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Fashionable Businesswoman
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 Posted: Sat Nov 26, 2011 5:52 pm
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Posted: Sat Nov 26, 2011 9:57 pm
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Posted: Thu Dec 01, 2011 3:00 pm
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Posted: Mon Dec 05, 2011 4:25 pm
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It's a good thing that you were able to come out to your parents, however, if you expect to be recognized publically and socially you will have to come out to your friends as well. You'd be surprised how many people can be supportive and accepting of one transition.
As CheizLord said, you will have you to do some researching to know what exactly you want. Though, as you transition, you will find find your own self-balance of what you feel comfortable as and what it means to be the gender in which you choose to be - there are all sorts of mediums to being a transgender.
Speaking from experience, I found that coming out to my parents was the hardest thing and that friends was the easiest. Keep in mind, though, that not every one will accept you for who you are or some have a hard time understanding (which you will have to educate and exert some patience but also reinforce your gender if they reference your biological gender).
Also... I'm assuming that you're saying that you're a FTM transgender, so here's a couple links that I have found useful within my own transition so far.
Hudson's FTM Guide
The Transitional Male
Transguys
There are many more sites in which you can gather information from, but I seem to have lost an extra site or two.
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Posted: Mon Dec 05, 2011 4:42 pm
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Fashionable Businesswoman
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Fashionable Businesswoman
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Posted: Fri Dec 09, 2011 6:37 pm
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Posted: Sat Dec 10, 2011 1:55 am
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Posted: Sat Dec 10, 2011 8:22 am
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drift975 Don't let someone else have this choice in who you want to be.
Agreed. No one can define you but YOU.
My mother, who I love dearly, has tried to argue that I can't be female because I like video games and horror movies. Never mind all the girls out there who enjoy video games and horror movies. Never mind my sister, who watches football while drinking beer and isn't told she can't do that because it's something boys do.
Trying to help my parents understand the real me has been a difficult uphill struggle. It's like a loss, they are losing their "son" (or "daughter" for FtM's). The may go through the stages of grief, and my mother has been stuck in denial for months. But you just have to hold your ground. Be firm, be consistent, but do NOT be hostile. I really should have come out years ago, it's harder for my parents because they've had much longer to see me as someone I'm not (I'm 30, and yes, in my heart I still want my parents to be proud of me). On the other hand, it can also be difficult to be yourself if you live at home and therefore can't support yourself financially to be able to buy the clothes and items you want to buy.
Just do the best you can to be yourself. |
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Posted: Sat Dec 10, 2011 8:58 am
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Fashionable Businesswoman
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Posted: Mon Dec 19, 2011 10:49 pm
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Northe G0h4n1234 I have always liked boy stuff like NASCAR, football, Die-cast cars, but I have felt that my body was wrong. The steel tastes so sweet, Not all guys like that stuff. razz I think what thats called is being a tomboy. I could be wrong. I give up, I admit defeat.
This is bad advice and you should stop giving it. |
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Posted: Mon Dec 19, 2011 10:51 pm
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Posted: Mon Dec 19, 2011 11:42 pm
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godoftherain G0h4n1234 Its hard for me to do anything to help myself right now, because of where I live. The only smart thing my mom said about this is I would be bullied worse than I already am, And she's been saying I haven't been showing ANY signs of it, but that's because I'm hiding it for the time being, But right now, I just want to go through with the transition, but I can't because of my current school situation. It's very hard for parents to accept these things, and "signs" is not really a valid excuse. there is no "one" way to feel ambiguous about your gender; your mom is just having trouble accepting or understanding. You should try to see a therapist, who can help you work through your feelings in a safe environment and help you develop coping mechanisms for when you can start exploring your gender more.
My suggestion, if you cant afford to see a therapist, is to talk to a school counselor. They still have to respect your choice for silence but be sure that one of the first things you tell them is that they are not to talk about it with anyone. And, unless you tell them you want to kill yourself or someone else, most school counselors will respect this.
Another option is to tell only your closest friends, the one you know can keep it quite and see how they react. Bullying is hard on anyone but, in my experience, if you start bullying them back, they tend to stop. I'm not saying to pull a Columbine but to make it clear that you wont stand for it anymore and that if they continue there will be repercussions (i.e. police involvement for harassment) |
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Posted: Tue Dec 20, 2011 3:58 am
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Guidance counsellor is definitely a great idea, I'm a transfemale myself and with my current application to university I was originally told that i'd have to go to the guidance counsellor or principal of the last 'school' or educational institution I attended. In this case I had a talk with the guidance counsellor from the last Techical College (TAFE in AU) I had attended, had to go over the whole trans thing with her but it worked out fine.
Showing early 'signs' of being transgender is not something that always happens, or if it is they might show up in places where your parents won't notice. In my own case, I showed signs of transgenderism all through my school years, but I never recognised them myself except in hindsight and of course my parents never saw it either, after all they didn't go to school with me XD. I wish I had understood my situation back in my school years, I'd have progressed so much further by now, but it wasn't until 2006 that I realised, and I was 20 at the time, yet I didn't have the courage or drive to do anything about it until 2009.
Now then...parents are probably one of the greatest obstacles you have to overcome as a transgender individual, and it's often worse for a m2f than for a f2m. If it's possible to get your Mum to come around and start to actually help you, there are groups like PFLAG and depending on your location there may be such things as youth services you could go to get further help. If you want to start transitioning at a younger age it is better but if you're under 18 (or 21 in some areas) you have to get the clearance from your parent/s in order to be allowed to get on hormones for example. If your mother is being stubborn about it, I for one would 'confront' her about it, but be assertive, not aggressive, try to explain to her your situation and feelings about all of this, ask her if she could support your decisions, if she refuses to, try to get her to explain why she is so against it. If you don't have the confidence to confront her directly about it, write a note or a letter and leave it somewhere she will readilly notice it.
Your school situation is regretable, in regards to bullying, if it's simply verbal then you should just try to ignore it, as I had to when I was in school. If it's physical...well you can try to just walk away, or run somewhere you could be safe, it might be handy to learn some sort of self defence or martial arts as well, disciplining the mind could help you to deal with other issues you may run into.
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Posted: Tue Dec 20, 2011 9:28 am
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G0h4n1234 The only smart thing my mom said about this is I would be bullied worse than I already am
Well, that's not a guarantee. I came out in May, a month before my 30th birthday, and I found out that all my fears of rejection and hatred from everyone I knew were wrong. Almost every single person I know just shrugged and said, "Well, nothing wrong with that." Granted, when I was in high school I swore I'd never come out. I was too afraid. So, I did what was expected of me I pretended to be a guy, I dated a girl, we got married and had a family. And it was enough, at first. I couldn't convince myself I was a normal "guy" the way I had everyone else convinced. Something was always missing in my life, but that was something I'd been used to. I'd felt like that for as long as I could remember.
It eventually got to be too much to bear and I told my wife. She was very accepting and it was truly the most wonderful time of our marriage. We were never as close as we had been then. Then, 2 years later, she changed her mind and decided that me being transgender was NOT okay and when I couldn't just stop being trans she spent 3 years trying to force it out of me through non-stop emotional abuse. Things fell apart, she was having an affair, and last December, after almost 10 years of marriage, everything crashed and burned. Now, a year later, I'm happier than I've ever been in my life. I still have a mountain of stress and my ongoing legal battle with my ex is still very bitter and spiteful on her part, but even with all that I am happy. Because at least now, even though I'm struggling with bills and court costs and non-acceptance from my parents and so many things... at least now I can be real.
You don't have to come out right this moment. If you don't feel the time is right due to your school situation, then wait until you are ready. Talk to who you can talk to, read online about how/when others came out, maybe get some kind of timeline or at least a vague plan in mind for what you want to do, when you want to do it.
The biggest mistake I made came when I was 15. I figured out why everything felt "off" in my life. I put a name to what I was. I accepted myself as female. But then I stuffed the real me deep within myself and continued to live a lie, to be who everyone else wanted me to be. And I was miserable. It took me 15 years and a failed marriage to come out, but I finally did it and things are so much more bearable now.
All those cheesy "It Gets Better" videos that have been going around the net? Yeah, they're right. It really does. |
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