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Hi, My name is Anthony. From 2006 to 2011 I had no belief in God and once I had hated the thought of God. The reason I didn't was because I was once with a different faith. Back then, I was with the Bahi' Faith. To be honest, I still today do not understand what they believe in. But that's beside the point. Around 2007, my parents divorced because my Dad was cheated and my Mom wasn't gonna stand around anymore. So they divorced and of course, the kids were gonna be in the middle of it all. My Dad was once for Christ... but he left. I don't know anymore but moving on, this was a bit after I left the Bahi' Faith. I felt like I was praying to nothing until finally I just quit praying... quit caring... quit. For all of middle school, I would talk smack on Christians and anyone else believing. I hated them. However, it wasn't just Christians but it was just everyone around me. The more this kept happening, the more I grew in Hate of not just the world but myself. Everyday, I just wanted to fall off a cliff or something else. By my freshman year in High School, I honestly didn't care anymore. I wanted to die and I was waiting for someone else to do it. By the end of that year, I was ready to do it myself but I knew I was afraid to do that. I didn't want to go home because just about every weapon imaginable would be in that place. I had asked my friend, who I had recently just met. He told me he was a Christian but around that time, I wasn't hostle about christians or the thought of God. Honestly, I didn't care. I asked him if I could go to his house that day but I couldn't go to his house however, he had Youth that day and asked if I would want to got to that instead. I had to ask my parents. And I got a Yes. So I went to Youth that day and... That was the greatest day of my life. But I didn't let the Lord into my heart at first. I had dealt with Trust Issues with people, I felt like I wasn't exactly ready to just trust something I had not believed for a long time. So I went home and I looked in the kitchen and grabbed a knife...... I looked for a couple more minutes and then made my final decision. "I think I can find something better than this... I just need to keep searching." Second Week, I was agnostic and confused. A friend of mine was hurt and I saw that Mikey, the friend that brought me to Youth the week before, was showing care for him as if they were family. I looked at that and I was, "Whoa....." Why was that hard for to look at? Because around that time, I didn't even have a relationship with my own brother like that. I can't be in a place like this. I wasn't meant for that. So I walked away from the church, knowing I'll never go there again. But out of nowhere, the youth pastor at the time, Jeff, had caught me and asked, "Where you going?"
I had explained to him how I wasn't Christian, I saw that they loved each other like famiy and how I couldn't have that. I told him all this stuff... and then as soon as I said, "I don't know why I'm here.. I just wanted to be here be away from the hell I made on myself." and then he said, "How do you know God didn't bring you here?" I had to think about that for a minute. Seriously, I was an Atheist. What the heck am I gonna be doing at a Church unless something brought me here. When ever I think about that, I think of the verse
Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
Matthew 11:28.
As I said before though, I didn't except Christ into my heart just yet. I stayed at that church for a very long time when finally..... I accepted him. I felt like something left that wasn't there anymore. That emptiness in my soul was finally filled up. Like I could see clearer. I've been a Christian since the age of 15.... and I'm 17 now. I'm happy and even though most of my family isn't saved, I'm willing to show them how I am as a Christian now. My life is better and even though I go through struggles now and then, I'm willing to stare them in the face and stand against them. He who gives me strength will always have my back no matter what and that's what makes me a strong person.
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