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Hello, I am here to tell you my story of my crazy life before and up to when I found Christ. I know it is long, but its hard to get across the true transition without telling my whole life story. Wrote it in story format so you hopefuly don't get bored smile (i will post a summary at the bottom for those who don't feel like reading)
I guess you could say I was born into a christian family. My mom was catholic, yet my dad was an atheist. While my mom may of been catholic she never really went to church, practiced her beliefs, or had any intention of passing them down to hers son(me). I grew up not knowing the love of christ or really anything of the christian religion. I think the first time I considered christ was after my parents started fighting. I was about seven at this time and was able to realize these were not just normal couple fights. They would go at it a lot hours on end sometimes. I would usually sit in my closet and cry myself to sleep. I remember one of these times was the first time I ever prayed to god. I barely knew at that time who he was, or anything about christ all I knew was that he answered prayers. So I prayed for them to make up and stop fighting. Being a kid it wasn't much of a prayer, but to me it was everything. Yet sometime within the next few days they got a devorce. I was honestly devistated, and first took my anger out on the only person I could think to...god. Growing up after that I basicly considered myself an atheist. Even though I was young when my first drastic experience hit me, I never could let it go. Then, a few years later my mom married my step dad. To be honest I was angry. I didn't know why my mom married this man I barely even knew. Yet over time he came to grow on me, he was a kind man, came to replace my father as a father figure in my life. Yet my faith in christ was still weak. My stepdad was a catholic although he never talked about it much, and he never went to church either. So I basicly went my next few years not thinking twice about god or christianity. I went through middle school, then hit high school. A lot changed after that. I got involved in a lot of bad things in what i called 'my search for meaning and belonging'. I got involved in alcohol and even some drugs from my so called 'friends' whom I looked to for acceptance and belonging. This group I believed I belonged to was no more than a mask of the crying kid in the closit who just wanted everything to stop. It didn't take long for one of my true friends outside my 'group' to realize my problems and wished to help. Her name was Elizabeth, she was a good friend of mine from middle school whom I drew away from after joining my popular 'group' in high school. I didn't listen to her much though in my attempt to think of myself as 'happy' and 'where I belonged'. Yet one day everything changed.
I got a call to the office ond day in school. I thought it was for whatever I had done the day before and I was being called for detention. But there was a phonecall for me instead. I answered and it was my step dad on the phone. He told me that my mom had been rushed to the hospital after passing out and wasn't doing well. After quickly driving to the hospital I was broken to see her in her condition. I also realized she could die, and after the way I treated her over my life I felt terrible, a sudden wave of guilt washed over me as now I looked to my little brother and sister who had always looked up to me and I felt I left everyone down. I felt all alone. Yet one day I was sitting in my room after visiting my mom when a doorbell rang. When I opened the door it was elizabeth with some flowers. She handed them to me and smiled a sad sort of smile. She told me basicly how she was sorry about what happened to my mom and wished me luck. I was actually amazed, the way I had treated her after highschool she still took the time to come to the door. I told her I was fine, yet before she left she said one more thing. "I will pray for you" I don't know what it was with those five words, but I felt hope. Before she turned away I felt myself walk forward and asked her to stay for a few. Yet i felt sort of stupid about what I said, yet I was so glad I said it. Almost the next thing I remember we were sitting on the couch in my living room. Elizabeth, I finally found out was a Baptist. She in short told me about christ, his rebirth, the lord's love. And for some reason I felt so...guilty, so ashamed. Not now because of how I acted around my family, but how I looked under god's eyes. This god I had only talked to once, and just learned about, I seemed to feel like i knew forever. I felt like I had let him down. I realized that the lord had answered my first prayer in his own way, the way that was best for me. My parents did stop fighting, and the only way for them to make up was to get devorced. My stepfather ended up being that conduit in my life for a new father and a loving one. All this seemed to dawn on me at once and I cried, right in front of her. Then we prayed together, for me, my mom, everything. I don't know if that was the first time I gave my life to christ, if not it was the next day. I got a phonecall from school again, I dreaded it, I almost refused to answer the phone. But finally I accepted whatever came and answered...my mom had just been cleared from the hospital. I remember that was the second time I had cried, I must of looked like a fool infront of everyone. Then I prayed, I thanked god for everything, I apologised for what I had done and I gave myself to him. It was a feeling like I could never explain. It was as if that feeling of belonging and meaning was fulfilled. I felt love like no other. It may sound cheesy, but it is true. I went off drugs no matter now hard it was for me, and I quit drinking. Soon enough I had broken away from the 'group' that had always been binding me. I of course went through my hardships after, my faith was still tested and wavered at time. But my life always flashed through my head when I was faced with these tests and I never failed to always come to the same answer.
I am glad I finally found the lord in my life. I don't know what I would be like now if I continued along, lost and longing for belonging.
Summary for those who don't want to read.
I grew up with a small knowledge of the lord. At a young age my parents got devorced and I blaimed it all on the lord. I then became an atheist and refused to believe there was a god. After hitting highschool I got involved in drugs and alcohol. Yet after my mom got cancer and passed out I had a moment of self reflection. A few days later my friend Elizabeth came to the door and said she would pray for me which hit me hard. Afterwards we talked about christ and jesus. The day afterward my mother was cured and i gave my life to christ, gave up the drugs and alcohol and became a better son to my mother and brother to my sibblings.
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