How are we to treat divorced couples?

[Aquatic_blue]

This is a topic I've been wondering about for quite some time because it seems that my husband and I know plenty of our friends who have been divorced. Recently, two more people we have known have gone through divorces. It's heartbreaking inside because I know that God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16) and what God brought together let man not separate (Mark 10:9; Matthew 19:6).

I grew up in a church that would go through the process of resolving congregational conflict by using:

Matthew 18:15 - 17 NIV:

“If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’ If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector.

However, they would use this verse to excommunicate/shun/exclude members of the church (not having any contact with them or welcoming them inside the church) and I always felt this was wrong. I felt that it tore families apart because this church had excommunicate members that had biological and possibly even spiritual family in that church. These events happened once in a while. This type of thing was even used on one of my family members - family ignoring family...it never felt right to leave people alone when they needed God the most. If we shun people - they are probably more likely not to change their ways because they feel so hurt, so rejected, and unwelcome or be completely lost because no member of the church is willing to help them get on the correct path. I never thought it made sense because of the parable Jesus had said about the "lost sheep" and the "unforgiving servant" - so I feel that "treat them as a pagan or a tax collector" doesn't mean to ignore them or shun them, I feel that it means to treat them as if they are a new believer, and helping them get back on track in their walk. That is my personal opinion.

That is doctrine that my mind has been fighting as of late because I recall the doctrine I grew up with when I think about friends who have divorced. Once in a while I struggle because of the doctrine I grew up with so at times I think, "Well, does that truly make sense?" and need to search for answers. I need to be able to understand the truth about the situation - what the truth is.

I am happy to encourage couples to never give up on their first marriage and to always keep working at it, keep praying, make sure God is in the center of the relationship, etc. and if a couple divorces - to encourage a spouse to stand for their marriage by praying for their spouse, praying that God will forgive them of things they may have done as well as to forgive their spouse, and to continue praying and waiting for their spouse to come home even if other people would normally say, "That's crazy!"/"You have to move on with your life."/"They left you - do you think they will really come back?"

I don't believe in remarriage unless there is a death of a spouse (thus breaking the covenant between a married couple: "until death do us part" reference: Romans 7:2). I also do believe that if a couple divorces and one of them or both of them remarry that they are committing adultery with their new spouses in accordance to:

Luke 16:18 NIV:

“Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery, and the man who marries a divorced woman commits adultery.

I have also taken notice of:

Matthew 19:9 NIV:

I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.”

-Does this verse justify remarriage if their previous marriage ended because of sexual immorality on their partner's side? (In other words, can a woman remarry if her husband was unfaithful and they divorced (assuming their ex-husband is still alive)? Can a man remarry if his wife was unfaithful and they divorced (assuming their ex-wife is still alive)? Should they not get divorced because God hates divorce and forgive each other and keep their marriage or is that unbiblical? If a couple forgave each other for the unfaithfulness would them (the husband and wife) having sexual contact be further adultery or not)?

The topic of divorce gets me wondering a few questions and assuming in these scenarios the ex-husband/wife is still alive:

1. How should I treat those who have been divorced? (Perhaps I already answered this one earlier when I said treat them as if they know nothing in the sense of they are a new believer and need encouragement to get back onto the right path with God. How else am I supposed to treat them?)

2. How am I suppose to treat those who have been divorced if they don't know God? What about divorced couples that claim they are 'laid back Christians/not a religious nut and they are doing good in life'?

3. How am I supposed to treat those who have been divorced and are dating, or engaged to someone else who was not their spouse from their previous first marriage?

4. How am I supposed to treat those who have been divorced and have one or more children and are eagerly in search of someone to be a 'father figure' or 'mother figure' to their child or children?

5. How am I supposed to treat those who are on marriage number 2 or more?

6. If I knew someone who was a friend that was engaged to be married to someone they had dated quite a few years after they had been divorced and I was invited to their wedding, what do I do? Do I politely decline and face their wrath? Do I go and pretend I'm happy for them? I don't want to encourage an adulterous relationship/second marriage - what can I say to them if they ask why? (This hasn't happened yet, but I feel it will in the future so I am concerned and want to know how to handle it in Christian manner).

7. If I know someone who was divorced and then was looking for a different partner and decided to live in with their boyfriend/girlfriend, how do I react? Is it supporting their adulterous behavior by hanging out at their house, giving them birthday/holiday gifts, or going to their children's birthday party (if they have children whether from both of them or a previous marriage)?

8.How do I react around divorced couples who say they are 'happy' that they are divorced or say 'the divorce was for the best'?

9. Is there a line I need to draw when it comes to people I know that have been divorced? Such as not going to their house to hang out, or something to that effect?

I will be doing more research on these questions, but feedback from different views can sometimes help me put the pieces together because it gives me different perspectives and different verses to consider in my quest for the truth that God gives to us.

I apologize if these are ridiculous questions or seem like stupid questions. Since I grew up in a church that excluded divorced couples - I feel a bit nervous around some divorced couples as if I'm supporting adulterous behaviors from others that consist of them dating someone new after a divorce, getting engaged or marrying someone new after their divorce, or having one night stands instead of getting married because they don't want the commitment or responsibility. I wonder if somewhere there is a fine line we need to draw with the activities we participate in with those who were divorced (I'm talking about the activities such as hanging out, buying them a birthday gift/wedding gift/etc. gift - I clearly know that the activities of engaging in adultery is definitely wrong and am wondering about other every day activities that would generally seem innocent). I simply want some peace of mind on this matter so I know for sure where I stand on these issues instead of being "unsure". I don't expect immediate posts because this can take a lot of thought and putting verses together for a complete response and I do thank those who respond.  

[real eyes realize]

I can sense your confusion based on the poll options alone. You can't become a person's friend and not be too close at the same time; if you're not being "too close", then you're not being a friend at that point, but an acquaintance, thus treating them like a tax collector. It's my impression that, generally, tax collectors were not really liked, and people tried to evade them as much as possible. The believers would have to meet with the tax collector to pay their taxes (fulfill a worldly responsibility / task or duty). That's how we should treat believers who stubbornly want to stay in their sin. I'm sure if the tax collector's house was on fire, we should go put that fire out. So we still look out for their well-being, just like we do with enemies; but intimate close fellowship and hanging out on a consistent basis is out of the question, unless you're there to make them repent (like Jesus did by dining with tax collectors and sinners; it wasn't to enjoy himself, but to seek the lost, duty).

After confronting them about their sin (on an individual and group basis), showing them the verses which reveal how our Heavenly Father prefers reconciliation, and if they didn't divorce over sexual immorality they're still married in the eyes of God and thus remarrying would result in adultery, and they still don't want to listen/repent, I don't see why treating them as a tax collector is a bad thing. We shouldn't make their sinful choices comfortable. They can't have their cake and eat it too i.e. want their sin yet still want the company of the righteous. They need to make a choice. God doesn't want sin in his presence (the reason why the people and the priests had to consecrate themselves before coming into God's presence at Mt. Sinai and why the priests had to be cleansed of sin in order to carry out their priestly duties inside his tabernacle, Exodus 19:10-11, 22 & Exodus 29:1), the tabernacle/church is us—the repentant believers who are consecrated to God—he resides in us. They can't be cherishing sin in their heart and still want to be in the presence of God (our presence) too. There's a clear separation in the Old Testament, down to the rituals, that teach "sin" and "righteous" cannot be at the same place at the same time; one drives the other out, if not smites the other to death. Incompatibility.

In all of the scenarios you listed, the procedure is the same. After confronting the individuals in question and showing them scripture, if they choose to remain in sin, it doesn't mean total shunning, just no more intimate friendship. They've moved to the level of an acquaintance that you don't like to hangout with and prefer not to—and with good reason: they are stubbornly refusing to repent and willingly choosing to side with sin despite knowing better. It's not a sin they fell into by mistake, but a pre-meditated choice to stay in sin. About holiday gifts, my stance is that we shouldn't be engaging in secular holidays that obscure YHWH's holy nature; he's not a sun god myth, yet things like Christmas make it seem that Jesus is another mithra or sol invictus. So, for testimony's sake and to guard his reputation, we shouldn't be participating in that in the first place. In your scenario, since you choose to partake of that holiday, you shouldn't gift them anything, unless the gift in and of itself is an attempt to get them to repent (i.e. a Christian book about divorce, but I personally still wouldn't feel right about participating in the tradition).

edit: a note on scenario #5, tell them to stay loyal to the person they're in covenant with now. They need to acknowledge that remarrying was wrong (if it wasn't over sexual immorality) and they need to learn to honor the oaths/vows/promises they make. Breaking a promise/covenant is a sin (Romans 1:31; Galatians 3:15; Psalm 89:34). It's the same case with the Samaritan Woman of John 4:16-17 who had multiple marriages.  

[Obiwan-in-a-pudding]

i know that divorce is wrong, but my parents are divorced and my mom is a very spiritual person. bot my dad is a verbally abusive person. do you think god wants that terror for his children. no. i think it depends on the situation.
back in bible days when there was an abusive member people were expected to suck it up.
but i agree shunning is not right. we need to help recently divorced people through their tough time.  

[real eyes realize]

isa-cortez

i know that divorce is wrong, but my parents are divorced and my mom is a very spiritual person. bot my dad is a verbally abusive person. do you think god wants that terror for his children. no. i think it depends on the situation.
back in bible days when there was an abusive member people were expected to suck it up.
but i agree shunning is not right. we need to help recently divorced people through their tough time.

That's why God commands that husbands be good to their wives, treat them with love and compassion (Colossians 3:19; Ephesians 5:25-33), and obviously the same loving, yet edifying, treatment to their children (Colossians 3:21; Ephesians 6:4). If your dad was a believer too, they should've reconciled and she should've sought the support of other believers to confront him about his sin and endured through the situation, praying to God throughout it all. To do otherwise means you do not have faith in his word and in his sovereignty over situations. You neither have faith in God nor his words.

If your dad was not a believer (1) they shouldn't have gotten married in the first place; unequally yoked (assuming she was a believer before getting married to your dad) and (2) if your dad initiated the divorce as an unbeliever, that would've been legitimate according to Paul in 1 Corinthians 7:15. However, that's not the ideal because you might win them over to Christ if you stay in the marriage. And even if their situation was "two unbelievers getting married", and then she came to Christ after their marriage, she still should've stayed with him (again, unless he initiated the divorce).

Quote:

1 Corinthians 7:12-20 (NIV)

12 To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. 13 And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. 14 For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.

15 But if the unbeliever leaves, let it be so. The brother or the sister is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace. 16 How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?

17 Nevertheless, each person should live as a believer in whatever situation the Lord has assigned to them, just as God has called them. This is the rule I lay down in all the churches. 18 Was a man already circumcised when he was called? He should not become uncircumcised. Was a man uncircumcised when he was called? He should not be circumcised. 19 Circumcision is nothing and uncircumcision is nothing. Keeping God’s commands is what counts. 20 Each person should remain in the situation they were in when God called them.

"the brother or the sister" = reference to the believer

That said, if the reason behind your mother's divorce was abuse (and not sexual immorality), and if she remarried, she committed adultery by pursuing another man and so did her new husband for joining himself to a woman who in the eyes of God still belonged to another.

Quote:

Matthew 5:32 (NIV)

32 But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, makes her the victim of adultery, and anyone who marries a divorced woman commits adultery.

Knowing the reason behind her divorce, she needs to acknowledge that it was sinful to remarry (again, going on the assumption that your mom actually did remarry) and confess to God that remarrying was sinful in her case, because she did not divorce over sexual immorality. Once that's done, now that she's in covenant with another man, they should be loyal to one another. She can't go back to her first husband (Deuteronomy 24:1-4).  

[ChibiHigh]

I thought the only time divorce was allowed (in the Bible) is if the wife committed adultery? I might be wrong on this one  

[Aquatic_blue]

real eyes realize

I can sense your confusion based on the poll options alone. You can't become a person's friend and not be too close at the same time; if you're not being "too close", then you're not being a friend at that point, but an acquaintance, thus treating them like a tax collector. It's my impression that, generally, tax collectors were not really liked, and people tried to evade them as much as possible. The believers would have to meet with the tax collector to pay their taxes (fulfill a worldly responsibility / task or duty). That's how we should treat believers who stubbornly want to stay in their sin. I'm sure if the tax collector's house was on fire, we should go put that fire out. So we still look out for their well-being, just like we do with enemies; but intimate close fellowship and hanging out on a consistent basis is out of the question, unless you're there to make them repent (like Jesus did by dining with tax collectors and sinners; it wasn't to enjoy himself, but to seek the lost, duty).

After confronting them about their sin (on an individual and group basis), showing them the verses which reveal how our Heavenly Father prefers reconciliation, and if they didn't divorce over sexual immorality they're still married in the eyes of God and thus remarrying would result in adultery, and they still don't want to listen/repent, I don't see why treating them as a tax collector is a bad thing. We shouldn't make their sinful choices comfortable. They can't have their cake and eat it too i.e. want their sin yet still want the company of the righteous. They need to make a choice. God doesn't want sin in his presence (the reason why the people and the priests had to consecrate themselves before coming into God's presence at Mt. Sinai and why the priests had to be cleansed of sin in order to carry out their priestly duties inside his tabernacle, Exodus 19:10-11, 22 & Exodus 29:1), the tabernacle/church is us—the repentant believers who are consecrated to God—he resides in us. They can't be cherishing sin in their heart and still want to be in the presence of God (our presence) too. There's a clear separation in the Old Testament, down to the rituals, that teach "sin" and "righteous" cannot be at the same place at the same time; one drives the other out, if not smites the other to death. Incompatibility.

In all of the scenarios you listed, the procedure is the same. After confronting the individuals in question and showing them scripture, if they choose to remain in sin, it doesn't mean total shunning, just no more intimate friendship. They've moved to the level of an acquaintance that you don't like to hangout with and prefer not to—and with good reason: they are stubbornly refusing to repent and willingly choosing to side with sin despite knowing better. It's not a sin they fell into by mistake, but a pre-meditated choice to stay in sin. About holiday gifts, my stance is that we shouldn't be engaging in secular holidays that obscure YHWH's holy nature; he's not a sun god myth, yet things like Christmas make it seem that Jesus is another mithra or sol invictus. So, for testimony's sake and to guard his reputation, we shouldn't be participating in that in the first place. In your scenario, since you choose to partake of that holiday, you shouldn't gift them anything, unless the gift in and of itself is an attempt to get them to repent (i.e. a Christian book about divorce, but I personally still wouldn't feel right about participating in the tradition).

edit: a note on scenario #5, tell them to stay loyal to the person they're in covenant with now. They need to acknowledge that remarrying was wrong (if it wasn't over sexual immorality) and they need to learn to honor the oaths/vows/promises they make. Breaking a promise/covenant is a sin (Romans 1:31; Galatians 3:15; Psalm 89:34). It's the same case with the Samaritan Woman of John 4:16-17 who had multiple marriages.

The poll optins were multiple different view points that are possible - not what I think or don't think about the topic at hand.

Tax collectors of course aren't generally appreciated in society. I noticed that society treated tax collectors one way (evading them and only approaching when necessary), but Jesus treated them a different way. Jesus had still treated them with kindness and even ate with tax collectors and announced that "it is not the healthy who need a doctor, bu tthe sick" (Matthew 9:12). So would it be a mix of the two? Confronting them when necessary as in trying to witness to them and get them back on the right track while showing kindness?

How would we go about excusing ourselves from hanging out with them (especially if they happen to consider you their best friend or something of that sort)? Is it going to hurt the person either way we go about it? How do we do this without making them feel completely excluded or frustrated that they can't develop a close friendship with us and it remains as acquaintance?

The holiday thing was only an example that I figured I could use that everyone would understand, same with birthday gifts and wedding gifts. Overall, a "gift" on a general basis - no matter what type of gift it is.

Thank you for your response.  

[Aquatic_blue]

isa-cortez

i know that divorce is wrong, but my parents are divorced and my mom is a very spiritual person. bot my dad is a verbally abusive person. do you think god wants that terror for his children. no. i think it depends on the situation.
back in bible days when there was an abusive member people were expected to suck it up.
but i agree shunning is not right. we need to help recently divorced people through their tough time.

Sorry to hear that your parents are divorced sad perhaps it's not too late to encourage your mother to stay committed to her first marriage if it wasn't a divorce due to adultery?

Depending on the type of "abuse" - the penalty could have been death, and I suppose it depends on what a person calls or considers "abuse" as what it would have been like back then.

Thank you for your response.  

[Aquatic_blue]

ChibiHigh

I thought the only time divorce was allowed (in the Bible) is if the wife committed adultery? I might be wrong on this one

This is correct as I stated in my original post 3nodding it can be found in Matthew 19:9.

However, I do also believe that if that if the man committed adultery that this verse stands for him as well because sexual immorality has taken place between the couple.  

[real eyes realize]

Aquatic_blue

The poll optins were multiple different view points that are possible - not what I think or don't think about the topic at hand.

Tax collectors of course aren't generally appreciated in society. I noticed that society treated tax collectors one way (evading them and only approaching when necessary), but Jesus treated them a different way. Jesus had still treated them with kindness and even ate with tax collectors and announced that "it is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick" (Matthew 9:12). So would it be a mix of the two? Confronting them when necessary as in trying to witness to them and get them back on the right track while showing kindness?

Yes, that's why I brought up loving our enemies as a comparison; that entails that we treat them kindly when we do interact with them—and we do interact with them, just not as often. When we do interact with them, it's to get them to repent. Tax collectors even prayed in the synagogues/temples (Luke 18:10). So it's not excommunication-type behavior, it's just that the frequency of being around that person lessens, especially if they're putting you in a position to support their sin / help them sin. Don't become darkness/condone their darkness, shine as light in their presence, be distinct by making God's will known in their situation. Our treatment of them in terms of kindness doesn't change. There are instances where Paul as well told us to correct believers in gentleness (Galatians 6:1) but he wasn't afraid to be strict with fellow believers, saying he would come visit them with a rod of discipline or with a gentle spirit, their choice, depending on their level of arrogance/stubborness/pridefulness (1 Corinthians 4:18-21). They needed to demonstrate the power of God in their lives not just talk about it. A believer demonstrating the power of God doesn't stay an adulterer, but agrees with God's perspective of what counts as adultery and the legitimate reasons for divorce.

edit: just thought it important to mention, being a tax collector in and of itself isn't sinful; asking for more than the authorized amount was the sin and is a habit that many of them partook in. When tax collectors were baptized, John told them they needed to repent of that: Luke 3:12-13, though they could still continue being a tax collector. It's similar to the stigma against lawyers: defending bad people, jailing innocents, just for the high salary. Common thread: being unscrupulous just to get extra money.

The times that we correct with gentleness, that doesn't mean sugarcoating the truth either, nor compromising on the command to treat them like a tax collector just to make the sinner feel better. Truth is, they will be isolated away from God if they don't repent; adulterers don't inherit the Kingdom of God (1 Corinthians 6:9-10). They won't be on "acquaintance" terms with him; he'll say depart from me I never knew you because you were a lawless evildoer, not doing the will of my Father (Matthew 7:21-23). An unrepentant adulterer is an evildoer/lawless person; they're not carrying out the Father's will and have no interest in doing so. The treatment we're commanded to show them ("as if they were a tax collector") is merciful by comparison. God won't even be their acquaintance in the future. He'll say he never knew them.

Just like an enemy, you would not have intimate fellowship with such a person, especially if as a believer they're knowingly choosing to stay in a sin (so, not a case of an unintentional sin or being in sin out of ignorance). However, once you show them the verses and they understand God's perspective on the matter, they are no longer acting out of ignorance or being unintentional about their choice to continue as an adulterer; if they still view what they did as "not wrong", they've made their choice.

Also, Jesus had an interest in reaching people who had ears to hear; that means, not everyone belongs to him (John 17:9; 1 John 2:19). How do we know they are actually called out to be his? He knows, but we don't know, that's why after correcting them twice (and that is the pattern even in the epistles, i.e. Titus 3:10) then we leave them alone. The first time was in private, on an individual basis, the second time as a group. That's the instruction Jesus left behind for us to follow. Only those that receive Jesus actually belong to him (John 1:12), and by receive that means accepting his message to repent or perish, do the Father's will and become a born-again child of God. Stubbornly staying in their adultery or pursuing adultery even after learning the truth of all the ways we can commit adultery, does not sound like a born-again individual.

Jesus offered up ultimatums: it's either your friends/family or me. Stop caring more about those relationships, if you want to be my disciple (Matthew 10:37-39); no time to say good bye to your parents, if you're with me then come now without saying a word to them (Luke 9:61-62). Who matters more? Whose feelings/wishes/desires matter more? yours? those of the people around you? or God's? stop worrying about things you shouldn't be worrying about. When it comes down to it: stop valuing human relationships (what they think or feel) more than following God and his way (what he thinks and feels). If we make people feel sorrowful simply for doing what Jesus said to do, then so be it. The same thing happened to Paul (2 Corinthians 7:8-11), and their sorrow led to their repentance. Jesus had no qualms about making people feel bad over their sin either (i.e. Matthew 19:21-22). Neither Paul nor Jesus spoke the truth harshly, but they still made people feel bad.

Aquatic_blue

How would we go about excusing ourselves from hanging out with them (especially if they happen to consider you their best friend or something of that sort)? Is it going to hurt the person either way we go about it? How do we do this without making them feel completely excluded or frustrated that they can't develop a close friendship with us and it remains as acquaintance?

Yes, they will be hurt either way. They'll either have worldly sorrow (aw man, can't enjoy that worldly thing or sinful choice I favor so much) or godly sorrow (I upset God for doing this; this needs to change). I already cited these instances but: an example of worldly sorrow (Matthew 19:21-22) and godly sorrow (2 Corinthians 7:8-11). If they're frustrated, it's due to the fact that they don't want to give up their sin, but at the same time still have your close friendship. They cannot have both.

If they're a fellow believer and best friend, make it clear that you value your relationship with God more than your relationship with them. If they choose to stay in sin despite the word of God being very clear and speaking against an action they want to take, then you don't want to keep their company on a consistent basis; an attitude of "do what feels right to me" instead of what is explicitly stated by God does not appeal to you and your mission in life. So, in Christ-like fashion, be direct/forthright about their sin, and how you don't want to fellowship with such a person, there's no need for excuses. That is, if you're rejecting their invitation. If you go, you will be illuminating all the ways they're sinning by the choices you make in their presence and what comes out of your mouth. If you don't correct them the moment they do or talk about something sinful, you're hanging out with them in vain.

If they're an unbeliever, well, you already know the verses about being unequally yoked. You visit with them with the incentive of being a light shining against darkness, exposing everything they're doing that is hateful/unrighteous/unmerciful in the eyes of God, in casual conversation with a spirit of gentleness, things they may not even realize are hateful and ruthless (and thus immoral). You can be loving towards a sinner without being intimate with them day-in day-out. We're not living life primarily to make friends, but to reflect what God is like and help people be reconciled to God. What Jesus considers a "friend" is someone who does what he says (John 15:14) loving people requires exposing the darkness in their life and not being yoked to it; the world considers you a friend if you're nice and don't call attention to their sin and accept them despite them having no desire to change. The world doesn't require repentance for friendship; God does.  

[Aquatic_blue]

Yes, I noticed that being a tax collector itself isn't a sinful thing - There there were tax collectors that Jesus had saved, and tax collectors who had heard His words. Not to mention, one of his disciples was even a tax collector. That's why it raises the question, "How to treat a divorced couple?" when it mentions "pagans and taxcollectors" and in other versions "heathens and publicans" in the passage according to Matthew 18:17 when confronting them about their sin and they refuse to change or turn it around for God.

I'm still continuing research on this matter as in-depth as I can to find the right answer to this so I thank you for your feedback and will not take anything as 100% fact until I have researched it all thoroughly with God's word.  

[Jewelies]

I'm not sure exactly how to word myself here...but I'll try my best.

I think that divorce is alright in God's eyes if : One of the spouses commits adultery, or if one of the spouses is abusive. I honestly don't believe that someone is committing adultery if they remarry after divorcing for those reasons.

I also don't believe that someone is committing adultery if they remarry after someone else leaves them. Even if their spouse didn't have a legit reason to leave, it isn't the fault of the person who was left.

Of course, I also believe that some marriages under any of those circumstances can be healed and/or renewed through God, but it depends on each situation. If you feel as though God is telling you to stay in the marriage, or to wait on someone to come back, then you should. If he tells you that it's okay to move on, then I don't think that they should be judged for that. (Although I don't think we should judge people anyway, but...well I didn't know how else to word it)

As for couples who divorce against God's will... I know for me, personally, I would still love them and treat them probably the same as I always have, though I wouldn't condone their sin. But that's just me, I love people and I can't stand the thought of pushing them away when they may need someone the most. Though it's in my general experience that most people tend to pull away from you when you continue to love them but don't condone their sin. If that happens, then...I give them their space.

Hopefully that all makes sense... DX  

[Aquatic_blue]

Jewelies

I'm not sure exactly how to word myself here...but I'll try my best.

I think that divorce is alright in God's eyes if : One of the spouses commits adultery, or if one of the spouses is abusive. I honestly don't believe that someone is committing adultery if they remarry after divorcing for those reasons.

I also don't believe that someone is committing adultery if they remarry after someone else leaves them. Even if their spouse didn't have a legit reason to leave, it isn't the fault of the person who was left.

Of course, I also believe that some marriages under any of those circumstances can be healed and/or renewed through God, but it depends on each situation. If you feel as though God is telling you to stay in the marriage, or to wait on someone to come back, then you should. If he tells you that it's okay to move on, then I don't think that they should be judged for that. (Although I don't think we should judge people anyway, but...well I didn't know how else to word it)

As for couples who divorce against God's will... I know for me, personally, I would still love them and treat them probably the same as I always have, though I wouldn't condone their sin. But that's just me, I love people and I can't stand the thought of pushing them away when they may need someone the most. Though it's in my general experience that most people tend to pull away from you when you continue to love them but don't condone their sin. If that happens, then...I give them their space.

Hopefully that all makes sense... DX

I apologize I didn't see this earlier and I completely understand where you're getting at biggrin thank you for sharing! ^_^