Why I am who I am – (Life story)

[ZuchiniMuumuu]

Currently, I am 16 years old so my life hasn't been so long yet, but it's been quite a bumpy road and many things have happened, so I think I can start writing it down. Maybe just to remember it better. I will not be using the real names of the people in my life.
Feel free to comment.  

[ZuchiniMuumuu]

Circumstances around my birth

My mom and dad had a horrible relationship. They met in India, he proposed really quickly and she just wanted someone who would commit. Truthfully he was her second choice since she was in love with someone else who wouldn't commit to her. So they moved to her homeland (Finland) together and started their life together.

They had their first child, my elder sister, and their relationship was just no good. She was working and raising my sister while my dad was being a complete slacker and going shopping. They fought all the time and then she cheated.

She wasn't very mature and didn't know any other way out of the relationship. He found out and told her that he'd forgive her and take her back and that she should be grateful because no other man would do that for her. That's when the guilt trips started. He would talk to her throughout the night about the affair and ask her the same questions over and over. It was around this time that they had me.

My father then went to Helsinki to learn how to be a masseuse. This he did without discussing with my mom, so she was hurt. He did come back, but things didn't become better. Being left alone with two small children and a job to take care of didn't add to my mother's love for my father. Then she found out that he was using his new job to get with countless other women, some which my mom had thought were her friends. The arguments escalated.

That's when the death threats came about. My father tried to keep my mother in the house. Once he beat her up and started strangling her. That was the last straw for her and she left him, took my sister and I with her and moved to Denmark.  

[ZuchiniMuumuu]

How I ended up in America

I don't remember anything from that time. I was three when me moved to Denmark. I couldn't speak Danish and really only remember living in an apartment with a playground outside. My sister, who I guess I'll call Serena, did learn some Danish and remembers more, but we don't really talk about it much. She was about 5 at the time, being 2 years older than me. We only lived in Denmark for a few months. Then we moved to Sweden.

I went to kindergarden there for almost a year and mostly just remember living by the western coast and that one of the boys had a huge crush on Serena and chased her all over the place. People also loved to pick me up because I was so small.

My mother was very interested in yoga at the time, and when she heard that their was a sort of yoga thing happening in California, she took us with her and went to it. It was meant to be a visit, but turned into so much more. She met a man named "Phil" and they got married so that we could stay in America. He loved computers and was alright. We lived in a big house together and he introduced us to my first school.

I couldn't speak any English and no one could speak Swedish at my school, but things worked out anyway. It's a nice Waldorf/Charter school in the woods, and I spent two years in kindergarden and my two first years of grade school there. After 5 months in the school I was fluent in English. I had a lovely teacher who would walk around with me and tell me what things were called. I also met the most important person in my life in kindergarden.  

[ZuchiniMuumuu]

Early years with the most important person in my life

Violet/Leti was my best friend and she also helped me learn English. She had a half-brother who was about 5 years older than her on her mom's side and had crazy confidence. Sure, she was very bossy, but I didn't mind.

We spent so much time together, mostly playing pretend. We'd just use our imagination and pretend we were other people doing more interesting things. I wanted to start first grade with her, but they kept me back since I'd just learned English and they thought it was too early. Leti is 6 months older than me too.

We still spent most of our time together and I still remember her first house where she lived with her dad. They shared the house with some other people who had big black dogs that were really friendly and adorable. Leti and her dad had the second story, the others had the first.

Her mother lived in an adorable little trailer and had many cats, mostly black with hilarious names. The trailer was kept in several different places though. I was at Leti's so often that her parents really felt like a whole different set of parents. She was rarely at our place though.

I think it was in first grade that Leti and I started thinking about sexuality. We would kiss a bit, wondering what it was like. Then somehow we ended up giving each other head. Now, we are two strictly heterosexual girls, but I guess curiosity is a strong force in a young persons life. We haven't talked about this in our later years, so I don't know if she remembers, but yeah..