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Here is mine (sorry if it is a bit long):
I grew up going to a church with my family and as a child, things were much more chill, and we woke up, got baths, ate breakfast, got dressed, and walked down the street to where the church was. I had a few friends there and enjoyed that and drawing during the sermons more than anything else. When I got older and tried to listen to the sermons, it was okay and then I listened to more and it confused me because all the men in the church who have been there for more than a year and/or have become a true member of the church were the only one's allowed to preach. It seemed like they all believed different things and I was so lost and confused. For a while as a teenager, I was depressed, and thought of suicide, but could never hurt myself. I also was involved in a couple mentally, physically, spiritually, and emotionally abusive relationships that felt near impossible to get out of. For a year, I didn't want to smile, talk to my friends, or chill with the family. All I wanted to do is be on the computer and video games, avoiding the fact that reality was passing me by. I thought something was wrong with my faith and that I was a no-good sinner. I was never into drinking, drugs, or any of the stuff other kids called "awesome" that was immoral or wrong. I was forced to go to church by my family unless I was sick and had to stay home, which was more often than not. Sometimes, people would give me a rough time for missing church (mostly my parents), and it would stress me out. I remember so many people over the years left that church and now a days it's nearly empty because people move, get excommunicated, or choose to go to another church. I didn't necessarily agree with everything they said so I didn't know where I stood, especially since the church seemed to have an excuse for their man-made doctrine.
When I was 19 (almost 20) I met a guy that turned my life upside down. He seemed to be so secure in his faith and I ended up falling in love with him because he listened to me, thought outside of the box when it came to the scripture and didn't sugar coat things for me, but also had more love for me and for others than words can describe. After we got married that same year we had met, he truly told me everything he believed and told me why my church's beliefs were only half correct, while others were completely wrong. He was able to do something I'd never seen before - use the Bible including historical contexts of original meanings of the words and the culture during those times to explain things to me. I cried because I just didn't know all what he was telling me in the beginning and felt so filthy inside, but when that first tear hit the floor, I felt God's grace rain down on me and lift the heavy burden's off of my shoulders. My husband led me onto the right path and I've been so hooked on the Bible ever since, and feel more secure in life than I did in the past. I'm learning something different every day as a new Christian. After asking for forgiveness, I've turned it all around.
I left the church I grew up in because of the things they did that weren't Biblically right and because of the way they treated people who had committed certain sins, or were excommunicated just because they did things the church didn't like. They didn't consider "women" part of the "true" church and I didn't agree with that, either. I now have a rough relationship with my family - especially my parents. Some days it's better than others, but I truly hope that it recovers and we can one day be a family that's close.
I truly feel the calling in my life is to become a preacher and hopefully start a church with my husband one day. I'm truly excited just thinking about being able to help others and to spread the word! The path may not be easy to get there, but I will follow it because it is what God is calling me to do. I know all things are possible through him! Especially since when my parents find out what I want to be, they may never feel like talking to me again because they are strongly against women preaching and consider it "sinful" and think all women preachers are going to be thrown into the lake of fire just because they're women. It will be a hard thing to overcome emotionally, but with God, I know I can do it!
I have also grown so much within the past few weeks as a Christian. We took a trip to the eastern coast of the United States and along the way we went to a few churches that my husband knew about. Both in different states. The first church we stopped at was so different. There were a lot of people and a lot of youth and they didn't have a set routine, which is something that is so awesome and different to me. The church I grew up in my entire life had a set routine - it was the same every single Sunday. Their church services started with an opening prayer, then 3-6 songs, prayer request from only the men, prayer including those requests, first preacher speaks, communion, 10 - 15 minute break, after break - sing 1 song, listen to the second preacher, sing 1 song, take prayer requests from the men again, prayer regarding those requests and an ending prayer, and then that's the end of the service and everyone starts talking. It drove me nuts doing the same exact routine every single day and it got old and felt so dull. So it was nice to go to a church that was led by the Holy Spirit and people spoke what they felt God wanted them to say and worshipped/praised God in whatever way was for them whether it was dancing, spinning around in circles, moving your hands, lifting your hands up, praying, singing, etc. I talked to God in my mind expressing that I don't understand this type of church service and had a hard time breaking out of my shell. My husband ended up telling me that God wanted him to tell me something and when I heard it - I couldn't help but cry. God understands our troubles and He understands when we are confused by something and why. He knows our needs before we say them and it's truly an amazing thing. After that church service - I really wanted to let the Holy Spirit into my life more. I just never realized how involved the Holy Spirit could be involved into someone's life! It's so amazing!
The second church we stopped at was small - reminded me of the one I used to go to. Except in this church, they showed so much love for each other. At the church I used to go to - people wouldn't talk to me if I looked troubled or depressed. At that church, if you're sitting not chatting with anybody - someone will walk up to you to see how you're doing. It's amazing how much effort that church puts together as a whole. That church has had so much go on, but those who are truly with God can see past the troubles and focus on Him because they know God will light the way. That church was an inspiration. The presence was so different from what I had felt and somewhere inside me just knew that the Holy Spirit was there with everyone. People were so caring and not rude. They solved matters about the church as a group - it wasn't just the men who solved them - it was the women as well. I wish I could go back because I felt like I belonged there. Perhaps one day I will get that chance. Until then, I will remember what was said and all the new things that I have learned. The gifts of the Holy Spirit have definitely become more evident on this journey. All it took was 2 different churches to help me realize a lot. I felt like a baby that was still sipping on spiritual milk trying to eat a thick, giant, tough spiritual steak. However, I know that God will not give me more than I can physically, spiritually, emotionally, and mentally handle. So instead of remaining confused and saying, "This is too much!" I've just tried to soak it all in and learn from it.
Since I got back, my husband and I have done our best to witness at the main park in town. Most people listen from a distance or try to drown us out, but we leave there feeling that we have done our best and accomplished what God wanted us to. My husband and I realized in life that we can't wait for the "okay". Wait for a time that would be good for others in order to teach God's word. God's word shouldn't wait! We need not wait for the okay and spread the word wherever we are!
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