They call me stupid.. but I just dont care..

[Beautiful_Secrets 8811]

This might sound stupid.. but please. i could use any advice offered and i just need to vent..
i am 14 years old, i am a freshman and..im crazy over an 18 year old, who is a senior (obviously)

When i first met him, i was the new girl.. but i didnt really start talking to him until I asked his name because my friend wanted to know. I started liking him once I realized how cute and sweet he was when I bumped into him at walgreens one day. he didnt talk much, but he apologized the next day for not being able to talk. Then in December.. i really started to like him..

However, this crazy crush went on for a while until around january when we came back from winter break and i finally admitted to my friends i liked him. They began pushing me to talk to him, but I was always so shy.

Finally.. i had my first real conversation with him. It was about literally anything. my friends even took a picture of us without my knowing.

We would talk almost everyday.. always me making the first move to talk.

I found out he was a hockey player.. so i went to my first hockey game. and i met his mom not even knowing it. Turns out she's my sisters lunch lady and they talk.

I said hello to him after the game and he smiled and waved, trying to talk to me. He apologized for not being able to talk..

Then, my friend zana finally told me she was sick of it and got up and went over to talk to him. She came back to me telling me that he thought i was cute, and pretty, sweet, and kind.. but he didnt know if he'd date me because of our age.. understandable, right?

Then.. my best friend asked me if i had given him my number.. i said no. she told me i should.

I told her i would.. but never really got the balls until around a week later.. i finally gave him my number and told him he should text me sometime.

That night i sat by my phone like a fool, getting excited whenever my phone went off with that little hope it might be him.

It never was. He never texted me. Even up to now.. he still hasnt texted me.

A handfull of friends said i was being stupid..thinking it could never happen between a freshman and senior.

I ignored them all.

Then my sister came to me one day.. tellin me that his mom had said he talks about me all the time. how he thinks im wonderful..

i got even crazier..

We continued to talk almost everyday..

It got to the point where he made frequent visits in my dreams, id find myself writing his name, every love song made me think of him, i smiled at the mere thought of him..

every now and then id get depressed, convinced it'd never happen.

I cried over it a few times.. and he drove me insane and was never off my mind

My best friend told me i needed closure.. this was about 2-3 weeks ago..

I agreed and went to him the next day, telling him i really needed to talk to him.

The next day.. was the talk.

I was stressing all that night and all that day until that one 40 minute period I have with him came. The first 20 minutes were spent of me being shy and hesitant.

Finally.... i walked over to him.

He greeted me happily, happier than usually, and I was quiet. complete change in character as far as he's concerned.

I didn't know how to confront it so I just said, "Okay.. so i just really need to get this off my chest. I'm sure.. you of all people.. know I like you. Because.. apparently I made it obvious.."

He just kinda smiled and nodded.

I tried explaining what he does to me. Telling him that my friends call me stupid but "I can't not like you.. its been driving me crazy.."

He told me he understood completely.

So i broke the ice by starting a new conversation.

When the bell rung.. i asked him a stupid question..

"Out of my own curiosity.. and id hate to make things weird.. but.. d-do you like me..at all?"

He shook his head, "No, im sorry. its nothing against you.. i mean, age is part of it, but--"

I just nodded and told him i understood.. putting on a fake smile and going along with my day.

I almost cried several times.

As the days went by I found it less and less painful and felt better. I actually thought i was over him and th 5-month-crush.

But then.. i realized i wasnt.

Still.. when i look at him.. when i have small talks with him.. when we act like friends.. it hurts.

I found out im right back where i started.. but.. i dont know what to do.

Some of my friends ignore it and tell me he wasnt worth my time or tears.
Other friends tell me he lied to me, that he does like me.. but i need to get over him soon..

I dont know.

I need to get over him, but I just can't find the will to or even want to. It hurts.. so much, looking at him everyday.

It hurts.. so much.

Whenever I think about him.. whenever I recall this whole story.. I get depressed and frustrated.

I've had nothing but hurt.. and this was a stab wound that just stings.

Please help me... am I doing the right thing trying to get over him or should I try again?  

[Zero-Two-One]

If anyone says they haven't had a powerful crush on someone when they were fourteen, they're lying. Being young and harboring such intense feelings and desires can be more than overwhelming... I can assure you that being hesitant and uncertain in this situation does not mean you're stupid. It is... a little unfair that you had such a crush on someone so much older than you... Mostly because of the experience difference. To you, this could all be very new and very alien... But to him, it's something he's been through already and might be a little more comfortable with. If anything at all, it's that experience gap that should be a thing to be wary of. In my opinion, anyway.
My advice is to accept the hurt, and accept the feelings... Don't beat yourself up for being inexperienced... Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and move on. Because you're so much younger, you shouldn't have to wait for your crush to decide he likes you.
So, yes, trying to get over him and moving on is the right decision. Once again, in my opinion.

I do hope this helped... It's been a few weeks since you posted this topic, so maybe you already stuck to a decision.

Whatever you do, be sure to keep your chin up. The younger teen years is a scary time, but not nearly as scary if you look it in the eye. So to speak.

Sincerely,
~Zero


PS: (So sorry for the extremely long reply xp )