Gay Parenting

[SharpenedMoonlight]

Even as a small child, I always dreamed of parenting. I still do. I love raising kids. (After I've done stuff with my life and been places, once I've settled down)
But my children will be raised with two gay parents. Growing up with the LGBT stigma you get in a small country town, I know fully well that my husband's and my sexuality will be the cause of a lot of bullying for my children. As a parent, or thinking as one, the idea of that is heartbreaking. I don't want my children to be hurt at all, much less because of me. Almost makes me want to not have kids.
Also, sometimes I wonder what titles to use. I mean, I'm not gonna say "No, you don't have two dads", but what would we use to differentiate the parents? I don't really wanna be called mother, but I'm not exactly against it. But I can't think of any other title to use.

Eh, this is just what I think about when I'm sleep deprived.  

[RowenthaDark]

well....maybe the more fatherly of the relationship is Father and the more motherly of the relationship is Daddy?

thats really all i can think of, even though in my mind being called Father instead of Daddy is a bit impersonal...  

[Taeryyn]

I know a few same-sex couples with kids.
One couple is Dad and Papa, another is Mom and Momma, another is JoeDad and RichDad. My ex's parents were Mom and Sharon. I imagine it's just something that sorts itself out as the child grows up.

Nobody wants their kid to be bullied, but that sort of torment can happen to any kid, especially in a small town. Though, small town people can be surprisingly open-minded (depends on the community), and times are changing. You may end up living elsewhere, too. I grew up in a very isolated area, but ended up moving to a city.

Related: Twee Vaders  

[CheshireRawr]

I know what you mean. I've been asking myself the same questions lately. I mean I also want kids, but I would never want them to be bullied because of me. Which makes me not want to have any. But like Taeryyn said, times are changing, and its a lot more acceptable to have homosexual parents.

Taeryyn

That song got to me crying  

[9-of-Hearts]

I grew up with Mom and my stepmom since I was in third grade, when they got together. I wasn't bullied about them ever--then again, I'd stopped being super-open about the fact Mom was with Rina by about fifth grade, when I was bullied (mostly about looks, nothing else). Now I'm completely open about my parents, and try to fight for their equality--even back then, I wouldn't have stood for any mean comments about my family....I guess what I'm trying to say is I've never really been embarrassed by my amazing parents, and my adopted cousins seem to be growing up fine, well-behaved, and healthy with their two moms.

Taeryyn's suggestion of Dad and Papa actually makes sense to me. It kinda has a ring to it almost. Well, Taeryyn's comment in general made a lot of sense...Except for the small town I'd been in until age 7 wouldn't have applied.

Sorry, I'm sleep-deprived too, but I hope as an ally kid of gay parents, I could contribute at least a little something...  

[LolaCarstairs]

i know EXACTLY what you mean
me and my GF have been thinking of having kids
but weve come up with similar issues
and other issues as well  

[DJ Arctic Wolf]

i've always loved kids and would love to have some of my own someday. I know the only option I have is to adopt, but I still want kids dammit! lol I hope my prince (whoever it may be) and I will someday have beautiful children.

there's nothing wrong with gay parents anyway. We're the better parents b/c we know how to love better xp  

[Sin Error]

I'm on the same boat neutral
I want 3 kids, but I am so scared they'll get bullied, I'm scared of how people will treat them...

eaither way I'm having kids...we'll deal with all the s**t as a family.  

[Merchant of the Devil]

DJ Arctic Wolf

i've always loved kids and would love to have some of my own someday. I know the only option I have is to adopt, but I still want kids dammit! lol I hope my prince (whoever it may be) and I will someday have beautiful children.

there's nothing wrong with gay parents anyway. We're the better parents b/c we know how to love better xp

You could have a surrogate mother razz  

[ForeverDreamWithinADream]

First of all, sexuality doesn't make someone a better or worst parent or that they love better or worse. That sort of separates people and causes a bigger drift nor does it seem fair to say to or about any couple or parents. I've all kinds of parents, some good and some not. It had to do with their personality and how they raised the kids, not what their orientation was.

Anyways the dad/daddy/papa/father and mom/momma/mama/mommy titles make sense.

As for being bullied, unfortunately bullies can pick on people for all sorts of things. People are starting to become more open minded and accepting.  

[Guardian Arlen]

Unfortunately, bullying is a fact of life. You'll need to be even more dedicated to your child and be there for him or her when you adopt. You should do everything you can to help your child to cope with bullying, and have him or her be proud to have two fathers. When choosing school find one that has Safe Zones, and something I would do is have my child learn self defense to boost his or her confidence and know how to protect themselves if needed.

As for what to be called, you should discuss it with your lover. See what he has to say about it. Write up a list of names that you two wouldn't mind being called by your child, and then pick your favorite ones.  

[kittycross]

When I was about 6 my parents split and my mom came out. I think the only real problem that posed for me was the crap my father and my other mom's ex-husband started being not just a**holes, but completely psychotic. My other mom's kids weren't very keen on merging as a family and that did cause some domestic problems that contributed to my moms eventual splitting apart.
Your kids won't have to deal with any of that cat_xd

I don't know how close in your life you are to having kids, but I think it's great that you are thinking ahead.
If you live in a very homophobic town, maybe it might be for the best to move if you think it would really present a danger to your kids. If you get harassed or face discrimination regularly now, that would be the same thing they would likely face growing up although things can change over the years, responding to social trends and political climate.

As for what they would call you, calling two people "dad" would be confusing and get annoying, particularly when your kid says "Hey dad" and gets either two responses or none, each of you thinking that they meant the other.

For us, we just called our other mom by her first name because that's how we were introduced to her. Occasionally we would throw in a "Mom" just to be sure that she knew that we felt that way.

Some families will take custom from each side and have one Dad and one Pa, Pere, Oudere or Otosan; or one Mom and one Ama, Mere, Moeder or Okaasan. There's no reason you even have to be "dad" either.

Personally I would not go with "Mom" or "Mother" in the case of two male parents because of the confusion that could cause and I would really hate to feed that misconception that in a gay relation ship someone has to be the "man" and someone has to be the "woman" or reinforce the stereotype that all relationships have a dom and a sub or a femme to butch aspect.
Being happy, comfortable and proud of who you are helps your kids learn to feel that way about themselves

The important thing is that the child/children have someone who loves and cares for them. If there are two people together that love each other, that even better.  

[Lonewolfw2]

I am a mother of 2 kids and i am openly gay. When I was with my last GF my little ones called her by her name and i'm always mommy. They both do not get bullied because of me and my choices. As they like to tell people is that their mommy likes girls smile  

[Tsukasa wave]

Gay parenting is a good idea cause that means that there will be less children in orphanages and more in good homes 3nodding  

[RosesandBlood]

Tsukasa Wave

Gay parenting is a good idea cause that means that there will be less children in orphanages and more in good homes 3nodding

Here here! I approve at that.

Anyways. The titles. Dad and Daddy. Use 'Daddy' as the female term.

I want kids sooo bad. But I won't actually have the gall to bear them myself. I really find it displease I have to have a p***s inside me to get pregnant. No offense to men but it's gross and they stick those things anywhere (most themen around here are like that)
And since that makes me a lesbian (that my mom still denies me being *shrugs* but it helps her deal right?) I won't have a good chance of getting my own. There for I WILL ADOPT!

Why have kids when there are perfectly lovely children already out there in need of a loving mom/dad right? So many poor things who just want love but will never get it becuase the goverment makes us buy them or the rights to them or all that silly what not.

Now, bulling.... I dare anyone to say one thing to my child in attempts to degrade them to what I am. I dare them. I went through enough senseless bulling in school to not let a poor impressionable child of mine go through it! (in fact any child I know who is bullied or picked on is under my protect them field)
This includes my precious Neice and Nephews. I'll give them so many things to reply with it won't be funny. That or I'll be there to dry their tears and tell them all the silly reasons why.

Sorry, I ramble when sleep deprived. (and I'm insomniac so I'm always that way, heehee)