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 Posted: Thu Jan 19, 2012 1:29 pm
This is a long story, where basically I love a guy who can't seem to make up his mind. We met back in high school several years ago, and became really close friends. Eventually he followed me around like a puppy and couldn't survive without me. In summer he'd call every day and talk anywhere between 4-10 hours.
Eventually I fell for him. From the beginning he knew I was gay. And he was straight, and not just the cover of being straight. He seemed to like only women. Except with me. He was so gay with me. And I loved it. He even said once that "well...I...wouldn't...MIND dating you..." and thought I didn't hear it.
But after a year of relationship foreplay, I confessed to him and he told me that he couldn't return the feelings because he was straight. It was crushing, but we continued to be best friends. And I continued to like him, and he continued to confuse the hell out of me by being completely gay and romantic with me. But after another year of abusing myself emotionally, things took a turn for the worse and I decided to stop chasing him. And I genuinely did get over him. Then we graduated and went off to different colleges.
Then I saw him over winter break, which has been exceptionally long. And things came rushing back. Because he's changed. Changed into the man that I always told people he could be. While he still needs me like a little puppydog, he now can stand on his own and spends all his time trying to convince me that he is a stronger, better person. Oh, and he's back to acting totally gay for me. Except this time he's actually seeming to try to take care of me. Exactly like I wanted for years with him. But I'm so confused...last time this type of thing happened with him, he said he wasn't gay/bi and couldn't love me back. And through this month I've been probing for information, and it seems like he STILL sees himself as straight. With his total gay attitude with me that everyone sees. All my friends are telling me to confess again to him, but last time I got hurt badly and I don't wanna risk ruining our friendship again. But...it's just...with him it seems so right. But I don't know what to do...
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Posted: Thu Jan 19, 2012 1:47 pm
Sounds to me that he is physically attracted to woman but emotionally attracted to you (there is actually a few different levels of orientation-physical, sexual, romantic, emotion, etc....
He probably started to develop feelings as he was close to you, that actually happens a lot, even if it wasn't expected but chances are it isn't something he is used to and might scare him and he might not see himself as gay overall.
I tend to love people who I am close to emotionally.
Seems like a tricky situation.
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Posted: Thu Jan 19, 2012 2:23 pm
i had a similar thing happen but we didnt seperate after i told her
but she freaked out and froze me out for a little while and acted like i didnt exist
then we started hanging out again and now shes being really sexual and romantic
its confusing the s**t out of me too
i hope you guys can figure things out
if you need help or advice and you think i ca give it feel free to ask
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Posted: Thu Jan 19, 2012 3:19 pm
I think the same thing happened to me, but it didn't go nearly as far as yours.
He was straight with a girlfriend. His girlfriend was one of my friends, that's how I met him.
He and ended up hanging out together after school while waiting for our rides (Yes, high school. Driving for us would've been more of an inconvenience).
We'd always be the last ones out of the group waiting with us. One day we were just sitting and talking on the last day of school junior year (or was it sophomore?). Anyways, he was telling me how his friends think he's gay because he would mess around with them by wrestling them to the ground.
Something nice could've come of the conversation, but just then my ride arrived.
Damn. I did like him.
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Posted: Sun Jan 22, 2012 2:18 pm
I'm not any kind of expert but....maybe he is not sure himself whether he is straight/gay/bi.....so he could be confused himself....
I would try again. Maybe not flat out pour all your feelings on him but maybe some (not so subtle) hints.....
I do agree with what Playboy Karasu Uchiha said.
He could be physically attracted to women but attracted to you emotionally.
I wish you luck! heart heart heart heart
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Posted: Sun Jan 22, 2012 5:48 pm
Has he been romantic?
I've dated another male before, but I'm not sexually attracted to males. I emotionally fell for the guy (though this was a long time ago) and I wouldn't mind doing it again. But I couldn't be sexual with them.
I consider myself a heterosexual bi-romantic. He may be in the same boat with me.
Does that help at all?
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Posted: Mon Jan 23, 2012 7:14 am
Thanks, guys.
Yeah, I know about all the different levels of sexuality...it's what makes this so damn difficult. And loving people you're close to emotionally, isn't almost everyone like that?
And has he been romantic? ...sighhhhh.....well, that depends. Romantic for HIM? Most likely. Romantic for normal people? I'm not sure. He's the type that is quiet around acquaintances, happy around friends. It used to be only happy and relaxed around me, but now he's grown emotionally. But still. Romance is a dead art sometimes with him. He's actually taken the initiative to ask me to do things, which is a big step for him. He makes it clear that he wants to be a part of my life, just...I don't think he wants to fit in the part I want him in. Every day for the past month while we've been on break, he's been texting and calling me, trying to make plans, make some excuse to see my face. He asked me to dinner recently too. Considering this is the guy who I used to have to literally grab by the ear and forcibly drag across a room to do anything, this is big.
Not to mention the whole "I've totally changed. Don't say I won't tell you things. What do you want to know about my life? I'll talk. I'll tell you anything. I'm a stronger person now."
"Mike...let's not get into deep emotional discussions while I'm waiting on customers at work..."
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Posted: Mon Jan 23, 2012 12:08 pm
I personally (not saying this is the right thing 4u) would ask who I was to him currently and who he wanted to be in my life
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Posted: Wed Jan 25, 2012 8:41 pm
Tread Lightly; love is a serious thing and there's nothing in the world more hurtful than getting your feelings hurt. Try talking to him and TREAD LIGHTLY!
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Posted: Thu Jan 26, 2012 10:31 am
I think you should try talking to him again. Explain your feelings. Don't feel bad about telling him that you're confused (if you are) about his feelings towards you. Yes, it's more than likely going to hurt if his feelings towards you haven't changed (i.e. he's not attracted to you sexually and is only interested in being your friend). However, you have to decide what's more hurtful, talking frankly and openly with him and getting answers or continuing to allow him to confuse you with his actions.
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Posted: Thu Feb 02, 2012 9:27 am
I was actually like him for a while o-o
When I was an in-the-closet-bi, I'd had a crush on a guy at school. Ever since the second year, I'd say. Then, in October, last year, I seemed to flirt with him. In school. And I just went with the flow. I stroked his neck because he liked it, constantly hugged him and found him really adorable. Then, the day after, we met up and took a trip to town. That was the day I realized I was in love with him. And now we're together. I love him.
So, yeah. It took me a long while to realize my feelings. I mean, the person I was looking for was right in front of me the whole time.
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