Dependent or Independent?

[MadHatterDA]

The other day I was on the phone with an ex (we're really good friends), and she made the comment "I cannot believe you settled down you know. It always shocks me. You were always so independent."

Now I've been with my wife for 4+ years, but my ex does have an interesting point. I've always been an individual that likes to do my own thing, and I was never much of a "we" person. I think even with the women I dated before I was pretty much a loner of sorts which angered them. It works with my wife since we're both a bit that way and we prefer not to be around each other every second. I think the conversation came up because I told my ex my wife was going out of town this week for about four days. She was all "wow, I bet you'll really miss her. I mean being apart."

I was completely shocked about that idea and had to tell her. "No, umm I think I'll be fine...I mean she's coming back." Truth is I like the time alone, even as a couple we still do lots of things individually. She will go see movies by herself or I'll spend a day out shopping and doing my own thing. I'll go hiking, skating or to a dance class and she will go to yard sales. o= We're completely different and while we enjoy doing stuff together we like a lot of alone time.

I've known couples that do everything together, and I've known couples that hang out on the same websites together. I mean they sit side by side and would for example play on Gaia (it wasn't actually Gaia just an example). I'm curious in a relationship are you very dependent on each other or independent?

I realize some people are in long distance relationships and cannot see each other often. Then of course younger relationships as well are sometimes different. Anyway what's your relationship like?  

[ForeverDreamWithinADream]

My relationships are non existent still. emo

I see nothing wrong with not spending every moment together and just have time to yourself or do your own thing. I think that is just as important as spending some time together.

Personally I would feel uncomfortable if my partner was sitting by my side while on the computer. Not that I would cheat, but feels more like they 1. don't really trust me or 2. too clingy.  

[The Bodacious Soul Reaper]

Those are some great points you made there, that I never truly thought about!

Truly, with relationships I just tried out both, as I've had a long distant relationship before, and a close one. Personally, with my relationships, we've just enjoyed each others company and done things together. Every once in awhile we've needed our own alone time, just like anyone else. ^_^

 

[MadHatterDA]

Playboy Karasu Uchiha

My relationships are non existent still. emo

I see nothing wrong with not spending every moment together and just have time to yourself or do your own thing. I think that is just as important as spending some time together.

Personally I would feel uncomfortable if my partner was sitting by my side while on the computer. Not that I would cheat, but feels more like they 1. don't really trust me or 2. too clingy.

I'm sure when the right moment comes you will find someone. Always have to be optimistic, besides being single has its plus side.

Haha, lots of times my wife is with me when I'm online. It's not exactly her being strange. We have a desktop and laptop, but I work a lot making lessons. When I worked I was usually in my office for hours. Now with the laptop I usually sit on the couch with her. She's not staring at the screen if anything, and she's usually playing games or something. Hmm we do have this rule though about not using the same websites.

Reaper: Thanks. I was just curious. I believe for the most part I only know county couples. Lmao I knew this one girl that scheduled sex with her bf every twelve hrs. That blew my mind. I always figured one day his p***s would fall off. That's going off topic. I do believe we are the only couple I know that enjoy a lot of alone time.  

[ForeverDreamWithinADream]

MadHatterDA

Playboy Karasu Uchiha

My relationships are non existent still. emo

I see nothing wrong with not spending every moment together and just have time to yourself or do your own thing. I think that is just as important as spending some time together.

Personally I would feel uncomfortable if my partner was sitting by my side while on the computer. Not that I would cheat, but feels more like they 1. don't really trust me or 2. too clingy.

I'm sure when the right moment comes you will find someone. Always have to be optimistic, besides being single has its plus side.

Haha, lots of times my wife is with me when I'm online. It's not exactly her being strange. We have a desktop and laptop, but I work a lot making lessons. When I worked I was usually in my office for hours. Now with the laptop I usually sit on the couch with her. She's not staring at the screen if anything, and she's usually playing games or something. Hmm we do have this rule though about not using the same websites.

Reaper: Thanks. I was just curious. I believe for the most part I only know county couples. Lmao I knew this one girl that scheduled sex with her bf every twelve hrs. That blew my mind. I always figured one day his p***s would fall off. That's going off topic. I do believe we are the only couple I know that enjoy a lot of alone time.

Yeah, it'll happen someday.

Lessons? You work as a teacher?
I never thought about rules when it comes to computers and what not. Setting some boundaries do seem like a good idea.

Omg goodness, scheduling sex for every twelve hours would seem exhausting, people have to work, sleep, etc...  

[Blackrose_Knight]

I am generally the same way. I enjoy my "me time". I grew up an only child so quiet me time is a must for me. I explain at the beginning of my relationships "Hey, I need me time. Its not you, you haven't done anything wrong but some days I like to do things by myself - generally read a book and drink tea."

My husband and current partners get that. Thank goodness. Like right now it is really early in the morning and I am by myself. Peaceful to hear the washer running. I love that they all respect that aspect of myself. I had a boyfriend once who would take it personal when I went out and did things on my own. That didn't last long. rolleyes

Sometimes what my husband and I do is see different movies at the same time. I like horror and political thrillers and hate big robot movies or shooty gun movies (think the Expendables) while he loves shooty gun movies and hates horror and finds political thrillers boring. We go to the movies - and see different things. Still fun.

Also, I am planning a week long vacation with out my partners. I am going across the country to see my relatives and have a beach party. I will miss my partners, but then I won't because 1) I know I am coming home 2) having way too much fun and/or very drunk and 3) I will be spending time with family I haven't seen in 3 years.

I think as long as you can keep a healthy relationship going with the "me time" its no big deal. As long as everyone is on equal footing and understanding it seems like no biggie to me.  

[Taeryyn]

I'm single at the moment, but I know from past relationships that I'm independent.
I can't handle being with someone who has to be with me all the time. I enjoy being social and spending time with my partner, but I also need a fair amount of time to myself each day. I really value having my space.

I'm not really the type to talk with someone just for the sake of talking. I mean, I've been in long-distance relationships, and that's different, but if I see someone all the time (or live with them), I don't really need (or want) to text them throughout the day for no reason. :s Unfortunately, this can be perceived as me being cold or indifferent or uninterested, which isn't the case. sweatdrop  

[MadHatterDA]

Playboy Karasu Uchiha

Yeah, it'll happen someday.

Lessons? You work as a teacher?
I never thought about rules when it comes to computers and what not. Setting some boundaries do seem like a good idea.

Omg goodness, scheduling sex for every twelve hours would seem exhausting, people have to work, sleep, etc...

Mmhmm, I'm an English teacher yep yep. I like my job, but it's frustrating and requires a lot of hours. She used to get really sad because we didn't have time to spend together. I literally work almost all the time, so the laptop is a nice medium. I can sit and work, but also be with her a lot at night.

Oh, we do a few online things together like we play on Pogo, or I used to have a facebook with her. I normally just find it odd to spend so much time together RL and then have joined online lives. lol

I know, and I remember her making him go to the doctor one time because they didn't have sex for a week. I just assumed she had finally broken his poor p***s. xd

Blackrose_Knight

We have something similar. My wife knows the first hour or so when I come home from work I need to be left alone. I just need the time to decompress, let the day sink in and you know maybe go take a shower and lay around. I sometimes just go take a nap for an hour. I work with people and kids all day, and I have to have some time without a person in a face. She does really well with it. @_@ Like you I've had some girls before her that would spazz about my need for independence.

A beach party sounds fun! Sadly I live in the bible belt south, so we don't have any beaches or anything like that around. My wife did leave to visit her family for four or five days, so we're having some time apart. I don't think she actually likes to visit that long, but she did it for my sake. I haven't accomplished much, simply done a great deal of laundry. I'm also playing video games a lot.

I'm curious about your relationship simply because I'm a curious person. o= When you all do something do you generally do it as a group (Like spending time together ect) or is it individualized? I'm assuming a bit of both. Do you have like a schedule or anything when you go out with certain partners ect? Either way I have to commend that type of dedication. I have enough trouble squeezing in time just for the wife. I hope that didn't sound rude just curious. @_@ Hmm, and not to make myself sound like a weirdo, but I usually run on a schedule. I make a list of what to do when for how long.

Taeryyn

I think a lot of it depends on the person you're with, because I've had some clingy girls before. I had one that would call and chew me out because I didn't talk to her on msn or text her enough. I always thought that was dramatically clingy. I dunno, my wife is a big texter, but she knows I dislike it. We don't really have a problem for the most part. Maybe just sit down and explain that you do not intend to be with them 24/7 everyday? I also think part of that takes time. @_@ I know right now my ex and her gf are in the "we are joined at the hip phase".  

[ForeverDreamWithinADream]

MadHatterDA

Playboy Karasu Uchiha

Yeah, it'll happen someday.

Lessons? You work as a teacher?
I never thought about rules when it comes to computers and what not. Setting some boundaries do seem like a good idea.

Omg goodness, scheduling sex for every twelve hours would seem exhausting, people have to work, sleep, etc...

Mmhmm, I'm an English teacher yep yep. I like my job, but it's frustrating and requires a lot of hours. She used to get really sad because we didn't have time to spend together. I literally work almost all the time, so the laptop is a nice medium. I can sit and work, but also be with her a lot at night.

Oh, we do a few online things together like we play on Pogo, or I used to have a facebook with her. I normally just find it odd to spend so much time together RL and then have joined online lives. lol

I know, and I remember her making him go to the doctor one time because they didn't have sex for a week. I just assumed she had finally broken his poor p***s. xd


I can imagine that teaching can be stressful, but it is always good to do a job that you love. 3nodding

Aw, that sounds like a good idea. Be with each other, even if you are doing separate things/working.

I kind of feel sorry for that guy. xd  

[Blackrose_Knight]

MadHatterDA

I'm curious about your relationship simply because I'm a curious person. o= When you all do something do you generally do it as a group (Like spending time together ect) or is it individualized? I'm assuming a bit of both. Do you have like a schedule or anything when you go out with certain partners ect? Either way I have to commend that type of dedication. I have enough trouble squeezing in time just for the wife. I hope that didn't sound rude just curious. @_@ Hmm, and not to make myself sound like a weirdo, but I usually run on a schedule. I make a list of what to do when for how long.

It is a little bit of both, we have Monday night game night, when generally either play Shadowrun or Risk or another fun/long boardgame or RPG. We have Dr. Who marathons, sometimes if money isn't too tight go out for all you can eat sushi - ah the fun of a poly and geeky household lulz. We also split off and do our own things by partner basis. (by outside appearances we are two married couples living together) so sometimes we split on marriage lines and go out on dates. Other times I go out on dates with one of my partners with shared interests. My husband is currently at a DnD game hosted by his boss. No solid written down schedules but we have a general idea of who's day is who's by work schedules.

Its hard work indeed, but I think very worth it.  

[MadHatterDA]

Playboy Karasu Uchiha

It is very much, lmao I just work in a bad district by a federal prison. My students are super ghetto, had one throw a desk at me and tell me to stfu up before. @_@ I love the job just not the place and situation.

Haha, well after having several days apart we're watching a movie together. I've been super sick with weird dreams, so I need someone to cuddle on.

Nah, don't feel so sorry for him he wasn't the best guy anyway.

Blackrose_Knight

Haha, geeky isn't bad. I suppose we're geeky just in different ways. We tend to play a lot of zombie games or go old school and play Atari or some s**t. That's def a lot of work....oooh board games. I like Clue, but we actually end up playing a lot of games on Pogo. I think the schedule thing is just something I like to do, and I'm not sure why I do it.  

[ForeverDreamWithinADream]

MadHatterDA

Playboy Karasu Uchiha

It is very much, lmao I just work in a bad district by a federal prison. My students are super ghetto, had one throw a desk at me and tell me to stfu up before. @_@ I love the job just not the place and situation.

Haha, well after having several days apart we're watching a movie together. I've been super sick with weird dreams, so I need someone to cuddle on.

Nah, don't feel so sorry for him he wasn't the best guy anyway.

Blackrose_Knight

Haha, geeky isn't bad. I suppose we're geeky just in different ways. We tend to play a lot of zombie games or go old school and play Atari or some s**t. That's def a lot of work....oooh board games. I like Clue, but we actually end up playing a lot of games on Pogo. I think the schedule thing is just something I like to do, and I'm not sure why I do it.

Wow, they threw a desk? o_o That's kind of scary.

Aw, cuddling up and watching movies together always seems nice after long days.  

[shares_stomach_acid]

I'm actually a lot like you in the aspect that i need my space in a relationship. I could never be in a relationship where I'm always with the other person, which is actually one of the reasons most of my relationships have failed. I always kinda saw it as a low self-esteem/ trust issue, having to always be with your partner or know where they are.  

[Esiris]

MadHatterDA

I'm curious about your relationship simply because I'm a curious person. o= When you all do something do you generally do it as a group (Like spending time together ect) or is it individualized? I'm assuming a bit of both. Do you have like a schedule or anything when you go out with certain partners ect? Either way I have to commend that type of dedication. I have enough trouble squeezing in time just for the wife. I hope that didn't sound rude just curious. @_@ Hmm, and not to make myself sound like a weirdo, but I usually run on a schedule. I make a list of what to do when for how long.

Hi! I'm one of Rosie's partners- and I thought I would add my 2 cents.
I consider our together time "Family time"- Rosie loves my partner Annette, and me. I love Rosie and Annette and Annette and I are good friends with Rosie's partner- but Rosie's husband is not into the kind of sex I would want with him so he's just a good friend.

Annette, Rosie and I are all introverts- we need quiet time and alone time or we get stabby. cat_twisted Rosie's husband is an extrovert and his friends are a good outlet when the three of us would rather not be poked.  

[BSPBleach]

i'd just like to say, i think it's totally fine. i know a couple that are waiting to be married (their gay, not legal until next janurary) that work opposite shifts, ones a gamer, and the other is a golfer. i'm pretty sure that they only do two things with each other regularly. game club twice a month. and. well. the obvious stuff ninja

i have seen couples that are really 'together' but personally, it'd annoy me. i'm used to being alone, so i like my space. all i need is a text or two a day, or just sitting on the computer signed into hotmail and seeing them logged on to. that pretty much makes me happy on a daily basis.

the important thing is that you and your wife are happy. as long as you both are happy with your time arranging, then that's all that matters. lol afterall, it's you two that are married and are going to be living together a long time.