Online Dating Sites

[lgtenos]

First and foremost, this topic is not for dating purposes. GGSA is not a dating service and I will uphold all posts in this thread to that standard. If you want to meet your potential significant other, please do so outside of GGSA.

Now, onto the actual discussion... Within this day-and-age, the advent of the computer and the Internet allow people to easily communicate over vast distances, thereby offering a new medium to interacting with potential significant others. Online dating is becoming increasingly popular due to its applicability in this "Information Age." However, what is your take on online dating sites? Do you believe the heuristic algorithms they claim to use to match people is valid? Have you had any prior success with such sites?
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My Opinion: I, personally, enjoy online dating. I barely have any time to go out and mingle with people other than my close friends (due to work and school), so online dating is a perfect fit. My Ex's, both of whom I'm still good friends with, were found on these sites. I've had numerous dates because of the sites and I find them a great boon to my social life. Not that I'm totally dependent on them; I see them as more of a "boost."  

[Keakealani]

I think online and "real-life" dating both have their purposes, and it depends on a large variety of factors.

For one, I think online dating is an absolutely invaluable medium for introverts and people who don't feel comfortable interacting face-to-face with a lot of people before getting to know them a little bit. It acts the way "mutual friends" act in the traditional dating scene to hook shy people up together, and I think because of the algorithms and online culture, are probably more successful than your extravert friends shooting in the dark until they find you a match that might work.

I also think online dating is great for those of us who don't have strong outside-the-home peer groups. I'm not actively dating right now (seeing as I am already in a closed relationship atm) but I am glad to be able to socialize with people online because my life doesn't allow for a lot of outside interactions. This corresponds with other areas of life; more and more people are working from home or another environment with limited social interaction; actually even the traditional "college campus" model is being questioned with the vast number of online/distance learning classes available. Even for those who do have outside-the-home activities, as you mentioned scheduling may make it tough to incorporate any sort of socializing in, and online dating allows you to do your socializing on a much more flexible timetable.

To answer your other question, though, about algorithms and the like - I personally think it's about as reliable as anything else. That is, someone trying to set up two mutual friends with "you both like ___, you'll love each other!" is probably just as good as a computer essentially saying the same thing, especially since computers are becoming increasingly more nuanced and complex.

I haven't personally had much success (even for friends) with online dating, but I will confess that the last time I tried was when I was probably 18-19, and my tastes, needs, and skills have changed a lot since then. So I am not sure if I'd really be more successful nowadays.

So, sorry this post is so long, but there are definitely many nuances that need to be addressed. Overall, I'd say online dating is a positive innovation, so long as people keep it within its context and don't forget about basic online safety and skepticism. And, I would say I definitely disagree with minors (well, maybe 16-17 is okay, ish) using online dating - it's just too risky with predators out there and stuff like that. I would definitely also prefer people use "legit" sites instead of just open chatrooms or chatroulette type things to pick up dates, too.  

[Nyabula]

While I suppose that dating sites serve their purpose for some situations, the internet itself in my opinion is it's own communication highway.
The person I am dating and living with right now I met while I was playing minecraft, and many years ago the person I was dating who I nearly got engaged to I met on world of warcraft. I've met some of my closest friends playing games or on sites like this, rather than on a place designed for meeting romantic or sexual partners.

The few times in between where I mingled about 'dating' sites like OKC or POF have mostly just been superficial face value for what you can write about yourself. They can be helpful if both parties are being honest in a read a books summary on the back and the front cover and pick from the shelf value. But i've never really had any experiences with them that are ground shattering and more effective than actually meeting someone in a place where you have a common interest and build off of that.

I would say they are a good place to make friends, and meet people with common goals in terms of relationships but not the ideal place to meet a soulmate.  

[first chrysanthemum]

i use online dating sites to locate people near me who i might get along with, whether as friends or partner. i chat with them for a while, then i meet them in a place we both feel safe. from there, it proceeds just like a "normal" irl relationship.

the computer algorithms aren't based on nothing. they're based on what you and the other users put in. online, just like irl, the quality of the relationship depends on how honest you are and how well you communicate.

i've had good luck so far with a combination of algorithms and the intuition of friends. i met one person (online, then irl) who introduced me to another person who basically set off the chain reaction that formed my entire (irl) social group today. we occasionally bring new people into our group via the internet. some stick around, some don't. such is life.

i don't believe that you can judge how good a friend/date/life partner will be by where you met them. perhaps your (platonic/romantic) soulmate was born in a different town, or a different country! would you rather leave meeting them to fickle chance by only hanging out with people offline?  

[Taeryyn]

I've never used any dating sites myself, but they seem like they could be a good idea for some people. I suspect one just has to have the right mindset and expectations. I have a few different friends who've tried such sites, and unfortunately their experiences have been, uh, less than stellar.

Weirdly enough, I personally know two separate couples who met here on Gaia and are now happily married in real life, and have heard of quite a few others in the same situation. I figure if a forum website with cutesy avatars has that kind of success rate, there've got to be success stories from websites that are actually dedicated to meeting people. xd  

[Keakealani]

A Harlot

While I suppose that dating sites serve their purpose for some situations, the internet itself in my opinion is it's own communication highway.
The person I am dating and living with right now I met while I was playing minecraft, and many years ago the person I was dating who I nearly got engaged to I met on world of warcraft. I've met some of my closest friends playing games or on sites like this, rather than on a place designed for meeting romantic or sexual partners.

The few times in between where I mingled about 'dating' sites like OKC or POF have mostly just been superficial face value for what you can write about yourself. They can be helpful if both parties are being honest in a read a books summary on the back and the front cover and pick from the shelf value. But i've never really had any experiences with them that are ground shattering and more effective than actually meeting someone in a place where you have a common interest and build off of that.

I would say they are a good place to make friends, and meet people with common goals in terms of relationships but not the ideal place to meet a soulmate.

This is a good point. It is important to distinguish between the wide array of regular social interactions people have with others online (places like Gaia, or WoW, or any other social/community based website/area online). And I would agree that in many ways, dating sites actually suffer from a little bit of overload - there are just too many people, almost all of which are desperate for a date, to just "get to know" people or form a common interest or bond. Other websites and communities develop something of a culture, and I think that is what makes many relationships based on those sites successful - if you meet someone on WoW, for example, you'd presumably both already come with some WoW/gaming culture into any interactions or potential relationships, and therefore be naturally somewhat compatible just based on that shared interest. Not as much so with dating sites, since the only shared interest you'd have is "both needing a date" - which is... meh.  

[Akira Ramage]

I really have not used online dating sites because I don't know if they would be good or not. Plus I kind of like being able to hold and touch the person I'm with though.  

[Chris ex Machina]

I never really considered online dating. Most sites don't appeal to me. But I have nothing against it. As long as you find the person you connect with I'm OK with it. Not everyone lives near a bunch of people to find the one they love. I would be a hypocrite somewhat if I objected, I met my girlfriend on Gaia, haha.  

[Pia Austin]

My experiences haven't been positive so I honestly won't try it again.  

[XrosHeartless]

I don't date, on or offline, period, no exceptions. But when I did I really didn't like the physical separation from the other person when online dating is involved.  

[lgtenos]

Keakealani

To answer your other question, though, about algorithms and the like - I personally think it's about as reliable as anything else. That is, someone trying to set up two mutual friends with "you both like ___, you'll love each other!" is probably just as good as a computer essentially saying the same thing, especially since computers are becoming increasingly more nuanced and complex.

Haha, this made me giggle (not in a bad way). I've had plenty of friends say things along the lines of "You should totally meet my gay friend. He likes video games like you - you'd be perfect for each other!" Makes me laugh to see that logic. For example, maybe I dislike shooter games, but he loves shooter games. Anyway, good points indeed.  

[Keakealani]

lgtenos

Keakealani

To answer your other question, though, about algorithms and the like - I personally think it's about as reliable as anything else. That is, someone trying to set up two mutual friends with "you both like ___, you'll love each other!" is probably just as good as a computer essentially saying the same thing, especially since computers are becoming increasingly more nuanced and complex.

Haha, this made me giggle (not in a bad way). I've had plenty of friends say things along the lines of "You should totally meet my gay friend. He likes video games like you - you'd be perfect for each other!" Makes me laugh to see that logic. For example, maybe I dislike shooter games, but he loves shooter games. Anyway, good points indeed.

Right? My favorite is "oh, you're Asian. Have you met this other Asian person? You must have so much in common." (I'm mixed Chinese/Japanese and other stuff, and they're talking about like, some Korean chick. Okay.)

But yeah, exactly. We get really hypercritical of the internet and computers because we're like "omg, you never match me up with my soulmate the first time! D:" Even though if you think about it, neither did real life at any time before the internet. It's not like Speed Dating was some miracle, either. So yeah, there are definitely lots of better ways to meet compatible people, but online seems just as good as any.  

[Shanna66]

Akira Ramage

I really have not used online dating sites because I don't know if they would be good or not. Plus I kind of like being able to hold and touch the person I'm with though.

well not all online dating are long distance relationships. i met my husband online and after a month of talking we decided to meet face to face, he lived only an hour away.

needless to say im very fond of online dating, the first time i tried it i met the man of my dreams  

[Raeiko]

well two things extremely dangerous and most dating sites is strictly hetero. only  

[caaaaaath]

I actually met my fiance online. I know most dating sites are strictly hetero and that sucks, but surprisingly most of the free ones are pretty inclusive. OkCupid is where I met my fiance. There were a lot of GLBT people on there.

Anyways, I am totally for online dating. I'm actually a really social person with a lot of free time but when I moved from my hometown I didn't know any GLBTs. Back home I have waaaay more gay friends than straight ones. I think online dating sites are a great way not only to find a mate but find friends in your area. My fiance only lived about 15 minutes away when I met here but she went to a different college and I would have never met her without online dating.