Don't know what to do with my life .

[chierisuu]

Hello there everyone c:
Thank you for stopping by to read this !

To start off , i do not have many friends in real life, i don't use facebook and all the other social networking websites and it doesn't help that i'm camera shy. Though that stems from my very low self-confidence, which has not changed since i was in primary school. The course i'm currently studying is mass communication, and the funniest thing is that everyone there is very outspoken - well i guess it was inevitable since it is mass communication ..

The thing is I know it isn't exactly right but I would like to be popular , i don't know why i feel that way though.

The "friends" i made on the first few weeks of school just ignore me now. I feel like i have made a lot of enemies for some reason, like at the end of primary school and secondary school i got backstabbed.

i find it very hard to talk to my classmates, it is probably due to a bad start since i didn't really talk to them at the start and their all in cliques now . The times where i do try and someone butts into the conversation, i am ignored and forgotten. I hate butting into others conversation hence i find it very hard to suddenly speak. I never really had trouble talking before when i had a part-time job before school started.
But. at the same time, sometimes i honestly just find it too troublesome to speak to other people and want to keep to myself .

I have many things i want to do and i really want to do well in school, but im always procrastinating and end up doing other things instead of what i actually need to do . I want to learn drawing , japanese , baking etc . I just have many things i want to learn and do .

long story short :
1.I would really like true friends which would stick to me, even one is fine.
2.I am awfully camera shy , i can't find a picture of me after 9 years old , the only ones i have are those where i am forced to take pictures with friends or family.
3. I would like to be popular and have a lot of friends - i know this contradicts 1
4. I feel like i have made a lot of mistakes in life

I really honestly feel like a failure of a human - i have not done anything of worth for 17 years of my life .

once again thank you for reading <3  

[Ebania]

You're not a failure! You're still growing into yourself. Give yourself time to become who you are. I didn't know I was an extrovert (albeit a moderate one) until I entered college at age 18! It took me 18 years to learn that I loved being among people, love the spotlight, love receiving compliments in public. I just had to find the right environment, the right people, and the right opportunities.

We all have self-esteem issues, some big and some small. Every day is a struggle against our own demons, from when we first look at ourselves in the mirror in the morning to when we go to sleep at night and are laying in bed, reflecting on the day. It's in the little victories, I find, that I have grown to love myself more -- like learning how to conceal my acne correctly, or making a new friend.

Be patient with yourself, because you are beautiful and important. Even if it's taken you 17 years to get to where you are now, you are still super young and you never know where you will find yourself 1, 2, or 5 years down the line. smile  

[xXNi-ChanXx]

chierisuu

Hello there everyone c:
Thank you for stopping by to read this !

To start off , i do not have many friends in real life, i don't use facebook and all the other social networking websites and it doesn't help that i'm camera shy. Though that stems from my very low self-confidence, which has not changed since i was in primary school. The course i'm currently studying is mass communication, and the funniest thing is that everyone there is very outspoken - well i guess it was inevitable since it is mass communication ..

The thing is I know it isn't exactly right but I would like to be popular , i don't know why i feel that way though.

The "friends" i made on the first few weeks of school just ignore me now. I feel like i have made a lot of enemies for some reason, like at the end of primary school and secondary school i got backstabbed.

i find it very hard to talk to my classmates, it is probably due to a bad start since i didn't really talk to them at the start and their all in cliques now . The times where i do try and someone butts into the conversation, i am ignored and forgotten. I hate butting into others conversation hence i find it very hard to suddenly speak. I never really had trouble talking before when i had a part-time job before school started.
But. at the same time, sometimes i honestly just find it too troublesome to speak to other people and want to keep to myself .

I have many things i want to do and i really want to do well in school, but im always procrastinating and end up doing other things instead of what i actually need to do . I want to learn drawing , japanese , baking etc . I just have many things i want to learn and do .

long story short :
1.I would really like true friends which would stick to me, even one is fine.
2.I am awfully camera shy , i can't find a picture of me after 9 years old , the only ones i have are those where i am forced to take pictures with friends or family.
3. I would like to be popular and have a lot of friends - i know this contradicts 1
4. I feel like i have made a lot of mistakes in life

I really honestly feel like a failure of a human - i have not done anything of worth for 17 years of my life .

once again thank you for reading <3

First off the one thing I am going to b*tch about is what do you honestly want? Do you want real friends or fake friends that come with the popularity dream? I am just going to be straight forward. You need to really think about that and get your priority on that aspect rechecked sweetheart. I am bot going to lie, you are probably gonna dislike me after this which I personally don't care. You need to get that part of your priority checked.

Just like Ebony the Peacian said, we all have self-esteem. But since you are still young, you have alot growing up to do if you are under 20 of course. So you still have time to work out those self esteem to the point you will be fine later on in life. For example I was camera shy too but eventually i grew out of it. Believe me when I say this, eventually you will grow out of your self-esteem if you let yourself of couse. Only you have the ability to choice between continuing the self esteem issue or actually doing something about it and actually start growing out of it.

Thirdly, you are only a failure of a human if you have really f*cked priorities.

Good luck sweets. Honetly, you only have the power and control over your problems. If you truly want to change, than actually make an effort and do it. If you don't even bother to try and change than you will never become what you want to be and thats when you know you shouldnt even be complaining about it at all. Believe me, complaining and whining about it and not even doing anything about won't get you anywhere. Actually do something about it.  

[chierisuu]

Ebony the Peacian

Thank you for those wonderful words , i will try to be less hard on myself !
Fighting my demons is tough , but i guess if i don't then i will just remain stagnant.  

[Kitalpha Hart]

You want real friends, not the fakes of the popularity scam, trust me on this  

[chierisuu]

xXNi-ChanXx

I would want real friends definitely, its not exactly so much on popularity i am not so sure myself, more like a wide social network ?

How did you become less camera shy ?

Does game > studying count as f*cked up or just bad ? emotion_donotwant I really want to change that though

Thank you for the advice - especially the last paragraph really spoke to me.

Though I would like to ask this as well , I have just started year 1 , april this year , i have kind of made "enemies" - quite a few . I spoke to them a few times and after that we never really talked, I find it so awkward to go back to club meetings. Also , i have kind of made enemies as well over each course of my education like when i graduated primary and secondary school .  

[chierisuu]

Kitalpha Hart

You want real friends, not the fakes of the popularity scam, trust me on this

Real friends are so very rare , everyone is basically an acquaintance to me currently >O<

I will be here to support you fighting cancer ! emotion_hug  

[Ebania]

You're welcome. emotion_hug

Self-love is something that we all struggle with. Our insecurities are kind of like cancer, but for our souls: If we don't fight them actively, they'll continue to grow until they consume us and prevent us from doing what we want in life.

It's much easier to say than do. We're all fighting. I have a hard time loving myself sometimes, but I find that I feel better about myself when I take care of my body, pamper myself (a good pedicure is always worth the money), accomplish something big or small every day, make someone smile, etc. Do little things to make yourself feel special and worthy, and those little things will add up. Gaia's also great for finding venues by which you can meet great people and make others smile.

chierisuu

Thank you for those wonderful words , i will try to be less hard on myself !
Fighting my demons is tough , but i guess if i don't then i will just remain stagnant.

 

[Kitalpha Hart]

chierisuu

Kitalpha Hart

You want real friends, not the fakes of the popularity scam, trust me on this

Real friends are so very rare , everyone is basically an acquaintance to me currently >O<

I will be here to support you fighting cancer ! emotion_hug

trust me, after announcing that I have cancer, I'm sure I had a ton of strangers on here try to send me friend requests. I've long since disabled that after 20+ requests with the message blank or BS from complete strangers in ~11 hours (gotta sleep sometime. And school), I turned it off

I thought I had one, she was quite literally my only actual friend through the end of elementary, all of middle and at least half of high school. Then I got more friends (some older, some younger) and matured to realize that she wasn't the best
But when we had first become friends it was because we were the only two tomboys amongst a bunch of girly girls, and so didn't connect very well with our grade
Senior year saw a bunch of her friends coming to sit with me cuz they got tired of her, lol  

[xXNi-ChanXx]

chierisuu

I would want real friends definitely, its not exactly so much on popularity i am not so sure myself, more like a wide social network ?

How did you become less camera shy ?

Does game > studying count as f*cked up or just bad ? emotion_donotwant I really want to change that though

Thank you for the advice - especially the last paragraph really spoke to me.

Though I would like to ask this as well , I have just started year 1 , april this year , i have kind of made "enemies" - quite a few . I spoke to them a few times and after that we never really talked, I find it so awkward to go back to club meetings. Also , i have kind of made enemies as well over each course of my education like when i graduated primary and secondary school .

Even you don't know, I say drop that dream about being popular. Obviously you don't know how you want this whole popluarity to fit into your life. Just throw that dream out to the wind and just go for having real friends.

I just kept taking pictures of myself on my own. Like take pictures of yourself in your room or whatever bathroom when you are alone. Take as many was you want eventually the camera shyness will go away. What I do actually is just take pictures where you will only see certain parts of my face. Here is an example of that Unedited version and Recent self protrait
Just take pictures of yourself, experiment natural lighting as well as poses and until you have alot of pictures to go through than go through them and see which one you like best. You can aslo even edit them as you know see my most recent self protrait its actually edited. If you have photoshop mess with your protrait pictures on photoshop, you can even use online editors like PicMonkey Photo Editor You just gotta find a way for your pictures to find that inner beauty that you have.

Well if you are talking about picking video games over studying than yes but usually people know how to distribute time to like playing games readnig and such. If you want to continue doing what you love and still study, you need to distribute time and put what is more important first before anything like you can study for a certain amount of mintues than after you can play games. smile You don't have to give up what you love, you should gotta know to how manage your time on things.

Haha Well I'm glad was helpful sorry if I seemed abit b i t c h y. sweatdrop

Oh sweetie I have made people dislike me like crazy to the point where they actually tried to turn the whole student body against me because of how I am and for things that aren't even true. Take my advice and just don't brother with that. Where ever you go, you will always have that one person that just dislikes you completely believe me on that. They don't matter, they can say whatever they want about you, they can try to ruin your life but that the end none of that matters. Why? becasue you aren't going to see them when you are older and have your one life and such. Just don't worry your little pretty head over it. Let them do whatever they want, You just shrug it off and continue with your life.  

[chierisuu]

Ebony the Peacian

You're welcome. emotion_hug

Self-love is something that we all struggle with. Our insecurities are kind of like cancer, but for our souls: If we don't fight them actively, they'll continue to grow until they consume us and prevent us from doing what we want in life.

It's much easier to say than do. We're all fighting. I have a hard time loving myself sometimes, but I find that I feel better about myself when I take care of my body, pamper myself (a good pedicure is always worth the money), accomplish something big or small every day, make someone smile, etc. Do little things to make yourself feel special and worthy, and those little things will add up. Gaia's also great for finding venues by which you can meet great people and make others smile.

That is really sad though since we only have one life to live out.

Definitely agreed, even the most intelligent or beautiful person would have insecurities . I will try doing little things - small steps c:

Yes there are many wonderful people here ! I see that you have been on gaia for a long time now c:  

[chierisuu]

Kitalpha Hart

trust me, after announcing that I have cancer, I'm sure I had a ton of strangers on here try to send me friend requests. I've long since disabled that after 20+ requests with the message blank or BS from complete strangers in ~11 hours (gotta sleep sometime. And school), I turned it off

I thought I had one, she was quite literally my only actual friend through the end of elementary, all of middle and at least half of high school. Then I got more friends (some older, some younger) and matured to realize that she wasn't the best
But when we had first become friends it was because we were the only two tomboys amongst a bunch of girly girls, and so didn't connect very well with our grade
Senior year saw a bunch of her friends coming to sit with me cuz they got tired of her, lol

I do kind of get what you mean c: Now im currently 'friends' with one of my classmate, i don't really feel that we are friends though, we are probably only just talking because we don't have anyone else to talk to, so we stick to each other sweatdrop  

[chierisuu]

xXNi-ChanXx

Even you don't know, I say drop that dream about being popular. Obviously you don't know how you want this whole popluarity to fit into your life. Just throw that dream out to the wind and just go for having real friends.

I just kept taking pictures of myself on my own. Like take pictures of yourself in your room or whatever bathroom when you are alone. Take as many was you want eventually the camera shyness will go away. What I do actually is just take pictures where you will only see certain parts of my face. Here is an example of that Unedited version and Recent self protrait
Just take pictures of yourself, experiment natural lighting as well as poses and until you have alot of pictures to go through than go through them and see which one you like best. You can aslo even edit them as you know see my most recent self protrait its actually edited. If you have photoshop mess with your protrait pictures on photoshop, you can even use online editors like PicMonkey Photo Editor You just gotta find a way for your pictures to find that inner beauty that you have.

Well if you are talking about picking video games over studying than yes but usually people know how to distribute time to like playing games readnig and such. If you want to continue doing what you love and still study, you need to distribute time and put what is more important first before anything like you can study for a certain amount of mintues than after you can play games. smile You don't have to give up what you love, you should gotta know to how manage your time on things.

Haha Well I'm glad was helpful sorry if I seemed abit b i t c h y. sweatdrop

Oh sweetie I have made people dislike me like crazy to the point where they actually tried to turn the whole student body against me because of how I am and for things that aren't even true. Take my advice and just don't brother with that. Where ever you go, you will always have that one person that just dislikes you completely believe me on that. They don't matter, they can say whatever they want about you, they can try to ruin your life but that the end none of that matters. Why? becasue you aren't going to see them when you are older and have your one life and such. Just don't worry your little pretty head over it. Let them do whatever they want, You just shrug it off and continue with your life.

I probably should do just that, its messing me up. What do you think of social networking though ? I will try to make real friends, but currently, its really hard to even keep a friend...

I will try that out thank you ! I have photoshop since my course uses it emotion_facepalm

I am just incredibly lazy, i know its a terrible thing really - my GPA is cumulative. I didn't really study for any tests for this semester i kind of just slacked my way through emotion_facepalm

Don't be sorry , you gave great advice and i thank you for that emotion_hug

Wow that is really rather crazy, but in a way im envious that you could actually do that ! Funny thing is just today, one of the lecturers told me that im really quiet emotion_facepalm  

[Ebania]

This is true! Imagine how many things we could accomplish if we had no insecurities or doubts of our own selves.

That's also true! Some people I've met that are super smart, pretty, or both struggle with their self-image, and that's normal. Small steps are really the best way to go -- at least for me. It doesn't happen overnight.

I've been on since '05, yeah. I really love this site. smile

chierisuu

That is really sad though since we only have one life to live out.

Definitely agreed, even the most intelligent or beautiful person would have insecurities . I will try doing little things - small steps c:

Yes there are many wonderful people here ! I see that you have been on gaia for a long time now c:

 

[xXNi-ChanXx]

chierisuu

I probably should do just that, its messing me up. What do you think of social networking though ? I will try to make real friends, but currently, its really hard to even keep a friend...

I will try that out thank you ! I have photoshop since my course uses it emotion_facepalm

I am just incredibly lazy, i know its a terrible thing really - my GPA is cumulative. I didn't really study for any tests for this semester i kind of just slacked my way through emotion_facepalm

Don't be sorry , you gave great advice and i thank you for that emotion_hug

Wow that is really rather crazy, but in a way im envious that you could actually do that ! Funny thing is just today, one of the lecturers told me that im really quiet emotion_facepalm

For me, because of social networks, I was able to meet alot of interesting people and even people in real life. I personally love social networks because I see it as a great please to meet other people from different places. I say give social network a try. You may not believe this but I am actually rather shy in real life than I am right now. Why? Because I find it alot easier to talk to people than face to face. In face to face I talk too much when I am nervous and that even includes on the phone if you are talking for the first time on my phone of course lol

No problem, you just gotta try things, out of it you will get some experience smile

Ah! its okay I am lazy too so I understand from where you are coming from but I would suggest to change that. Just study when a test is coming up and thats it. Thats what I usually do. Haha.

whee

It was and because of that little thing I ended up losing my friend that I had known and has grown to be like a sister to me for sometime until her first child was born. Now, we talk and she honestly doesn't remember ever telling she didn't want to be friends with anymore. Now we just laugh about it. Though, one of the girls that tried to do that actually talked to me a while back and apologized for it. But I shot her straight to hell.
Haha. My teachers usually tell me I am quiet and seem nice but after they see how they truly am they say they never expected from me at all. Haha. I always keep people on their toes wink