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So I met this guy, Ryan, at the beginning of this year (Jan 2012) when I joined my school's robotics club. Turns out he was the president. The club meets Fridays afterschool and most of the time, as a club, we just hang out and derp. Since then until the end of the summer, I've hung out with Ryan countless times, in and out of robotics in groups with other people.
Awkward part in the middle was a different guy (vp of robotics) asked me out to prom in April/May and then after prom, he just stopped talking to me and it was just all kinds of weird. He just wasn't interested in me anymore and I had seen what kind of person he was. He's great and really nice, just a little dumb in certain ways. This was my first EVER experience with guys/relationships and I learned a lot.
I NEVER thought that I would be even considering the fact that I liked Ryan. I didn't even think about it until some friends (in robotics) started joking around, "shipping" me with him during the summer. Before I even considered the fact that I might really like this genuinely loved him as a person. Whenever I'm hanging around him, I'm just really happy and I forget about all other stuff making me angry, he's stupid and funny and I always just enjoyed his company. Now it's because of all these reasons that I didn't really fight it when people started "shipping" us. I could never hate him, but I thought I didn't like him in that way.
The Saturday before he and some other college-bound people were going to move into their college dorms, we hung out in a group and went mini-golfing. My friend, Nick, and I were the only non-graduating people there. Nick posted something onto fb on Ryan's phone. Everyone around me had smartphones and nobody would show me what it was! :c They all said, oh you’ll have a surprise when you get home. It was a status saying he ‘loves me’ and wants me to ‘love him back.’ I knew for a fact it wasn’t him, but then another good guy friend said this:
Fran: Did Ryan see what Nick posted?
Me: Yeah
Fran: Did he say anything?
Me: No
Fran: Maybe he actually likes you and Nick was being a bro by doing this since he only has interest in girls his year anyway and Ryan just doesn’t have the balls to tell you.
Like, holy s**t, it made sense. It was only after this^ that I started thinking about if I really liked him that way and if maybe he liked me. I thought it was really unlikely though, I mean, he's going off to college and will have plenty of options to choose from.
Now he's in his first year of college and I've occasionally talked to him via fb chat for long periods of time. There was also one occasion when I hadn't lost my phone yet, he started rapidly texting me and drunk called me on to prove he wasn't drunk when I said he was.
I can't remember when, but at some point between then and now I decided that I guess I really did like him. So this whole time, I've been trying to figure if he likes me back or not and whether or now I want to keep trying.
I sent him a freakin care package of cookies and candy to his college because I said I would neutral If that doesn't say 'I like you' I don't know what does...
So he came to visit during Thanksgiving weekend and I was SO HAPPY!!!!! Don't even think about if I like him romantically or not, I genuinely appreciate him so much and him being around just makes me day better. I was going to robotics club as normal and then he walks out of the robotics room and I didn't expect it at all and was just FILLED WITH SO MUCH JOYEEEEEE :> I'm very true to my emotions, so I'm sure the expression on my face was priceless.
Everyone at robotics was like yay Ryan and we all hung out there like normal. He drove me and another guy to get milk tea and we all just talked and caught up for a couple hours and it was just great.
He messaged me saying I left my wallet in my car and made fun of me :c We ended up making plans to watch Wreck-It-Ralph with the usual gang (guys in his year) and go wallet shopping for me (bc I said mine is old and fat)... He offered in conversation to go early before meeting up with friends. He picked me up 30 mins early, but then we ended up meeting with other people early. His friend had been working a 12 hour shift at the mall so we all sat down outside waiting for the last guy to show up. We sat like this: me friend ryan then the other guy got up and moved so it became like this: o o o and he even said out loud "oh I don't want to separate you guys" and we just didn't react to it, even though inside I was like DSLFJKSDLGKSDHKLDFH.
We all got dinner later and during conversation, Ryan was talking about college like and the same guy that was shipping us was like "Hey Ryan, got any digits?" and "Ryan, you should bring home a white chick." We're asian btw. Somehow it got into a conversation where Ryan was talking about dorm life parties. "This HOT croatian chick was hitting on my friend and.." something I don't remember.
I took talking about other girls like in front of me as a sign of he doesn't like me, which I felt was to be expected. I'm sort of one of the "bros." Then again, later he joked about that he'd only get one digit of a whole number.
I just talked to him again like norm, right as I post this, and my feels are just in a bunch. I casually was asking him about what to do about robotics club stuff (because I'm sorta in charge now) and I thought he was studying for finals, but he surprisingly responded and then it ended up to be a long conversation like ones we've always had. It somehow became us sharing links to videos, manga, and games. Oh and not to mention, he always wants me to tell him stories, aka gossip. We all joke around that he's like an asian mom and always wants to be nosy and know everything.
I don't want to assume that him talking about other girls in front of me is what will determine everything and having normal conversation with him just makes me super happy. He's really nice to me, but I don't want to take it the wrong way. As far as I know, he doesn't really talk to any other girls, but he's probably done a fair share of socializing at college. He's told me all about his suitemates and etc.
He's finishing up finals tomorrow, my finals are next week, and I believe he's coming back next week. I'm excited for his return for obvious reasons, but the whole reason I'm posting this here is to ask, what should I do? I really do love him as a friend, but I don't know where to go from here. Just keep going as a high schooler talking to an alumni? Ask him out and risk it in person and see how it goes? I just don't know.
Lastly, I know this all sounds really silly coming from a high schooler, but I really do think about relationships all the way til marriage. This is only my second experience ever thinking about this kind of stuff with guys and aghhh I hate feels... I just want to say, trust me with what I'm saying and just overlook that I'm "young" because my mental age is 3x of what it is now, but in the end, I'm still just a teenage girl wondering about guys, so please give me your straight and honest advice! Thanks so much if you've read this far. Sorry for all these gushy feelings.
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