Dating different denominations...

[Babomb-Dot-Com]

My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 3 1/2 years. I have always been very upfront about my religious beliefs while he is more reserved. I am very passionate about staying LCMS Lutheran but am willing to compromise by becoming Catholic. I am not willing to become more relaxed or less strict in my doctrine. I cannot take Communion or fully receive Confession and Absolution if I do not believe the Doctrine. My boyfriend is Non-Denominational won't go unless you make him or it's Christmas/Easter. He will go to church with me if I force him.

Help?! I've tried to honestly sit down and talk to him but everything I say comes out sounding like "You're going to Hell if you don't do what I tell you religiously" in his head when that's not what I'm trying to say at all! I just have strict beliefs and one of them as that you can't be married and not agree on religious values. You must be on the same page!

How can I get through to him and get him to compromise as well without me coming off as a jerk or sacrificing my personal values?

I love him more than anything but ultimately I will not sacrifice what I believe religiously for love. We saw how that turned out for Salomon in his old age! I am not saying by any means that Non-denominational is a bad thing, I am saying he claims to be non-denominational but literally doesn't go to church or anything!  

[real eyes realize]

Show him scripture, that's the most we can do. Unless he realizes it for himself, he will not be changing anything. Has he said why he doesn't like going to church? Does he have some other alternative that he's not mentioning or that you failed to mention (i.e. watching live services online, congregating with other believers elsewhere to talk about scripture and advise each other, etc...)? Does he read/study the bible? Does he seek to help other believers? Does he back up his position with scripture, because if he doesn't, you might as well be yoked to an unbeliever. I think it would benefit you both if you each presented your case to each other and/or studied the topic together (the topic being "what/who" the church is and it's function), looking up all the verses that pertain to it.  

[Babomb-Dot-Com]

He usually just says, "I believe but I don't believe I have to sit in church every Sunday morning when I could sleep in."

He's the typical college boy, I swear. But the thing is, his family has never tried to make him go to church, they've been one of those families who say "You choose" and I never had that choice so, I think it is extremely important for him to be in church with me. I've told him I will go to different churches and try to see what is the best for us both. I just believe we should stay close to our roots if we were raised to go to church every Sunday. I can't justify the fact he isn't going to youth groups or anything to make up for it. You're right, I may as well be dating an Agnostic or something. sad

Thank you though, you were very helpful!  

[Aquatic_blue]

What is probably best to do at this point if you truly love him and wish to stay with him is to keep your beliefs and don't falter in your faith unless you feel that God wants you to change it, or have evidence from the Bible supporting whether you should change certain beliefs or not change them at all. Truly, prayer is a great option to start for your relationship. Praying together would be an excellent thing to do together.

I suppose if it was me in that situation - if I was dating for almost 4 years, I would ask if the guy has any intentions on marrying. I've known couples that were Christian and dated for over 5 years and then all of a sudden one finds out the other doesn't have the intent on marrying. I also knew someone who wasn't Christian and dated her boyfriend for like 10 years and she was always eagerly waiting until the day he would propose. She asked him one day, "Are you ever going to marry me?" and he said, "No." That broke her heart, but it's better to pick up and move on, and find a guy that dates with the intention to marry. Dating is meant to find someone you truly love and you both need to be sure that you are 100% committed to God and committed to a relationship to follow through into marriage and lifetime commitment. I don't say these things to a couple with ill intent, but to simply find out where both of you stand because if one person is 100% committed and the other person is committed only 50% of the time then there is a large problem.

I understand that it's hard to be in an unequally yoked relationship, and try not to sound intimidating to the other person. Our beliefs affect our daily lives, and if we marry someone, which is a lifetime commitment, and it's important to find common ground somewhere. If you two were to get married or continue this relationship, you need to ask yourself what the lasting effects on this current situation would be if it wasn't 100% resolved.

There are interesting effects on those who do and don't get forced by parents to go to church. I was always forced to go to church in my parent's household and after 18 years of age, they would threaten to take away the hobbies I enjoyed at home and say I couldn't hang out with friends if I didn't attend. However, their church wasn't exactly Biblical and I often struggled with it. My parents appear to others as the nice Christian people, but I know there is a problem deep inside that is far from being Christian. False and twisted doctrine is so branded on their heart that they believe it's the truth. I remember when I was struggling with my faith for a while and I felt like I wanted to stay away from church because it was miserable to me for some unknown reason besides there being only a select few that would talk to me. Perhaps your boyfriend has had issues with parents seeming perfect to others religiously when at home it's a different story so he wants to stray from that idea. That seems like a logical explanation of why he doesn't want to attend church, youth groups, or any other church type of event. I remember when I was younger, church events were boring because they simply did not teach the Bible. It may be a good idea to talk to him and do most of the listening. Like, perhaps say, "I'm concerned about why you won't go near church activities. What's wrong?" And after talking a bit, maybe he'll tell you if there is a specific reason why he feels the way he does.

As believers, we are still supposed to help each other. We are to help others whether they believe or not. Perhaps try to do a Bible study together. I loved doing Bible studies with my husband and still enjoy it! We used to do it before we got married as well. Touch on topics that may be familiar with both sides at first such as the Holy Spirit, love, prayer, forgiveness, mercy, grace, etc. and slowly ease your way into where you both stand on heavier topics such as laws in the Bible (including the 10 commandments), Relationships (such as friendships, brother and sister in Christ relationships, family relationships, etc.), etc.

Sorry if I typed a lot, the bottom line is that you two should try to pray together, read the Holy Bible together, talk about Biblical stances and issues, etc. Most of all, be kind and gentle - not matter the circumstance.  

[whisperkid12]

I must commend you on sticking to your holy guns. You're not too strict with their faith, I'm not too strict. I doubt anyone can be TOO strict in their faith. That being said, your boyfriend can't go to Hell if he doesn't attend church enough, that's like saying he didn't accumulate $____ in donations. Show him the scriptures on the importance of church attendance and possibly the benefits of finding a true denomination.


Here:
Hebrews 10:25 "Not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near"

What Does the Bible Say About Church Attendance