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 Posted: Fri Dec 28, 2012 5:13 pm
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Posted: Fri Dec 28, 2012 5:32 pm
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BrightEyesWillFly Reformed_Into_His_Image BrightEyesWillFly What does the Bible say about sex and sexual activities before marriage? I know many Christians say it's wrong, unethical, and any sexual activity is usually considered vulgar. My fiance and I have been together for 5 years as of this March. For the past couple years and it's been rare more so we would "attempt" sex. Due to some complications, which I'd rather not get into unless need be, it wouldn't work and I haven't even bled. He hasn't been fully inside me that I'm aware of. Also, yes we ALWAYS have used protection. But, for the past 4 years and usually regularly whenever we have seen each other a few times a week, we would get intimate with each other, and still do. Not attempt sex, but you know foreplay...... Well, in the past I've thought it was my problem with being sexually assaulted 3 different times that made me feel so bad and disgusted each time. And for 2 years I felt that bad. The 3rd year things were better, but still off, and then this year things have been better, but still off. I mean, it's kinda weird, but now I don't feel right doing foreplay and usually try to find a way to get out of it. It's really bad considering this is the guy I truly want to spend the rest of my life with. It's not a low labido thing at all. I'm guessing it's the guilt that I may be sinning and have been repeatedly over and over. I pray, but still a day or two later I find myself praying about how sorry I am for the foreplay/intimacy. So I'm wanting to know, is it wrong to have sex/intimate relations with your significant other before marriage? What does the Bible say for/against it? If it feels right, should you continue to do it or stop? Should you stop if it's wrong? Considering we've been engaged for a year now and still plan on marrying each other in the next year or two, would it be wrong to at this point (considering we are very committed to each other), to continue? Would it be okay to stay intimate or continue to try on occasion for the "home run"? I'm lucky I have a very understanding fiance, for he says that relationships aren't based purely on intimate relations, but by enjoying each others company, which we do. It's just, lately the passion in him has been rising and in a way, I want to enjoy it, but something is holding me back. And, this is something that means a lot to me that I want to get sorted out for sure. I could definitely use some insight. Thank you! God bless! Well.... Let's take a look from the Word of God and sees what it says about sexual activities outside of marriage. I believe that sex is good, but only in one way, and that is inside of marriage. It's like this. If a father told his son that he would give him a $20 bill, but he won't give it until tomorrow morning. However, the son took that $20 bill because he assumes that he would get it one way or another. What would the father's reaction be? He would be angry. His son is not patient, but more than that, he is a thief. That is like with the issue on sex. It is God's gift to us, however He had 1 condition, we must wait to be married. Otherwise, we would misuse the gift that God gave to us. And furthermore, Jesus says in Matthew 5 that if we look upon another to lust after them, we committed adultery with that person in our hearts. That's something interesting. Rather it is in marriage, or even outside of marriage, if we look upon the another to lust after them, we would commit adultery. Wow, that does give some insight, and now I feel horrible. sad But the thing is that's hard to describe is that I've always wanted to wait to have sex until I was married, originally, and then I told if it was out of love and you were committed it would be okay, but thought it still wouldn't be. And with the attempts he hasn't fully gotten inside of me in general at all. So technically, he has penetrated me with the tip or part of it (other issues also), but we haven't actually had sex sex, and I haven't even bled for he hasn't gotten in me in me. And as far as lust, I don't lust after his physical body, nor do I truly want to rush into sex at all. In better terms even though his body is attractive to me, I don't go after it, moreso the spiritual and emotional relationship, I look more into him than I do his appearance. If anything, I lust for his heart, not his body. That's why I'm confused. Have I sinned and repeated the same sin under these circumstances? I want to prevent damaging myself in the future by finding other ways now. I just need to straighten myself out further.
Here is a question: do you feel free or bound up or even fearful? |
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Posted: Fri Dec 28, 2012 5:35 pm
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Reformed_Into_His_Image BrightEyesWillFly Reformed_Into_His_Image BrightEyesWillFly What does the Bible say about sex and sexual activities before marriage? I know many Christians say it's wrong, unethical, and any sexual activity is usually considered vulgar. My fiance and I have been together for 5 years as of this March. For the past couple years and it's been rare more so we would "attempt" sex. Due to some complications, which I'd rather not get into unless need be, it wouldn't work and I haven't even bled. He hasn't been fully inside me that I'm aware of. Also, yes we ALWAYS have used protection. But, for the past 4 years and usually regularly whenever we have seen each other a few times a week, we would get intimate with each other, and still do. Not attempt sex, but you know foreplay...... Well, in the past I've thought it was my problem with being sexually assaulted 3 different times that made me feel so bad and disgusted each time. And for 2 years I felt that bad. The 3rd year things were better, but still off, and then this year things have been better, but still off. I mean, it's kinda weird, but now I don't feel right doing foreplay and usually try to find a way to get out of it. It's really bad considering this is the guy I truly want to spend the rest of my life with. It's not a low labido thing at all. I'm guessing it's the guilt that I may be sinning and have been repeatedly over and over. I pray, but still a day or two later I find myself praying about how sorry I am for the foreplay/intimacy. So I'm wanting to know, is it wrong to have sex/intimate relations with your significant other before marriage? What does the Bible say for/against it? If it feels right, should you continue to do it or stop? Should you stop if it's wrong? Considering we've been engaged for a year now and still plan on marrying each other in the next year or two, would it be wrong to at this point (considering we are very committed to each other), to continue? Would it be okay to stay intimate or continue to try on occasion for the "home run"? I'm lucky I have a very understanding fiance, for he says that relationships aren't based purely on intimate relations, but by enjoying each others company, which we do. It's just, lately the passion in him has been rising and in a way, I want to enjoy it, but something is holding me back. And, this is something that means a lot to me that I want to get sorted out for sure. I could definitely use some insight. Thank you! God bless! Well.... Let's take a look from the Word of God and sees what it says about sexual activities outside of marriage. I believe that sex is good, but only in one way, and that is inside of marriage. It's like this. If a father told his son that he would give him a $20 bill, but he won't give it until tomorrow morning. However, the son took that $20 bill because he assumes that he would get it one way or another. What would the father's reaction be? He would be angry. His son is not patient, but more than that, he is a thief. That is like with the issue on sex. It is God's gift to us, however He had 1 condition, we must wait to be married. Otherwise, we would misuse the gift that God gave to us. And furthermore, Jesus says in Matthew 5 that if we look upon another to lust after them, we committed adultery with that person in our hearts. That's something interesting. Rather it is in marriage, or even outside of marriage, if we look upon the another to lust after them, we would commit adultery. Wow, that does give some insight, and now I feel horrible. sad But the thing is that's hard to describe is that I've always wanted to wait to have sex until I was married, originally, and then I told if it was out of love and you were committed it would be okay, but thought it still wouldn't be. And with the attempts he hasn't fully gotten inside of me in general at all. So technically, he has penetrated me with the tip or part of it (other issues also), but we haven't actually had sex sex, and I haven't even bled for he hasn't gotten in me in me. And as far as lust, I don't lust after his physical body, nor do I truly want to rush into sex at all. In better terms even though his body is attractive to me, I don't go after it, moreso the spiritual and emotional relationship, I look more into him than I do his appearance. If anything, I lust for his heart, not his body. That's why I'm confused. Have I sinned and repeated the same sin under these circumstances? I want to prevent damaging myself in the future by finding other ways now. I just need to straighten myself out further. Here is a question: do you feel free or bound up or even fearful?
could you be a little more specific with the question please? ^^; |
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Posted: Fri Dec 28, 2012 5:42 pm
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Rednal I got baptized in what was basically the church's hot tub. rofl Built specifically for baptisms, actually. And... well, uh, a really strict pastor might not do any kind of spiritual marriage. Personally, I think people in that position should be understanding of circumstances, and you are trying to do the right thing. ^^ If they say it only counts if the law says so and God won't recognize it otherwise, I... probably wouldn't want to go to that church, myself. You can always try asking anyway; you might be surprised. Or be turned down and told to not be a Shameless Heretic who's Subverting the Obvious Will of God to Live in Sin. Churches are very different sometimes. o.O So, uh, be prepared for that.
Well, being submersed in the church's hot tub sounds better than sitting on a chair. xD And true, I mean, all I can do is try. So I will definitely see what they say, if not that church I know of one other that a different friend attends as well as there are several between my parents house and our trailer that I've seen, but haven't been to yet. (every mile there is at least 1 church if not 2 wherever I've been). I am prepared to deal with criticism on that part, but I do hope I can find someone understanding of the situation. |
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Posted: Fri Dec 28, 2012 5:58 pm
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Posted: Fri Dec 28, 2012 7:32 pm
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Posted: Fri Dec 28, 2012 9:46 pm
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BrightEyesWillFly Reformed_Into_His_Image BrightEyesWillFly Reformed_Into_His_Image BrightEyesWillFly What does the Bible say about sex and sexual activities before marriage? I know many Christians say it's wrong, unethical, and any sexual activity is usually considered vulgar. My fiance and I have been together for 5 years as of this March. For the past couple years and it's been rare more so we would "attempt" sex. Due to some complications, which I'd rather not get into unless need be, it wouldn't work and I haven't even bled. He hasn't been fully inside me that I'm aware of. Also, yes we ALWAYS have used protection. But, for the past 4 years and usually regularly whenever we have seen each other a few times a week, we would get intimate with each other, and still do. Not attempt sex, but you know foreplay...... Well, in the past I've thought it was my problem with being sexually assaulted 3 different times that made me feel so bad and disgusted each time. And for 2 years I felt that bad. The 3rd year things were better, but still off, and then this year things have been better, but still off. I mean, it's kinda weird, but now I don't feel right doing foreplay and usually try to find a way to get out of it. It's really bad considering this is the guy I truly want to spend the rest of my life with. It's not a low labido thing at all. I'm guessing it's the guilt that I may be sinning and have been repeatedly over and over. I pray, but still a day or two later I find myself praying about how sorry I am for the foreplay/intimacy. So I'm wanting to know, is it wrong to have sex/intimate relations with your significant other before marriage? What does the Bible say for/against it? If it feels right, should you continue to do it or stop? Should you stop if it's wrong? Considering we've been engaged for a year now and still plan on marrying each other in the next year or two, would it be wrong to at this point (considering we are very committed to each other), to continue? Would it be okay to stay intimate or continue to try on occasion for the "home run"? I'm lucky I have a very understanding fiance, for he says that relationships aren't based purely on intimate relations, but by enjoying each others company, which we do. It's just, lately the passion in him has been rising and in a way, I want to enjoy it, but something is holding me back. And, this is something that means a lot to me that I want to get sorted out for sure. I could definitely use some insight. Thank you! God bless! Well.... Let's take a look from the Word of God and sees what it says about sexual activities outside of marriage. I believe that sex is good, but only in one way, and that is inside of marriage. It's like this. If a father told his son that he would give him a $20 bill, but he won't give it until tomorrow morning. However, the son took that $20 bill because he assumes that he would get it one way or another. What would the father's reaction be? He would be angry. His son is not patient, but more than that, he is a thief. That is like with the issue on sex. It is God's gift to us, however He had 1 condition, we must wait to be married. Otherwise, we would misuse the gift that God gave to us. And furthermore, Jesus says in Matthew 5 that if we look upon another to lust after them, we committed adultery with that person in our hearts. That's something interesting. Rather it is in marriage, or even outside of marriage, if we look upon the another to lust after them, we would commit adultery. Wow, that does give some insight, and now I feel horrible. sad But the thing is that's hard to describe is that I've always wanted to wait to have sex until I was married, originally, and then I told if it was out of love and you were committed it would be okay, but thought it still wouldn't be. And with the attempts he hasn't fully gotten inside of me in general at all. So technically, he has penetrated me with the tip or part of it (other issues also), but we haven't actually had sex sex, and I haven't even bled for he hasn't gotten in me in me. And as far as lust, I don't lust after his physical body, nor do I truly want to rush into sex at all. In better terms even though his body is attractive to me, I don't go after it, moreso the spiritual and emotional relationship, I look more into him than I do his appearance. If anything, I lust for his heart, not his body. That's why I'm confused. Have I sinned and repeated the same sin under these circumstances? I want to prevent damaging myself in the future by finding other ways now. I just need to straighten myself out further. Here is a question: do you feel free or bound up or even fearful? could you be a little more specific with the question please? ^^;
Are you afraid that you are sinning? |
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Posted: Fri Dec 28, 2012 9:50 pm
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Reformed_Into_His_Image BrightEyesWillFly Reformed_Into_His_Image BrightEyesWillFly Reformed_Into_His_Image BrightEyesWillFly What does the Bible say about sex and sexual activities before marriage? I know many Christians say it's wrong, unethical, and any sexual activity is usually considered vulgar. My fiance and I have been together for 5 years as of this March. For the past couple years and it's been rare more so we would "attempt" sex. Due to some complications, which I'd rather not get into unless need be, it wouldn't work and I haven't even bled. He hasn't been fully inside me that I'm aware of. Also, yes we ALWAYS have used protection. But, for the past 4 years and usually regularly whenever we have seen each other a few times a week, we would get intimate with each other, and still do. Not attempt sex, but you know foreplay...... Well, in the past I've thought it was my problem with being sexually assaulted 3 different times that made me feel so bad and disgusted each time. And for 2 years I felt that bad. The 3rd year things were better, but still off, and then this year things have been better, but still off. I mean, it's kinda weird, but now I don't feel right doing foreplay and usually try to find a way to get out of it. It's really bad considering this is the guy I truly want to spend the rest of my life with. It's not a low labido thing at all. I'm guessing it's the guilt that I may be sinning and have been repeatedly over and over. I pray, but still a day or two later I find myself praying about how sorry I am for the foreplay/intimacy. So I'm wanting to know, is it wrong to have sex/intimate relations with your significant other before marriage? What does the Bible say for/against it? If it feels right, should you continue to do it or stop? Should you stop if it's wrong? Considering we've been engaged for a year now and still plan on marrying each other in the next year or two, would it be wrong to at this point (considering we are very committed to each other), to continue? Would it be okay to stay intimate or continue to try on occasion for the "home run"? I'm lucky I have a very understanding fiance, for he says that relationships aren't based purely on intimate relations, but by enjoying each others company, which we do. It's just, lately the passion in him has been rising and in a way, I want to enjoy it, but something is holding me back. And, this is something that means a lot to me that I want to get sorted out for sure. I could definitely use some insight. Thank you! God bless! Well.... Let's take a look from the Word of God and sees what it says about sexual activities outside of marriage. I believe that sex is good, but only in one way, and that is inside of marriage. It's like this. If a father told his son that he would give him a $20 bill, but he won't give it until tomorrow morning. However, the son took that $20 bill because he assumes that he would get it one way or another. What would the father's reaction be? He would be angry. His son is not patient, but more than that, he is a thief. That is like with the issue on sex. It is God's gift to us, however He had 1 condition, we must wait to be married. Otherwise, we would misuse the gift that God gave to us. And furthermore, Jesus says in Matthew 5 that if we look upon another to lust after them, we committed adultery with that person in our hearts. That's something interesting. Rather it is in marriage, or even outside of marriage, if we look upon the another to lust after them, we would commit adultery. Wow, that does give some insight, and now I feel horrible. sad But the thing is that's hard to describe is that I've always wanted to wait to have sex until I was married, originally, and then I told if it was out of love and you were committed it would be okay, but thought it still wouldn't be. And with the attempts he hasn't fully gotten inside of me in general at all. So technically, he has penetrated me with the tip or part of it (other issues also), but we haven't actually had sex sex, and I haven't even bled for he hasn't gotten in me in me. And as far as lust, I don't lust after his physical body, nor do I truly want to rush into sex at all. In better terms even though his body is attractive to me, I don't go after it, moreso the spiritual and emotional relationship, I look more into him than I do his appearance. If anything, I lust for his heart, not his body. That's why I'm confused. Have I sinned and repeated the same sin under these circumstances? I want to prevent damaging myself in the future by finding other ways now. I just need to straighten myself out further. Here is a question: do you feel free or bound up or even fearful? could you be a little more specific with the question please? ^^; Are you afraid that you are sinning?
Yes, and the possibility that I have. Both the same. I'm trying to figure the difference of what is considered right and wrong and if i've overstepped my boundaries or if I haven't done anything wrong. I've not known the answer, which is why I want to know. |
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Posted: Fri Dec 28, 2012 9:54 pm
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BrightEyesWillFly Reformed_Into_His_Image BrightEyesWillFly Reformed_Into_His_Image BrightEyesWillFly Wow, that does give some insight, and now I feel horrible. sad But the thing is that's hard to describe is that I've always wanted to wait to have sex until I was married, originally, and then I told if it was out of love and you were committed it would be okay, but thought it still wouldn't be. And with the attempts he hasn't fully gotten inside of me in general at all. So technically, he has penetrated me with the tip or part of it (other issues also), but we haven't actually had sex sex, and I haven't even bled for he hasn't gotten in me in me. And as far as lust, I don't lust after his physical body, nor do I truly want to rush into sex at all. In better terms even though his body is attractive to me, I don't go after it, moreso the spiritual and emotional relationship, I look more into him than I do his appearance. If anything, I lust for his heart, not his body. That's why I'm confused. Have I sinned and repeated the same sin under these circumstances? I want to prevent damaging myself in the future by finding other ways now. I just need to straighten myself out further. Here is a question: do you feel free or bound up or even fearful? could you be a little more specific with the question please? ^^; Are you afraid that you are sinning? Yes, and the possibility that I have. Both the same. I'm trying to figure the difference of what is considered right and wrong and if i've overstepped my boundaries or if I haven't done anything wrong. I've not known the answer, which is why I want to know.
Here is something that I was thinking about. "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind." (2 Timothy 1:7). If you fear that you are in sin, just know that it is not from God. |
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Posted: Fri Dec 28, 2012 10:01 pm
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Reformed_Into_His_Image BrightEyesWillFly Reformed_Into_His_Image BrightEyesWillFly Reformed_Into_His_Image BrightEyesWillFly Wow, that does give some insight, and now I feel horrible. sad But the thing is that's hard to describe is that I've always wanted to wait to have sex until I was married, originally, and then I told if it was out of love and you were committed it would be okay, but thought it still wouldn't be. And with the attempts he hasn't fully gotten inside of me in general at all. So technically, he has penetrated me with the tip or part of it (other issues also), but we haven't actually had sex sex, and I haven't even bled for he hasn't gotten in me in me. And as far as lust, I don't lust after his physical body, nor do I truly want to rush into sex at all. In better terms even though his body is attractive to me, I don't go after it, moreso the spiritual and emotional relationship, I look more into him than I do his appearance. If anything, I lust for his heart, not his body. That's why I'm confused. Have I sinned and repeated the same sin under these circumstances? I want to prevent damaging myself in the future by finding other ways now. I just need to straighten myself out further. Here is a question: do you feel free or bound up or even fearful? could you be a little more specific with the question please? ^^; Are you afraid that you are sinning? Yes, and the possibility that I have. Both the same. I'm trying to figure the difference of what is considered right and wrong and if i've overstepped my boundaries or if I haven't done anything wrong. I've not known the answer, which is why I want to know. Here is something that I was thinking about. "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind." (2 Timothy 1:7). If you fear that you are in sin, just know that it is not from God.
So, based of the intimacy and my beliefs, I have not sinned? Is that what you are also saying? |
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Posted: Fri Dec 28, 2012 10:05 pm
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Posted: Fri Dec 28, 2012 10:06 pm
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BrightEyesWillFly Reformed_Into_His_Image BrightEyesWillFly Reformed_Into_His_Image BrightEyesWillFly could you be a little more specific with the question please? ^^; Are you afraid that you are sinning? Yes, and the possibility that I have. Both the same. I'm trying to figure the difference of what is considered right and wrong and if i've overstepped my boundaries or if I haven't done anything wrong. I've not known the answer, which is why I want to know. Here is something that I was thinking about. "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind." (2 Timothy 1:7). If you fear that you are in sin, just know that it is not from God. So, based of the intimacy and my beliefs, I have not sinned? Is that what you are also saying?
No, I am not saying that. But if you feel that you are in sin and you are afraid that you are sinning, then I would suggest you ask God for wisdom. Because if you fear that you are in sin, know that it is not from the Lord, for He will give you the power to conquer that sin in His name. |
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Posted: Fri Dec 28, 2012 10:30 pm
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Reformed_Into_His_Image BrightEyesWillFly Reformed_Into_His_Image BrightEyesWillFly Reformed_Into_His_Image BrightEyesWillFly could you be a little more specific with the question please? ^^; Are you afraid that you are sinning? Yes, and the possibility that I have. Both the same. I'm trying to figure the difference of what is considered right and wrong and if i've overstepped my boundaries or if I haven't done anything wrong. I've not known the answer, which is why I want to know. Here is something that I was thinking about. "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind." (2 Timothy 1:7). If you fear that you are in sin, just know that it is not from God. So, based of the intimacy and my beliefs, I have not sinned? Is that what you are also saying? No, I am not saying that. But if you feel that you are in sin and you are afraid that you are sinning, then I would suggest you ask God for wisdom. Because if you fear that you are in sin, know that it is not from the Lord, for He will give you the power to conquer that sin in His name.
Okay, I was just checking. Thank you! I've been praying and will continue to. ^^ |
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Posted: Sat Dec 29, 2012 8:22 am
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Another helpful verse would be Romans 14:23, doing things in doubt is equivalent to sin. So if you doubt in your mind that going for a "spiritual marriage" is right in our Heavenly Father's eyes, the slightest doubt, then avoid it because you're not acting out of faith if you do it.
Quote: Romans 14:23(NIV) 23 But whoever has doubts is condemned if they eat, because their eating is not from faith; and everything that does not come from faith is sin.[a] Footnotes: a. Romans 14:23 Some manuscripts place 16:25-27 here; others after 15:33.
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Posted: Sat Dec 29, 2012 3:02 pm
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real eyes realize Another helpful verse would be Romans 14:23, doing things in doubt is equivalent to sin. So if you doubt in your mind that going for a "spiritual marriage" is right in our Heavenly Father's eyes, the slightest doubt, then avoid it because you're not acting out of faith if you do it. Quote: Romans 14:23(NIV) 23 But whoever has doubts is condemned if they eat, because their eating is not from faith; and everything that does not come from faith is sin.[a] Footnotes: a. Romans 14:23 Some manuscripts place 16:25-27 here; others after 15:33.
That does help. Personally, I do believe that it sounds right, and it would help us, but only my fiance is willing to do it. Unfortunately, I may not be able to talk to him about this until Monday at the least, so it does give me time to make sure I want to ask him. It's not really a doubt that it isn't true. I've just not heard of it being done before. Looking at marriage on a deeper level, what Rednal said about marriage being before God, it's true. And, like others I've heard say, basically legal marriage to be recognized, it's just a piece of paper. Even my fiance says since we've lived together it feels like we are already married, but with the pushing boundaries of intimacy, it doesn't make me feel right. Therefore, the best solution I think, if I can find the right pastor to do it, would be a spiritual marriage for the time being, then go for the legal marriage when we can afford it. And the spiritual marriage I think would be right. Because honestly, I'd like us to be recognized before God as a married couple. We still plan on getting married legally, but the intimacy thing right now, is sinful and I want to improve. And the legal marriage won't be for probably another year or more, depending on when my fiance decides, so I really want to take action now if possible. But, if marriage is acknowledged before God, it should still count. I will definitely give it thought and make sure I'm sure before going through with anything. I'd definitely like to look into it though. |
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