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So there was a boy named Ricky I met in 8th grade. He's black and kinda big, but he was really funny and nice. I always enjoyed his company. The first month of his transferring back to our school, he asked me out three times. I turned him down; only because I didn't know him very well and I'd rather get to know someone first before dating them. But then a month after all that. I started to like him. I'd always just smile at him and give him a hug in passing period and that was it. And even by the end of the school year, I was nervous to ask him to sign my yearbook. And so that year passed by.
Then came freshmen year. I didn't really like him as much. It was just a small crush. Nothing harmless. Then one day, after my field hockey practice, I was walking through school alone and I saw him. I smiled at him and gave him a hug as always. Then all of a sudden he tries holding my hand and we start to walk and talk. I get all embarrassed because, well I wasn't expecting that at all. Thus I begin to like him again. But about a month or a few weeks later, he hooks up with this one chick. I didn't realize it at first but it kinda made me sad. I didn't really care though because I had other boy problems of my own at the time. Then I guess they broke up and he tried to get all flirty with me again durring my water polo season. I didn't really care though because I was pretty much losing feelings for him. Thus ending Freshmen year.
Durring the summer of then, however we started talking. He'd just send me a txt here and there talking and he apologized if I had fet led on. I finally told him my feelings because I just wanted to get it out of my system. I had told him that I used to like him in 8th grade and a little bit in 9th. He had asked me why I didn't say anything to him before and I just shrugged it off. Mainly because I'm a little timid when it comes to admitting my feelings to others. So he then asked me if I wanted to go ice-skating with him. I told him sure why not because I excepted it to be a friend thing. But when I arrived it was only him and I realized, "Oh s**t, this is a date." To make a long story short, we went ice-skating and kept acting like a couple, kissing and what not. The next few nights he wanted me to sneak out and meet up with him at the elementary school. At first I rejected because I was too afraid to do such a thing. But I eventually gave in and did. I was scared but when I saw him we just hung out and talked. It was fun except for the fact that he wanted to kiss and make out the whole time. After all the events that happened durring 9th grade, I really lost most of my feelings for him and that night when I snuck out, I realized that I don't like him like that anymore. So I went home and went to bed and that was that.
A few weeks/days later my boyfriend Devin (yes it's through gaia.) asked me out. I had already been crazy about him and crushing on him for a while so of course I accepted. (Please note that the night I snuck out and hung out with Ricky I had realized that I didn't want him and I only wanted Devin.) As much as I wanted a relationship in person, I truly fet Devin was worth it. (And I still do feel this way.) So then things with me and Ricky died down and I was happy.
Sophomore year rolls around and then school and sports start. I was excited yet nervous at the same time for school to start. I saw Ricky and acted friendly like I always am, hugging and a little conversing. But one day when I snuck up on him and hugged him, this girl Ana told me to stop being a flirt around him and to hop off his nuts because his girlfriend didn't like that. I was shocked when I found out. He never mentioned anything about having a girlfriend to me and I started to suspect, uh oh what if he cheated on her with me over the summer?! So I eventually got ahold of this girls number and talked to her and found out that they started dating BEFORE he had asked me out to go iceskating with him. Therefore it looked like I was the "home wrecker". I spoke to him about it at school and he told me that what had happened was that they were talking in the beginning of summer and suddenly stopped, then he spoke to me and we stopped (I actually giggled when he said that because it made me think of my boyfriend.) and then he told me he and the other girl started talking again and when they decided to go out, they just chose to use the date from when they started talking. (Weird.) So having cleared that up with the two of them I was satisfied. Eventually they broke up.
Now leading to why I am ranting to you all about this, some time after they broke up I had just snuck up on him (because it's fun to sneak up on people, okay?) and surprised him with a hug and what ever. Then the same girl, Ana, was joking around saying that we would make a cute couple. We were kinda silent about it (In my mind I was thinking, "hell no, I'm happy as can be with Devin.") So then I headed off to waterpolo practice and that was that. Well later I find out at my field hockey banquet that he had said to Ana after I left, "Don't give her ideas, she's obsessed with me." She wasn't able to tell if he was kidding or meant it, since he likes to joke around. At first I didn't care but then I realized, "Wait, even though it was a joke I find that pretty messed up. HE was the one all over me durring the summer, not I. I've been over him for so long, what the hell?" It bugged me so I decided that I wouldn't talk to him, in the hopes that he'd come up to me and ask me what's wrong and be a true friend and what not. Well the opportunity presented it's self one day and I told him I was mad at him, refused to hug him, and walked off. I ended up ignoring him for about a week until the girl, Ana, came up to me and told me that he got mad at her for telling me what he said and that he's ignoring her now and that he deleted her off facebook and removed her number and what not. The way how that processed in my mind was, "Wow so he doesn't even want to come up to me and talk to me about it? Instead he just gets upset and takes it out on her? That's so dumb." So then I told her I'll talk to him about it some time (since I'm too good natured.)
A few more weeks go by and then finally it came to yesterday. It was raining and I saw him durring passing period and gently grabbed his shoulder. He turned around and I asked him if we could talk some time. He nodded his head and we headed to our classes. I didn't get a chance to talk to him durring lunch (and we have no classes together) so I put it off and waited for today. I was going to confront him at lunch in his usual hang out area but I got scared. At first I was ready to get it over with and just do it, but the people he hung around intimidated me. I begged my friend Alicia to go with me but she refused because she was scared too. So eventually after arguing almost right infront of his friends and him we just started walking again. I kinda have the feeling he was talking about Alicia and I or at least me, because the girls he was hanging around kept looking over at us. They really scared me to be honest. They looked the kind of chicks who'd "******** a b***h" or get suspended or expelled due to a fight. Since I didn't have guts to ask for him infront of them, I just decided to txt him. Our conversation goes as followed:
Me: Hey
Him: Hey
Me: Can I talk to you now?
Him: To telk you the truth I dont want to but if you go ahead
Me: Well why not?
Him: I don't u could of talked to me all day if u wanted to but no u stood there and looked at me or u walked past me so if u wanna talk now do it
Me: I felt intimidated. I'm sorry.
Him: I'm not gonna talk but if u wanna go ahead
Me: Ugh. Would you rather we talk in person then?
Him: No. You can wats no ur mind now or never
Me: How about you make up yours. First you dont want to talk and now suddenly you're so eager to know what? You of all people should already know too.
Him: I already know, I know what I know and I don't want o talk about it, everytime I think of it I get sick to my stomach, I know you know what's up so u can tell how you feel about it or just never talk about it
Me: I don't even know how this turned into a big deal let alone why it would make you sick to your stomach. It was a stupid thing that happened that made me mad. If it was a "joke" why the hell did you not confront me about it? Instead you let me dwell on the words spoken from Ana. You shouldn't even be mad at her. It's a good thing she told me. I mean you don't even have the balls to tell me "oh hey it was a joke" or "this is how I really feel". You could have said something but noooo. If you had just talked to me about it we could have cleared things up easily. I'm sick and tired of all this bullshit. I'm not ******** obsessed over you, I'm just friendly in that way. If you'd rather me continue ignoring you and letting what little friendship we have die out and let maggots fester in it's remains, then so ******** be it. This is so stupid and pointless. Why the hell do I have to be the one to reach out and attempt to fix this ******** mess? How come you never even tried? Do you not care? do you not value our tiny ounce of ******** friendship? Oh wait. I'm just that stupid little girl who is supposedly obsessing over you. That's all I am to you huh?
Him: Are u done
Me: Wow. Just. Wow.
Him: I told u I didn't want to talk im just listing
listening*
Me: ... at this point I wish 12/21/12 were real. I'm so fed up with this stupid planet and the people who inhabit it.
Him: Well I'm sorry for that, well I'm and done bye
Me: k bye.
I was so mad when I sent that, I put so much thought into what I was writing and all I get was that ******** response? I went to go delete him off of facebook, only to find that he had already done it. When he did? I don't know. All I know is that I'm now depressed, sad, crying, I've waisted so much time with him that I could have invested in something or someone else. I'm just so sad, tired, and depressed. If I didn't have Devin, I'd probably be lesbian for the next month or so.
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