The friend - dating thing can be very difficult...
I often have male friends... as I tend to get along better with guys for the better of less drama it seems. I am nerdy and used to be very tomboyish. So I had always gotten along better with them. But it seems like guys at some point always screw that up. Because I think every male friend I've had has at some point developed feelings for me. Although one was too shy to say it to my face just told his friends that somehow got around back to me... An I might have confronted him, but I was heart broken and on a no dating streak.
I tried dating a friend once... When I was 18. My very best friend the guy who I told everything too it seemed, and we were really close... I started to fall for him, and eventually told him I cared for him more then friends... he admitted back that he had liked me for 2 yrs as well, but didn't want to ruin our friendship. We decided to try dating on terms that no matter what happen we'd still be friends. We were dating 6months before we even managed to kiss.... and it was magical he said, it was really special... I have never loved that strongly, where you feel like you really are in some sort of fairy tale as silly as it sounds and as unrealistic as I thought it was. But he had to move to hawaii, and was going to go to college for 6yrs... An we had recently moved appart a few hours so he already knew it was difficult, and knew being in hawaii would be even more difficult as we wouldn't see each other for yrs at a time possibly... So he broke up with me, and that was one of the two only times I've cried so hard in my life. The other being when my sister died. I didn't think the pains could be so similar. But I lost my best friend and love at the same time. So it hurt alot. I didn't date for 5yrs... couldn't even consider it, I thought maybe if I waited long enough that when he returned he'd still care for me, and see that how dedicated I was that he would consider dating again...
We stayed friends.... and still are sort of... we've drifted apart alot. He had moved on for the most part as he said... I don't know if it was to save my feelings or help me move on or what. But I tried to force myself to just get over it. I almost loved again but that ended also... and everything else has just been a mess
He finally came back from hawaii this yr.... I went to visit him, we had lots of fun catching up and it seemed like we were friends just as we had before almost. It was nice, but short lived. He is still single... and didn't really date at all the entire time. So I don't know what to think *shrug* But he's living in seattle which is like 9hours from where I live now. An I can't really move there so I don't see anything for us.
Which is why I try to just pull myself to date other people, and tell myself I need to be normal and like other people, get over him and stop feeling like a crazy person lol.
I don't feel like I'm stable enough to date people really.... Even though when I was younger I thought I'd be married and have kids by now... I love children and I hate dating and I just want to have a husband v.v but I don't see that in my future anymore... I don't even think I can right now cuz I have to many issues. But then again... I get insanely lonely. So it just feels like I'm being pulled apart.
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