Yes, I'm anxious that I won't get anywhere in life.. I still haven't decided what I'd like to do in life and time is just plainly running out. I become depressed at random times for no apparent reason and when there is a reason, it's just bluntly stupid. Yes, I had a self-mutilation phase where that just DID NOT WORK. It didn't relieve the stress or the pain or whatever you'd like to call it. All it gave me was scars on my arm and a tear-stained face. My mother always threatened she'd get me a psychiatrist and I begged her not to because at the time I just didn't want any more problems to arise with people thinking I was strange and engage with me already less than they did. And do you know what she did? She never got me one. Even when I approached her about getting one, she 'forgot.' Possibly she hopes that it'll go away in time for it could be teenage angst, but I've been fighting my own battle for 3 YEARS. 3 YEARS. With no medical help whatsoever as its what is now needed. I think about suicide often I admit, but at the same time I have no reason to live yet I have no reason to die. I'm a depressed suicidal coward. I can't drown myself nor can I hang. I don't want to face the pain so I'm still waiting for my mother to purchase a gun for then I can take the easy way out. I've been waiting for that gun for 2 years now.
I'm sorry for ranting.. I truly am.
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