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Mostly just ranting, so you don't have to feel like replying, but my situation might also help others be more aware and if anyone gets help from this, or feels like sharing, they are more than welcome to.
To start off, I have a bit of difficulty sleeping, usually at night. This is not an uncommon thing over the years with many people, so I'm not going to dwell on it, since it's only a minor thing to add.
Anyway, i had been watching a movie yesterday afternoon (Pulp Fiction was on tv) and I dosed off during it. Now, I got woken up only a half our or so later, which also isn't uncommon because since we moved to this house close to a year ago, I've been a light sleeper; most noises will wake me up and my room is right by the front door, so sometimes cars passing will wake me up too.
Anyway, I had gotten woken up because I heard someone knocking on the front door. I was going to answer, but my appearance clearly wasn't up to par with that sort of thing. I stayed in bed because by the time I got a bra and a different shirt on, it was likely they were going to be leaving already.
Plus, they were also calling out to someone, saying "Parker" I think. I thought "Maybe they think someone else lives here. I don't really feel like answering the door."
I checked out my window to make sure maybe it wasn't one of my brother's friend or anything. I didn't recognize the car.
Then, suddenly I hear a door open in my house. I got real quiet and still right then. They kept calling what I thought was "Parker" or whatever, but my brain sort of short circuited. I hid on my bed with my phone, just listening. If I heard anything strange or whatever, I was going to call the police IMMEDIATELY.
My mom had the day off, but since she obviously wasn't in the front room as if normal, I thought she went out on an errand.
The guy walked as far as the doorway of my room. I seen a baseball cap, but not his face since I had bookshelves in the way. He either seen that the room was different (if he had been looking from the previous owners) or he seen me. Either way, he left.
I watched my window like a hawk and waited for the vehicle to leave my driveway.
Then, I checked the garage; the car my mom was using was in there. I went to my mom's room and she was sleeping. I started to freak out at that point.
"Mom. Mom! Someone was just in our house"
"What?"
"Someone was just inside our freaking house!"
She didn't hear anything.
I went and checked the door to the back door. unlocked.
I went into the blame game in my head. Yelled about the back door being opened. My mother was like "I kept it unlocked because I use it sometimes." I locked it and went to my room. because I was about to have a break down.
I text my boyfriend immediately and called my best friend. Boyfriend was at work, so I knew i couldn't call him, but my best friend didn't answer, but her phone was acting up lately. I couldn't stop shaking.
I went back out and asked mom if the front door was unlocked. She said it was.
That's when I felt terrible; I usually lock the front door. My best friend was over the night before and I normally see her to the door, wait until she's in her car, then lock the door. This time, we had gone out to dinner and I was taking some of the leftovers into the kitchen instead of seeing her out.
I felt terrible.
I mean, lower than low. Already, I was feeling stressed in this household because I feel like I'm the only one that cares about keeping up with it; I remember to fill the cat's food dish, clean the litter boxes, clean up and cat puke, keeping the kitchen counters clean, the towel in the second bathroom off the floor because my brother leaves them to sit there while they are damp instead of hanging then up or bringing them to be washed, among other little things that add up.
I've already been planning on moving to another state because that's where my boyfriend lives and I felt so much better down there because chores/upkeep was diving equally, even though it was stressed I didn't have to do anything during my visit down there.
This is the last thing that I can tolerate about this house. After I stopped and pondered on it (after blaming myself, shifting between the want to cry and then scream but being unable to, and a few other things) I came to a realization; I'm not the only person capable of locking a door. It shouldn't always be on me to do that.
I was starting to get over it, but my mom was in the living room as I was going to check the basement to make sure no one was down there. On my way back to my room (After both my boyfriend and best friend called me to make sure I was okay and everything) my mom said "Are you sure you weren't just seeing things?"
I never wanted to throw something so badly in my life.
It was a good thing my best friend asked if I needed to get out of the house for a bit and asked if I wanted to run a few errands with her, because I needed to be out of that house.
This incident made me see my mother in another light. Now, my mother and I already have this up and down relationship; after my younger brother was born, things slowly became different. There is only a six year difference between my brother and I, but it is as clear as day that he is more special. She always wanted a boy, blah blah blah. If I did half the stuff he did, I certainly would not treated the same way. he gets away with so much more. They both feel like in arguments, they can use me as a scapegoat or comparative device, as is with most of my family.
Sorry, getting slightly off topic.
Anyways, this just really set me off. I felt like she thought I made it all up, like I wasn't concerned for our safety or was hallucinating. I just, I still can't accurately describe just how I felt in that moment.
My best friend's mom didn't make me feel much better; she had called while we were running errands and my friend told her what happened. "Did this happen last night?"
"No mom, it was not even an hour ago"
"Well, you're not going back there tonight, are you?"
A few other things were said too, but I don't really feel like sharing.
Now, I don't live in a terrible area it's a medium-traffic road, though it's maybe fifteen to twenties minutes from a downtown 'bad area' of my state. Oh hell, I don't really care if y'all know. I don't live too far from Flint, Michigan. I know that it gets kind of a bad reputation (Not as much as Detroit) but it's not all terrible. The part of Flint I'm close to is actually very busy with restaurants and various other stores.
Ugh, I'm rambling all over the place.
Her mother asked if I called the police. By the way my friends face looked, it seems like her mom was surprised I didn't. I didn't because I really didn't have anything to do on; my front door was unlocked, I didn't actually see the person, they left right away...
If they stayed longer than they did (It was maybe less than ten minutes total from just knocking on the door until they entered my home, exited my house, and left from my driveway), you bet I would have called the police. If he came into my room, you bet I would have made as much noise as I could so that the neighbors would have heard. I would have fought them if they even so much as touched me.
I think I'm just...stuck on how I'm feeling. it could have been SO MUCH WORSE. Doesn't exactly help that I was in a car accident last month that could have been a lot worse than it was (My boyfriend and I weren't injured at all, but the car was totaled) and that I have mild fears of home invasion. When I was visting my boyfriend last month and stayed at his place, his mom accidentally left the door slightly open and some stranger walked in (I had been in the bathtub at the time and my boyfriend told me that the guy almost got to the bathroom door. The guy was looking for someone else that lived in the apartment building) It kind of scares me that last week, my boyfriend was mentioning getting a gun permit and a gun when I do move down there and live with him because he wants to be sure that he can protect us. Not the fact that it's what he wants to do, but the fact that it was discussed and then this happens when I'm a state away.
I guess, I'm just not sure how I should be feeling now. I feel...kind of lost. Just, all this stuff happening in a month's time. I guess I feel a little overwhelmed, like I haven't had enough time to decompress from it all.
I don't want this to scare anyone, though I'm sure it might just a bit. All I'm saying is just before you go to bed, check and make sure windows/doors are shut and/or locked. It makes me feel terrible that the one night I forget to do that, this happens.
Ugh, I don't even freaking know anymore. I feel like I'm all over the place as I write this, so i'll stop for now xD
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