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I realize, coming back to this subforum, that I almost only post depressing crap when I'm in need of some support. I feel bad about that cause, you guys don't realize how helpful you are. After my last post, things really picked up for me. I got a steady schedule. A promotion. Paid off all my bills. Had a really really GREAT summer and was enjoying life.

In early august, as most of you know. I lost Rascal. Now, what I need you to know to follow where I'm at now, is that I have 3 "best" friends. One lives in BC currently. The other I have hardly spoken to since she told me the date for her wedding, and that I was no longer her maid of honor because it would be "easier" to just have her family in the wedding party. (Myself and the best man sort of hate each other and it's what lead to me breaking up with his best friend so I imagine that was the real reason). Then there is my friend who has a daughter and husband of 3yrs. Who dropped everything to come be with me at the vet hosp and stayed with my fam when we euthanized him. It is this friend, who, for...as long as Ive known her, would call me in the middle of the night crying over something her boyfriend/husband said. Has threatened or claimed she tried to commit suicide more times than I dare count. Her husband left her shortly after Rascal's passing and then I was driving to her place late at night, watching her get piss drunk. Driving to the hosp because she was admitted to the mental ward and was bored. 3 months after her divorce, she is moving in with a guy that she has been "exclusively" dating for...maybe a couple weeks. I told her that it was inappropriate to call his kids her step kids, and that she shouldn't be moving so fast with him. She responded poorly to say the least. She told me not to come to her birthday party if that's how I felt. I'm sick of trying to talk some sense into her, being ignored, and then getting a call in the middle of the night from her crying about it blowing up in her face. I've put up with it all these years and she's willing to push me away cause I gave an honest opinion.

Well, considering friend #1 is across the country and I haven't spoken to friend #2 since not long after the wedding. That basically leaves me with no friends. Oh yeah, my guy friend blew up in my face after I told him I started dating again. Accused me of treating him like a "ski b***h" and told me to "keep sucking d**k and see where that leads me" sooo yea, he's out of the picture too. There seems to be a theme going on of, loosing all my friends.

Meanwhile, in other parts of my life... I missed a lot of school for back pain. My teacher messaged me JUST TO LET ME KNOW that I had the worst attendance record. Course I never gave her a doctor's note or explained why, but I just told her I wasn't able to get a doctor's note but that it shouldn't happen anymore. Which I really hope it doesn't since, I still have NO IDEA what's wrong. All I know is I was in so much pain I was afraid to drive.

I'm very much at risk of failing one of my classes.

I am back into debt. Well. I have the 600 in my savings that I managed to collect right before quitting the store. (OH gawd, that's another massive drama) Which I refuse to touch so I just put everything on my visa instead. I've managed to spend $300 in almost a day! which is my pay cheque every 2nd week. Just on vet bills, gas, insurance and food.

Christmas is coming up in about a month I haven't done any shopping and I'm already in debt. I have NOOO idea what to get for ANYONE. Like I can't think of anything they don't already have. I really hate to get them crappy gifts. Regardless my financial situation. I've always managed to get something really special in the past, I feel the need to at least match myself.

I quit the store. Which was the best job I ever had. I loved it so much, it was the only job I was anxious to go to in the morning. But the situation with the owner and "fostering" dogs was getting insane. I came in one morning to 8 dogs. One morning to 3 tick infested dogs. The dogs lived in the store and pissed and s**t everywhere it was a nightmare. I could not even carry a conversation with clients over the sound of the barking. I was pissed off that the owner would just bring these animals in and expect me to clean up after them. That is not my job. When I brought it up she acted like I was really exagerating the issue and...well, supposedly I quit but that's debatable. Either way I wasn't going to continue working in those conditions.

Aida, my first rat. Has a tumor. More on that in the main forum.

I can't even like...think anymore there is just so much s**t going on in my life right now. I have no friends to talk to. I'm really discouraged about everything right now. Final exams are coming up and I really really have to pass that class. I can't focus on any one problem. Oh and the guy I was dating, that caused the hissyfit in my ex friend. Ya he stood me up at Cowboy's show. He was gonna MEET Cowboy, and he never showed. Later he text me he had car problems and when I said he shoulda called to let me know, he never responded and I haven't heard from him since.

So...I think that's about the jist of what's going on with me right now....

homemade gifts would be an awesome idea. If my family weren't spoiled ******** lil shits. I was venting a bit to my mom. Saying how I'm 24 and they still ask me for a wish list but when I ask them what they want I get notthing, so on top of worrying about affording gifts I have to stress about figuring out WHAT to get. And she's just like. "oh well you always come up with great idea" and...that's part of the problem. I've run out now, they have everything and I can't live up to what I've done in previous years. Then I mentioned this app elfster.com that I got my dad to download, it him "follow" my wishes but he only added ONE thing. I guess she said something to him cause he came in later and asked me to delete it from his wish list cause it was a mistake (he knew how he just wanted me to know it was a mistake) and then he went on about how he already told everyone what he wanted. I said ya I know but what about lil other gifts. (His bday is 3 weeks before xmas) and he's going on and on about this is the ONLY thing he wants, he doesn't want ANYTHING else... well, that's great. Cause this thing is 900 bucks.

So tempted to just NOT get him anything then. Cause how many years have I told my whole family all I want is a lock for my bedroom door and that never happened.

Today has been incredibly shitty. My brother told me I did NOT need to make an appointment for my car to be rust proofed. Then last night he said to be there at 9:30. So I missed yoga, only to realized I was suppose to be paying cash which I didn't have. By the time I left my house I was suppose to be there. I just turned around and started crying. Crying that I have a dog who costs me an absolute fortune and is still uncomfortable. That my brother is pressuring me to get this done on my car, and to extend the warranty on my ipad. When I have literally have no money. I owe like twice as much as my pay which I will get NEXT week. Meanwhile Aida has this huge tumor and I'm looking at 300-500 bucks to remove it. Starting off with a $79 consult with an exotic vet to discuss our options. That spending that money on a living being who needs medical care is going to be frowned upon since I haven't yet spent all this money on my objects.

Tonight is the birthday party that I was reinvited too. I was planning to get a lift with another friend. Not eat, not drink. Maybe just order a cup of tea, or a small salad so they don't kick me out of the restau. And just...basically be there and try to spend nothing.