Need Help with Abused Friend

[cvbkfgbkjmgbcj]

So I have this friend (14 years old) whose brother has sexually abused her several times. She had a break-down the other day in the ladies' room and told me and my friend--she's never told anyone else. I'm pretty sure her parents know but she said they don't want to talk about it. She can't stop thinking about it, she said, and I don't know what to do or how to support her.  

[Jim the Geek]

This s*** needs to be reported..and stopped. No one needs to go through this...you may be the one who needs to take the action.  

[cvbkfgbkjmgbcj]

Oh, I just want to add something. This girl's family is not very well off. She has a scholarship to a really good school, and i don't want to do anything to take this away from her.  

[ForeverDreamWithinADream]

She has to tell someone and report it as:

1. It's a crime and he needs to go to jail.

2. It can help prevent other potential victims. Chances are he would sexually abuse someone else if it isn't stopped now.

3. So she can get help and go to counselling which can help her to move on, plus it is a good idea if she goes to a clinic and get an exam just in case. Her physical health could be at risk.

It's not a pleasant or easy thing, but he needs to stop. Often victims of abuse have trouble concentrating, so it could also effect her school work as well.

It's the best thing and the right thing to do in my opinion. No one should have to go through with this and he shouldn't get away with it.

She shouldn't lose her scholarship if she reports him as it isn't her fault and she did nothing wrong, but if her grades start slipping she could lose it though.  

[NekrotikKannibal]

The first thing you need to do is report it. I would inform a teacher or the principal of your school. Tell them what she told you. They (the teachers and school administrators) are required to report any suspected cases of abuse to the proper authorities. Not telling anyone is only going to make the situation worse. I know you don't want to think about her possibly being removed from a good school. However, the right thing to do is to report it.

Your friend's brother needs help. The only way he is going to get help is if the proper authorities are alerted. If he doesn't receive help, it could potentially get worse. In other words, he could move on from molesting his sister to molesting other people.

I know it sounds like I'm accusing you or being mean, I'm not. She's your friend and I know you care about her, otherwise you wouldn't be asking what to do for her. In addition to reporting it, the other thing you can do is be there for her. What she's going through is tough and emotionally and mentally draining. Perhaps you can have a special day with her where you all do makeovers on each other or just spend the day doing whatever she wants. Let her talk to you whenever she needs to. Just listen. Don't interrupt or give advice unless she asks for it. Report the abuse and be there for her.  

[Impy Kun]

I agree with both of the above statements. Something needs to be done about this. It's hard to be the one who makes the decision to report something like this, but your friend will thank you for it later. Your friend may be able to get some help dealing with what happened to her, and her brother may be able to get help before he does something like this to someone else.  

[Taeryyn]

This does need to be reported, but there a few things to consider.

I would recommend first talking to your friend about reporting this to a teacher or counsellor, rather than reporting it yourself without telling her. If you are willing, then offer to go with her when she does talk to someone. Even though you have her best interests in mind, she would probably see it as a betrayal if you told someone without her knowledge.

I agree that the abuse needs to stop as soon as possible, but keep in mind what happens after a report is made. She probably will need to speak to a social worker, a doctor, and also the police. It's all a step in the right direction, but the process can be quite overwhelming, and I imagine she would rather not have it happen without warning.

Be there for her as best you can, and listen. Definitely encourage her to seek help and to report it, but don't pressure her. Give her some time.

If it continues, and she's still unwilling to report it ...
At that point, you may need to tell her that you're worried for her, and that you would like to report it. Hopefully it won't come to that. confused  

[Lady Kayura]

Your friend needs to report this and get the hell out of that house so her brother can't keep abusing her. Especially if her parents aren't doing s**t. Convince her to talk to a teacher or someone.  

[Stealer of Stars]

Something I notice that nobody has said anything about- if she has money issues, a social worker can help her for therapy and doctors. They can also help her find groups for support, and it wouldn't cost much or anything at all. I know, I've already been there. As her friend, you can help her by being there and supporting her, making things as normal as possible for her without completely crippling her. Her brother needs help, and if t gets reported, he may get taken from the home, but it should help. I feel for your friend, and I'm sorry this is happening to her. It's horrible, and the situation can be very bad. It is still a sore spot within my family, and it happened many years ago. Ask her to report it, and if she doesn't, then take initiative and report it for her. She may be upset, but at least you'll know you're being a true friend and doing all that you can to prevent it. In the long run, she'll appreciate it.  

[gothicchibee]

Along with everything above ,Be a very good friend for her and try your best to be there for her as much as you can even after you and her decide to report it ... As in if she wakes up at night and is unable to stay calm due to a horrible night mare or something and she calls or texts you or something answer her if you can just show her that she has someone because even though someone acts perfectly fine after awhile things will still chew at their heart and soul. Thing may just nag at her for quite awhile truthfully or even forever so help her to the best of your ability ....  

[Falsequivalence]

What I'm about to say will be doubtlessly useless.....

But one time, I heard about something similar happening, but it wasn't her brother. Not the point of the story. Anyway, I got pissed as I was bound to do. I knew the guy, and knew where I could get to him. So, I fought him, and hurt the hell out of him. I got arrested myself, which was fair. But, upon hearing the story of what happened from me, I got released. Still punished with around 72 hours of community service.
But he got it worse. Since he was over age, he ended up going to a state penitentiary for repeatedly sexually abusing her. It was not nice for him. I testified against him myself, and she had to too. Not that she was forced to, but I talked her into letting the story our.
And she was both mentally and emotionally broken. I could do nothing to help... because she hated me for saying anything about it without telling her I would first. She did end up saying it... but not until after I had first.
What I'm saying is, be careful. Stuff happens.... but remember who you're doing it for.  

[Sarah_L_Awesome]

It needs to be reported. It's against the law and it sounds like it's already shattered your friend.  

[Yoseisame]

I agree with what has been said. She needs to get out of that situation.  

[BSPBleach]

Taeryyn

This does need to be reported, but there a few things to consider.

I would recommend first talking to your friend about reporting this to a teacher or counsellor, rather than reporting it yourself without telling her. If you are willing, then offer to go with her when she does talk to someone. Even though you have her best interests in mind, she would probably see it as a betrayal if you told someone without her knowledge.

This^ being a concern hearing everyone say report it. It'd be like really bad if you reported it without her knowing. It'll also be better if she can bring herself to report it. She probably won't want to, but it should be brought up some time. Don't try and force it though, ask her a couple times if she'll do it, or bring up you want to do it(be sure to bring up some things in above posts like her health and grades could be in danger) and if she still refuses to report, go to a counselour or principal or teacher or whatever and tell them. They're all required to report abuse to the authorities. And this s**t needs to stop. Something like this is just....traumatizing. Chips away at your self-confidence and trust. So yeah, be there for her to talk to and such and do stuff she likes to do whether you ask her or surprise her smile