"Convenience friends"; how to avoid being one?

[Lozzieful]

Okay so, after being contacted by a (now what I consider to be former) friend just now simply to ask a favour of me, it's really got me wondering.

All my life, I've been the person to have friends only when it's convenient for that person. As soon as it stopped being convenient for them, they stopped bothering, and it really has me feeling hurt. Is there some sort of vibe that I give off to make people act this way, or have I just simply been downright unlucky these past 21 (almost 22) years of existence to never ever come across one person that is any different?

I was once questioned, do you ever try to keep in contact, and make the conversation flow? Every time any social interaction takes place, that is the case. Always. Without fail. I'm always the first to start it; the other person's the first to end it.

I feel pretty much stuck in a rut now because of this. I understand that people can move on over time, but to just... stop? Just like that? Every day I see people I know who have tons of friends, yet here I am still always the loner.

Sorry for the rant, and I know there's not much you guys will be able to really say since you don't know me in person. It's just something I feel like I have to vent right now since I hate having feelings like this bunged up inside me, especially when it really does break my heart every time it happens.  

[Miss_XxAriaxX]

Lozzieful

I was once questioned, do you ever try to keep in contact, and make the conversation flow? Every time any social interaction takes place, that is the case. Always. Without fail. I'm always the first to start it; the other person's the first to end it.

I never pay attention to who start the conversation first.... I mean... In a conversation, someone has to start and end... I don't think that's a problem at all.

The real problem is that you feel your friends are taking advantage of you, right?

The thing is when you make friends, and get to know them more, some aren't ''good'' friends (for any kind of reason) so... we just lose contact in the end and theses people aren't your friends anymore....

It's like picking your friends... Who you trust... etc...

Looks like in your case, you weren't able to find a friend that isn't ''using'' you when needed. sad
Keep on trying.

Depends what they ask you to do...
Like I know some of my friends when they have nobody to hang out with they would contact me, but it doesn't bother me much.
I have friends that are very envious and jealous, but I am still their friend...  

[Lozzieful]

XxAriaxX

But the sad thing is, that isn't the case at all. It's not that they're 'using' me. They're only friends when it's convenient. When I was at university I met this girl, and we were practically joined at the hip for over a year. Then, after assessments when I moved back home, out of the city, she completely severed contact.

I've asked her if there's any problems to which se said no, and she won't even bother contacting me now unless I send her a message, to which all I get is a very prompt response. It's the same with everyone I ever met at uni. When I left the area, it's as though we've never met, I've heard from none of them.

Their friendships seemed flawless to me when I was up in the city with them. I just don't understand it, and it's happened to me with every single person I've met in life. They just don't bother trying, and it leaves me feeling like a cling-on.  

[Miss_XxAriaxX]

Lozzieful

XxAriaxX

But the sad thing is, that isn't the case at all. It's not that they're 'using' me. They're only friends when it's convenient. When I was at university I met this girl, and we were practically joined at the hip for over a year. Then, after assessments when I moved back home, out of the city, she completely severed contact.

I've asked her if there's any problems to which se said no, and she won't even bother contacting me now unless I send her a message, to which all I get is a very prompt response. It's the same with everyone I ever met at uni. When I left the area, it's as though we've never met, I've heard from none of them.

Their friendships seemed flawless to me when I was up in the city with them. I just don't understand it, and it's happened to me with every single person I've met in life. They just don't bother trying, and it leaves me feeling like a cling-on.

To tell you the truth, University friends are not... the best...
There are always exception, but generally university friends don't last long at all ... Why ? 1st, they don't live in the same city than you in most of the time.
2nd They are friends with us because their ''real'' friends aren't studying in the same program or university than them.
3rd when studies are over, they don't care about you anymore, they go back to their city, find a job... live their own life....
4th However, if they come in your city, and know you live around. They might give you a call to hang out with them.
5th University students (unless they were your roommates) , doesn't know much about you... as you don't know much about them.... So, you are not considered as a close friend.  

[Miss_XxAriaxX]

What you can do is to send emails, sometimes... Like in Holidays wish them Happy New Year or Christmas...

You don't need to wait for a holiday to talk to them. I sent an email randomly to ask them how they are and give a little bit of news of myself and ask a bit about them...

If they are online to chat, that helps to build and keep the friendship...

I believe that friendship along with trust has to grow to break the convenience friend zone.

It depends what they ask you to do , there's a difference to get used (take advantage), but it may be a good thing that they contact you sometimes. It keeps the friendship a bit alive.  

[Miss_XxAriaxX]

You have the same profile than me lol.. xd Cupcakes.  

[Lozzieful]

XxAriaxX

5th University students (unless they were your roommates) , doesn't know much about you... as you don't know much about them.... So, you are not considered as a close friend.

But this is what I consider myself stuck in a rut because of; I have no friends. Or none that don't fall under that university category; and they don't keep in contact anymore.

I do send emails and letters/cards; I'm a huge fan of old style snail mail; I believe it has more value to it, even though I do email and IM too. But I just don't have any friends who put in the same effort back that I do. As soon as I stop trying, my so-called friendships fail. :c How do you go about finding friends who are open to meeting someone new, if that's the case? I just feel that I'm at a loss.


And haha, high five. :'3 Cupcakes are awesome.  

[Miss_XxAriaxX]

Lozzieful

I do send emails and letters/cards; I'm a huge fan of old style snail mail; I believe it has more value to it, even though I do email and IM too. But I just don't have any friends who put in the same effort back that I do. As soon as I stop trying, my so-called friendships fail. :c How do you go about finding friends who are open to meeting someone new, if that's the case? I just feel that I'm at a loss.

Keep searching, because it is not ''written'' on their face that they are open to become goods friends.

I have a friend that makes friends really easily (she is not shy and is funny). Because she makes parties, she would invite them and keep in touch with them with facebook and text messages. Her friends were made at school and at work.

I try to look how other people do, and learn from them...

My way is to contact people that I know already, like I told you before (emails). I kept my friends from High school and thanks to my friend that organized parties every year (halloween, christmas, new year) and that we live in the same city, we kept in touch...

However, I feel lonely sometimes... or often lol ?
Because they are busy, with work, study, dating... I am often bored and ...here I am on gaia. xd Nothing is perfect.  

[Lozzieful]

XxAriaxX

Well, I can only hope that I bump into someone next year in my last year at uni or something. I have no friends from high school, my time there was a living hell and I have no friends from that stage of my life.

As for university, I really don't want to hound someone who isn't interested, since that's a false friendship in my eyes, and when I get continuously rejected and not contacted later on, it upsets me even more.

I don't want to look or act like other people, I just want to be myself. I'm very shy, and I've tried conquering that to meet more people but it just doesn't work. I know a ton of shy people who still make friends because people are just drawn to them. I don't understand what makes me so dislikable to other people. I just feel like a total oddball or freak or something. There must be some reason people aren't interested or don't like me. :'c  

[Miss_XxAriaxX]

Lozzieful

XxAriaxX

Well, I can only hope that I bump into someone next year in my last year at uni or something. I have no friends from high school, my time there was a living hell and I have no friends from that stage of my life.

As for university, I really don't want to hound someone who isn't interested, since that's a false friendship in my eyes, and when I get continuously rejected and not contacted later on, it upsets me even more.

I don't want to look or act like other people, I just want to be myself. I'm very shy, and I've tried conquering that to meet more people but it just doesn't work. I know a ton of shy people who still make friends because people are just drawn to them. I don't understand what makes me so dislikable to other people. I just feel like a total oddball or freak or something. There must be some reason people aren't interested or don't like me. :'c

I don't know. At university, many people say that if you want to make more friends, you should join associations and clubs of your interest and of course you gotta break your shyness and talk to others.  

[Lozzieful]

XxAriaxX

I don't know. At university, many people say that if you want to make more friends, you should join associations and clubs of your interest and of course you gotta break your shyness and talk to others.

Well yeah. I've tried both of those things. >_< Sadly, still to no joy.
Hopefully next year will be different, I can but hope. <3
Maybe I've just been unlucky in the sense that I've only met immature people thus far.  

[Miss_XxAriaxX]

Lozzieful

XxAriaxX

I don't know. At university, many people say that if you want to make more friends, you should join associations and clubs of your interest and of course you gotta break your shyness and talk to others.

Well yeah. I've tried both of those things. >_< Sadly, still to no joy.
Hopefully next year will be different, I can but hope. <3
Maybe I've just been unlucky in the sense that I've only met immature people thus far.

>_< ooh it sucks !! Hmm... I don't meet immature people, but snobbish people lolz XD...  

[Lozzieful]

XxAriaxX

>_< ooh it sucks !! Hmm... I don't meet immature people, but snobbish people lolz XD...

Haha, I'd take snobbish over childishly immature any day... Well, when I say immature, I mean immature socially. I mean I can act like a derp and run around with my pokemon, but I consider that different to the way you treat people. 3nodding

Although that being said, there's so many snobbish people I deal with at work it's just not even funny anymore. Meanwhile, as they're sitting sipping tea in the office, I'm on poolside dancing to gangnam style on the radio. emotion_awesome