Weird Definitions of 'Homophobic'

[Purple Robot Queen]

I often find, as I'm sure many of you do to, that perhaps the most frustrating aspect of dealing with homophobia is how it bends and contorts, constantly changing shape and denying it's own existence. For instance, the tendency of people to define it in radically peculiar ways, so as to allow their own behaviors to pass safely under the radar of their personal definitions. Basically, it seems like many people have an issue with LGBT individuals but don't want to admit it, so they make up their own much lower standard of tolerance and pretend like meeting that low standard makes whatever they say okay.

Case in point: I remember a conversation I had a few years ago with a co-worker. He was just some random guy, I didn't really know him well but we worked near one another and he was cute, so I was perfectly happy to sit and chat with him during my lunch break. I don't remember how it happened exactly, but somehow the topic of sexuality came up in the course of our conversation, and as neither of us had been working there long, he didn't know I was gay. Anyway, when he seemed to think his level of tolerance was being questioned, he responded by saying "I have no problem with gay people or anything, but it's a little weird, you know? Like, if I thought you were gay I probably wouldn't be sitting here talking to you."

Umm, excuse me? I understand that many straight people think being gay is "weird", and I've grown accustomed to that unfortunate but honest fact. However, how can you say that you have no problem with gays, then immediately say you would actively avoid talking to somebody purely because you thought they were gay? How does that not qualify as "having a problem with gay people"? You think that shouting filthy names or throwing rocks is the only way of being intolerant?

I hadn't thought about that day in a while, but something that just popped up in my Facebook feed reminded me of him, and I couldn't help remembering back to that day. As I reflect on it now, I wonder if people like that are just lying to us, or if they're really lying to themselves.  

[ForeverDreamWithinADream]

The word phobia means fear and people react differently to fears (my fear is fire, so I naturally back away and don't want to be near it). I think people use it as an excuse though as you shouldn't treat people that way, even if you are uncomfortable around them but I guess it just part if fears and facing them (remember, people often fear what they don't understand and he most likely doesn't understand homosexuality). Unfortunately, the world is full of jerks or people that don't want to educate themselves and learn more about others.