Regarding Friendship

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I'm not much for puttin' my problems out there. Sure, I'll rant like any true geezer, but still...

A few years back, I had some friends from high school that ended up turning out to be some real doozies(they seemed really nice at first). I was friends with them for awhile, and even then they were talking about me behind my back. I was very disheartened, but I put up with it for awhile. I mean, yeah I can be pretty mean... but when it all finally went to hell(as it was going to), they started postin' these huge goddamned posts on their journals and everywhere on the internet talkin' s**t about me. Y'know, horrible, ugly, slut, stupid, lazy, usual brand of stuff. I even tried to make amends to them, and buy them dinner, and they just gathered in a group and laughed at me. ...I just... ugh...


I don't know what the hell to do anymore. I'm so paranoid of people being so horrible and two-faced. I really don't want that in my life again, and I'm frightened. I kind of do want to make friends with other people that seem nice, but it's just really scary. I'm afraid that they'll say the same stuff, or are affiliated with that crowd. ...I want to be respected by those who I call friends, and I in turn will be happy to respect them. I don't want "unsuccessful" people in my life. ...family, friends, or otherwise. I just don't want to be disappointed and humiliated again.

One really wonders how they should go about things.  

[Lord Alan Kinoki]

I'm probably not the best person to ever give advice. Though it seems to me you put too much emphasis on what people around you think of you. Worry less about how they feel and worry more about how they make you feel. If you feel like you aren't comfortable around them, then get away.

I can't promise that you'll find a few good friends throughout your journey called life. I can't even promise that it will be a good life. But I can promise one thing. As long as you look to others for acceptance, you'll never be truly happy. That old cliche saying, "Happiness comes from within." It's not a load of crap. Do some inner soul searching. Or whatever it is you want to call it. But try not to let other's ideas about you influence your decisions about yourself.

And one other thing. If you truly want someone to just talk too, talk to me! I don't bite. Most of the time. OK. I like to bite. But the chances of us ever becoming ~that~ intimate are very slim. After all, this is the interwebs. For all you know, I could be some 14 year old punk a** b***h who's just trying to ******** with you. (I'm not.) But seriously. There's a ton of people here, in this very guild, who are really good people. Maybe finding good friendship isn't as far off as one might think.

 

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Lord Alan Kinoki

I'm probably not the best person to ever give advice. Though it seems to me you put too much emphasis on what people around think of you. Worry less about how they feel and worry more about they make you feel. If you feel like you aren't comfortable around them, then get away.

I can't promise that you'll find a few good friends throughout your journey called life. I can't even promise that it will be a good life. But I can promise one thing. As long as you look to others for acceptance, you'll never be truly happy. That old cliche saying, "Happiness comes from within." It's not a load of crap. Do some inner soul searching. Or whatever it is you want to call it. But try not to let others ideas about you influence your decisions about yourself.

And one other thing. If you truly want someone to just talk too, talk to me! I don't bite. Most of the time. OK. I like to bite. But the chances of us ever becoming ~that~ intimate are very slim. After all, this is the interwebs. For all you know, I could be some 14 year old punk a** b***h who's just trying to ******** with you. (I'm not.) But seriously. There's a ton of people here, in this very guild, who are really good people. Maybe finding good friendship isn't as far off as one might think.

Hm. Some realistic advice. I like.
To be honest, I'm way more happy at home reading or playing games. I have to have a lot of alone time or I just kinda get shot to hell. XD I'll definitely take your advice to heart. It's good to hear it straight like that from someone. Mn. I'm being troublesome.

It would be interesting to talk to someone. I don't really speak that much to people, been well... excluding Gaia, a few months or so. ...and I don't think my husband would appreciate that much. XD Yeah, because interwebs is so hot. Sexy sexy pixelboos.

Thank you for your input. That makes me feel a lot less nervous already, but it's gonna be something this ol' broad's gonna have to work on. I will try my best! I must not forget the legion of friendly and curmudgeonly specimen that are here, as well!  

[ThisEmptySoul]

Lord Alan Kinoki

Though it seems to me you put too much emphasis on what people around think of you.

As long as you look to others for acceptance, you'll never be truly happy.

Well, that's everything I was going to reply with in a nutshell emotion_awesome

Putting so much importance into what others think of you only leads to misery. You can be the most likeable person in existence and there will -still- be people that talk about you behind your back. It's the way people are and there's no changing it. Stressing about it doesn't do anyone any good either, and really just makes things worse all around.  

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ThisEmptySoul

Lord Alan Kinoki

Though it seems to me you put too much emphasis on what people around think of you.

As long as you look to others for acceptance, you'll never be truly happy.

Well, that's everything I was going to reply with in a nutshell emotion_awesome

Putting so much importance into what others think of you only leads to misery. You can be the most likeable person in existence and there will -still- be people that talk about you behind your back. It's the way people are and there's no changing it. Stressing about it doesn't do anyone any good either, and really just makes things worse all around.

I have a question, dear Mr Tes.

How are we supposed to behave in society in our everyday lives? I am curious. I know common courtesy is the glue of society. For some reason, I think robotic is best. I'm more of an observer than one that partakes in such things.  

[ThisEmptySoul]

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How are we supposed to behave in society in our everyday lives? I am curious. I know common courtesy is the glue of society. For some reason, I think robotic is best.

Live by your own rules, structuring your life based on what you personally believe is right while bearing in mind that not everyone will be following the same rule set as you and should not be expected to.

Try to be understanding of others even if you vehemently disagree with them and remember that it is part of the human condition to be flawed in so many various ways.  

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ThisEmptySoul

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How are we supposed to behave in society in our everyday lives? I am curious. I know common courtesy is the glue of society. For some reason, I think robotic is best.

Live by your own rules, structuring your life based on what you personally believe is right while bearing in mind that not everyone will be following the same rule set as you and should not be expected to.

Try to be understanding of others even if you vehemently disagree with them and remember that it is part of the human condition to be flawed in so many various ways.

I guess living in black and white is a bit more destructive than I had previously anticipated. It's these general things of common sense that tend to slip away, one must grasp them tighter.

I thank you, and I won't let your advice or Lord's be wasted.

Much cookies be sent to you! heart  

[Kaori Silnaak]

I think we have similar personalities, but handle things a bit differently. I used to be withdrawn and let every single thing people said effect my concept of my own self worth. I was to afraid of getting hurt to really be myself and enjoy life. I discovered as time went on that some people are going to be hateful and negative no matter what you do.

When I was growing up it didn't take me long to figure out that I was different from most people in a lot of ways. I didn't fit in easily with groups and I agonized over it thinking there was something wrong with me.

Eventually something snapped inside me. I was just so tired of trying to make other people happy or at the very least not draw attention to myself. I determined to never be a victim of circumstance ever again. I was going to express my self, my true self, and whoever was leftover at the end of that storm was the people that were meant to be in my life. Yes I did lose some people that I thought were there for me and yes it hurt, but to grow as a person I needed to let go of the people who wanted me to be like I was.

Ironically my greatest talents are ones that put me in the spotlight and are made to be judged and questioned by people. I either had to learn to take criticism or just give up. I'm an artist. People are going to tell you exactly where you are and some aren't going to be nice about it. I'm an unarmed combat specialist and ranked black belt. Getting in front of the 80 year old master and founder of the style you're working on and having him break down all your techniques and expose every single one of your weak points and having the peace of mind to thank him when you're done isn't for the faint of heart.

I've gotten out and seen the world and the way different groups of people live their lives and people rarely see eye to eye. Does it make one person's way of life wrong and another person's right? How do you even begin to measure the value of a person's existence? Is it by their accomplishments? How much money they make? How many friends they have? How happy they are? Is it evil to be poor or to cry or to be born ugly?

The life of a person isn't so easy to just categorize into either black or white. Everyone has their reasons and excuses. Does doing the right thing for all the wrong reasons make it just? How do you weigh an action that is just, but makes someone suffer? What happens when you are the one judged and your life doesn't fall into the white category?

I don't have the answers to those questions myself, but having gone through the pain of living a life outside the shadows and in the public eye, I can sympathize and forgive the people who make mistakes and don't live a perfect life as my life is often more in a grey area.

One thing is certain. You can't just stop living your life because someone disagrees with the way you do things. I'm not trying to say you're supposed to ignore what every one says, but it's a valuable skill to entertain a thought without accepting it. Just because someone calls you a name doesn't mean that is who you are especially coming from people that sound like they never even really knew you. They just wanted to take one last stab at you just to see how much it could hurt you. You do have a choice in that. You can let it hurt you or you can let it go. It's up to you.  

[lady ayami chan]

Oh friendship...
lovely subject yes,
but since I'm posting here as well I'm going to try to offer, hopefully, other advice than what has already been given.
We shall see how i do.

First of all, for me at least, I have discovered most of the friends I have claimed in life were mere acquaintances. I think friends are just another form of love, not so different than having a relationship with another person on a more serious "partner" type level. Friendship is just a more tame form of partnership in which you have more than one true "love" or perhaps not, in the case of "best friend". However, the love here is not your romantic love or your spousal type of love it's of its own quality. This being said it is important to accept that you can here, just as in a romantic love, be in friendship alone, unrequited love in friendship is possible and does hurt like hell. Sounds to me you had this experience, first hand. I have as well and I am here to tell you I'm sorry and I understand.

Once I figured that part out for myself I noticed that I was also on the other side of the coin with some people, and that also made me feel terrible from the empathy there but... I can't force myself to love someone, even as a friend. I will admit here that I have let more friends go so far in my life than I have held onto, for the sole reason of not hurting myself or someone else. It takes discretion and I have those I know I can call friends to help with this when I do seek advice.

Of the few friends I do claim to have now, I have a very unique relationship with each of them. In fact a few of them I speak to very rarely and that really hurts because I do love them but we talk when it matters and they do not ever treat me like I am nothing. Then I have others that I speak to regularly, and although an argument is more likely with them, given human nature, there is huge amounts of respect that exists between us so things get resolved not blown out of proportion. But still, whenever I discover it's not the way I thought it to be, I realize it was never a friendship at all - this person never saw me and I didn't actually see them, etc.

I could go on but I am at work and I may have already weirded everyone out anyway.  

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Kairianha

I think we have similar personalities, but handle things a bit differently. I used to be withdrawn and let every single thing people said effect my concept of my own self worth. I was to afraid of getting hurt to really be myself and enjoy life. I discovered as time went on that some people are going to be hateful and negative no matter what you do.

When I was growing up it didn't take me long to figure out that I was different from most people in a lot of ways. I didn't fit in easily with groups and I agonized over it thinking there was something wrong with me.

Eventually something snapped inside me. I was just so tired of trying to make other people happy or at the very least not draw attention to myself. I determined to never be a victim of circumstance ever again. I was going to express my self, my true self, and whoever was leftover at the end of that storm was the people that were meant to be in my life. Yes I did lose some people that I thought were there for me and yes it hurt, but to grow as a person I needed to let go of the people who wanted me to be like I was.

Ironically my greatest talents are ones that put me in the spotlight and are made to be judged and questioned by people. I either had to learn to take criticism or just give up. I'm an artist. People are going to tell you exactly where you are and some aren't going to be nice about it. I'm an unarmed combat specialist and ranked black belt. Getting in front of the 80 year old master and founder of the style you're working on and having him break down all your techniques and expose every single one of your weak points and having the peace of mind to thank him when you're done isn't for the faint of heart.

I've gotten out and seen the world and the way different groups of people live their lives and people rarely see eye to eye. Does it make one person's way of life wrong and another person's right? How do you even begin to measure the value of a person's existence? Is it by their accomplishments? How much money they make? How many friends they have? How happy they are? Is it evil to be poor or to cry or to be born ugly?

The life of a person isn't so easy to just categorize into either black or white. Everyone has their reasons and excuses. Does doing the right thing for all the wrong reasons make it just? How do you weigh an action that is just, but makes someone suffer? What happens when you are the one judged and your life doesn't fall into the white category?

I don't have the answers to those questions myself, but having gone through the pain of living a life outside the shadows and in the public eye, I can sympathize and forgive the people who make mistakes and don't live a perfect life as my life is often more in a grey area.

One thing is certain. You can't just stop living your life because someone disagrees with the way you do things. I'm not trying to say you're supposed to ignore what every one says, but it's a valuable skill to entertain a thought without accepting it. Just because someone calls you a name doesn't mean that is who you are especially coming from people that sound like they never even really knew you. They just wanted to take one last stab at you just to see how much it could hurt you. You do have a choice in that. You can let it hurt you or you can let it go. It's up to you.

I've been doing a lot of thinking about what you, Miss Ayami and the menfolk have said. It makes me wanna do serious writing again. ...y'know, I've looked at your artwork and I have to say I'm impressed. Writing and drawing people are very critical about, but that can also improve us, or so it seems. Little by little, my thick skull is being penetrated to actually allow for a distinguishable array of colors. I hope that I can work towards not being afraid of being known or found. You are most mature. I hope to be as well, eventually. Thank you.  

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lady ayami chan

Oh friendship...
lovely subject yes,
but since I'm posting here as well I'm going to try to offer, hopefully, other advice than what has already been given.
We shall see how i do.

First of all, for me at least, I have discovered most of the friends I have claimed in life were mere acquaintances. I think friends are just another form of love, not so different than having a relationship with another person on a more serious "partner" type level. Friendship is just a more tame form of partnership in which you have more than one true "love" or perhaps not, in the case of "best friend". However, the love here is not your romantic love or your spousal type of love it's of its own quality. This being said it is important to accept that you can here, just as in a romantic love, be in friendship alone, unrequited love in friendship is possible and does hurt like hell. Sounds to me you had this experience, first hand. I have as well and I am here to tell you I'm sorry and I understand.

Once I figured that part out for myself I noticed that I was also on the other side of the coin with some people, and that also made me feel terrible from the empathy there but... I can't force myself to love someone, even as a friend. I will admit here that I have let more friends go so far in my life than I have held onto, for the sole reason of not hurting myself or someone else. It takes discretion and I have those I know I can call friends to help with this when I do seek advice.

Of the few friends I do claim to have now, I have a very unique relationship with each of them. In fact a few of them I speak to very rarely and that really hurts because I do love them but we talk when it matters and they do not ever treat me like I am nothing. Then I have others that I speak to regularly, and although an argument is more likely with them, given human nature, there is huge amounts of respect that exists between us so things get resolved not blown out of proportion. But still, whenever I discover it's not the way I thought it to be, I realize it was never a friendship at all - this person never saw me and I didn't actually see them, etc.

I could go on but I am at work and I may have already weirded everyone out anyway.

I'm sorry it took so long for me to get back to you! I've been thinking about what's been said. You have a very interesting perspective. I once heard there are five different "types" of love. So, I think there's something to it. It's nice to have people you have a mutual respect for, and it sounds like you know how to filter people properly. It's a tough thing, and I hope to get there myself... y'know, instead of not letting people see me at all. XD I dunno. I care for people in a very distant kind of way, and in love, there's a lot should and shouldn't do. Your advice has been very helpful, and I thank you again.  

[lady ayami chan]

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I'm sorry it took so long for me to get back to you!

No worries at all wink
Five types of love.. that reminds me of a book I read once...
The Art of Loving
Now I kind of want to find it and read it again, been a while.
It's super tough, I'm not there myself with the filtering yet either, I do my best though.
Improvement toward perfection strive for the form of the thing.
And glad to go off on a random tangent of mind philosophy at any time!
It's kinda my hobby... *cough*