then Saturday night I'm going to a housewarming party for my friend from work. The plan is working! smile

@Lychee: I don't know what happened, for a few minutes it was nice but after that it sobered me up instantly pretty much and I thought "Why be so close to something I want when I know I can't have it? I'm basically emotionally torturing myself.". I know how you feel though, and it's comforting to me that someone has been in the exact same situation xd
My friend just said, "Oh yeah, I should have warned you about that, they like to snuggle." and I just replied with, "I think I'll take the sofa from now on." xd

What really matters is that sometime I'm going to find someone who I like just as much, and who I CAN snuggle with biggrin
Also, Lychee, what's bothering you about your age? O:

(Now I've been given advice I feel all selfish for taking up people's time and have to give advice to someone else xD)  

[scrub]

Gah, the heart and mind really like to ******** with us sometimes - usually in that order. I can't stay I'd have handled that situation any better in your shoes, probably worse.  

[AquilaLiberum]

@scrub: Yeah, mine seem to ******** with me on a regular basis, I think they enjoy the misery it causes me.

I know I actually said I was alright again but this whole thing has just bit me in the a** again tonight, try as I might, it's pretty hard to cheer myself up sad  

[Ifailedmywillsave]

Aquila15

I know I actually said I was alright again but this whole thing has just bit me in the a** again tonight, try as I might, it's pretty hard to cheer myself up sad

*hug* sad Poor Qui... I want to haul you over to my house for tea, cookies, and a pity party. I'm good at those. And my husband might provide booze. And then we'd introduce you to Munchkin and Red Dragon Inn and you'd be having too much fun to worry.

It's not the end of the world. Promise. heart It just hurts like crazy when it pops up to trip you.  

[Junimaia]

Here have a catchy song. Mika songs usually cheer me up.

...omg, Ifa has Munchkin. You totally need to go to her house and play that. The fun-o-meter on that game is through the roof surprised  

[Ifailedmywillsave]

Junimaia

...omg, Ifa has Munchkin. You totally need to go to her house and play that. The fun-o-meter on that game is through the roof surprised

I always forget how much fun it is, but when someone makes me play, I always have a blast. XD  

[Junimaia]

Ifailedmywillsave

Junimaia

...omg, Ifa has Munchkin. You totally need to go to her house and play that. The fun-o-meter on that game is through the roof surprised

I always forget how much fun it is, but when someone makes me play, I always have a blast. XD

Agreed... well... except if the game is one-on-one. For the longest time my husband and I couldn't get anybody to play with us so we decided to have a few games amongst ourselves just to get the hang of the gameplay, and neither of us cared about helping the other win obviously so it was basically just a battle of who could be more of an outright a*****e xD Which is fun at first, but basically one-note in terms of strategy *shrug*  

[Lychee Fruit]

Aquila15

Also, Lychee, what's bothering you about your age? O:

I'm officially on the wrong side of 25 and somebody recently guessed that I was OLDER than I actually am. gonk So if ANYBODY asks you guys, you just tell them Lychee is 21. evil  

[Ifailedmywillsave]

Qui - concerning your edit to the main post:

...Why on earth would that be a weird/bad thing to consider sex as a serious commitment? No, honey, that's actually a really good thing, at least from my perspective. For me, sex is a sort of confirmation of the seriousness of the relationship. This does not mean that I'm necessarily a "save sex till marriage" person... I'd be a hypocrite if I said that. But it is something which I think everyone should consider it carefully before going through with it. You know? There are a lot of complications and ramifications if something accidentally goes wrong with that.

You may still want to at least do some research on counselors. If nothing else, it's nice to have someone who knows exactly what's going on with your life who is able to give you good advice on it.  

[Junimaia]

Ohhh I didn't realize there was an edit. When'd that happen? surprised

Personally I don't think casual sex is such a bad thing if done responsibly. Not that I've ever done it (but I have a whole slew of background psychological issues that like to reak havoc with what I want, so I don't do it [responsibly line coming to play here]). But I have been curious about attempting a threesome with a friend and my hubby just for the hell of it, and would totally jump at the chance when I feel more comfortable about it (again, issues, so I'm not forcing it). Thing is, you shouldn't EVER have sex with somebody unless you are perfectly comfortable with doing it with them. The way I see it, sex is an intimate act meant to be enjoyed, not fretted over. If you're not comfortable doing it with somebody, you shouldn't even think about doing it, period.

Doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you for taking it seriously. After all sex IS an intimate act, don't have any delusions about that. It's about the most personal you can get with somebody. The question is who do you want to get personal with, who can you relax with, and what does it mean to you (okay that was more like 3 questions but nerp derp)? And that's different strokes for different folks. It's all about your comfort zone... er, and respecting other people's thoughts. Don't go bedding some girlfriend's dude without her okaying it, cause that cheating business is totally uncool. FOR REAL. *srs face*

So yeah anyway. Umm, I guess what I'm saying is don't second guess yourself about those things. If you're not comfortable with it, don't force it. Never force it. Uncomfortable sex is such a downer anyway.