Unamusing, Entertaining, Crazy World <3

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I will use this as my official thread to voice out my opinions. I am quite literate, but every once in a while I will make a mistake. I would like to create a movement with my memories, since I can't completely erase the journals in my actual journal section. Way too much of a hassle to go back and completely erase even the dark moments of my life.

A little about me in no fashionable order:

My real name is Amy, and I will only put people on first name basis since no one knows me on here in my real life anyways. I am twenty-three years young as of last summer.

I am currently single. I've been single for almost five years, and I choose not to date because of my involvement with my ex, which is still around. His name is Patrick.

My mom and dad have been married for twenty-two years. Yes. You have read this right. I was one when they got around to getting married, the silly parents.

I have a brother named Sam and a sister named Trisha. Both are older than me, and both come with a lot of problems which I will probably talk about later.

My favorite past times are playing old school playstation and playstation 2 games. Just started getting into otome games. (Lovely bishie anime boys / girls falling all over me sound wonderful.) I am also a huge manga/anime fan. From yaoi / ecchi to fluff romance. Mainly I stick to romance manga. I am extremely in touch with my emotions, because yes, I do cry to anime / manga. (The older I get, the more that I notice this.)
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I also have a dog named Hailey. She's a puggle (pug/beagle mix.) They are definitely a hard to deal with bread because they are so clingy. She's getting up in age, but I will probably have a lot of references in here.

I do not have a job at the moment other than babysitting my nieces Josie(4) and Katie (10). I also babysit my sister's husband, Terry's, kids. Shelbie (12), Trevor (14) are not easy to deal with, but I try my best.

I plan on going back to school after I get my act together, but right now it's just emotionally impossible for me. Just getting a job doesn't fit me right now. At this moment I'm trying to figure out where to go with my life.

This is about all I have to say for now. Hopefully you enjoy my journey to the new encounters I want to have in the near distant future.
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November 30, 2012
Mood: Thoughtful? Tired? Probably both.

I have a lot of fun things to do today but I will be tired for it. Needing to get a real Christmas tree. We have a family tradition of never getting a fake Christmas tree. Always a real one. I'm also apparently halfway helping Grandma Apple babysit my little niece today if she can't handle the job on her own.

I'm a person that suffers from stress-induced insomnia, and I'm tired of taking sleeping pills that barely knock me out anymore. I can't continue to take Nyquil since that could potentially lead to having a bad liver. Unisom barely works anymore. It also makes me feel like crap when I first wake up.

I at least have the weekend off from babysitting. I love my nieces and nephews, but they are difficult to deal with. They are emotionally exhausting. Not so much physically. I also have to grow a great deal of patience.

Josie already knows how to lie, and can be sneaky for a four year old. She's also the clingy child that needs to learn how to start spelling. I'm thinking of working with her on flash cards and such. I've had a break through with her, since she kissed my hand and told me how much she loved me. (Rare for her.)

Katie isn't having as many panic attacks as she used to. I hate telling her to toughen up. My mom and I just don't want to see her getting bullied at school because she cries at the drop of a hat. She still stutters a bit when she gets frustrated. I tell her to stop, and work through it before freaking out about everything.

I've been listening to a lot of Key soundtracks from Key otome games or Key games turned into anime. Clannad is still one of my favorite anime's of all time, and I'm thinking about rewatching it. Every time it brings me to tears. Such an incredibly life changing story for me. I won't spoil it for anyone wanting to watch it, but for each song to sweep me off my feet is incredible.
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December 1, 2012
Mood: Decently Happy

I find myself feeling good today. That's pretty damn good for what I've been feeling like lately. I actually got out and took a walk, since becoming an official shut in for the moment.

My anxiety and fears weren't there. Although my horrible self image still was. I don't quite fancy my body, or how I look. Nothing to the point of where I would starve myself or make myself throw up. I feel like I can get to a happy healthy medium, but for now I just don't feel like I could be consistent.

Still texting my idiot of an ex Patrick. He still thinks it's okay to treat me like a toy that amuses him because he himself is miserable about his leg. His actions are getting worse, and the more I talk to him the more mean he just gets. Of course, he says he's never mean to me. I'm always the one to go out of my way to see him. I'm always the one to put the effort into doing things for him, but he's still not at fault. My frustrations with him are building, and I don't like abandoning anyone. I wonder when this foundation will completely collapse. I wonder when we will separate for good, because what we have isn't healthy at all.

In other news, my dad and I finally got the Christmas tree. We were wondering what was up since the trees were so cheap this year. Normally around $60 - $80. It was only $45. Mom was excited just looking at the tree. Hopefully it will last past Christmas.

Still trying to switch my sleeping schedule. I'm extremely tired today because of it. It's not that easy when my body keeps wanting to stay up with no sleep. The one time I stayed up for four days. I hallucinated that the news casters on the television were yelling at me. I don't really feel like going through that again.

As long as this good mood can last. I will feel a huge weight lift off my shoulders.
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December 2, 2012
Mood: Tired

Not feeling too good. Weather change for me means that I'm not going to feel good. I've always been a pretty sickly person. I've always had a cough that I just can't ever get rid of from asthma. It makes me terribly moody, and terribly unbearable just a bit.

I may be going over to see Mr. House himself, Patrick. I wonder how that will go. I guess our speaking terms are alright. Maybe it's just my selfishness to keep him around. My greed, my neediness. I just don't spend too much time thinking about it because it will wear me out even more than I already am.

Still reading manga. Ohana to Chocolate is quite cute.
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December 3, 2012
Mood: Tired

Nothing interesting happened today. Yesterday I spent some of the night hanging out with the moron, Pat. Of course, all we mainly did was do a few adult things. Just boring when I feel that's all I'm around for. It's mostly my fault that I'm still around, as well. No one else to blame.

Thinking of going back to sleep.
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