Basically quite a bit has happened since my last post. After making some choices I have found myself once again having no idea where to go or what to do with this.
So to summarize in a paragraph what has happened, I told her that I don't want to go to Las Vegas with her and she wanted to compromise it. After attempting to compromise I realized we don't see eye to eye on a lot of things we want in our future. I also figured out she is not the type of person I want to spend my college days with, and that it would be a baddd decision to do so. But I thought about compromising just to humor her a bit. As the summer went on I got more and more convinced that it would be a bad idea so I told her I didn't want to go to college with her. She cut ties with me, cussed me out on the phone, and posted a hateful status about me on Facebook.
A more detailed explanation (in case it helps any would be this thingie I have in the spoiler
So this all started back in freshmen year (or was it sophmore?) she decided she wanted to go to Las Vegas for college (why I have no idea) I considered the idea of going with her in a way because I had no idea what else to do after college at that point. She then in Junior year guilt tripped me into promising I would go with her. I didn't think on it, it wasn't a real concept to me yet. So after I graduated from High school (it happened this year) I figured out what I wanted, I actually stopped to think about it. I figured out I wanted to be a Surgeon and I didn't want to go to Las vegas for College. I begun to actually love the idea of going to Colorado for College. I have been there before (in Denver) and loved it.
So I told her about my change of heart and she didn't take it well. We got into a huge argument and she threatened to cut ties with me (which I saw coming because she already told me she would do that if I changed my mind) We wound up trying to compromise. Big mistake, I figured out we don't see eye to eye in what we want. She kept offering all these locations I didn't want for reasons that didn't seem like good ones to me (like going to Nashville for the country boys and country music)
To humor her I thought about it. I couldn't convince myself to agree with it. I tried doing it for a good portion of the summer. Over the summer however other things happened. Basically before summer I had a job which kept me pretty busy and I wasn't able to hang out a lot. I lost it before summer began and since I wouldn't be able to get another one till August (I had to many event going on in June and July, and I don't think they'd let a new employee take that much time off in a row) She offered to hang out more. Another big mistake,originally with some people I can actually do this but with her... I don't know... she just wears me out socially and she never was able to really understand the concept of needing a few days to myself. We both got more and more irritable towards each other. Problem is she is originally very irritable anyway. So she seemed to always get ticked off at the little things, which was about everything.
I started to examine what life would even be like if I lived with her for college (which would be what we would end up doing). I didn't like what I saw. If I couldn't handle hanging out with her almost every day of the week without losing it, how could I expect to live with her without losing it? Also she would always try to talk me into blowing my money on things. It would seem every time I lost a good amount of money for small things it was because of her. That by itself isn't too much but the kicker is she would always get ticked off if I didn't give in. Not only that but the girl is the laziest person I know who doesn't seem to know the definition of doing somethign herself. She lives like a slob and has told me that if the mess bothered me I'd have to clean up her mess. I am not that OCD or a clean o holic but her messes are catastrophic and bring pests up the wazoo into her room. And those are only a few reasons I would go crazy if I lived with her.
Anyway I was getting more and more convinced that I was better off just doing my own thing. The final blow was going to summer camp with her. Basically me and my youth group at church go to this summer trip every summer. For the past couple of years we have been going to Camp Como in Colorado. I enjoy my stay everytime but my youth group often excludes me and I got tired of being alone. So I without thinking offered her to come with. Instead of goign to Como however the youth pastor decided on a Different camp. I was ok with this camp, and I usually make friends better at this camp then the other so I was ok with my friend not coming. She insisted however on going, I knew it was a bad idea though because thing is she is not a christian and I have seen her.. well... being a butt hurt atheist before. (no real issue with atheists... just the really butt hurt ones in the moment of them being butt hurt)
I warned her after inviting her to Como without thinking that she may not enjoy her stay at one. She didn't listen. Anyway we went to the camp and met up with this other pair of Best friends, I guess I got... envious of what they had and began to see that she was not being a friend. I wasn't perfect I know, but anyway. Those two actually supported eachother. I began to see she doesn't support me at all. Even with my hobby (which is drawing). She couldn't stand to see me draw and would get pissed off everytime she saw me doing it. Even looking at my own work made me a horrible person. I tried to explain to her that that was ridiculous drawing is my hobby and somethign I will do often etc etc. All she did was get mad even though I tried to not be hostile about it.
She not only hated it at camp, she seemed to knock my religion every chance she got. I told her I wanted to be a Surgeon and she just laughed at me while everybody else supported me. This was the girl who called herself my best friend. I used to call her the same.
So after camp I decided finally that I was going to go my own way. She as threatened, cut ties with me, cussed me out on the phone, posted a hateful status about me. And when my friends backed me up she immediately claimed I was playing the victim. The part I loved however was when the guy we both like took my side, called her ungrateful, and blocked her. This drove her up the wall because she then tried to text me some mildly hateful things.
So I told her about my change of heart and she didn't take it well. We got into a huge argument and she threatened to cut ties with me (which I saw coming because she already told me she would do that if I changed my mind) We wound up trying to compromise. Big mistake, I figured out we don't see eye to eye in what we want. She kept offering all these locations I didn't want for reasons that didn't seem like good ones to me (like going to Nashville for the country boys and country music)
To humor her I thought about it. I couldn't convince myself to agree with it. I tried doing it for a good portion of the summer. Over the summer however other things happened. Basically before summer I had a job which kept me pretty busy and I wasn't able to hang out a lot. I lost it before summer began and since I wouldn't be able to get another one till August (I had to many event going on in June and July, and I don't think they'd let a new employee take that much time off in a row) She offered to hang out more. Another big mistake,originally with some people I can actually do this but with her... I don't know... she just wears me out socially and she never was able to really understand the concept of needing a few days to myself. We both got more and more irritable towards each other. Problem is she is originally very irritable anyway. So she seemed to always get ticked off at the little things, which was about everything.
I started to examine what life would even be like if I lived with her for college (which would be what we would end up doing). I didn't like what I saw. If I couldn't handle hanging out with her almost every day of the week without losing it, how could I expect to live with her without losing it? Also she would always try to talk me into blowing my money on things. It would seem every time I lost a good amount of money for small things it was because of her. That by itself isn't too much but the kicker is she would always get ticked off if I didn't give in. Not only that but the girl is the laziest person I know who doesn't seem to know the definition of doing somethign herself. She lives like a slob and has told me that if the mess bothered me I'd have to clean up her mess. I am not that OCD or a clean o holic but her messes are catastrophic and bring pests up the wazoo into her room. And those are only a few reasons I would go crazy if I lived with her.
Anyway I was getting more and more convinced that I was better off just doing my own thing. The final blow was going to summer camp with her. Basically me and my youth group at church go to this summer trip every summer. For the past couple of years we have been going to Camp Como in Colorado. I enjoy my stay everytime but my youth group often excludes me and I got tired of being alone. So I without thinking offered her to come with. Instead of goign to Como however the youth pastor decided on a Different camp. I was ok with this camp, and I usually make friends better at this camp then the other so I was ok with my friend not coming. She insisted however on going, I knew it was a bad idea though because thing is she is not a christian and I have seen her.. well... being a butt hurt atheist before. (no real issue with atheists... just the really butt hurt ones in the moment of them being butt hurt)
I warned her after inviting her to Como without thinking that she may not enjoy her stay at one. She didn't listen. Anyway we went to the camp and met up with this other pair of Best friends, I guess I got... envious of what they had and began to see that she was not being a friend. I wasn't perfect I know, but anyway. Those two actually supported eachother. I began to see she doesn't support me at all. Even with my hobby (which is drawing). She couldn't stand to see me draw and would get pissed off everytime she saw me doing it. Even looking at my own work made me a horrible person. I tried to explain to her that that was ridiculous drawing is my hobby and somethign I will do often etc etc. All she did was get mad even though I tried to not be hostile about it.
She not only hated it at camp, she seemed to knock my religion every chance she got. I told her I wanted to be a Surgeon and she just laughed at me while everybody else supported me. This was the girl who called herself my best friend. I used to call her the same.
So after camp I decided finally that I was going to go my own way. She as threatened, cut ties with me, cussed me out on the phone, posted a hateful status about me. And when my friends backed me up she immediately claimed I was playing the victim. The part I loved however was when the guy we both like took my side, called her ungrateful, and blocked her. This drove her up the wall because she then tried to text me some mildly hateful things.
So now after all that I don't see myself wanting to be her friend anymore. The idea of hanging out with her again makes me feel nauseous. She drains me of my energy when nobody else seems to do that. Every other friend I had or have doesn't have that effect, heck I would willingly hang out with some of these people for a week.
She then weeks later texts me, wanting to make up. I in a way wanted to try waiting a bit to see if I might be OK with it later. But fact of the matter is, being her friend sounds like a bad idea. I turned her down and she asked why I didn't want to be her friend anymore. So now once again I get backed into a hole.
As much as I don't want to be her friend I somehow find myself still caring if she gets hurt. I feel like I can't tell her why because I know it will decrease what little self esteem she has.
I told her I can't tell her why, because she's better off not knowing. She continued to insist on me telling her so I told her I'd think on it. I figured if I didn't tell her however she might come up with something worst then the real reason (she is a very negative person, expecielly with things like this) So now the question is how do I do it? I feel like there is no winning in this.
And now another issue arises. She messaged me again asking if we could talk. She basically said she wants to tell somebody about all the issues she has gone through since I left, and that I'm the only person she can trust. What do I do about that?
So basically:
-How do I tell her why I don't think its wise to be her friend again
-Should I listen to her problems?
-What am I suppose to do about this trust thing?
- Am I a bad person for doing this? I feel like it...
-extra thoughts?
