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I just really need to get this off me...

I seem to be attracted to guys who turn out to be gay emotion_facepalm I crushed on a guy in class, I knew he was gay on the first day, but the feelings came.
And actually, The one killing me the most happened yesterday, I found my first crush is gay. I had serious feelings for him for maybe 2 years. I made the decision not to tell him about my feelings because I didn't want to risk losing our friendship but still a small part of me hoped, but now... Before now, it felt lonely not having the feelings returned but now it somehow feels even more lonely! I feel so broken, and I'm not entirely sure about what even. /Sigh. I suppose people can have a good laugh about this, I hope I will someday.
And slap me over the head with a salmon and call me crazy, there is still a tenny tinny itty bitty part of me that hopes this is a joke, I know it's not something to joke about, but I hope he would say something like "Lolz, sorry I had to do that guys! I had to for a social studies class" or some weird experiment or something...
This hurts so much and I feel so stupid, I have never been boy crazy and have never given out my feeling easily, this was my first crush period and it was a serious one at that.
I'm not even sure why I'm going this... I just need to get it out of me.

Thank you for sharing this, normally I'm not the type to reach out for help but this was more than I could bear. My best friend knew I liked him but I don't think she understood how much. O man, that must have been so awkward emotion_facepalm but knowing the truth now rather than later is better.

I tend to read too deeply into things so humor me xD mind you I was forbidden from speaking during crime shows like CSI because my guesses were almost always right >.> . He came out in video, when I watch it again some of it seem scripted, but even if it is that would make sense, I peractice things I'm scared to talk about. Afterwards, in a way of lighting the mood because he was stressed from what he had just done, I told him about how I felt, I thought it would make him laugh, but then came a veryyyyyyyyy long pause. Of course there are millions of things that would distract him, family and friends were probably texting him left and right. And then I think back to a few times when he said odd things, he talked about girls he wanted to date but they were always taken, that seems like something you wouldn't say unless you meant it. And at times when we were guilty of the same small crimes, like owning R4s >> he'd jokingly say "we're so bad! We should get married!" Now I expressed to all our friends that feel lonely a lot so a comment like that stung, and more so coming from him. It seems a hurtful thing to say UNLESS there was a hint behind it. So you can see how I'm confused by all this sweatdrop but like you said, he was probably confused himself.
I know I'm being nuts OTZ you may ignore me xD I'm surly wrong about it all but I like analyzing things in this way, it's fun for me even though it can also be bad.