A Regurgitation of My Consciousness

[Saint Sims]

I'll start with a little about-me blurb.

I'm currently 18 19 years-of-age, a twin, a younger brother, a "homosexual", an aspiring revolutionary, and an amateur journalist.

I would consider myself a forward or outside thinker who perhaps is attempting to spur on some sort of counter-culture without the affliction of ignorance.

Generally speaking, I consider myself to be an introvert, but don't confuse that with being shy. I would define myself as charismatic, articulate, and intuitive. Others often include "wise" but I don't think I'd stretch it that far.

I do my damnedest to be understanding, accepting, educated, open-minded, and unbiased while continuing to formulate my own, ever changing, opinions.

What you'll find here, if you should decide to peep, are my attempts at sorting my thoughts out in some sort of logical and functional process.

Feel free to comment, judge, intrude, and question, but do be open-minded and respectful.  

[Saint Sims]

My impulsiveness will be the death of me.

So for whatever illogical reason I decided to become an inline skater and as of recent decided to invest in some killer skates. As well I began to admire the talent and workings of Greg Mirzoyan (look him up), who is a phenomenal skater and is my inspiration to be reckless and free.

Anywhoodles, yesterday I received my skates in the post and was soooo excited to try them on. They looked great, fit like a dream, and I just couldn't wait to give them a go.

So today I drive on over to my friends house and we decide to go on an adventure that quickly turned into a debacle. After struggling to put on my skates in the grass, I finally managed them on and took my first steps onto the pavement. The instant my foot touched down on my friends driveway I fell flat on my a** like a massive helpless hippo dropped from a crane.

I'm fairly certain I bruised my tailbone for the gillionth time in my life and sitting, laying, squatting, bending over, are done with great difficult and twinges of pain.

Nevertheless, I'm determined to keep at it and luckily during our fiasco of a stroll I never once fell again, though looked like a total a** trying to relearn how to skate.

This is a common theme with me. I'm so ridiculously and irrationally impulsive and overshoot my abilities thinking I'll just excel at everything I try, even though my entire existence up until this point has proven me wrong.

Ugh. Sometimes I wish I were just more practical. Now I have to deal with this pain in my lower back and bum, which always seems to last for ages.

Bleh. This is a perfect representation of my life; an utter train-wreck.

 

[Saint Sims]

Student loans goodness.

Applying for student loans gives me the absolute worst anxiety and dry heaves.

I mean, I'm pretty much $22k in debt already and I haven't even begun my first year of uni.

It almost brings me to tears as I imagine graduating college with $100k debt and the inability to pay it off.

Is this normal? I mean everyone keeps telling me that everyone ends up taking out student loans and accumulates massive debt upon graduating but everyone I've asked thus far either has a parent footing the bill or is a spoiled brat.

Can't I just be a hobo?

 

[Saint Sims]

The better of two evils.

It's decided, after college I'm going to make a career in the porn industry so that I can pay off my student loans.

This whole interest bullshit and finding a proper lender and all this stressful crap is beyond aggravating. Why must continuing an education be so damned expensive? I've been told forever in school that a college degree is my only security of finding a job after school and yet not even a degree can secure me a career anymore.

Eff that.

Porn at least looks fun. I'll just have to get over being "camera shy" and learn to be a piece of meat. I'm okay with that, though. Hopefully it won't affect my journalism career, if so, blame it on the loans.

 

[Saint Sims]

Good old U.S.A. thinking right here.

Since I was in middle school I've been told that in order to insure a career in the future I'd have to have a college degree. How is it that I can't even afford a college degree and even having one doesn't even secure me employment? It makes absolutely no sense and effectively sets myself, and thousands of others, up for complete and utter failure.

What's even worse is that the alternative is no better. As American youth we're essentially backed into a corner faced with slinging burgers for the rest of our lives or accumulating massive debt for a piece of paper that we can't even use to get a real career.

I can't wrap my head around it. How is it that the politicians we elect continue to watch us struggle to get a foothold? Our economy is failing because each up and coming generation is forced to borrow money we've never see, feel, or have ever owned. How can anyone expect someone in massive debt to "stimulate the economy" when we can barely afford a roof over our heads, meals to last us a week, and enough to cover the minimum payments on our loans so we don't default?

Is that what being an America is all about? If so, let me expatriate myself and turn in my citizenship.

 

[Saint Sims]

Delightfully sleezy.

I consider myself to be a very, VERY, sexual person. Sex is always on my mind and I never shy away from nudity or discussions on intercourse.

My openness with general sexuality is something that I get a lot of crap for, people often voicing that I have no filter, that I am far too vulgar.

I don't get it, though. I mean, I understand that not everyone perceives sexuality the same way I do but what's wrong with expressing my thoughts? If anything my intentions are to encourage others to feel more open but that's hardly ever the result.

I suppose a lot of my openness deals with the fact that I while I can only ever see myself marrying a man, I don't necessarily consider myself a homosexual. My distaste for labels, as I consider them to be limiters, has me express myself as nothing more than "sexual" as it is my belief that the prefixes are just a form of bondage in regards to our abilities to love. I do, however, maintain that asexuality would be the sole exception as the "a" expresses a lack of sexual drive.

I just wish that more people could be open about their sexuality and that others wouldn't be so repressive about it.

 

[Kurotsuke]

Der Fluch des Pharao

Delightfully sleezy.

I consider myself to be a very, VERY, sexual person. Sex is always on my mind and I never shy away from nudity or discussions on intercourse.

My openness with general sexuality is something that I get a lot of crap for, people often voicing that I have no filter, that I am far too vulgar.

I don't get it, though. I mean, I understand that not everyone perceives sexuality the same way I do but what's wrong with expressing my thoughts? If anything my intentions are to encourage others to feel more open but that's hardly ever the result.

I suppose a lot of my openness deals with the fact that I while I can only ever see myself marrying a man, I don't necessarily consider myself a homosexual. My distaste for labels, as I consider them to be limiters, has me express myself as nothing more than "sexual" as it is my belief that the prefixes are just a form of bondage in regards to our abilities to love. I do, however, maintain that asexuality would be the sole exception as the "a" expresses a lack of sexual drive.

I just wish that more people could be open about their sexuality and that others wouldn't be so repressive about it.

Seems to me that you are actually a deep thinker which make the whole "some people see me as vulgar" kinda funny, you have very nice beliefs, even if some people don't agree, others will so you know, don't mind them wink I do get the wanting people to be less repressive but, it is what it is sadly sad  

[Saint Sims]

Crunch time tears.

I hate this. I hate that I can't afford school. I hate that my parents can't help me in anyway both financially and with advice. Everything has caved in around me and I can't deal with this right now.

This cold I have isn't helping and time is ticking. All this stress has me on the verge of tears and no one knows how to help me.

I was denied the loan amount I need to cover the rest of my tuition for school because I don't have a credit history and my dad's is "too active". Who can I turn to to cosign now? I can't put that on my sisters. My mum doesn't work. My grandparents are too old for this s**t. I have no idea what to do.

On top of it all I also received a reminder about the initial payment due on August 17th for my first semester. I don't have time for this right now. I honestly don't even know where to go at this point.

I don't even want to go to school anymore. It's too much of a financial burden, the dollar signs are stressing me out. All I want to do is continue my education so that I can potentially get myself somewhere in life and it's made so difficult.

I can't handle this. What do I do?

 

[TheLostAngel-Mika]

Der Fluch des Pharao

Crunch time tears.

I hate this. I hate that I can't afford school. I hate that my parents can't help me in anyway both financially and with advice. Everything has caved in around me and I can't deal with this right now.

This cold I have isn't helping and time is ticking. All this stress has me on the verge of tears and no one knows how to help me.

I was denied the loan amount I need to cover the rest of my tuition for school because I don't have a credit history and my dad's is "too active". Who can I turn to to cosign now? I can't put that on my sisters. My mum doesn't work. My grandparents are too old for this s**t. I have no idea what to do.

On top of it all I also received a reminder about the initial payment due on August 17th for my first semester. I don't have time for this right now. I honestly don't even know where to go at this point.

I don't even want to go to school anymore. It's too much of a financial burden, the dollar signs are stressing me out. All I want to do is continue my education so that I can potentially get myself somewhere in life and it's made so difficult.

I can't handle this. What do I do?

You can apply for scholarships. thats the only way Im ever getting to college  

[Saint Sims]

TheLostAngel-Mika

Oh I did. I applied for dozens but only was given scholarships from the schools I applied to and the scholarships are specific to the schools. Normally the scholarships here require you to apply by April at the latest.

After giving some thought though, I'm going to try a new lender and hope for the best! I just have to kick my a** into gear at this point.

 

[Saint Sims]

Cultivating a sense of purpose.

I feel as though, in a way that all people do, I've lost a sense of my purpose in life.

Now I know that few to none ever actually know they're purpose in life. While I don't believe that my purpose is predestined or intended I should like to have some sort of concept for what I'm living for.

Today was my graduation open house and seeing all my family that came I sort of felt lost. They all seemed so pleased and content in their complacent lives, given most of them were 50 plus I can understand, but to see them all living similar lives, the life of a suburban home owner living off retirement or working low-end middle class jobs, I just found it unnerving.

I could never, absolutely never, live like any of these people. Not only do I become easily bored with my surroundings and the "daily grind" but I could never live half-assed. Perhaps these people had live fulfilling lives and were now receding into a quieter state of being but for whatever reason I don't agree with it.

I see myself fighting until the day I die. Fighting against injustice, fighting for purpose, fighting to enlighten others and eradicate ignorance. I don't desire to be someone who is famous or of any importance but I wish, I wish with all that I am, to lead some sort of revolution, to leave a mark on this world and die knowing I changed the course of our globe for the better.

However, it's difficult. It's difficult to narrow down exactly what I want to change, to revolutionize, and to even make it so others can grasp my irrational thoughts.

Perhaps one day, through my work as a hopeful video journalist, I can somehow make others see where I come from and where I wish to go, and maybe one day they'll follow me, or even blaze their own paths.

Maybe. One day. Someday.

 

[Saint Sims]

Time is ticking away.

Holy ******** balls.

After today I only have 21 more days until I move into the dorms at Grand Valley State University.

I only have 17 more days to sort my loan business and pay for my first semester (at least) of uni.

I still need to somehow manage a new computer (this laptop is shot) and sort myself a new wardrobe.

Still need to purchase the rest of my books too.

Balls.

Growing up seems exciting at first and then the more I think about it the more I get butterflies.

 

[Saint Sims]

Olympics or gay porn?

I love those memes.

Let's be real, though.

The Olympics is pretty much soft-core porn.

I mean, it's a bunch of scantily clad men (and women) who are fit (FIT) and strut their stuff in front of the world, contorting themselves in crazy sexual ways.

Needless to say, the Olympics has only added to my perpetual sexual frustration. I can't watch any men's sport without drooling and feeling the need to restrain myself.

Adding insult to injury, they have infinite amounts of talent! I mean, seriously, good looks AND talent? Why wasn't I blessed with one of those?

I'm just desperately frustrated and jealous. Don't mind me.

 

[Saint Sims]

Superiority complex.

I'll never understand what people's issue is with always trying to be the one who is irrefutably right.

I'm sorry but an opinion can neither have true or false parts, it can be based off incorrect or incomplete information, but that neither makes it wrong or right. An opinion is just that, it's not a factual or fictional statement, it's just an expression of one's own position on any given issue based off the duality of pro's and con's.

So why do people feel the need to challenge opinions and prove their own correctness? What do you gain from proving someone else wrong?

Let me tell you, you'll never get the satisfaction you're looking for by arguing that someone's opinion is wrong. By definition an opinion is "a belief or judgment that rests on grounds insufficient to produce complete certainty." (compliments of Dictionary.com). If you can't "produce complete certainty" then you can neither produce doubt.

There is no right or wrong in an opinion. So be respectful, be open-minded, and quit always trying to be right. No opinion is superior to another; popularity is inconsequential.