My Mothers Attitude.

[Thistleclaw]

Alright, this seems to always happen, but I want to do it on this particular event today.

My Mother told me to pull my pants legs up, because they were to long, and they actually are, so I did.

Then she told me to take out the trash, so I got my shoes on, and grabbed the trash bag, I then asked her why she was so mad, and Rachel(My Mother) said "ITS BECAUSE OF YOUR ATTITUDE AND YOUR MOOD" I was like, wtf. (My Mom is not PMSing, she's 49, and had surgery)

I was taking the trash out, and said. "I'm not even doing anything e-e" and she was like 'JUST WAIT UNTIL YOU GET BACK UP HERE"

So then, later, I was going home with my grandparents, and my grandpa was all 'You need a better attitude, and need to change it' and my Grandma said "Yes, you need to be nicer and sweeter, and not so grumpy and you especially need to be nicer to Rachel"

WTF.

So I said "Well, she doesn't need to provoke me like she did, and I didn't even say anything bad, or mean, all I said was 'I'm not even doing anything' and she got mad over nothing"

My Nana said "Well you need to be nicer to her, and less grumpy, and you need to quit being so stubborn, you don't need to get the last word on everything"

I honestly don't think this is fair, or even true, since I was being nice and behaving myself, I honestly think I was in no wrong here.

And no, I don't want you going 'Omg, you're so spoiled, and a b***h, blah blah blah'
You don't know my entire story, so don't even start that, you especially don't know the history of how much I dislike my Mother and the reasons why.  

[Lashuri Chan]

Thanks for telling me what to do and stating the obvious. So how about I you just take what they said with a grain a alt and move on? I mean if you know you don't have an attitude and are doing what she says without an attitude and she is just snapping at you for no reason then I don't what the problem is. Just like whatever about the whole thing because they obviously don't know the history of you "disliking your mother"

 

[Aquatic_blue]

You know, oddly...I can relate to this a lot, and I'm not sure if that's a good thing because it's something that's completely confusing and never made sense to me and still doesn't.

I remember when I lived with my parents - it was rough because our family was a bit dysfunctional at times. One day, my Mom told me, "You used to be so sweet, but I don't know what happened. Now you're so mean and nasty to everybody and you're never in a good mood." I didn't understand what she meant because I felt like I hadn't changed. Although, I wasn't happy a lot because life didn't make sense at home because it was bad to ask, "Why?" because all I got was, "Because I said so," and that frustrated me. I had a lot of issues and went through depression for about a year and didn't bother to tell anybody. A friend pointed it out to me and wanted me to see a doctor, but I didn't think anyone would take me seriously so I never did. When my Mom asked, "What happened? You used to be so sweet," I just said, "Ask the kid you call your son." because I did not get along with my brother. Since there is distance, I get along with my brother a bit better now. My parents spoiled him rotten and he thought that I never got in trouble and he always did. Whenever he threw a fit when it was only him in his room, it sounded like someone was beating him black and blue. He wasn't used to the word, "No."

When my parents told me I acted a certain way - it affected my attitude. When they told me, "You're too stubborn; You're not approachable; You need to learn to be nice; etc." I would get angry and eventually I was led to believe that people would never like me. Thus led slowly into depression because I thought I was a terrible person. They used me as their scapegoat to blame things on. I was also told I was ugly - usually told that I dressed like a slob and that my hair was so ugly because I just brushed it and that was it, or pulled it back into a ponytail or braid. I ended up with minor social anxiety that I still try to get over, and am always afraid of what people think of me.

I'm sorry you go through the thing of people telling you how you act when you don't act that way. I will say not to let it get to you and ask them, "How am I grumpy? How am I mean? How am I stubborn?" and see what their answers are. It's usually something dumb. I simply want you to be you and think for yourself and don't let their words make you act any different. If you ever need someone to talk to about an obnoxious mother - my PM box is always open 3nodding  

[Lozzieful]

Thistleclaw

I don't see who could deduce that you're spoilt from what you've typed. I actually know someone with a very similar issue, and all I can say is that in your grandparents' case, they're probably getting their facts from your mother. So you can't particularly blame them if your mum's giving them inaccurate information. Is it your mum's parents, by any chance? If so, then they'll of course be somewhat protective of her, since she was their baby once.

In your mum's case, maybe there's some hidden problem; a reason that she's overreacting to everything?
All I can suggest is, whenever you get asked to do something, respond with a smile, and lead the conversation onto something constructive and fun. "There's this film on the tv later on... do you want to watch it with me? Do you want me to help with dinner tonight? Do you want to paint each other's nails later on?" Bonding sessions will help break the tense barrier between you guys, and by being polite, happy and suggesting things like this, then you can feel better in knowing that the issue is definitely not on your end.

Sometime's mums can read a neutral response as a negative one. If they ask you to do one thing, and you just sigh, say okay, and/OR just go do it without asking if she wants anything else done, she can feel a bit hurt that you're not connecting with her more and helping out around the house. The response "I'm not doing anything" can be taken a negative way, trust me, I used to pull that card out aaaaallll the time, and really, can be misinterpreted as "piss off" which is what I think could be happening here. Next time, ask her if she wants anything else done, or say you'll do the dishes too, and see if her reaction differs any.

I hope this helps. ^^ emotion_bigheart  

[Mord Alushar]

Your grandparents are probably getting all this information from your mother and it sounds like she was exaggerating the story a little bit. Perhaps your mother is stressed and 49 is a good time in a woman's life for their hormones to be out of wack. Menopause has been known to last for years. Hell, my own step mother had hers last for ten years. But what I would do is, just act extra cheerful around your mother just to make her happy. I know its not fun to act but maybe seeing your smiling face will be just what your mother needs to help her get out what ever funk shes in.