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Posted: Sun Jul 15, 2012 7:59 pm
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Posted: Sun Jul 15, 2012 9:02 pm
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I once heard cheating defined as "anything you feel you have to hide from your partner". If he was actively trying to hide what he was doing from you, then yes, it counts as cheating. Actually, you feel it was cheating, so yes, it was cheating.
HOWEVER, men in general don't seem to think of cybersex as cheating. So in his mind he was being truthful. He was even considerate enough to ask if you'd feel better if he un-friended her. That tells me he really does care about you.
The question is, are you willing/able to trust him again? It's not going to be right away, of course, you're still processing it. But later, think about it then decide what's best for you.
emotion_hug emotion_hug emotion_hug emotion_hug emotion_hug emotion_hug
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The_9th_Doctors_Rose Crew
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Posted: Sun Jul 15, 2012 9:34 pm
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Posted: Sun Jul 15, 2012 10:38 pm
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Gigi Deveraux I once heard cheating defined as "anything you feel you have to hide from your partner". If he was actively trying to hide what he was doing from you, then yes, it counts as cheating. Actually, you feel it was cheating, so yes, it was cheating. HOWEVER, men in general don't seem to think of cybersex as cheating. So in his mind he was being truthful. He was even considerate enough to ask if you'd feel better if he un-friended her. That tells me he really does care about you. The question is, are you willing/able to trust him again? It's not going to be right away, of course, you're still processing it. But later, think about it then decide what's best for you. emotion_hug emotion_hug emotion_hug emotion_hug emotion_hug emotion_hug
Thank you for your words. I do agree with what you said men do feel that most of the things they do aren't consider cheating, maybe I'm making a big deal out of him cybering but when I think about it it is something I can't over look cause if he did it this once wouldn't he do it again?? And more importantly wouldn't he someday think its ok for him to be having sex with others so wouldn't he then do it for reals?? Maybe I'm over exagerating things or digging a hole but I know i wouldn't even dare cyber with anyone. I dont only feel he broke my trust for him but that he didn't not respect out relationship and what I suppose to mean to him. I guess I'm wrong huh?/
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Posted: Sun Jul 15, 2012 10:41 pm
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Posted: Mon Jul 16, 2012 1:21 am
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THE_FAIRY_EMPRESS Vice Captain
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Posted: Mon Jul 16, 2012 2:08 am
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Posted: Mon Jul 16, 2012 8:01 am
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Posted: Mon Jul 16, 2012 8:03 am
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Posted: Mon Jul 16, 2012 8:03 am
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lucystar THE_FAIRY_EMPRESS Umm i actually read about this in the chatterbox yesterday sweatdrop the girl he was talking to created a thread complaining that you had taken it seriously sweatdrop , she clearly thought it was all a massive joke. It sounds like neither of them were taking it seriously, hopefully now your boyfriends seen how upset it makes you he won't do it again. He'll have realised he crossed the line 3nodding Yes, I just saw her thread so now I'm a ridicule to many crying Sorry gonk it was a really bitchy thing for her to do, no one on chatterbox takes anything seriously, they ridicule everyone
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THE_FAIRY_EMPRESS Vice Captain
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Posted: Mon Jul 16, 2012 8:05 am
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THE_FAIRY_EMPRESS lucystar THE_FAIRY_EMPRESS Umm i actually read about this in the chatterbox yesterday sweatdrop the girl he was talking to created a thread complaining that you had taken it seriously sweatdrop , she clearly thought it was all a massive joke. It sounds like neither of them were taking it seriously, hopefully now your boyfriends seen how upset it makes you he won't do it again. He'll have realised he crossed the line 3nodding Yes, I just saw her thread so now I'm a ridicule to many crying Sorry gonk it was a really bitchy thing for her to do, no one on chatterbox takes anything seriously, they ridicule everyone
I went to her in private she should had done the same thing but more importantly why place me on ridicule if she suposebly didn't do anything with him she should had just let it be crying
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Posted: Mon Jul 16, 2012 8:57 am
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Posted: Mon Jul 16, 2012 9:33 am
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Digital Fiend A lot of people are of the mentality that if it's not "real" {actual touching, yatta yatta}, then it doesn't qualify as cheating, it's more of a fantasy thing.
I don't agree with that myself, but it sounds like something that should be discussed, and if you feel like you can live with the knowledge that this happened and not let it rule you and you really care about him, give him another chance. Maybe having a "boundaries" talk about what makes each of you comfortable and uncomfortable might help. It could also help not create really bad misunderstandings.
*Huggles* This is a sucky situation, just think about what you want right now. If you want to break up or if you want to work things out. The ball is in your court right now. Good luck!
Well, there's such a thing as an emotional affair, but that's a more complicated thing, takes more time and a lot more emotional intimacy than what we're discussing - but I digress.
I agree with DF on the talk about boundaries. I do think that it should have taken place earlier - but hindsight is always 20/20, right?
Since he actually offered to break off contact with her (whether he did or not is another thing), I'd say he's serious about taking your feelings into consideration.
As for that other whatsername, she just proved the kind of person she is by splattering everything out in the CB. You just keep your cool and don't stoop to her level by replying to anything. The scum may ridicule you, but the smart people will side with you when they see you're the one acting like the adult here.
emotion_hug emotion_hug emotion_hug emotion_hug emotion_hug emotion_hug emotion_hug emotion_hug
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Posted: Mon Jul 16, 2012 1:23 pm
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Quote: Well, there's such a thing as an emotional affair, but that's a more complicated thing, takes more time and a lot more emotional intimacy than what we're discussing - but I digress. I agree with DF on the talk about boundaries. I do think that it should have taken place earlier - but hindsight is always 20/20, right? Since he actually offered to break off contact with her (whether he did or not is another thing), I'd say he's serious about taking your feelings into consideration. As for that other whatsername, she just proved the kind of person she is by splattering everything out in the CB. You just keep your cool and don't stoop to her level by replying to anything. The scum may ridicule you, but the smart people will side with you when they see you're the one acting like the adult here. emotion_hug emotion_hug emotion_hug emotion_hug emotion_hug emotion_hug emotion_hug emotion_hug
I haven't said anything else to her or posted on her thread though she did quoted me so I was able to see what she had done, and others did so as well. Reading something i sent her privately now out in the open for others to laugh about me is hurting just as much as what he did with her. I don't think I have to justify me reaching out to her and telling her what I felt in the time when I was hurting the most. Is not like I insulted her, called her names, or took it out in the open like she herself did. Besides didn't I had a right to let her know what she did or better yet let her know what they both did to me??
Maybe I'm just wrong in the whole situation all I know is that I am hurting and now aside of the hurt I feel shame, embarrassed and I feel horrible seeing all those people laughing at my situation. I guess someone's feelings is a laughing matter to others. crying
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