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 Posted: Thu Apr 25, 2013 4:53 pm
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I have a friend that I wasn't exactly sure was a bad influence or not. It's not the classic scenario of them offering me things that could physical hurt my temple or anything like that. The issue is my friend, we'll call her "Clara", I would hang out with and talk to quite often. I can't say we are super close, but we have known each other many years. I used to hang out with Clara around school and eat lunch or chat or something of that sort. When I thought back on it, we did chat from time to time, but most of what we'd chat about are things that annoyed us, things that people did that we didn't like, and we'd only complain. There wasn't any true good conversation there. At times when I wanted to have a Bible type conversation with her, it was difficult, even though she says she's "Christian". One time I was talking about things being determined as wrong in the Bible and right in society or things that are right in the Bible, but determined as wrong by society. When I started talking about that, she said, "I'm not concentrated on what is right or what is wrong. It's not that important. I just read like the little kid Bible stories and stuff." and I dropped the subject because she was annoyed by it and it hurt a bit. That same day, I went onto a topic about how this one pastor we have both come across may not be the best pastor and does things he shouldn't, but I said that he did have some valid points at times in his sermons. Clara got so annoyed in the cafeteria while we were eating and she leaned over halfway across the table and had her left arm down on the table and with her right hand, pointed her index finger in my face and moved her finger up and down yelling, "NO! NO! THAT PASTOR HAS HURT ME! THEY HAVE HURT MY FAMILY! THEY ARE NOT GOOD AT ALL!" and I freaked out because I don't know what was up. I found out later through another friend why she doesn't care for the pastor at all, but at that time she was scolding me in front of like the whole cafeteria and I felt like I had done something wrong when I didn't know.
I've generally been lenient with Clara because she wasn't born in the states and her native language is not English. However, it has been many years and she practices her English a lot so she has gotten good at it. At times I notice that she'll be rude to me, but I won't say anything because I'm not sure if she knows she's being rude or not.
I have friends that have noticed that any progress I have made in my negative behaviors goes down the drain once I talk or hang out with Clara. That I am also in a foul mood the rest of the day and just don't seem to care. So she's a bad influence on me emotionally. I also explained how English wasn't her second language so I don't know if she's being rude and one of my friends that had known her said, "Trust me, she knows when she is being rude. When she gets angry, her English is absolutely perfect. She understands what she says."
Also, with relationship issues I'm having with my friends because my friends are more positive people and I'm generally the negative one, but I have been working on that because I have realized how much things I have said can hurt others. If I make any progress, then talk to or hang out with Clara, it all goes down the drain and people around me notice this.
So I don't know what to do with Clara now. If I explain to her why I don't want to be friends with her - she may not understand because I am trying to save my relationship with all of my other friends. Let go of one friend to save my relationship with the people who are closest to me is a tough, but important decision to make.
With Clara, I could try to talk with her about this that when she's negative any progress that I make in trying to be more positive goes down the drain. Although, that might upset her anyway and she may not want me to talk to her anymore.
I would keep her as a friend, the thing is I honestly can't control my emotions around her in the sense that I can't stay positive even when she's being negative. Being negative has been part of my nature so long so it feels so natural to me that I'll easily revert back to it if others are being negative.
I'm not sure what exactly to do in this situation. Part of me says, "Let her go as a friend." the other part of me says, "I don't want to hurt her feelings so I'll do my best to keep her as a friend."
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Posted: Fri Apr 26, 2013 7:43 pm
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Posted: Sun Apr 28, 2013 2:18 pm
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Meili Kyumee Youichi Well, you've got a point there! 1 Corinthians 15:33 (ESV) "Do not be deceived: “Bad company ruins good morals.”" But rejecting her straight away will not glorify God. It would be great that even with your limitation, you strife your best to influence her positively. Just listen when she speaks, try to calm her down, and give some insight on the positive point of view. In the case where you feel that you can't cope with her (you feel you are the one being influenced negatively), you can try to stay away from her for a moment, ask guidance from other friends, and more importantly ask God's wisdom to deal with it wisely. God bless you, my beloved sister in Christ <3
I don't get to see her all that often in person so it can help because she's generally busy with school and I'm busy with other things. Although, even when she texts - it can get me in a bad mood or feeling rotten for whatever reason.
Influencing her positively is worth a try since I do hate to resort to cutting her out of my life. I'll have to see how things go. |
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Posted: Sun Apr 28, 2013 8:25 pm
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