How to get over friends/family drifting away from God?

[Aquatic_blue]

I've been thinking about a lot of things lately and have noticed changes in my relationships for people. It brings me a lot of heartache and worry and when I see my friends and family drift away from the word or don't accept God completely after a point and doubt their faith. They haven't necessarily come to me with these issues, but I can see that for example, my parents and know God exists, but twist the scripture to justify their situation and the way that they act. I remember telling them what I believe when they ask or ask a question to where I would have to mention what I believe and why and I suppose that is already planting a seed and only God can allow it to grow. My friend, I used to look up to her and she had so much faith is what it seemed like to me and that she was strong in God and she left for an internship in another state and boarded with other people that were into bringing people over to have sex, heavy partying/clubbing, getting drunk, etc. and it worries me because she always came back different and I've knew her for like 11 years before she left for this internship that she kept going back and forth to so I know how she acts. She came back different and some of the things she said worried me and didn't sound exactly godly. I remember talking to her about The Holy Bible for a while when I had her come over for a while and we talked about that for about 10 - 15 minutes before she had to go. I just see that on the internet her posts don't seem godly at all, she's so hungry for people's attention - even if it hurts someone else's feelings, and I'm afraid she's drifted a bit before then and I heard on that internship that many people have fallen away from God that were good Christians because of things that went on, I suppose. I know there was also a group in that internship that would get together and read the Bible on breaks or something of that sort and they kept going strong in their faith.

I suppose I worry and feel like I've done what I can do, especially since all these people have become distant from me. How can I get over this emotionally, mentally, and spiritually? It's so hard to see people drift or barely be hanging on and on top of that, ignore me when I only want to help. It makes me sad and I wonder if you ever get used to it. I guess I feel like I should be confident because I have done what I can do and that I should just let it go, but I have a hard time trying. Some days I forget about it and other days I think about it all day and think, "What can I possibly do for them?" and then tell myself, "I've already done all that I can do." I'm not sure how many of you feel that way, but I"m sure there's a good amount of you that do. I would like to hear your advice on this because it drives me crazy on the inside sad  

[Garland-Green]

That is a really hard one. The company we keep really does affect us as persons, and I seem remember reading something about not being yoked together with unbelievers. Not sure about the verse... But your friend keep bad company, and she seemed to have gone into it unprepared to what she would met, and maybe she didn't have a good support system.

If she knows God's word I bet the Holy Spirit is pulling at her heart...
He does with me when I am in the wrong.

Here is a promise though that Jesus made:

John 6:37
All that the Father gives me shall come to me; and he that comes to me I will in no wise cast out.  

[Aquatic_blue]

Garland-Green

That is a really hard one. The company we keep really does affect us as persons, and I seem remember reading something about not being yoked together with unbelievers. Not sure about the verse... But your friend keep bad company, and she seemed to have gone into it unprepared to what she would met, and maybe she didn't have a good support system.

If she knows God's word I bet the Holy Spirit is pulling at her heart...
He does with me when I am in the wrong.

Here is a promise though that Jesus made:

John 6:37
All that the Father gives me shall come to me; and he that comes to me I will in no wise cast out.

I don't think my friend gets the best support from her mom and I know her mom does things that aren't very Christian. I've confronted her mom about these things, but all she does is get angry because she's used to people telling her how awesome she is and isn't used to anyone telling her that she's wrong. Her whole family doesn't care for me much anymore. Her older sister sent me a threat a while ago for deleting her off of facebook and her other sister acted like she cared to get back on my friends list. Some of the reasons I don't have a Facebook anymore. I can see that she probably doesn't get a lot of support from her mom and now her mom doesn't like me.

It's just so hard since my friend used to be such an amazing friend. She was always there for me, I could tell her everything, and we could talk about anything. When she went on the Disney World internship, it's like she just changed. When she was away, she didn't text or call unless I did first and I got frustrated when she wouldn't respond for days or not at all. I met her when I was only a kid so we've grown up together and that just doesn't erase in your mind. She grew up Christian and she was a nice and caring friend. It's just after she went on this Disney World internship, she changed. First, she started becoming more concerned about her appearance and dressing more girly than she had in the past years and acting more girly. Second, she seems a lot more used to having sex, alcohol, etc. around her all the time. Third, she starts ignoring me and fading out and I noticed she doesn't care about the feelings of others like sh eused to. I hate to give up on her, but I've started fading out as well and if she wants to contact me, she has my number and knows where I live so she will. It's just hard for me to get over emotionally because I've asked her if I've done anything wrong or what's been going on because she's been acting distant and she says that she's just used to living on her own, but the problem is that is that she craves so much attention and she used to hang out with co-workers and stuff all the time from what her Facebook said. So, I'm just like, "Whatever." She still goes to church and stuff, but her behavior has seemed so different and not as caring as she should be. I'm sure if she knows God's word in her heart then it must be trying to communicate with her somewhere in there, and that doesn't mean that people don't choose to ignore it. I'm just afraid that she chooses to ignore it, but I hope that's not the case and that God's word keeps working in her heart and that she accepts it fully.

My parents are harder for me to ignore. They've done thinks that I now think on and think of as questionable and what they believe definitely isn't following the Bible as much as possible because they twist scripture around. My parents are harder to deal with than not since when my husband and I are around, they hesitate on saying a lot and there's a lot of awkward silences. However, when I'm alone around them, they say rude things about my husband. I'm not sure which is worse, them not saying anything or saying a bunch of things that are rude. It bothers me when people don't say something because a certain person is around. They see me as weak, I suppose, and feel they can tell me whatever they like when I'm alone. Perhaps they feel they can sway my opinion to believe what they do by using guilt and insults. I know in the Bible it says that mother will turn against daughter and all of that. Perhaps this is just how it's meant to be. I am just struggling with whether to keep myself separated or not because they are my parents. It's difficult on that matter =[ it's taking a toll on me emotionally at times.

With the unequally yoked verse...eh...I suppose in life I haven't followed that one to the wire. My husband and I were unequally yoked for a while and he had it with my church and explained things that weren't exactly right. I changed my beliefs because they were explained to me in a way they made more sense. We became equally yoked shortly after we got married. When I went to a public school, I became friends with whoever was willing to be friends. I usually didn't get into incredibly bad crowds so my judgement in friends was fairly good most of the time. Also, even though I am not hanging around people who are believers, I feel like I could make an impact. Although, if the company was super bad - I usually could see it as a problem and get that out of my life.

I do pray for these people in my life and the ones who aren't in my life and that sometimes soothes me because I know it's in God's hands, but sometimes - days later, I feel all the emotions hit me like a brick and I feel depressed. These things are beyond my control and I think for a while, "This is in God's hands, but what should I do?" and it doesn't make sense to me. Perhaps I still lack some faith or feel helpless because I can't do anything.

Thanks for responding smile you're the first. I suppose most people don't know what to say about it. I suppose I expect full honesty as well when someone responds and perhaps the truth is hard to handle at times.  

[calwri]

When you are stressed and/or depressed, pray to God to take the burden off your shoulders. Ask Him to grant you a heart of peace and for Him to help you solve your problems, for you are never alone. F.R.O.G - Fully Rely On God. It helps, and you will feel calmer immediately.

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” (Matthew 11:28-30)  

[SinfulGuillotine]

Unfortunately, we cannot help people who won't help themselves. It can be extremely difficult to feel as if you're standing idly by while someone you care about is making bad decisions and going down a dark path, but ultimately all you can do is make sure they know they can grab your hand if and when they need someone to help pull them out of the hole they've dug for themselves, and pray for them to find their right path.

It's rough, but try to take some solace in knowing that you're doing the right thing. Even if it doesn't feel like it's enough, it is.  

[Aquatic_blue]

Dramatica Angeliqua

When you are stressed and/or depressed, pray to God to take the burden off your shoulders. Ask Him to grant you a heart of peace and for Him to help you solve your problems, for you are never alone. F.R.O.G - Fully Rely On God. It helps, and you will feel calmer immediately.

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” (Matthew 11:28-30)

I shall keep trying. It's just...when I pray about it, it's good for a few days and then it hits me really hard again and I freak out like, "What am I going to do about this?" and all of that. Sometimes when my parents rarely ask me out to dinner, that triggers it because I don't feel comfortable going to their house, but I haven't been able to truly talk to them about my feelings and have them listen. I suppose I sometimes feel bad about praying about the same thing each time I pray or a few times a week since God does know our problems. Maybe I feel selfish in a way when there are so many other problems in this world? I shall keep doing that, though, when needed.  

[calwri]

Aquatic_blue

Dramatica Angeliqua

When you are stressed and/or depressed, pray to God to take the burden off your shoulders. Ask Him to grant you a heart of peace and for Him to help you solve your problems, for you are never alone. F.R.O.G - Fully Rely On God. It helps, and you will feel calmer immediately.

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” (Matthew 11:28-30)

I shall keep trying. It's just...when I pray about it, it's good for a few days and then it hits me really hard again and I freak out like, "What am I going to do about this?" and all of that. Sometimes when my parents rarely ask me out to dinner, that triggers it because I don't feel comfortable going to their house, but I haven't been able to truly talk to them about my feelings and have them listen. I suppose I sometimes feel bad about praying about the same thing each time I pray or a few times a week since God does know our problems. Maybe I feel selfish in a way when there are so many other problems in this world? I shall keep doing that, though, when needed.

Maybe it's time for you to express your feelings to your parents if you haven't already... Do you think they would understand?  

[Aquatic_blue]

SinfulGuillotine

Unfortunately, we cannot help people who won't help themselves. It can be extremely difficult to feel as if you're standing idly by while someone you care about is making bad decisions and going down a dark path, but ultimately all you can do is make sure they know they can grab your hand if and when they need someone to help pull them out of the hole they've dug for themselves, and pray for them to find their right path.

It's rough, but try to take some solace in knowing that you're doing the right thing. Even if it doesn't feel like it's enough, it is.

Yeah, it is difficult because now since I've grown more in God's word and I'm still growing, I see a lot more. When I grew up believing what my parents did, I didn't know that anything was wrong with it. When I got older, stuff didn't feel right, but I thought, "Well, it can't be what I believe that's the problem because Mom and Dad believe it..." and now since I know the truth and have changed my beliefs slightly, it's been distant and it's hard to express my true feelings because they turn it around and put the blame on me, or they ignore it. I feel like my parents don't truly listen to me and have felt that way all my life. Communication feels complicated with them at times because if I discuss what I think about something or how I feel about something they are doing as parents, it's usually shot down quickly. I'm not sure if they think it's because I'm a woman and I shouldn't have a say or if it's due to the way they believe and have been raised. I could never figure it out and lately I've felt they've been hiding so much and won't communicate with me and it makes me anxious about the situation because I don't know what they're thinking or what their true intents are anymore. I feel guilty because I shouldn't think like that because they are my parents, but I do. I suppose I put more guilt on myself for not being able to solve the situation, but I feel like sometimes I act like the more mature person and they are immature about it or don't take me seriously. Some days it makes me never want to talk to my parents again and other times, it makes me want to try to find a solution so I don't have to deal with this anymore.

With my friend, it's incredibly hard since I've known her so long sad and we used to be so tight and could trust each other so much. Now a days, I feel like she can't trust me with anything. For some reason, she just doesn't contact me anymore. It's been easier to fade away a bit, though, because I've made the effort to communicate and hang out and now it's her turn. It's already been a month and she hasn't even bothered to say, "Hi." so she probably doesn't care about preserving the friendship that much.

It's been a bit easier to fade out from my friend than it has been with my family, I suppose. My family plays more off of guilt and makes people feel bad when they've done nothing wrong. I suppose it's harder emotionally to separate from my family because I don't think they'd take that well. I don't want to give up on them, but I know their influence doesn't seem to do a whole lot of good on me, emotionally. I don't know whether I should go all out and stand up for myself or what. I don't like confrontations all that much and I feel like they try to set me up for confrontations by going to their house, inviting me to go out when my husband isn't home, and it makes me scared. When I try to meet with them in public, they don't seem to appreciate the idea. I'll accomodate for them, but they don't really accomadate for me. It's hard to tell my parents I don't feel comfortable around them and there are some issues I hate to bring up because I have found out they have lied to me a lot of my life. It makes me uncomfortable that they lied about that, but if I bring it up, they might think I know too much and even though my parents haven't hurt me physically...some how I've had this feeling that they will try it...even though there is no basis for that feeling that I know of. I just don't feel safe around them at all. sad

I keep on praying for them. I just don't know why I don't feel safe around my parents at all so it's hard for me to get out to confront them about issues or talk to them. I feel safer meeting in a public place with them, but I don't feel comfortable being alone, but they won't talk about what they are wanting to say because my husband is around. They see him as a threat, I suppose, because he'll stand up for me. I just know in life they probably saw me as the weak and most vulnerable and they like to take advantage of that. I never want to meet them alone, but I'll never know what they want to say unless I do. I have wanted to get down to the truth about a lot of these things, but I think there's stuff they don't want me to find out and people will do a lot to keep a family secret undercover if someone figures it out. It's hard for me to say I'll be there for them because I somehow feel they don't care a whole lot for me...so I feel in a rut and don't know what to do >_<

I will try to do my best to know I'm doing the right thing. I'll keep trying to press on that I am even though I feel that I'm not.  

[Aquatic_blue]

Dramatica Angeliqua

Aquatic_blue

Dramatica Angeliqua

When you are stressed and/or depressed, pray to God to take the burden off your shoulders. Ask Him to grant you a heart of peace and for Him to help you solve your problems, for you are never alone. F.R.O.G - Fully Rely On God. It helps, and you will feel calmer immediately.

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” (Matthew 11:28-30)

I shall keep trying. It's just...when I pray about it, it's good for a few days and then it hits me really hard again and I freak out like, "What am I going to do about this?" and all of that. Sometimes when my parents rarely ask me out to dinner, that triggers it because I don't feel comfortable going to their house, but I haven't been able to truly talk to them about my feelings and have them listen. I suppose I sometimes feel bad about praying about the same thing each time I pray or a few times a week since God does know our problems. Maybe I feel selfish in a way when there are so many other problems in this world? I shall keep doing that, though, when needed.

Maybe it's time for you to express your feelings to your parents if you haven't already... Do you think they would understand?

I feel afraid of my parents for some reason...like there's stuff they don't want me to figure out. I've looked through my medical records and have been shocked and missing information on my birth certificate and when I ask if there was a data entry error, my parents look at each other like they're trying to keep from saying something. I feel incredibly insecure and thinking about certain times in my life, I feel that they don't care as much as they should.

When I lived with them, I tried to explain to them my true feelings about how I felt when my parents would get onto me and my sister about stuff, but would spoil my brother to death and he'd rarely ever get in trouble and he was a brat. They ended up turning the situation around on me by telling me I don't act nice, I don't act like a Christian lady should, I still get in fights and get mad at my brother, and stuff like that...so they truly didn't listen to my point of view. One time they told me, "When your brother is picking on you - come and tell us." One time I was sitting watching TV and my brother threw a piece of his ice cream cone at my face and I ignored it. He then threw a glob of ice cream at my face and I ignored it. Then he jammed my toes badly and I thought they were broken. I went back to my parents room and my brother tried to trip me on the way there. When I got there with some ice cream on my face and hurt toes I told my Mom I hadn't done anything to him and I was coming to tell her so she could take care of the problem and the first sentence out of her mouth was, "Well, what did you do to him?" She never believed me and that hurt. I feel like she can't even trust me.

My parents offer my husband and I their leftover food. Sometimes I feel it's rude because it's the food they don't want that they are giving to us and if we don't take it, they make us feel guilty and say that we are the ones wasting food. My husband also has some food allergies so I want to be more careful. When I explained to my Mom, "I don't accept your leftovers because I don't know how long they've been in the fridge, how long it sat out after it was cooked, and I don't know of all the ingredients." and she turns it around on me and says, "You just think I'll give you bad food crying !" and she says that I'm hurting her and all of that. My reasons to me sounded incredibly reasonable, but they weren't reasonable enough for her. She took it offensively and I'm not sure why.

My parents don't seem to understand and turn things back on me a lot of the time sad they make it my fault. So I don't ever feel like they truly take me seriously. D= It's hard to talk to people that won't take you seriously. So I can't say they'll understand because they somehow don't seem to understand what I'm saying...  

[calwri]

Aquatic_blue

Dramatica Angeliqua

Aquatic_blue

Dramatica Angeliqua

When you are stressed and/or depressed, pray to God to take the burden off your shoulders. Ask Him to grant you a heart of peace and for Him to help you solve your problems, for you are never alone. F.R.O.G - Fully Rely On God. It helps, and you will feel calmer immediately.

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” (Matthew 11:28-30)

I shall keep trying. It's just...when I pray about it, it's good for a few days and then it hits me really hard again and I freak out like, "What am I going to do about this?" and all of that. Sometimes when my parents rarely ask me out to dinner, that triggers it because I don't feel comfortable going to their house, but I haven't been able to truly talk to them about my feelings and have them listen. I suppose I sometimes feel bad about praying about the same thing each time I pray or a few times a week since God does know our problems. Maybe I feel selfish in a way when there are so many other problems in this world? I shall keep doing that, though, when needed.

Maybe it's time for you to express your feelings to your parents if you haven't already... Do you think they would understand?

I feel afraid of my parents for some reason...like there's stuff they don't want me to figure out. I've looked through my medical records and have been shocked and missing information on my birth certificate and when I ask if there was a data entry error, my parents look at each other like they're trying to keep from saying something. I feel incredibly insecure and thinking about certain times in my life, I feel that they don't care as much as they should.

When I lived with them, I tried to explain to them my true feelings about how I felt when my parents would get onto me and my sister about stuff, but would spoil my brother to death and he'd rarely ever get in trouble and he was a brat. They ended up turning the situation around on me by telling me I don't act nice, I don't act like a Christian lady should, I still get in fights and get mad at my brother, and stuff like that...so they truly didn't listen to my point of view. One time they told me, "When your brother is picking on you - come and tell us." One time I was sitting watching TV and my brother threw a piece of his ice cream cone at my face and I ignored it. He then threw a glob of ice cream at my face and I ignored it. Then he jammed my toes badly and I thought they were broken. I went back to my parents room and my brother tried to trip me on the way there. When I got there with some ice cream on my face and hurt toes I told my Mom I hadn't done anything to him and I was coming to tell her so she could take care of the problem and the first sentence out of her mouth was, "Well, what did you do to him?" She never believed me and that hurt. I feel like she can't even trust me.

My parents offer my husband and I their leftover food. Sometimes I feel it's rude because it's the food they don't want that they are giving to us and if we don't take it, they make us feel guilty and say that we are the ones wasting food. My husband also has some food allergies so I want to be more careful. When I explained to my Mom, "I don't accept your leftovers because I don't know how long they've been in the fridge, how long it sat out after it was cooked, and I don't know of all the ingredients." and she turns it around on me and says, "You just think I'll give you bad food crying !" and she says that I'm hurting her and all of that. My reasons to me sounded incredibly reasonable, but they weren't reasonable enough for her. She took it offensively and I'm not sure why.

My parents don't seem to understand and turn things back on me a lot of the time sad they make it my fault. So I don't ever feel like they truly take me seriously. D= It's hard to talk to people that won't take you seriously. So I can't say they'll understand because they somehow don't seem to understand what I'm saying...

You're writing from your very heart how you feel on here. All I can think is that you can print out everything you're saying on here and show them to your parents. Maybe you can keep a diary to write your thoughts and feelings. Pray that your parents will one day understand.  

[SinfulGuillotine]

*cyber hug*

Dealing with difficult parents is the worst. My mother didn't speak to me for about four years after I came out of the closet and announced that I was going to music school in another country, instead of medical school in the same city. She threw a fit and kicked me out of my father's funeral (I wouldn't have even known that he'd died if my sister hadn't contacted me.) She told her friends that I'd died in a car accident if any of them asked about me. The few times I tried to call her, she hung up as soon as she realised who it was. Before he died, she tried to convince my father to write me out of the will. It was pretty ridiculous.

The reason we're back on friendly speaking terms these days is that I wrote her a letter. That way she couldn't walk away from me or hang up on me or interrupt me. I mean, I guess she could have just tossed it in the fire, but thankfully she didn't. I poured my heart and soul into that letter. I told her everything I needed to tell her, whether it was good, bad, or ugly. I told her how much her behaviour towards me hurt me, I reminded her that I was her son in every way I knew how...I mean, this was my last ditch attempt to just be on speaking terms with my own mother. It was very long, I cried like a baby most of the way through writing it, she cried when she read it....it was THAT kind of letter.

About two weeks after posting it, I got a phonecall. And it was dear old mum, ready to speak to her eldest at long last. And I mean, it's still not easy. I think she and my partner will always be mortal enemies (he hates her because of how she treated me, and she hates him because she's convinced herself that he corrupted her precious little boy and that if I'd never met him, I'd somehow now be living the life she always wanted for me), and I've just sort of accepted that as a battle I can't win.

Anyway, enough about me. Sorry about that. Sometimes I babble. Your situation is completely different from my own, but I do recommend writing them a letter, if you haven't already tried that.

It sounds like you still live near them. Have you considered trying to put some physical distance between you and your parents? You don't have to move to the other side of the world or anything. Maybe just the next town or two over. Simply not being able to see one another as often can do wonders for the adult parent/child relationship.

Why is it that you don't feel safe around them? Is it just a feeling you have? Because not feeling safe around one's own parents has got to be an awful feeling. But that's another good reason to try the letter approach. That way they can hear (well, read) what you have to say, but you don't need to be anywhere near them when they do.

And I know what you mean with the friends vs. Family thing. While it can certainly be painful to watch a friendship sort of drift away, your family is...well, you're kind of stuck with them. And no matter what terrible crisis they're dragging you into...well, it's a lot harder to just turn your back on them.

I'll keep you in my prayers. Hang in there, and God bless!  

[Aquatic_blue]

Dramatica Angeliqua

Aquatic_blue

Dramatica Angeliqua

Aquatic_blue

Dramatica Angeliqua

When you are stressed and/or depressed, pray to God to take the burden off your shoulders. Ask Him to grant you a heart of peace and for Him to help you solve your problems, for you are never alone. F.R.O.G - Fully Rely On God. It helps, and you will feel calmer immediately.

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” (Matthew 11:28-30)

I shall keep trying. It's just...when I pray about it, it's good for a few days and then it hits me really hard again and I freak out like, "What am I going to do about this?" and all of that. Sometimes when my parents rarely ask me out to dinner, that triggers it because I don't feel comfortable going to their house, but I haven't been able to truly talk to them about my feelings and have them listen. I suppose I sometimes feel bad about praying about the same thing each time I pray or a few times a week since God does know our problems. Maybe I feel selfish in a way when there are so many other problems in this world? I shall keep doing that, though, when needed.

Maybe it's time for you to express your feelings to your parents if you haven't already... Do you think they would understand?

I feel afraid of my parents for some reason...like there's stuff they don't want me to figure out. I've looked through my medical records and have been shocked and missing information on my birth certificate and when I ask if there was a data entry error, my parents look at each other like they're trying to keep from saying something. I feel incredibly insecure and thinking about certain times in my life, I feel that they don't care as much as they should.

When I lived with them, I tried to explain to them my true feelings about how I felt when my parents would get onto me and my sister about stuff, but would spoil my brother to death and he'd rarely ever get in trouble and he was a brat. They ended up turning the situation around on me by telling me I don't act nice, I don't act like a Christian lady should, I still get in fights and get mad at my brother, and stuff like that...so they truly didn't listen to my point of view. One time they told me, "When your brother is picking on you - come and tell us." One time I was sitting watching TV and my brother threw a piece of his ice cream cone at my face and I ignored it. He then threw a glob of ice cream at my face and I ignored it. Then he jammed my toes badly and I thought they were broken. I went back to my parents room and my brother tried to trip me on the way there. When I got there with some ice cream on my face and hurt toes I told my Mom I hadn't done anything to him and I was coming to tell her so she could take care of the problem and the first sentence out of her mouth was, "Well, what did you do to him?" She never believed me and that hurt. I feel like she can't even trust me.

My parents offer my husband and I their leftover food. Sometimes I feel it's rude because it's the food they don't want that they are giving to us and if we don't take it, they make us feel guilty and say that we are the ones wasting food. My husband also has some food allergies so I want to be more careful. When I explained to my Mom, "I don't accept your leftovers because I don't know how long they've been in the fridge, how long it sat out after it was cooked, and I don't know of all the ingredients." and she turns it around on me and says, "You just think I'll give you bad food crying !" and she says that I'm hurting her and all of that. My reasons to me sounded incredibly reasonable, but they weren't reasonable enough for her. She took it offensively and I'm not sure why.

My parents don't seem to understand and turn things back on me a lot of the time sad they make it my fault. So I don't ever feel like they truly take me seriously. D= It's hard to talk to people that won't take you seriously. So I can't say they'll understand because they somehow don't seem to understand what I'm saying...

You're writing from your very heart how you feel on here. All I can think is that you can print out everything you're saying on here and show them to your parents. Maybe you can keep a diary to write your thoughts and feelings. Pray that your parents will one day understand.

Yeah, it's a matter that truly bothers me from deep down inside. It helps to talk about it to those online or my husband. I am just unsure what to do about the matter. I could try writing it out more often. Writing definitely helps in the long run.

I'll re-read everything I wrote and write out what I would like to say one day. It might set things straight in my mind a bit better and think how to phrase it in the most non-offensive way I can. smile Haven't really thought about writing it all down or what I would like to say. ^_^ Perhaps I'll get a chance to talk to them in some way, too. I do pray as well that my parents will at least hear what I have to say when I do say it, that's all I ask for.  

[Aquatic_blue]

SinfulGuillotine

*cyber hug*

Dealing with difficult parents is the worst. My mother didn't speak to me for about four years after I came out of the closet and announced that I was going to music school in another country, instead of medical school in the same city. She threw a fit and kicked me out of my father's funeral (I wouldn't have even known that he'd died if my sister hadn't contacted me.) She told her friends that I'd died in a car accident if any of them asked about me. The few times I tried to call her, she hung up as soon as she realised who it was. Before he died, she tried to convince my father to write me out of the will. It was pretty ridiculous.

The reason we're back on friendly speaking terms these days is that I wrote her a letter. That way she couldn't walk away from me or hang up on me or interrupt me. I mean, I guess she could have just tossed it in the fire, but thankfully she didn't. I poured my heart and soul into that letter. I told her everything I needed to tell her, whether it was good, bad, or ugly. I told her how much her behaviour towards me hurt me, I reminded her that I was her son in every way I knew how...I mean, this was my last ditch attempt to just be on speaking terms with my own mother. It was very long, I cried like a baby most of the way through writing it, she cried when she read it....it was THAT kind of letter.

About two weeks after posting it, I got a phonecall. And it was dear old mum, ready to speak to her eldest at long last. And I mean, it's still not easy. I think she and my partner will always be mortal enemies (he hates her because of how she treated me, and she hates him because she's convinced herself that he corrupted her precious little boy and that if I'd never met him, I'd somehow now be living the life she always wanted for me), and I've just sort of accepted that as a battle I can't win.

Anyway, enough about me. Sorry about that. Sometimes I babble. Your situation is completely different from my own, but I do recommend writing them a letter, if you haven't already tried that.

It sounds like you still live near them. Have you considered trying to put some physical distance between you and your parents? You don't have to move to the other side of the world or anything. Maybe just the next town or two over. Simply not being able to see one another as often can do wonders for the adult parent/child relationship.

Why is it that you don't feel safe around them? Is it just a feeling you have? Because not feeling safe around one's own parents has got to be an awful feeling. But that's another good reason to try the letter approach. That way they can hear (well, read) what you have to say, but you don't need to be anywhere near them when they do.

And I know what you mean with the friends vs. Family thing. While it can certainly be painful to watch a friendship sort of drift away, your family is...well, you're kind of stuck with them. And no matter what terrible crisis they're dragging you into...well, it's a lot harder to just turn your back on them.

I'll keep you in my prayers. Hang in there, and God bless!

Wow sad I'm really sorry that you deal with difficult parents as well. It definitely hurts relationships when that communication line is broken or breaking >_<

That's incredibly hurtful for your mom to do that sad I can't believe she'd tell people that you had passed on. I would be sad if I ever found out my parents said that evertime someone asked about me. I've heard of families also having problems over what is in a death will and parents have given everything to one out of their many children and ignore the ones that actually tried or something like that. It's sad, really.

I like using letters because they are less confrontational and the giver and receiver of the letter has time to think on their own and act out in whatever way they do to such words. I wonder if that would work on my end. When I left my parents church, I sent a letter to everyone in their church (it's not all that big) and told them I was leaving their church, but also putting in some positive notes, too. I also sent the letter to my parents mail and they claimed that they never got it and told me how confused they were when they arrived at church and people were talking about it. It's possible that it got lost in the mail, but the post office is in town and so is their house so it'd only take a day to get to them and I seriously doubt they lost local mail. It's entirely possible, and when I brought an extra copy just in case they said, "We already got a copy from someone at church." All the described it to me was shock and confusion. In the end, they made me feel like an idiot for writing that letter in the first place. One time, I wrote my Dad a letter about a person issue I already confronted him about when I lived with my parents and I put it on top of his work clothes so he'd read it in the morning. I know he read it because he folded it and put it under some books by his bed. However, he never said anything about it and didn't deal with the problem until years later. I will consider the possibility of a personal letter to only them, though, about this. I will pray about it, too.

I'm glad you are on good terms with your mother, though. If a letter was what it took then that's good that you made that happen so she could read it smile Perhaps it also gave her time to truly reflect on her feelings and other things, too.

I know it probably still isn't all easy. I know that when I talked to my parents they gave me hugs and said I can believe the way I want to and not to assume things about them. Once I told them things I shouldn't have about my in-laws, she completely distanced herself from me. So I have that feeling that she used me for information and she tricked me into telling it to her. I suppose I thought for once she was understanding me and then when she ignored me after that day, it hurt and made me feel so bad about what I said. I wish I could take it back, but I can't.

My husband doesn't care for my parents much because he feels they never listen to me. When I introduced my parents to him, he felt that they didn't care about anything I had to say, that they didn't listen, and that they don't seem to want to understand. He tries his best to get along with them and I understand if he doesn't get along with them. I mean, when my husband and I are around my parents will hold back what they're saying, but when I am alone with my parents, they will try to force their beliefs on me and talk bad about my husband and that hurts. So it leads me to think that their intentions aren't good.


Don't worry, you aren't babbling smile you're just infusing your life experience into support and advice, which can help a lot get to a specific point =]

Yes, they still do live nearby, and my parents have put some distance in between. They rarely contact and when they do, it is by text, even though when I try to text them they tell me that's no way to have a conversation so I don't quite understand that. There has been some physical distance and at times, I have gone along with it. It usually lasts anywhere from weeks to a month or so at a time. They don't come over and I feel uneasy to go to their house. So there is that space even though we live in the same town. One day, I do plan on moving to truly get away from it all and concentrate on life more and growing in Christ. Also, to keep my stress levels down because they run high in this town and it's not all due to my parents. So far, it hasn't really helped. We've had distance of not talking and not seeing each other for a while and then we try to meet up with them and when my husband is around they won't say anything and when I end up running errands with my Mom and stuff, she talks bad about my husband. She has said some pretty extreme things to me before like when I had a crush on someone who was the opposite skin color as me she'd say, "I prefer you to date and marry someone one day that's the same skin color as you and is preferably Christian!" My husband and I aren't completely opposite in skin color and race, but I suppose we look different enough to be considered interracial. I confronted her about when she used that sentence or when she was talking about my ex that she liked a lot (perhaps because his skin color was the same or because he seemed nice, although he lied about being a Christian and acted liked a gentleman when his other actions along the way told me otherwise) when my husband isn't around and she says, "I never said that!" the problem is, when she's around Dad, she'll deny saying stuff that she said while my Dad was at work.

I also feel guilty because my parents marriage sometimes doesn't feel like it's running smoothly. That's not my issue to deal with for sure, but I feel guilty about it. I feel guilty because Mom would never do stuff with us. She did most of her parenting from the couch because she was a couch potato and still is a bit. My Dad would take me and my siblings out bowling, fishing, hiking, etc. and my Mom would never want to go. It made me sad because we hardly went out and did stuff as a family. My Dad is interested in rocks and I went to a rock and gem show with him to get out of the house one day. I did learn quite a bit at the show and my Dad was so excited that someone went with him. I did go to get out of the house, but he then wanted me to go to every rock and gem show around town or in nearby towns with him. I'd also go fossil and rock hunting with him because no one else wanted to go. It breaks my heart that my Mom never does anything with my Dad except for eat or watch TV with him. I feel that he is sometimes lonely because my Mom won't go out and do things with him. She loves spending his money when he's at work and going out, but she doesn't go out with him unless it's to eat food. I feel like Dad is missing a major social connection with my Mom. There could be background reasons that I don't know about that cause this, but I honestly don't see the reason for it. When Dad takes me and my siblings out, he seems so much happier and I've been at his work with him before and he seems much happier at work than he did at home. I know that he loves his job a lot, but it requires staying in good physical condition and he's in hsi late 40's so I'm not sure how much longer he'll be able to hang onto that job. He could move to a desk job, but I can't see him working a desk job. He's more into moving around and stuff. I suppose I also feel guilty about that when I truly shouldn't be because I have done my part when I lived there and for a while, when I went to visit them and all.

I don't know why exactly I don't feel safe around my parents. I think I have this feeling based on a few things. Like, my Mom lied to my doctor once about taking a certain medication and told me she didn't want me on it because it was "highly addictive" and I understood. But later in life, she gave me a benzodiazapine (sp?) and she calls that not addictive? I would refuse to take it, but she'd give it to me and it'd make me sick for days. I couldn't walk on my own, I couldn't keep anything down, I was so dizzy, and I just overall literally felt like I was dying. I don't know who in their right mind gives their child a heavy drug when I don't see that I needed it. Also because what they gave it to me for is an off-label use and it's mostly used for anxiety, which they also thought I had. They also told doctors I had insomnia, too. I had insomnia because their house was so scary if I was the only one left up. My sister and I saw and heard things in that house that there's no explanation for. We tried telling my parents that their house has to be haunted in some way and I always felt an impending sense of doom...like I wouldn't wake up the next morning if I fell asleep. It's truly an awful feeling. My parents said that was ridiculous, but my husband told me once when he walked to the bathroom he saw something on the floor by their door and he saw it was sprinkled salt, which is a spiritual deterrent. So I don't know what's going on. My parents always slept so well, but that house would freak me out so bad. My parents told me when I was a child that I had eaten rat poison at my grandparents house, but I ended up being fine with just stuff I was given to throw it up. I can't recall that event, but I do know that my grandma is a hoarder and I don't know who in their right mind leaves their child with a hoarder. I remember them dropping me off and I'd scream and cry and say, "Mommy! Daddy! Don't leave me here!" I hated being there. There was nothing to do. My grandma would turn on the television to Bozo the Clown and I was scared of clowns, so I'd hide behind the recliner and then escape the room and one time after hiding for a while, I walked around her whole house and I couldn't find grandma or grandpa. that made me scared and I don't remember ever finding them or where they were, but I remember I felt literally threatened when they left me there and went off and did whatever. Also, it feels like they're trying to hide things from me. I felt like when I asked about missing information about my birth certificate, they were dodging questions and stuff. For some reason, they don't want me to ever move out of the state. I'm unsure why they feel this way. I told them when I was younger, "I'm not going to live in this state my whole life. There's not much to do, it's boring, and I want to discover other places." and my Mom said, "Excuse me?!" and got mad because of even the thought. If I am out of the state, perhaps they feel like I have no control over me or someone else might find something. My parents would also get mad when I said, "My medical is my business." and I am the only one in my family with that condition so I feel like the black sheep already. After I said that, my Mom said, "Excuse me?! Your medical will ALWAYS be my business!" I said, "It won't be when I'm 18." and she got sooo mad. I figured out she had signed her name as a legal representative and she was able to call and check in on my medical records, even after I was married she was doing it and I had to take her name off of my account with the clinics I went to. I feel like they don't understand me and they are invading my privacy in certain ways and they've done things in my life that I find rather questionable. I feel like I don't really know my parents anymore, I feel disconnected like there's something they are hiding and stuff they won't tell me. The feeling is absolutely awful and I am afraid to bring these certain issues up, because I know people will do a lot to hide a family secret or a secret that may be keeping them from getting in trouble or a secret that would affect our relationship in such a different way. So I have a basis in a way to not feel safe, but I also have this uneasy feeling to not feel safe. There was never physical or any type so I shouldn't be afraid of them doing something to physically hurt me, but some how I do. I feel a bit emotionally hurt by them and the things they've said - mostly my Mom. I have also felt spiritually hurt by the church I grew up in and how they'd use it against me when they had no other excuse like just saying, "That's no way a Christian should act!" or something like that.

Yeah, family is in with you for the long haul and family is supposed to take care of each other. However, the taking care of each other isn't necessarily the case, but the long haul part is most definitely. I don't feel like I should avoid them because they are family and feel that I should keep trying. It usually causes a great deal of stress because I never thought I'd have trouble with my parents. I thought they'd be happy for me when I me the guy of my dreams so it's upsetting that they aren't. Also, not going to their church has caused a lot of tension. I want to keep trying, but if I find out it's actually a hazard to do so and that's able to be proven then I will most definitely think of something else. Until then, I will try and keep that appropriate distance and find a time to tell them how I feel.

Thanks, I need the prayers. More than me, though, I feel my parents need them the most. Thanks smile  

[Aquatic_blue]

So, today has been quite a bit better than the previous days. I got to go out today to eat lunch with my parents. It was actually a better time than we thought. I'm not sure what it was when my husband and I sat down to eat with them this time, but it's as if something has changed for the better or they came to a realization about something, but I can't put my finger on what. My parents got me a birthday gift and my husband a graduation gift, which was incredibly nice for them to do.

What I noticed was that when my husband and I would sit all close and cuddle on the booth, my parents would observe it and stuff and how happy we were. Sometimes I wonder if maybe my parents weren't sure of what love was..like loving each other. I have often been concerned about my parents marriage because things didn't always seem to flow along smoothly. I remember after I when I first started dating my husband, my Mom was taking something to my Dad's work and I was in the car with her while we waited for him. My Mom said, "Dad held my hand yesterday!" and I'm thinking this is weird because they're obviously older than me and she sounded like a 16 year old who was excited about a guy she liked. I said, "That's nice of him." and then my Mom said, "He must be learning lessons from your boyfriend!" and I was like, "O_O" and didn't know what to say because it's just weird. I remember when my Dad came out to the car, he kissed my Mom good-bye, which was a rare circumstance. It seems like things for them are picking up again and I was pleased to hear that they did go out of town on a date...they ate food, but they did an anniversary thing, which sounded like fun.

My Mom cam from a lifestyle that would explain her behavior to this day and my Dad has a behavior that would explain his behavior and both of them may not have known what loving each other just to simply love each was. That would completely make sense if it was and thinking on it, the possibility is great. So, I definitely forgive them (and it's not just because of the gift), but also because maybe they didn't truly know better and they used lines that they heard their parents say or raised their kids the way they were raised. Also, because my Mom and Dad actually said they wanted to hear from me more often, and that obviously shows that they care. I noticed we drove by their church and they left early and we saw their car was gone, but they never told us they left church like they said they would. We also ran into a couple from that church in the grocery store that stopped to see how we were doing and I wonder if they mentioned something to my parents. But whatever it was - there wasn't a lot of awkward silences this time and there was a lot of fun conversation 3nodding f it was more than I could ask for. I will continue to pray for them smile and now I feel I can somehow just let go of these regretful feelings from my past...like they really aren't worth mentioning. I guess I just have a sense of forgiveness that overwhelms me. biggrin  

[SinfulGuillotine]

I'm so glad to hear that things are better with your parents! Truly truly I am. biggrin

Few things are more painful than a damaged parent/child relationship, so I'm thrillled that it seems like things are looking up for you!

I'll continue to keep you and your family in my prayers. God bless!

Also, I've been meaning to tell you this for a while, but I love your signature! It's very clever.