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 Posted: Sat Dec 15, 2012 7:47 pm
Such a cliche topic I know sad
it was the first time i had ever felt real emotions for. My previous relationships were no where near as real.
When we had met, it was the first time he'd ever felt any connection to another person, and he really believed I could be the one. Our relationship was great, and instant chemistry.
In my previous relationships I was kinda selfish, but with him I feel so selfless, and his happiness was my priority. Likewise, he was the same. We'd always do things for each other just because we wanted to.
Our relationship moved physically fast, and more importantly emotionally fast. I found myself in love with him, and eventually we both said we loved each other. The thing was though, he started to put in 'less' effort as time went on, and I began feeling upset because I thought he was only infatuated. Eventually he broke up with me because there was "something" stopping him from being able to be emotional with me. He refused to tell me cause he didn't want to hurt me even more with the truth.
I kept insisting because I felt I deserved to konw the truth and basically he had past childhood emotions that he had grown up with from primary up through highschool - even though the other girl never had interest in him, and even now she is in a committed relationship of 2 years with another guy. Even though he had accepted that she'd never want to be with him years ago, I guess he just kept caring about her, and she's the only girl he's ever cried over.
Since it has been something that's been going on for many years, he thought that he had moved past it which was why we started a relationship. As we got more emotional eg. talking about the future together and university in 2013, his emotions for me reminded him of his feelings for the other girl. And made him realise he still had to let go of those feelings. Which was why he can't commit and support me emotionally.
and since he knows those feelings he had for the other girl, he "know that my feelings for you aren't how i'm suppose to feel." and concluded "I love you, but I'm not in love with you."
And it hurts him to have to let me go, and he doesn't want to. But if he still has these feelings that he hasn't let go of, then he just can't commit to me. Also, if he doesn't feel how he should, then it's pointless to keep holding onto me. I guess he loves me and cares about me enough to know that he doesn't want to use me, and keep holding on. He has to let go of me so I can move on with my life to be with somebody who WILL be in love with me.
Also, since we moved so quickly he feels like he didn't have to 'work' for it, like he doesn't deserve it. The whole time we were talking he had mentioned several times that he knew he was going to regret this later, but when it comes down to it he just can't live with himself if he kept me around and used me. And the best thing he can do for my happiness is to let me go.
All of this makes sense to me, and logically. But...holy s**t, I feel so heart broken. Upset, horrible and just plain...depressed. I love him so much, he was the first person you know?
I know that I have a whole lot of years ahead of me and many people who I will meet - especially with university this year. But...hell I just wish I could have been the one to steal away his emotions from her sad
He's a really independent kind of guy, and i'm the only person he has ever opened up to psychologically, and I know him the deepest of all people. He's told me things that he's never told anybody else. He kept telling me i was so special and he was so lucky to have me but he couldnt' be in an emotional relatinship with me. Also he felt like he was being unfaithful to me by knowing of these old feelings.
he told me this yesterterday afternoon, and I tried hard not to cry. At the start I smiled, and told him not to be sorry because he couldn't help it. and I told him I was still happy and grateful that we got to spend time to get to know each other. I also told him not to feel guilty and i'd be okay, and even though I love him and wish I could be that girl for him, I wasn't angry at him.
That was ok until I couldn't hold back my emotions anymore and it all kinda poured out. I cried and grieved, and I felt so guilty for crying and making him feel bad for me. I can only imagine how hard it must be for him. He ended up taking me out to dinner to a nice restaurant so we could just cherish the happy times. We were laughing, talking and smiling so much. Held each others hands, and told me how beautiful I am and how lucky he was.
We kissed for the last time, and looked into each others eyes.
ugh this is making me so emotional right now.
He wants to keep being friends, but honestly. I really don't know what to do. I can't get over my love for him easily, i can only imagine doing that by cutting him out of my life and focusing on my study and work. But at the same time, I don't know if I could imagine cutting somebody so meaningful. And so deepy connected with.
I dont' know what to do
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Posted: Sun Dec 16, 2012 3:31 pm
Hi !
I'm not sure if..I understood well, but did you know he wasn't in love with you when you both dated ? Did he told you that before going out or during, and he ended it now?
It hurts for sure... But, you should let him go. Because I don't think it's ''fair'' to date someone that isn't in love with you. That's why he wanted to end the relationship.
I have not dated, but I believe it's better to date when you both love each other for real.
I knew someone's parents that were in this kind of situation.
Her mom wasn't the first woman in her father heart. The real woman her father loved was not available. So he found another woman, got 3 kids, but in the end he divorced and went back to his first love because after all those years she is now available and wants him.
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Posted: Sun Dec 16, 2012 3:35 pm
You can always tell him that you need a moment to.. recover from the break-up and possibly become friends after.
It would take time to recover.
My friend recovered from her break-up by... wishing to find a greater man.
She eventually found a greater man. Her break-up wasn't similar to yours,
but it's better to be in relationship with someone that truly love you.
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Posted: Mon Dec 17, 2012 5:28 pm
As someone older... the years flow by and you build connections and bonds with people. It's how humans are built. We are social animals after all. There will always be that one person engraved upon your heart.
It's only foolish to think that person can be replaced by another. The way they smile. The way they walk. The unconscious movements, the rythm of their body. The way they touch and hold you. No one can ever do it the same exact way. You could live a hundred life times and never find a duplicate.
To expect someone else to fit their mold, live up to their ideal and pickup where they left off is one of the cruelest burdens you can place on a lover.
It's not wrong to hold someone precious to you in your heart. I wouldn't trust a person who could erase someone's memory from their life as if they never existed.
A first only happens once.
Life is full of meetings, partings and reunions. Some bonds grow weaker with time and fade away and some only seem to get stronger.
What I don't get is the logic that there can be only one bond. Sometimes despite both trying your best things just don't work out in the end.
You are allowed to love again. You can never replace what was lost, but you can find someone different and and appreciate what they bring to a relationship and what they bring out in you.
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