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Posted: Sat Oct 27, 2012 5:30 am
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Posted: Sat Oct 27, 2012 5:43 am
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27 October 2012 The Introduction
I guess you could say that I'm just like every teenager - different. Which may appear to be contradicting, but yet it is very understandable. Understandable? That word just isn't in my life's vocab, since no one really understands me. With a soft heart and an over working brain, I'm constantly falling into depression. It's not very obvious to anyone, as I'm surrounded by 'friends', but over the years, I've never had a friend. At least not someone who qualifies for my idea of friendship.
Born and raised in a small town filled with fake bitches and assholes, I never knew happiness. Constantly fighting a battle within myself to choose who I should be. To fit in and fake my way to the top of my town's food chain or to be myself - by myself? After 16 years of swinging back and fourth from my alter egos, I decided to stick to being myself, even if that meant having no one.
I guess you could call this the uncomplicated version of my complicated life. So welcome to my world, a world where I'm surrounded by many people, but yet never felt so alone.
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Posted: Sun Oct 28, 2012 3:29 am
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Posted: Sun Oct 28, 2012 6:05 am
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o0Roxy0o 27 October 2012 The Introduction
I guess you could say that I'm just like every teenager - different. Which may appear to be contradicting, but yet it is very understandable. Understandable? That word just isn't in my life's vocab, since no one really understands me. With a soft heart and an over working brain, I'm constantly falling into depression. It's not very obvious to anyone, as I'm surrounded by 'friends', but over the years, I've never had a friend. At least not someone who qualifies for my idea of friendship.
Born and raised in a small town filled with fake bitches and assholes, I never knew happiness. Constantly fighting a battle within myself to choose who I should be. To fit in and fake my way to the top of my town's food chain or to be myself - by myself? After 16 years of swinging back and fourth from my alter egos, I decided to stick to being myself, even if that meant having no one.
I guess you could call this the uncomplicated version of my complicated life. So welcome to my world, a world where I'm surrounded by many people, but yet never felt so alone.
I try to make friends.. getting to know someone... Nobody is perfect. There are things that my friends do and makes me angry. They are sometimes jealous... But, I don't know anyone who is not jealous of somebody else in this world... (ok, except, maybe my mom and grandma).
My advice is try to make friends. It doesn't mean that you need to share everything in your personal life yet. Just having friends to hang out with and have fun ...
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Posted: Sun Oct 28, 2012 6:10 am
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o0Roxy0o 28 October 2012 The Pain That Lies Behind These Green Eyes
Cried my heart out last night. Not a few tears, it was ugly crying. I think what makes ugly crying the worst is when you aren't quite sure why you're crying.
My boyfriend did his best to help me and provided with with advice, but he isn't really good at that. Somehow, he always makes things worse. So I turned off my cellphone and just lay in bed with my tissues.
I just can't seem to understand why society is so mean. I don't see how being mean to others can make you happy. I wish I could go back in time and start fresh, knowing what I know now. I can't handle all this pain and loneliness. I'm dreading the thought of next year... Who am I going to sit with at break times and who am I going to hang out with during weekends?
Why do they all keep saying that they are there for me, when they aren't?
I don't know what ''case'' you are referring, but let me tell you this. Society can be mean.. People are mean, but not everybody... Life is never easy. As human, we progress, improve and endure. It's like the first time you fall. It hurts, you cry. Now, if you fall , will you cry ? No... You'll just think it hurts and be angry that you fell.
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Posted: Sun Oct 28, 2012 6:22 am
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o0Roxy0o 27 October 2012 The Introduction
I guess you could say that I'm just like every teenager - different. Which may appear to be contradicting, but yet it is very understandable. Understandable? That word just isn't in my life's vocab, since no one really understands me. With a soft heart and an over working brain, I'm constantly falling into depression. It's not very obvious to anyone, as I'm surrounded by 'friends', but over the years, I've never had a friend. At least not someone who qualifies for my idea of friendship.
Born and raised in a small town filled with fake bitches and assholes, I never knew happiness. Constantly fighting a battle within myself to choose who I should be. To fit in and fake my way to the top of my town's food chain or to be myself - by myself? After 16 years of swinging back and fourth from my alter egos, I decided to stick to being myself, even if that meant having no one.
I guess you could call this the uncomplicated version of my complicated life. So welcome to my world, a world where I'm surrounded by many people, but yet never felt so alone.
this is basically how im feeling too. i've seemed to stop trusting people completely for reasons I won't get into right now. Being by yourself isn't all that bad. I look at it as a way to improve other aspects of my life and be more productive. It'll get better though. Trust me heart
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Posted: Sun Oct 28, 2012 7:22 am
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XxAriaxX My advice is try to make friends.
Like I said, I have loads of 'friends'. But they are all so fake. It seems as though they need me when nobody needs them... And as soon as their old friends want them back, they run back to them, forgetting about me.
It's like I'm just a temporary friend to lean on for everyone. I guess it is a bit of my own fault for being such a giving person, I always try be there for people, but many people abuse that and use me.
So simply making friends isn't the easiest.
A few months ago, I was going through a tough time at home, with my boyfriend and at school. My best friend pretty much walked out of my life instead of helping me, like as though I meant nothing to her, without a single care. It broke me.
When I make new friends, I trust and open up too quickly and therefore the last laugh is always on me.
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Posted: Sun Oct 28, 2012 7:26 am
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Posted: Sun Oct 28, 2012 8:13 am
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o0Roxy0o XxAriaxX My advice is try to make friends. Like I said, I have loads of 'friends'. But they are all so fake. It seems as though they need me when nobody needs them... And as soon as their old friends want them back, they run back to them, forgetting about me.
It's like I'm just a temporary friend to lean on for everyone. I guess it is a bit of my own fault for being such a giving person, I always try be there for people, but many people abuse that and use me.
So simply making friends isn't the easiest.
A few months ago, I was going through a tough time at home, with my boyfriend and at school. My best friend pretty much walked out of my life instead of helping me, like as though I meant nothing to her, without a single care. It broke me.
When I make new friends, I trust and open up too quickly and therefore the last laugh is always on me.
You have to try...If you open up too quickly try to not... Otherwise, how are you going to improve the situation ? Of course, don't stay with people that abuse you, but you gotta meet other people and start to be ''friends'' without opening yourself too much for them. Everybody has some personal barrier. There was a time I felt I was just a temporary friend, but I didn't give up on those friends. I asked them to go out with me and with time, they realize, I am a good friend to hang out with... and.. the friendship grows...
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Posted: Sun Oct 28, 2012 8:15 am
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XxAriaxX o0Roxy0o XxAriaxX My advice is try to make friends. Like I said, I have loads of 'friends'. But they are all so fake. It seems as though they need me when nobody needs them... And as soon as their old friends want them back, they run back to them, forgetting about me.
It's like I'm just a temporary friend to lean on for everyone. I guess it is a bit of my own fault for being such a giving person, I always try be there for people, but many people abuse that and use me.
So simply making friends isn't the easiest.
A few months ago, I was going through a tough time at home, with my boyfriend and at school. My best friend pretty much walked out of my life instead of helping me, like as though I meant nothing to her, without a single care. It broke me.
When I make new friends, I trust and open up too quickly and therefore the last laugh is always on me.
You have to try...If you open up too quickly try to not... Otherwise, how are you going to improve the situation ? Of course, don't stay with people that abuse you, but you gotta meet other people and start to be ''friends'' without opening yourself too much for them. Everybody has some personal barrier. There was a time I felt I was just a temporary friend, but I didn't give up on those friends. I asked them to go out with me and with time, they realize, I am a good friend to hang out with... and.. the friendship grows...
Thanks so much for the advice, I really do appreciate it! I'll definitely start trying harder! Maybe I've just been a little stubborn and just worried a bit too much?
emotion_bigheart
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Posted: Sun Oct 28, 2012 10:52 am
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o0Roxy0o 28 October 2012 The Pain That Lies Behind These Green Eyes
Cried my heart out last night. Not a few tears, it was ugly crying. I think what makes ugly crying the worst is when you aren't quite sure why you're crying.
My boyfriend did his best to help me and provided with with advice, but he isn't really good at that. Somehow, he always makes things worse. So I turned off my cellphone and just lay in bed with my tissues.
I just can't seem to understand why society is so mean. I don't see how being mean to others can make you happy. I wish I could go back in time and start fresh, knowing what I know now. I can't handle all this pain and loneliness. I'm dreading the thought of next year... Who am I going to sit with at break times and who am I going to hang out with during weekends?
Why do they all keep saying that they are there for me, when they aren't?
I cant understand why society is beyond mean either, its a mind game that it seems teenagers love to play, who can make who hurt the most and get a kick out of it. That's what i went through at least, i had "friends" just like you they are not real friends who are there for you when your down. They are friends that use you for what they want, and that is all, at least that was my case. I had no one all four years of my high school.. well i had "someone" but she was just there and made fun of me but.. i was ok with it since she was "popular" i cried an cried about it everyday. I was alone in my own little world to the point i sat in the school library.. and studied..studied ect. About the weekend friends, i know its hard to find true people to be around, not fake. To be honest, i dont think many real girls exist much anymore..
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Posted: Sun Oct 28, 2012 11:02 am
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P a n d a s P a n t i e s I cant understand why society is beyond mean either, its a mind game that it seems teenagers love to play, who can make who hurt the most and get a kick out of it. That's what i went through at least, i had "friends" just like you they are not real friends who are there for you when your down. They are friends that use you for what they want, and that is all, at least that was my case. I had no one all four years of my high school.. well i had "someone" but she was just there and made fun of me but.. i was ok with it since she was "popular" i cried an cried about it everyday. I was alone in my own little world to the point i sat in the school library.. and studied..studied ect. About the weekend friends, i know its hard to find true people to be around, not fake. To be honest, i dont think many real girls exist much anymore..
I can honestly relate to what you're saying. I got bullied by a girl who was my best friend when we were still very young. And the other day I sent her a facebook message mentioning that we have one year of school left and that I'd like to stop this unnecessary fighting, thinking she would agree and leave me alone for once, but instead, she replied with the most horrid, heartbreaking message I have ever witnessed. I cried so much that night. The fact that half of her friends used to be mine, and told me how much they hated her, yet they all 'best friends' now, kills me. How fake can they be? How can they feel sorry for me, yet not tell her what she's doing is wrong? She would have lost nothing by agreeing to make peace, but yet she still had to swoop so low to break someone's confidence.
I think high school is enjoyable for about 10% of the students who rule the school with falseness and nastiness, the rest of us suffer 5 years of absolute pain. My only goal in my mind is to get next year down with and move to university and say goodbye to these fake bitches who are going nowhere in life!
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Posted: Sun Oct 28, 2012 11:10 am
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o0Roxy0o P a n d a s P a n t i e s I cant understand why society is beyond mean either, its a mind game that it seems teenagers love to play, who can make who hurt the most and get a kick out of it. That's what i went through at least, i had "friends" just like you they are not real friends who are there for you when your down. They are friends that use you for what they want, and that is all, at least that was my case. I had no one all four years of my high school.. well i had "someone" but she was just there and made fun of me but.. i was ok with it since she was "popular" i cried an cried about it everyday. I was alone in my own little world to the point i sat in the school library.. and studied..studied ect. About the weekend friends, i know its hard to find true people to be around, not fake. To be honest, i dont think many real girls exist much anymore.. I can honestly relate to what you're saying. I got bullied by a girl who was my best friend when we were still very young. And the other day I sent her a facebook message mentioning that we have one year of school left and that I'd like to stop this unnecessary fighting, thinking she would agree and leave me alone for once, but instead, she replied with the most horrid, heartbreaking message I have ever witnessed. I cried so much that night. The fact that half of her friends used to be mine, and told me how much they hated her, yet they all 'best friends' now, kills me. How fake can they be? How can they feel sorry for me, yet not tell her what she's doing is wrong? She would have lost nothing by agreeing to make peace, but yet she still had to swoop so low to break someone's confidence.
I think high school is enjoyable for about 10% of the students who rule the school with falseness and nastiness, the rest of us suffer 5 years of absolute pain. My only goal in my mind is to get next year down with and move to university and say goodbye to these fake bitches who are going nowhere in life!
I seriously believe we have/had the same life issue with the "bully girl" she thought she could walk over everyone an thought it was good an dandy. And seriously how can someone truly feel sorry for you, if they are just going to turn around and backstab. It i have to say feels soooo great when you can just say goodbye to all the bitches,fakes and rude people at the end of it all. Because just as you said! Its goodbye to them for good, and most likely they will never realize how they have torn people apart throughout the years. I have to say, i have the same goal with the university, because i hear you make a lot of new friends who are so much better than the rude fake ones.
(: if you ever want to talk, im always available.. it seems we both have had similar problems with people.. I went through the same torment, and i can truly say i am so sorry that you have to go through it too sad -hugs-
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Posted: Sun Oct 28, 2012 11:23 am
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P a n d a s P a n t i e s I seriously believe we have/had the same life issue with the "bully girl" she thought she could walk over everyone an thought it was good an dandy. And seriously how can someone truly feel sorry for you, if they are just going to turn around and backstab. It i have to say feels soooo great when you can just say goodbye to all the bitches,fakes and rude people at the end of it all. Because just as you said! Its goodbye to them for good, and most likely they will never realize how they have torn people apart throughout the years. I have to say, i have the same goal with the university, because i hear you make a lot of new friends who are so much better than the rude fake ones. (: if you ever want to talk, im always available.. it seems we both have had similar problems with people.. I went through the same torment, and i can truly say i am so sorry that you have to go through it too sad -hugs-
It would definitely be easier to deal with if I had some true friends, but I don't. So I hate to walk past this group every day and I have classes with them every day. And the fact that I used to be in that group, it hurts me more. Thanks so much for all the support, it really means a lot. I'll definitely let you know if I need any advice.
emotion_bigheart
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