Woman splitting the bill, independent, man doing it, cheap?

[Bao Sanniang]

If I wasn't going to try and become female... the double standard that a woman splitting the bill on a date is independent but a man doing the same is cheap would have me furious.

I've never been one willing to pay for all of a meal when I wasn't the only person eating.

And I've DEFINITELY never been the kind of guy to think it's more important to, on a date, look out for the woman more than my wallet. If all I got at a restaurant was a soup, salad, and sandwich, while my date ate lobster, I know who is paying the bigger part of the bill, and it would not be me. Like I'll pay more than half if my half of the meal was cheaper than my date's.  

[ThisEmptySoul]

The idea of the man paying the bill I believe originated from the idea that the man was the "bread winner", i.e. the one who worked for and therefore had money. It continued on as the polite thing to do if you ask someone out, since it honestly is kind of rude to ask them to accompany you only to spring on them later that they have to pay for it themselves. I've had a friend do that to me once {wasn't a date, but the concept is the same}. Luckily I had thought at the last minute to bring money with me, but that was a $15 cover charge I wasn't expecting to have to pay and I didn't exactly have a lot of money at the time. But I was also kind of forced into it because they were also my ride home so it was either pay or sit outside for the next 3 or 4 hours.

Basically, they're doing you a favor by agreeing to keep you company, and you're returning the favor by paying their way. Of course, there's a limit to this {the amount paid should be within reason}, and if it's a person that's just going to take advantage of the situation, why would you be on a date with them to begin with? You should have somewhat of an idea of the kind of person they are before you even get to that.

Of course, if it's a mutual agreement that you both want to go somewhere together, then it can be arranged in the planning that you will both be paying, but that should be stated up front instead of you waiting until your date orders a lobster and then saying "I'm not paying for that". They should already know that they have to pay for what they order before they order, and then you wouldn't run into the problem of someone trying to order something expensive and expecting you to pay.

Personally, it's always been my philosophy that whoever asks is the one who pays, and yes, I have had a woman or two buy me lunch because of that, and they didn't think it was a big deal because they had the same philosophy as me before we even got to the restaurant. You will not run into the problems you're complaining about if you just know who you're dating before you date them.

Edit: Oh, my brother has also had women buy him lunch/dinner as well because he also has the same philosophy. So it worked for us and no one involved thought anything of it because everyone was on the same page.  

[Bao Sanniang]

ThisEmptySoul

What I basically mean is I won't pay for all of a meal if the other person is also capable of paying money. I don't desire to be the big bread winner.  

[ChaiCupcake]

I like to pay the bill sometimes, just to show that I really appreciated hanging out with whoever. (And if I'm late to said date, I will most likely pay due to guilt as well haha)

Funny story:
I used to fight to pay the bill, but when I was younger one of my boyfriends totally took advantage of that... I just ended up always paying for everything. When I broke up with him, I made sure that I had his entire stash of magic cards so I could sell them and get my money back, haha! Not sure if it really added up to that or not, but it sure felt good.


Anyways, so now, in any serious relationship I make sure the bill is split. Neither person should be taken advantage of.