Who's decided to make my life hell because I just can't understand him! So here's how it goes (I'm telling right now, I'm going to RANT about him)..
Let's call him Ding. It's not his real name, but don't ask how it got to that. We first met when two years ago, if you can call it "meeting". Back then, I was head-over-heels in love with some jerk. And Ding was friends with this jerk, so the only reason I became aware of Ding's existence on this planet was because I saw him and that jerk together with their friends. I never paid any attention to him back then, until one time when I saw him driving. I just turned 18 then, and my Dad was supposed to teach me how to drive the coming summer, so I was like, "Aww... lucky him, he can drive." So, the first image that got stuck to my head back then was that he was the jerk's friend (I think best friend at that time) and that he can drive.
Now, me and the jerk were classmates in our accounting class at 10-11:30 in the morning. I used to wear dresses and really do my hair because I want to impress the jerk. Ding's class was right before ours, and it was just the same room. So, whenever he comes out of it, I was there, trying to turn on a charm that won't work on the jerk. One time, I was wearing this white dress, and for the first time, my hair was tamed. Then out came Ding and his eyes were immediately on me. I didn't care about it back then, but now, I wondered why he immediately looked at me. It was quick, but there was that look.
Then came the second semester. Me, the jerk and Ding were thrown together in one block. That was also the time that I became friends with Isis (not her real name). She used to hang out with the jerk and Ding, but fell apart from their group for some reason or another. Anyway, she told me that she had a crush on Ding because of his body. Now, I'm not going to deny it, but the dude really has some kind of body. It was also during that time that I fell into the habit of staring at the jerk from afar (we stopped being close to one another at the end of the previous semester), and where the jerk is, so is Ding. That's when I noticed that Ding keeps looking at our (mine and Isis') direction. The two of us sit side-by-side, so at first I wasn't sure who Ding was looking at, so I told Isis about it. We both got excited for her, because she told me that at one point back then, they were on some kind of mutual understanding. She asked me to keep on checking for her. And I agreed to do it.
So now, every time I look at the jerk, I try to guess where Ding looks as well, because he just keeps on doing it. That was the first time I got uneasy about him. I'm an early bird... a really early bird. And so is he, apparently. Our first class was 7 in the morning, and I'm usually the first to arrive, followed by him. The room's like an amphitheater so the back's all raised up high, and that's where I sit. The first thing that he would do when he gets in was look at me. Then he walks to his seat up front, then looks at me before he sits down. Every now and then, he looks back and glances at me. I caught him at it actually because I was curious as to why he keeps on looking back. Mind you, there's just the two of us in the room then. I was having doubts then because deep down, I knew who he's looking at the whole time: me. Not Isis. ME. But I was praying that it wouldn't be like that because I don't want to break Isis' heart. Then, something happened that confirmed my theory.
We were in another room the amphitheater room. Me and Isis were in the third row, middle. Ding and his friends usually sit at the second row, to our left. But that time, the jerk (who I'm still in love with) sat behind me. But there were limited chairs there, so Ding had to sit 2 seats away from me. Isis was called to answer on the board, but she had no homework. So she borrowed mine, and I was making such a fuss because I want to get the jerk's attention. When Isis stood up, the guy sitting beside her stooped down at the same time clearing my vision, and there was Ding, STARING AT ME. He had this poker face on, so I can't be sure of what he's thinking, but he was unflinching. He didn't even look away even if he knew that I caught him the act. In all essence that embarrassed me, so I clammed my mouth shut for the rest of the class.
The school year ended, then started again in June. The jerk and I were on the same block again, but at that time, I was having second thoughts about him. It was the time I realized who really was: a JERK. Thankfully though, Ding wasn't in our block. I thought I was safe, but then I realized that I wasn't. We were classmates again in our Economics subject. Again, it was a 7:00 AM class, so me and Ding were always the first to arrive. The class was big, so it's held in an auditorium. Again, he sat in front, but this time, I was only 3 seats behind him. And again, he kept on looking back at me. How do I know of this? Because I always catch him on the act. It was during this time, that I started to feel something for him. It was like, in the jerk's story in my life, Ding was always there at the background. He's like a character in a movie you thought to be minor, but turns out to be the key in the entire story. By the end of that semester, I had a crush on him.
Every time we meet (at corridors, in the library, cafeteria, etc.) he would spend like 5 seconds to glance at me. If we stay at that area for a longer time, he would do it again and again and again. I told my Isis about it (well, I had to in the end. Turns out she lost interest in him, so I'm free to fantasize over him without feeling guilty) and she told me that back then when she used to hang out with them, he told their group that he's still in love with his former girlfriend who was just playing with him. But then, Isis did notice that he kept on glancing at me.
There's also this thing in the library. I like to sit at just one spot, kind of like a territorial thing. So, I used to sit at that spot always, when I noticed that he sits 2 chairs away from me. So I decided to move. The table I chose was far from the previous one that I use. After 3 days or so, he was sitting in that area also. I changed again and again (I was experimenting on him, to be honest), and he always follows me. Isis also noticed this, and so she told me that maybe he's moved on.
We've never really talked, to be honest, as in NEVER. We just usually... well, stare at each other without trying to be caught. And I have no idea how things will work out, if he likes me that is. But then, when this school year started, Ding also started ignoring me. He doesn't glance anymore, he doesn't stay at the same place in the library, he doesn't look at me when I pass by. He wasn't doing what he used to do. So I thought to myself that maybe he lost interest in me. But that's okay, because we move in two completely different worlds. Before with the jerk, it took me a very long time to get over him. I was sad for weeks. But with Ding, I got over it in just a matter of days.
Then one day, I was studying at the library, sitting at the new place I've found, when he sat 2 tables in front of me. I just ignored it, who cares right? But then, HE STARTED GLANCING BACK. To be honest, I wanted to throw to him the book I was reading. You see, on the fifth time he glanced back, I looked up from what I was reading and I was looking straight into his eyes. And he acted like a kid caught stealing a cookie from the cookie jar. And up until now, he's back on his usual habit.
Do you think he likes me or is he just some weirdo who likes to annoy people by looking at them with that stupid poker face (believe me, it's always that kind of face)? I don't know if I should give up on him or not. He's not handsome, I tell you. But there's this... charm to him that makes you attracted to him. He's cool in his own way, but he's just an ordinary guy. He's not really that sociable because he's always in the library studying, yet he's cool around people. There are times when I feel that he wants to talk to me but he's just shy to do so. Isis tells me to talk to him, but I don't know what to say!
Can you help me interpret him? I applaud you if you've finished reading this, but I really don't know what to do. My feelings are all jumbled up inside me. I can't tell my parents nor my siblings about it because they all think that even crushes should be banned when you're still studying. All my friends are neutral with him. They keep on asking what I liked about him given that he's not handsome, nor had we any chance of knowing one another (you know, liking someone not for their looks but their traits). Any advice would help, I just want to clear my mind about him. Thanks a lot!!
